She couldn’t make her brain work enough to actually speak, but finally she nodded dumbly.
“I’d have them check you out to be sure. In the meantime, I’ll take this one down to the security office.”
Though Keith still breathed heavily, he had calmed down considerably. In fact, the rage that Lily had witnessed in his eyes earlier had eclipsed to something like fear or shame. He docilely allowed himself to be lead down the hill by the security guard.
***
Keith sat across from her in the booth, staring down at his coffee as if it were a crystal ball. She’d ordered a salad and some pasta, but he wanted only the coffee that he seemed to have no interest in drinking.
“Is Roy okay?” he finally asked, his voice so soft it was nearly inaudible.
Lily chewed and swallowed before answering. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since the fight last week.”
“And you’re okay?”
“I’m fine. I’m glad you didn’t get kicked out of school over this.”
“I’m on probation but a lot of people saw Roy hit you, so the administration was pretty lenient on me.”
Lily smiled. “My knight in shining armor.”
“I shouldn’t have wailed on him like that,” Keith said. He looked miserable and shaken, like someone who’d gone through a tax audit that didn’t end favorably.
Reaching across the table, Lily placed her hand over his. “He was hurting me.”
“I’m not sorry I stopped him, I had to keep him from hurting you, but I lost control. I could have subdued him, but instead I became an animal. I think a part of me wanted to kill him.”
“You know, it almost looked like you were enjoying yourself.”
Keith hunkered down closer to his coffee cup as if he wanted to dive headfirst into it. “Guess you could say I had a relapse.”
“What?” Lily asked with a slight frown.
“I think I should come clean with you. I have a history of rage and violence.”
“You? But you seem so . . . passive.”
“Must mean I’m making progress,” Keith said with a humorless laugh. “I don’t know why, but I’ve always had a temper and very little ability to keep it under control. Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve gotten into nasty fights. Usually ones I started. Two years ago I was involved in a fender-bender, an older guy ran into the back of my car at a red light. It was a tap, didn’t even really do any damage, but I certainly did some damage. I put the guy in the hospital. I don’t know how I avoided jail, I guess because I was only sixteen. I did have to agree to go into therapy, anger management and all that. I’ve been trying so hard ever since, and that’s one of the main reasons I self-isolate so much. I figure the less contact I have with people the less likely I’ll lose control. Unfortunately, I lost control this time.”
“Well, I know this will sound weird in light of what you told me, but I’m grateful to you. All I know is that you helped me.”
Keith met her gaze and tried to smile but failed. “So I take it your black eye and the cracked bone was more than you being a klutz?”
Lily had a heap of pasta halfway to her mouth, but she paused and slowly lowered the fork back to the plate. “No use lying about it now. Yes, Roy beat me, often and quite viciously.”
“Why’d you put up with it? Why didn’t you leave him?”
Shrugging with one shoulder, Lily spoke softly. “My father was abusive. One of my earliest memories is of him beating me until I bled because I knocked over my milk at the table. I grew up thinking that type of behavior was natural. I’m ashamed to say it’s a pattern that’s became ingrained in me, and my relationship with Roy felt normal. Like what I deserved.”
“You’re wrong. You deserve to be treated right. You deserve to be with a nice guy.”
Lily pushed her plate away from her, smiled at Keith and said, “I have an idea. Why don’t you take me out to a movie tonight?”
Staring at her in slack-jawed silence, almost as if he hadn’t understood what she’d said, Keith resembled a mentally handicapped person. Finally he blinked and shook his head as if to clear it of mental cobwebs. “Are you asking me out on a date?”
“No, silly, I’m asking you to ask me out on a date.”
“Lily, I said you deserved a nice guy. I think I’ve proven that isn’t me.”
She reached over and squeezed his hand again. “How about you let me decide what I need.”
***
They had been dating for two weeks when Lily showed up at the grocery store where Keith worked part-time as a bag boy to surprise him with hockey tickets. He took a break and walked outside with her.
“Lily, you know I love hockey, but these tickets are for Saturday night,” he said.
“Yeah, so?”
“You know that’s when I have my anger management classes.”
Lily stuck her lower lip out in what her father had always called her baby doll pout. “So what? As long as we’re together I’m supposed to spend all my Saturday nights alone?”
“With my school and work schedules, that’s the only day I can fit it in. I suppose it wouldn’t kill me if I skipped one Saturday though.”
“Or why don’t you skip every Saturday?” she said, putting her arms around him. “You told me you already fulfilled your court requirement for beating up the old guy that rear-ended you. You don’t need those classes anymore.”
“Are you forgetting what I did to Roy?”
“Those were special circumstances; the bastard had it coming. You are stronger than you realize. I’m telling you, you don’t need the classes.”
Keith looked into her eyes for a moment, biting his lower lip. “You really think I can do it on my own?” he finally asked.
“I’m sure of it. This will be the best thing for both of us, you’ll see.”
***
By the end of the third month, they were living together. There had been no real discussion, but the decision was reached. The change happened gradually as Lily spent more and more of her time away from the dorm and at Keith’s small apartment. Finally he told her she should move some of her things in.
He wasn’t happy when he got home from work that Friday night, though. He stormed into the bedroom where Lily was placing her various creams, lotions and perfumes on the vanity. “What the hell is going on here?”
She looked up with a bright smile, all innocence and light. “What do you mean?”
“A bunch of my stuff is down by the street. My dresser, several of my lamps, my mattress and bedframe!”
Lily nodded, still smiling. “Yeah, I had the gay couple upstairs help me carry it all down.”
Keith looked frantically around the room, as if searching for someone to help him understand his girlfriend’s crazy behavior. “Why on earth would you do that?”
“You told me I could move some of my things in, didn’t you?”
“Yes, but I didn’t mean for you to throw my things out.”
“Keith, I’m sorry, but there’s not enough room in this cramped little place for both our things. Besides, your stuff was so old and beat up I thought you’d be glad to be rid of it.”
Keith trembled all over and his face turned as red as a Valentine’s heart. He looked like a cartoon character, and Lily almost expected steam to start shooting out of his ears. When it seemed his temper was reaching critical mass, an explosion inevitable, he closed his eyes and took several deep breaths. He didn’t open his eyes again until the trembling subsided and his color mostly returned to normal. When he spoke, his words were slow and measured. “I’m sorry, you’re right. You should feel at home in the apartment, which means having some of your stuff here. My bed and dresser were in bad shape and probably needed to go, but I did bring up the lamps. They belonged to my grandmother and I want to keep them.”
“That’s fine,” Lily said. “We can put them in a closet or something. And maybe we can buy some new stuff soon that isn’t yours or mine, but ours.”
>
Keith smiled. “That would be nice.”
“I also put some of my towels in the bathroom,” she said, gesturing with her right hand, which drew attention to the bandage there.
“What happened?” he asked, his voice dripping with concern.
Lily touched her bandaged hand, a shiver working its way through her body. “Nothing. I burned myself on the stove earlier.”
Keith crossed the room, taking her hand gently and delivering a soft kiss to the skin above the bandage. “I’m sorry, babe. You have to be more careful.”
***
A week later, Keith came home unexpectedly right after his afternoon geometry class. Normally he went straight from school to work, but he stepped into the apartment saying, “Babe, I’ve lost my credit card somewhere. I need to find it before—”
He froze in the doorway. Lily stood in the center of the living room, looking at him sheepishly, like a child caught doing something naughty. But Keith’s eyes weren’t focused on her; they were zeroed in on the new furniture. Floral patterned sofa with a matching loveseat and recliner.
“Where did this stuff come from?” he asked.
“I bought it.”
“With what money?”
With her hands behind her back, Lily twisted from to side, what her father had always called her I’m so adorable you can’t be too mad at me posture. “Okay, thing is, you didn’t lose your credit card. I sort of borrowed it.”
“What? You took my credit card?”
“You agreed with me when I said we should get some new stuff.”
“Yeah, I meant that we would go together and pick it out, make sure it was stuff we both liked and could afford. How much did this stuff cost?”
“Around three hundred,” she said.
Keith stumbled over to the loveseat and sat heavily on the new cushion. “That’s pretty much my entire credit limit.”
“I know, I wanted to get more.”
“Where’s the old furniture?”
“The guys that delivered the new living room set hauled the old stuff away. It’s part of the service the store provides.”
Keith leaned over until his head hung between his knees, like he was afraid he was about to pass out or something. “I can barely pay the bills as it is, and now I’m going to have all this credit card debt to pay off.”
“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that,” Lily said, sitting next to him. “You need a better job.”
His head whipped up and he fixed her with a poisonous glare. “What?”
“You don’t make shit working part-time at the grocery store. If you had a better job, we could afford to move out of this dump to somewhere nicer.”
“Well, sorry if this dump isn’t good enough for you, princess, but my employment options are limited while I’m in school.”
“So maybe you shouldn’t be in school.”
“What are you saying? You want me to drop out?”
“What are you going to do with an English degree anyway?” Lily asked with a derisive snort. “Teach? Bad pay and high stress. Might as well take one of the jobs down at the chemical plant.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Keith screamed, his voice detonating in the apartment like an auditory bomb. “Where is all this coming from?”
“I’m trying to help you better yourself. Excuse me for thinking your life could stand a little improvement. I can see you have trouble showing gratitude.”
“God damn it!” Keith yelled, jumping to his feet and kicking over the end table by the sofa, sending Lily’s Tiffany lamp crashing to the floor where the glass shade shattered. “I need to get to work, I’m already late.”
Lily stood up, hands on her hips. “Are you just going to walk out in the middle of a discussion?”
“Trust me. You don’t want me here right now.”
He flung open the door, which banged so hard against the wall it knocked a framed photo of Keith and Lily off its peg. More shattered glass tinkled to the floor. Before Keith exited, he rammed his fist into the wall and punched a hole through the thin plaster.
Lily slowly lowered herself back the loveseat, her arms wrapped around herself as a shaky breath sighed past her lips. She reached down and idly scratched at her shin.
Even though she was wearing shorts today, Keith had failed to notice all the fresh cuts on her legs.
***
Lily waited an hour then drove directly to the grocery store. She spotted Keith as soon as she walked through the automatic doors, bagging groceries for a middle-aged woman with flaming red hair and a shirt cut too low for a woman of her age. Keith said something to the woman and she giggled.
“So that’s why you ran off in such a hurry,” Lily said loudly, stalking over to Keith. “Had to get to work so you could flirt with slutty cougars?”
“I beg your pardon,” said the redhead.
“Why don’t you keep your mouth and your legs closed for a change, honey?”
“Lily, have you lost your mind?” Keith asked. “What has gotten into you?”
“My eyes are suddenly open, that’s all. You don’t like my stuff. You get angry when I try to talk to you about ways to make our life better. It’s so obvious. The thought of settling down terrifies you.”
“This a friend of yours?” asked the lethargic checkout girl, popping gum as she watched the events unfolding before her with a look of ironic detachment.
Lily turned on her. “Why don’t you mind your own fucking business?”
This seemed to shake the lethargy from the girl. “When it happens at my register, it is my business. And you should watch your mouth before someone punches you in it.”
“Keith, are you going to let this skank talk to me like that?”
“Who are you calling a skank?”
“I don’t mean to be rude,” said the redhead, “but can you all save the soap opera for later so I can get my groceries bagged and get out of here?”
Lily reached into one of the bags, pulled out a nectarine and threw it at the woman. It hit her squarely in the shoulder. “I told you to keep your mouth shut.”
Keith was frozen in shock, but the redhead started around the cart, her hands balled into fists.
“What is all this ruckus?” said a pimply faced teenager in a short-sleeve dress shirt and tie, approaching from an office in the far corner. He wore a nametag that identified him as ‘Dave—Assistant Manager.’
“Nothing,” Keith said quickly. “Just a little misunderstanding.”
“Misunderstanding my ass,” said the redhead. “This girl came bounding in here hurling insults, and then she assaulted me with my own fruit.”
Dave turned to the cashier who blew a large bubble, sucked it back in, nodded and said, “She’s a psycho.”
“Do you know this person?” Dave asked, addressing Keith.
Keith ducked his head down, ashamed to admit to his association with Lily. “She’s my girlfriend.”
“I suggest you get her out of the store right this second.”
“You can’t tell me what to do,” Lily said. “I mean, according to Keith you only got the assistant manager position because you sucked and swallowed the manager.”
Keith recoiled as if he’d been slapped. “What? No, I never said any such—”
“Come on, you don’t have to put up with any shit from this peckerhead. He’s every bit the Nancy Boy you said he was. I bet I could even take him.”
Dave looked simultaneously furious and hurt. His voice was low and seething when he turned to Keith and said, “Take her out of here, and don’t either of you come back.”
“No man, seriously, I don’t know what’s gotten into her, but—”
“Go!” Dave roared.
“We don’t have to go anywhere,” Lily said, stepping forward and poking a finger pointedly in Dave’s chest.
But then Keith started dragging her by the arm toward the exit. She yanked back, but his grip was like steel. Once outside, he grabbed both her arms, so
hard she was certain there would be finger-shaped bruises there tomorrow, and shook her. “Are you fucking insane?” he screamed into her face. “What was that display all about?”
“I saw you talking to that soccer mom cunt in there, and I lost it.”
With a growl, Keith shoved her away from him. She slammed into the cement wall of the store, knocking her head against the bricks, and slid to the pavement. Keith advanced on her, looking so much like Roy Vance in that moment that she almost thought she was hallucinating. Before he reached her, however, he suddenly veered to the right. The store was fronted by several stone columns, and he stopped before one and started banging his head against it. Once, twice, three times. Lily could see that his forehead was bleeding but he remained with his head pressed against the rough stone.
“I try to be calm,” he murmured to himself. “I try to keep my cool, but you keep pushing me.”
“A real man wouldn’t let himself be pushed,” she spat.
He turned toward her again but still managed to hold himself back. He started beating at the sides of his face with his fists. He was chewing on his lips again, and they were shredded. Blood dribbled down his chin. “I can feel it building up, and I’m so afraid I’m going to explode. I have to go, find somewhere quiet, somewhere to clear my head before I do something stupid. I can’t be around you right now.”
He started away from her, and she pushed herself up to her feet, probing at the sore spot on the back of her skull. There was no blood but there was a sizable knot that she pressed with her fingers.
“Run away like a fucking baby,” she yelled after Keith, but he didn’t stop. He rushed to his car and then peeled out of the grocery store’s parking lot.
***
Lily spotted Keith as soon as he stepped into the bedroom, but she didn’t let on. She dug her nails into Roy’s ass and urged him deeper inside of her. She arched her back and cried out, loud and exaggerated. “You’re the best lover I’ve ever had, Roy. No one can give it to me like you can. I haven’t been satisfied since we broke up.”
Roy seemed oblivious to the fact that they were no longer alone. He continued to thrust into her hard and brutal, as if his dick was a battering ram. He was so focused on the task at hand he didn’t even hear Keith as he let loose with a ferocious roar.
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