by Sarah Morgan
Josh closed his eyes briefly. ‘Tasha—’
‘Sorry.’ The lump in her throat was back and this time it wasn’t going anywhere. ‘I know I should have been unemotional about the whole thing but I just can’t be. Honestly, I’m steaming mad.’
‘You don’t say? Are you about to cry on me?’
‘No, absolutely not.’
‘The only time I’ve ever seen you cry was when Cheapskate died.’
They shared a look. Cheapskate had been the dog their mother had bought after their father had walked out. Tasha remembered hugging his warm body and feeling his tail thumping against her leg. She remembered thinking, Don’t ever leave me, and then being devastated when he’d done just that.
‘He was a great dog.’
‘He was a lunatic.’ But Josh’s eyes were gentle. ‘Tell me about those babies you saved. Are they still doing well?’
‘Discharged home. You should have seen it, Josh. You know what it’s like, trying to calculate these paediatric doses—they never have trial data in the right age of child, but this …’ She smiled, the doctor in her triumphant. ‘It’s why I trained. To push boundaries. To save a life.’
‘And you saved two.’
‘And lost my job.’
‘You shouldn’t have resigned.’
It was a question she’d asked herself over and over again. ‘I couldn’t work with the man a moment longer. He was the sort who thought women should be nurses, not doctors.
Basically he’s a—a—’ She bit off the word and Josh gave a faint smile.
‘I get the picture. Has it occurred to you that you might be too idealistic, Tasha?’
‘No. Not too idealistic.’ The conviction came from deep inside her. ‘Isn’t that why we’re doctors? So that we can push things forward? If we all did what doctors have always done and no more, we wouldn’t have progress.’
‘There are systems—’
‘And what if those systems are wrong? I can’t work for someone like that. Sooner or later I would have had to inject him with something seriously toxic …’ Tasha gave a cheeky smile ‘… but first I would, of course, have made sure it was approved by the formulary committee.’
‘You’re incorrigible.’
‘No, I’m a doctor. I can accept that there are some patients I can’t help. What I can’t accept is that there are some patients I’m not allowed to help because someone has decided the treatment is too expensive! I mean, who decides what’s important?’ Tasha paced across his office, her head swirling with the same arguments that had tormented her for weeks. ‘I told him that if the chief executive took a pay cut we’d be able to easily fund this drug for the few babies likely to need it.’
‘I’m beginning to see why you felt the need to resign.’
‘Well, what would you have done?’
‘I have no idea.’ Her brother spread his hands. ‘It’s impossible to say if you’re not in that situation. Why didn’t you wait for the blood cultures? Or use the first-line choice?’
‘Because the twins were getting sicker by the minute and I felt that time was crucial. If we’d waited for that one drug, only for it to fail … My instincts were shrieking at me, Josh. And even while I was running tests, my consultant was telling me it wasn’t sepsis and that the twins were suffering from something non-specific caused by the stress of delivery.’ And she’d spun it around in her head, over and over again, looking for answers. ‘Sometimes you see a patient and you’re going through the usual and it all seems fine, except you know it isn’t fine because something in here …’ she tapped her head ‘… something in here is sending you warnings loud and clear.’
‘You can’t practise medicine based on emotion.’
‘I’m not talking about emotion. I’m talking about instinct. I tell you, Josh, I know when a child isn’t well. Don’t ask me how.’ She held up her hand to silence him. ‘I just know. And I was right with the twins. But apparently that didn’t matter to Mr Tick-All-The-Boxes Consultant. He has to play things by the book and if the book is wrong, tough. Which is a lame way to practise medicine.’
‘And no doubt you told him that, too?’
‘Of course. By the time he’d had all his evidence, he would have had two dead bodies. And he was angry with me because I saved their lives. He could have had a lawsuit on his hands, but did he thank me?’ The injustice of it was like a sharp knife in her side, digging, twisting. ‘Haven’t you ever used instinct when you treat a patient?’
‘If by instinct you mean clinical judgement, then, yes, of course, but, Tasha—’
‘Wait a minute.’ Tasha interrupted him, her brain working and her eyes wide. ‘That little girl—’
‘What little girl?’
‘The one waiting to be seen in the main area. I heard the mother say that hay fever was making her asthma worse, but her eyelids were swollen and her face was puffy. I thought at the time that something wasn’t right—just didn’t seem like allergy to me—and—’
‘That little girl is not your patient, Tasha.’
‘She was wheezing.’
‘As she would if she had asthma.’
‘As she would if she had left-sided venous congestion. I knew there was something about her that bothered me.’ Tasha picked up his phone and thrust it at him. ‘Call the doctor in charge of her, Josh. Tell her to do the tests. Maybe she will anyway, but maybe she won’t. In my opinion, that child has an underlying heart condition. Undiagnosed congenital anomaly? She needs an ECG and an echo.’
‘Tasha—’
‘Just do it, Josh. Please. If I’m wrong, I’ll give up and get a job in a garden centre.’
With a sigh, Josh picked up his phone and called the doctor responsible for seeing the child.
While he talked, Tasha stood staring out of the window, wishing she didn’t always get so upset about everything. Why couldn’t she be emotionally detached, like so many of her colleagues? Why couldn’t she just switch off and do the job?
‘She’s going to do a full examination, although she thinks it’s asthma and allergy combined. We’ll see. And now you need to relax.’ Josh’s voice was soft. ‘You’re in a state, Tasha.’
‘I’m fine.’ It was a lie. She’d desperately wanted a hug but was afraid that if someone touched her she’d start crying and never stop. ‘But I do find myself with a lot of free time on my hands. I thought …’ She hesitated, hating having to crawl to her brother. ‘You’re important. Can you pull a few strings here? Get me a job? The paediatric department has a good reputation.’
‘Tasha—’
‘Paediatrics is my life. My career. I’m good, Josh. I’m good at what I do.’
‘I’m not debating that, but—’
‘Yes, you are. You’re worrying I’ll mess things up for you here.’
‘That isn’t true.’ Josh stood up and walked over to her. ‘Calm down, will you? You’re totally stressed out. Maybe what you need is a break from hospitals for a while.’
‘What I need is a job. I love working with kids. I love being a doctor. And then there’s the practical side. I was living in a hospital flat so now I’m homeless as well as jobless.’
Tasha felt as though she had an enormous mountain to climb. ‘Resigning seemed like the only option at the time. Now I realise why more people don’t resign on principle. It’s too expensive.’
‘I can’t pull strings to get you a job at the hospital, Tasha. Not at the moment. We’ve spent a fortune opening a new paediatric burns unit. There’s a head-count freeze.’
‘Oh.’ Her stomach swooped and fell as another door slammed shut in her face. ‘No worries. I’ll sort something out.’ She tried to subdue the niggling worry that her last consultant wouldn’t give her a decent reference. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you. I shouldn’t have just shown up here.’ The list of things she shouldn’t have done was growing.
‘I’m glad you did. It’s been too long since I saw you. All you’ve done for the past three years is work. S
ince things ended with Hugo, in fact.’
Hugo? Shrinking, Tasha wondered why her brother had chosen that particular moment to bring up her disastrous love life. Could the day get any worse? ‘I love my work.’ Why was he looking at her like that? ‘What’s wrong with loving my work?’
‘No need to get defensive. Maybe it’s time to take a break. Rediscover a social life.’
‘Social life? What’s that?’
‘It’s part of work-life balance. You were going to get married once.’
The reminder scraped like sandpaper over sensitive skin. ‘A moment of madness.’ Tasha spoke through her teeth. ‘Do you mind if we don’t talk about it? Just thinking about Hugo makes me want to put my fist through something and at the moment I can’t afford to pay for the damage. Anyway, you’re a fine one to talk. You’re a total workaholic.’ But he’d spent the night with a woman.
Tasha wondered if he’d confide in her, but Josh was flicking through some papers on his desk.
‘How flexible are you?’
‘I can touch my toes and do a back flip.’ Her joke earned her an ironic glance.
‘The job,’ he drawled. ‘How would you feel about a break from paediatrics?’
‘I love paediatrics, but …’ But she was desperate. She needed something. Not just for the money but to stop herself thinking and going slowly mad. She needed to be active. ‘What do you have in mind?’
‘I happen to know a man in desperate need of twenty-four-hour nursing care for the next month or so. He’s asked me to sort something out for him.’
Tasha instinctively recoiled. ‘You want me to give bed baths to some dirty old man who’s going to pinch my bottom?’ She frowned at the laughter in her brother’s eyes. ‘What’s so funny about that? You have a sick sense of humour.’
‘What if I tell you the guy in question happens to be seriously rich.’
‘Who cares?’ Tasha thrust her hands into the back pockets of her jeans, wondering what Josh was finding so funny. Her brother was clearly enjoying a joke at her expense and she felt a flash of irritation that he could laugh when she was in such a mess. ‘What’s the relevance of his financial status? You think I’ll nurse him, he’ll fall in love and marry me, then I’ll kill him off and inherit his millions? When you suggested a job change, I didn’t realise you were talking about a sugar daddy.’
‘He’s too young to be your sugar daddy.’
‘And I’m not interested in marriage. I’m a cold-hearted career-woman, remember? I’m dedicating my life to my patients. So far my longest and most successful relationship has been with my stethoscope.’
‘This guy isn’t interested in marriage either, so you’ll make a good pair. Strictly speaking, he should be in hospital for at least another week but he’s creating hell so they’re happy to discharge him providing he arranges professional help. He needs someone medical to deliver quality care at home and he’s willing to pay premium rates.’ He named a figure that made Tasha’s jaw drop.
‘He obviously has more money than sense. What’s the catch?’
‘The catch is that he’s an athletic, super-fit guy who isn’t used to being stuck in bed. As a result his temper is somewhat volatile and he’s terrifying everyone who comes within a metre of him. But I’m sure you’ll cope with that. I’m guessing it will take you about—oh—five minutes before you point out his shortcomings.’
‘As jobs go it doesn’t sound appealing …’ But it was a job. And it was just for a couple of weeks. ‘I suppose it would give me something to do while I look for a more progressive paediatric department. A place where the patient takes priority over paperwork and protocol.’ Tasha frowned as she weighed up the pros and cons. ‘So basically I have to help Mr Grumpy Guy with his physio, say There, there when he’s cranky, feed him antibiotics and check he’s not weight bearing. Anything else I need to know? Like his name?’
Josh smiled. ‘His name, little sister, is Alessandro Cavalieri.’
Tasha felt the strength drain from her legs. Her heart pounded with a rhythm that would have concerned her had she not been too busy staring at her brother. ‘Alessandro? The Alessandro?’
‘The very same. His Royal Highness.’
She hadn’t thought it was possible for the whole body to blush. Suddenly she was a teenager again and sobbing her heart out. ‘The answer is no.’ The words stumbled out of her mouth, disjointed, shaky. ‘No! And don’t look at me like that.’
‘I thought you’d jump at the chance. You were crazy about him. He was all you ever talked about—Alessandro, Alessandro, Alessandro.’ Josh mimicked her tone and Tasha felt the flush of mortification spread from her neck to her ears.
‘I was seventeen,’ she snapped. ‘It may have escaped your notice but I’ve grown up since then.’ But not enough. Not enough to be cool and detached. Not Alessandro. No, no, no. The humiliation crawled over her skin.
‘I know you’ve grown up. That’s why I’m offering you the job. If you still felt the same way you felt about him back then, you wouldn’t be safe.’ Josh’s eyes teased her. ‘Oh, boy, were you dangerous. Teenage hormones on legs. You threw yourself at him. Being royalty, he travelled everywhere with an armed guard but the person he really needed protection from was you. Every time he turned round, there you were in another minuscule bikini. I seem to remember he told you to come back when you’d grown a chest.’
Tasha relived humiliation and discovered it was no better the second time around. Dying inside, she folded her arms and gave her brother a mocking smile. ‘Laugh it up, why don’t you?’
‘My little sister and the prince. You used to scribble his name all over your school books. I particularly liked the Princess Tasha you carved on the apple tree in the garden, although the heart was a weird shape.’ Josh was clearly enjoying himself hugely and Tasha tapped her foot on the floor, irritated on the outside and squirming on the inside as she remembered those horrible, hideous months.
She’d been a little girl with very big dreams. And when those dreams had burst … ‘Have you quite finished?’
‘For now. Good job you were a late developer or he might have taken you up on your offer. Alessandro has always had a wicked reputation with women.’
And her brother clearly had no idea just how well deserved that reputation was, Tasha thought desperately, trying to block out images she just couldn’t face.
Josh was still smiling. ‘Anyway, he’s been nagging me to find him someone to nurse him but it’s been a nightmare because of the security clearance. And I have to be careful who I give him because if they’re pretty he’ll seduce them.
It’s unbelievably complicated. You have no idea how much red tape we’re trying to cut through. If we wait for the palace to approve someone, the guy will be in hospital for at least six months and that can’t happen because the press are disrupting the place.’
‘Why is security a problem?’
‘He’s the crown prince. Don’t you watch the news? His older brother was killed in an accident. All very tragic.’ Josh rummaged through the papers on his desk and pulled out a newspaper. ‘Here. Your teenage crush is now officially Europe’s most eligible bachelor.’
Tasha snatched the newspaper from him. Her head was filled with unsettling images of Alessandro playing in the garden with her brothers. Alessandro stripped to the waist, a sheen of sweat on his bronzed chest as he kicked a ball into the goal with lethal accuracy. ‘I read about his brother. It was completely awful.’ She tried to imagine bad boy Alessandro as Crown Prince. Nothing about the way he’d treated her had been princely. ‘He was the black sheep of the family.’
‘Alessandro always had a difficult relationship with his parents but he was close to his brother. It’s been hard for him. And he’s now heir to a throne he doesn’t really want. He prefers his freedom.’
Freedom to break hearts all over the world. ‘I can’t imagine Alessandro in a position of responsibility.’ And that was the attraction. Restless, edgy, a danger-seeker. The de
vil in him had drawn her.
‘He wasn’t given any choice. It’s a matter of succession. He’s the heir, whether he likes it or not. So what do you think? I’d say it’s the perfect job for you.’ Josh was looking pleased with himself. ‘You idolised him.’
‘I did not idolise him. And the last thing I want to do is act as nurse to Alessandro Cavalieri,’ she snapped. ‘He’s arrogant, full of himself …’ Super-bright, scorching hot and sexy as hell.
He’d—and she’d—
Oh, God.
Feeling the blood rush into her cheeks, Tasha turned to look out of the window. She couldn’t face him.
Sexual awareness shot through her, as unexpected as it was unwelcome. The man wasn’t even in the room, she thought angrily, so why did she feel hot all over?
It was just her memory playing tricks.
What you found sexy at seventeen just made you angry at twenty-eight.
This was the man who had destroyed her dreams. He could have treated her kindly and let her down gently, but instead he’d been brutal. Cruel.
She should thank him, Tasha thought numbly. He’d screwed up her confidence and her relationships with men, but he’d done wonders for her career. When she’d finally emerged from under the rubble of her fantasies she’d given up on relationships and focused on her studies. Instead of parties, she’d spent her evenings with books. And her family hadn’t questioned it. Her brothers had just been relieved that wild Tasha had finally settled down to study. They had no idea what had happened that night.
Thank goodness.
Josh would have killed him.
Her brother was idly flicking through correspondence, apparently unaware of her trauma. ‘He was pretty arrogant, I suppose …’ Josh signed a letter. ‘But that was hardly surprising. When we were at university, women couldn’t leave him alone.’