“What the what? Ray has a parrot? This just keeps getting weirder. I may need to break out the hard stuff. I think I have a bottle of whiskey somewhere in here. I usually take a shot before some of my most difficult customers. Wait, how do you know he has a parrot? He didn’t say ‘oh hey Molly, sorry I ran out on you, meet my parrot’? Did he?”
“Lia told me.”
“You said Lia didn’t know Ray was back…oh I get it. She told you the new guy had a parrot. That’s bizarre. You know, I feel like some old person in our family used to have parrots. Hmm…”
While Angie searches her brain for memories of pet birds from her New Jersey childhood, I press on with my story. The snow is really piling up outside.
“The parrot is the least of my concerns. My daughters are thrilled that their father is home, especially Magnolia. And she and I have been butting heads more and more all the time. And I don’t know what to do with Tucker now.”
“Tucker Swanson? Why do you have to worry about him? Did your car break down on the way over here? I can give you a ride…oh My God! Were you gettin’ ready to do…oh my God…with Tucker? Didn’t you tell me you babysat the Swanson brothers?”
Maybe I should have gone to talk to someone else about this, but Lia is so young and inexperienced, and she called this morning to tell me how sorry she was that she didn’t know she rented an apartment to my ex.
Word travels fast in our neck of the woods.
If only he were my ex—that would make things a bit more straightforward.
I told her not to worry. I knew Sassy would tell Lia what happened right away, but I didn’t want to run over there all hot under the collar, because it’s not her fault.
This is all Raymond Rizzo’s fault.
But the problem is, once I saw him and got over the sick feeling of shock over his sudden resurfacing, and the guilt over explaining why Tucker was in my apartment on a Friday night (not to mention why my lipstick was on his face), I still felt something for Ray.
I spent so many years with him, and at the very least the heartache returned. Maybe not the love, but if the pain is still there, doesn’t that mean the love is, too?
This whole time I have my head buried in my hands because Angie hit a nerve big time with the babysitting reference. I give her a quick rundown on the events between me and Tucker and now she’s up looking for Tylenol.
Apparently my newly formed love triangle is giving her a headache.
“Look, Ang I don’t expect you to have any answers. I just needed someone to talk to and you are the only person in this town who really knows Ray. Well, he did have friends but not anyone I feel comfortable with. And I know you haven’t heard from him all this time either, and you’d be on my side.”
“Of course I’m on your side.” Angie pops two pills in her mouth and swallows them with her remaining wine. I am almost sure that’s a bad idea, but at least it isn’t the whiskey.
“I can’t believe he just came back like this, all sneaky and dramatic, and just showed up.”
“Well, he said he had intended to contact me properly first, and he didn’t count on runnin’ into the girls by themselves in town. I let that one slide because they were with a trusted friend, and he left me alone to be a single mother. Does he have any idea how hard that is?”
“No, he doesn’t. What an asshole. You know, all the Rizzo men are no good. Except my Pop, but my brothers are all worthless. I haven’t talked to either of them after the Great Christmas Meatball War.”
I am dying to know what that’s all about, as I wasn’t attending Rizzo family functions at the time—since my husband ran off with another woman right before that miserable holiday season.
Also, if I don’t keep Angie focused, I’ll never get home in this weather. As it is, my car is probably buried.
I could call Tucker to ask him…no, that wouldn’t be right after what I said last night.
“Oh Molly, I’m so sorry you’re going through such a shitstorm. Ray’s back and the girls want their dad, even if he’s a douchebag liar. And now you have something going with a cute, stand-up guy and…hey wait, why is that a problem? Ray left you and if I recall, it was with some bimbo. So why can’t you date? He could have been dead or worse.”
Now I’d like to know what’s worse than dead, but instead I say, “I don’t know if Tucker is gonna want to see me again after last night.”
“It’s not your fault Ray came back and…okay, tell me how you fucked it up. It’s written all over your face.”
I put my face in my hands again. “Oh Angie, I’m so ashamed of how I behaved, but I don’t even want the girls to know Tucker and I are…involved…or whatever we are…were…
“Slow down, honey. Do you need to cry it out? I can still look for that whiskey.”
“No, I have no tears left after last night. I had to hide it from the girls. I don’t want them to know that Ray’s arrival isn’t a good thing. Or at least not an easy thing. The worst part is that I was so worried about explaining Tucker’s presence that I blurted out that he came by to fix the sink, and I was just thanking him with a snack because he was so helpful.”
“I doubt Ray bought that. Maybe Zinnia did. I would even say Magnolia called bullshit.”
“She rolled her eyes. So you’re probably right. I was just so shocked. I dropped the tray of food and drinks I was holding. We had to clean that up. Tucker just kept glaring at Ray. He didn’t say a single word. It was eerie.”
“Don’t you just hate that? I like it when people just say what’s on their minds!”
She sure does. I could have wrapped this up by now if Angie could channel some of Tucker’s silence.
“He was hurt. I know he was. And shocked. And angry. It was all over his face. I felt so terrible, but I was also so wrung out with emotion that even after Ray left, I didn’t have the energy to run after Tucker. He left right away, and all he said was— ‘I hope your sink is okay now’.
Ray followed him out the door with his eyes, and then I had to endure an awkward catch up on the sofa where Ray explained how sorry he was and that he’s come back a changed man.”
“Did you get the girls to go upstairs so you could grill him properly? Maybe knock him in his stunod head?”
“No, they wanted to hear about how long he’s staying, and they wanted to tell him about their lives. Zinnia seemed a little guarded, but Mags was always a daddy’s girl. I didn’t have the heart to send them to their rooms. I also didn’t want their reunion with their father to be ruined by the inevitable fight that’s gonna happen when Ray and I really talk. He has major explaining to do.”
“Too bad you can’t get him to take a lie detector test. Hey, Paul could probably arrange it.”
I shake my head at her silly suggestion that her police officer husband should risk his job to interrogate mine.
No, I am going to do it the old-fashioned way, and Ray is going to tell me where he’s been and what he wants now.
I just hope it isn’t me because I don’t know what I want.
I glance outside at the falling snow and realize that the girls are probably worried about me. I told them I was coming to Angie’s shop, and now not only have I been gone a long time in a snowstorm, but my nails also aren’t looking any different.
“Ang, could you slap some polish on my nails really quick?”
“Sure. I find a manicure is good for stress. Do you want me to draw something on your nails to get out some of your aggression? Like a boxing glove? How about a knife? Skull and crossbones? What? It’s not like it’s a tattoo. I’m just thinking of all the things Ray deserves for being such a—”
The front door chime tinkles and I shudder. Lord have mercy, I’m so jumpy I can’t even stay calm when an innocent customer…oh crap…it’s anything but an innocent…
“Hello, Angie. I’ve missed you, too.”
***
After Angie switched back and forth between yelling at Ray and hugging him, I reluctantly left with him. My
concerned daughters told him where I was.
He’s been gone for over a year, and now all of a sudden, he’s watching out for me and the girls.
However, it’s not like I can forbid my daughters to talk to their father, especially since he has parked himself across the courtyard, where he can watch our every move.
It’s just like Ray to use a crisis like a snowstorm to come to the rescue. Cynical me says he came after me to get me alone to feed me more lies, but I am trying to keep an open mind. Even though I don’t want Ray back, I deserve the truth for me and my girls.
Since Ray obviously heard the tail end of Angie’s nail design rant aimed at him, and all the weapons I could envision using on him, things were a bit awkward.
Angie is clearly confused (join the club!) as to the proper reaction to Ray’s return, and I thought it best to give in and let him drive me home in what looks like a brand new, pricey truck.
I can’t wait to hear how he’s been successful enough to spend that kind of money. Can a laid off factory worker find his fortune in New Jersey?
Well, I guess he could, but I am doubting the legitimacy of his earnings.
But is that fair? Up until Ray got involved in the pyramid scheme, he’d always worked an honest job and brought all his money home to us.
Sure, he did come from a rough family, and sometimes I wondered if he was doing something he shouldn’t have been when we got better presents at Christmas and birthdays than he could afford.
But the con artist in young Ray was long gone. He’d outgrown his family’s influence—one of the reasons he came to Virginia when Angie settled here was to have a fresh start and not end up getting in trouble like his brothers and some of his cousins.
It’s quite possible that he’s been too much of a coward to come home and beg forgiveness.
I settle in his truck and lean my body away from his, to set the tone from the beginning.
This isn’t a romantic reunion.
Ray cranks up the heat and I must say the butt warmers on the seats are a nice touch.
But since I don’t want to call attention to my butt, or any other part of my anatomy, I keep that small pleasure to myself.
He hasn’t said a word since we got on the road, and now I’m worried that we’re not going home right away. I’m not afraid of Ray, but I am a little concerned about my mental state and his powers of persuasion.
I should have called Tucker and thrown myself on his mercy. I’m sure he’ll understand that seeing Ray, and with the girls, was shocking and I wasn’t thinking straight. It’s not like I see Tucker and me as a dirty secret—it’s just complicated, and now it’s more like calculus than long division.
Ray steers us into the parking lot of a church about a mile from home. At least he leaves the engine running—but I don’t think that’s because he only wanted to stop for a minute. He just wants to keep things warm in here while he explains himself.
“Ray, I really need to get back home, the girls will be even more worried.”
“I already texted them and told them you were safe with me and we’d be home soon.”
He’s already texting our children as if he went to the corner store instead of who knows where for a year?
“Okay Ray. Let’s hear it.”
“Hear what? How much I’ve missed you? How sorry I am? I know you don’t care about any of that. So I’ll cut straight to the ugly truth.”
“That would be a refreshing change after all the ugly lies.”
I promised myself I wouldn’t pick a fight with him, but seriously? He leads with how much he’s missed me. I’ve been in the same place the whole time. Not hard to find!
He shakes his head and stares at the falling snow out the front windshield. “I know I deserve that. So here goes.”
He tells me how he left town with the bimbo (my word) and went back to Jersey. There his family and the bimbo annoyed him, and he had to get away.
“Molly, I made a terrible mistake. And I knew it, so I kept running. I knew you wouldn’t take me back and honestly, I thought you’d all be better off without me. I couldn’t find a real job and my depression was at an all-time high. I was hitting the bottle on the regular and feeling sorry for myself. So I went to Maine.”
Maine. Meemaw’s letters. Weird. Why would he go to Maine? Why was Meemaw in Maine? I didn’t think there was much going on in Maine.
“I know you’re thinking that’s an odd place to go. But a buddy of mine told me there was some work up there in the logging industry, so I thought I’d see if I could make a few bucks and clear my head. It was nice up there. You’d like it. Kind of like here with the small-town charm, only with different oddballs.”
He smiles and I offer him a slight softening of my expression, mostly to encourage him to continue and avoid an argument. And I suppose his story makes sense. Hmm…Meemaw was definitely not logging.
“So after spending some time up there getting my shit together, I went back to Jersey. I heard through my shitty family grapevine that our old Aunt Ida was sick. Remember her?”
“Um, not really. Wait, was she the old lady with the—”
“Parrot. Yes! Sadly, she passed soon after I got back, and I took her parrot. No one else wanted him and I was staying with her and taking care of her affairs for a while, before she passed. No one else in the family was making her last days their responsibility.”
That I can believe. As Angie said, the Rizzos mostly suck.
But still, I don’t recall Ray being the type to take care of a dying relative. But I guess the poor old lady didn’t have anyone, and Ray needed a place to go.
Also, I can’t help but wonder if he was trying to ease his way back to me.
And what am I doing? Lusting after Tucker.
But that’s not fair, either. Tucker is a good man and I deserve to be happy. Ray abandoned his wife and children.
“That’s very kind of you. So after she died, you decided to come back to Virginia?”
“No, I was still too chicken. Oh, Aunt Ida tried so hard to convince me that you would take me back and forgive me. But I live in the real world, and I knew you had moved on. I don’t believe the story you told about why Tucker Swanson was on your sofa.”
I open my mouth to defend myself and Ray interrupts, holding up his hands in defense. “Hey, I get it. You have every right to do whatever you want with whoever you want. I was a bit taken back, though. Tucker isn’t the kind of guy I imagined you hooking up with, but then again neither was Tammy for me. We all make mistakes.”
My eyes narrow and I say, “Tucker is a fine man, and how dare you compare him to your sleazy hookup? And you left town with all of our money! Have you forgotten that part? If it wasn’t for Mama and Daddy, the girls wouldn’t have been able to do any extra activities or have any spending money. You can’t just waltz back in here—”
Ray reaches over and touches my hand and I stop my rant.
Ray can be infuriating but we have a long history and he knows how to push my buttons. The bad ones and the good ones.
I should remove my hand before I weaken but I leave it there just a moment longer while he says, “Okay, I’m sorry, babe. I just get so jealous, even though I know I have no right to you anymore. That’s what I told Aunt Ida. After she died, I got a job dealing blackjack at one of the casinos in Atlantic City and I met a guy there.”
I know he’s not telling me he’s now gay, and this sounds a lot like the Bruce Springsteen song, Atlantic City. I really hope he didn’t meet a guy and do a little favor for him, like in the song.
If so, that means he’s on the lam, and I’ll have to explain to my girls that I had to turn their daddy into the law because he’s a fugitive of justice.
“A guy? What kind of a guy?”
“Oh no, he was legit. Well, a gambler, but he didn’t get me into anything illegal. He gave me a tip on a horse.” He squeezed my hand tighter and moved in closer. “I won a ton of money; my luck has never been so good. So, I bought
this truck and I made plans to come back to you. I wanted some money in my pocket before I came home.”
While I would never take Ray back for money, I hope he plans on paying back the money he took from my pocket when he emptied out what was left of our bank account.
“So you see, Molly, I’m back now, and the best news—I was hired to work at the factory. The one Lia is running with her inheritance. That was a crazy story too, right?”
I pull my hands back and rub my face. “What? Lia hired you to work at my company?”
“Oh yeah, that was the next thing I was going to say. I am over the moon happy for you that your dolls are being mass produced. That is unbelievable.”
“Wait. You got a job at my business and rented an apartment in my complex and didn’t tell Lia or anyone that you were my husband?”
“No, that would have ruined the surprise. And I am still your husband. I know you probably want to talk about divorce, but Molly I’ve changed. And after all, this all happened because you wouldn’t leave Applebarrow. Well not all of it, but I was deeply depressed after the DeLuca’s laid me off. Lia is giving me a fresh start now, and I’m grateful for it. But a fresh start with you is my dream. We have a history together, Molly. I fucked up but I am going to do my best to make it up to you and our girls.”
I sigh and look out the window. Thank God this truck will be able to drive through the additional fallen snow. I need to get away from Ray.
But he does have a point. If I hadn’t been so stubborn about moving so he could find a job, and I had been more aware of his depression, maybe he wouldn’t have strayed. I know it is never a woman’s fault when her husband cheats, but I don’t know how he felt, not being able to provide for us. Maybe he did the best he could.
“Ray, this is a lot to take in. I’m glad you’re okay and that you’re back for the girls. But I cannot just take you back. Too much has happened, and I am not talking about Tucker. Nothing has happened there yet. Or maybe it won’t now. I just know that I’ve got some thinkin’ to do and I was up all night after your surprise arrival last night, and I need a cup of hot chocolate and my bed. Alone.”
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