“No.” Mia stopped in the middle of the trail, the light from her phone casting a bluish glow on her face as she scrolled through her contact list. “That sounds like stalling, and there will be no stalling when it comes to Brooklyn picking us up. She’s texted thirteen times. Total freak-out doesn’t begin to describe the tone of these messages.”
“We’ll text her in a minute. There’s just one stop I need to make first.”
“One stop where? If it’s not directly related to us getting into Brooklyn’s car—”
“I have to deal with the pictures.”
Mia’s eyes went wide. “You have his phone. You’re covered, right? Brooklyn can take us straight to the police station so you can bust Ben Baden cold.”
“I know that’s probably what I should do, but the thought of showing those pictures to some crusty cop makes me want to throw up.”
Mia shrugged. “I think that’s a mistake, but it’s your call. You want to go that route, just delete them, end of story.”
“What if it’s just the beginning of the story?” I bit my lip, listening to the trickle of the creek. “You saw me and Sydney and Treen, but there are more. What if those pictures aren’t just on his phone? No matter what I decide to do, I can’t risk leaving any trace of them behind.”
“What, exactly, are you suggesting?”
“Are you sure you need to know?” I started down the trail again.
“Don’t play games with me, Hadley. I’m not just going to blindly follow you around all night.”
But she was. Down the dark path. Around the bend. Right to the bank of the creek that twisted through the woods. Our feet pressed into the soft, wet earth, the trickle of water rising around us like thick, heavy smoke.
“He has no idea where we are. Remember that, okay?”
Mia looked down at the silver moonlight flickering along the ripples. “Do you even know where we are? I don’t have a clue.”
I pointed through the trees on the opposite bank. “See that, through there?”
Mia squinted, trying to make out what I was pointing at. “Lawn furniture? A barbecue? Am I supposed to be looking for something specific?”
“You don’t recognize that house?”
“Hadley.” Mia groaned.
“He said to hide where he wouldn’t think to find me.”
“So you decided to come here? Here, of all places?”
“Ben’s house is the best hiding spot.”
Mia sighed, her shoulders slumping. “Of course it is.”
“We know he’s not home.”
“We don’t really know anything.”
“We know they’re looking for us. They went to Circle K. There’s no way they’ll check here.”
“So you want to break into Ben’s house?” Mia shook her head.
“I have to. And, if you want to get technical, it’s not officially breaking in. Do you know how many times I’ve been here alone, hanging out after school until weight lifting ended? I know where the key is.”
“Not your best idea, Hadley. Remember options? There are always options.”
“Yeah, not in this case.”
“Hadley Miller, stop and think. Please. You can’t just break into his house and, what? Steal—”
“What he stole from me in the first place? What he stole from all those girls? What he did was wrong, Mia.” My voice had suddenly gone all shiver-shaky, and I hated the sound. I took a deep breath and steadied myself. “Look, you don’t want to come. Fine. Stay here. I’ll be back.”
I hopped onto a large rock a third of the way across the creek, my foot slipping, splashing in the icy-cold water.
“It’s too risky, Hadley,” Mia called after me.
I hopped to the next rock and looked over my shoulder. “If we don’t take some risks, we’ll never get through tonight.”
Mia whispered something under her breath.
I hopped to the next rock, relief seeping into my veins when I heard her feet hit a stone behind me.
“You won’t regret this,” I said.
“Right. Whatever. I really don’t have anything to lose. But you do. And God knows you need someone to look after you.”
I hopped to the bank, my feet sliding a bit on the damp ground. “I’m glad I have you on my side, Mia Pia.”
“You’re gonna owe me so freaking big you might not ever be able to pay me back.”
“This is the right thing,” I said. I thought of the pictures, of all those girls, the image of Penny lying on the blue tile floor of that shower. “Even if it doesn’t feel like it, this is the right thing. You’ll see.”
When Mia jumped to the bank, I grabbed her hand, pulling her along, trying to forget what had happened the last time we’d stood together under those trees. There had been four of us—Mia, Brooklyn, Penny, me—surrounded by the sounds of music and laughter, the thrum of the party’s energy vibrating the night air. Penny had been standing right in front of me, a faraway look in her eyes as she told us she was leaving. There had been a shiver in her voice that I’d noticed and ignored, soaking up the warmth of her embrace as we said our final good-bye.
Beneath it all had been my lie to Josh about girls’ night and my decision to go to the party. The way the two choices had already collided without our even knowing, setting events in motion that would lead to the death of one of my best friends.
18
JUST NORTH OF LEXINGTON, KENTUCKY – 2:03 AM TRIP ODOMETER – 128 MILES
“YOU ALWAYS talk to cops like that?” I asked as Josh opened the driver’s-side door and slid into the seat next to me. I was still in shock from watching him stand in the path between the car and the welcome center, chatting with the trooper for the past five minutes. But Josh had bought me enough time to put away the pills and creep back over the console to the passenger seat.
“The thing with cops is, you have to treat them the way they think they deserve to be treated. Lots of eye contact, but not so direct that you seem cocky. Calling them sir helps, too.” Josh shrugged. “Makes me seem less suspicious, doesn’t it?”
“Accosting him at a rest area?”
“It was a diversion.” Josh chuckled. “I asked him how many hours until we’d hit Knoxville. Like I was trying to be a cautious driver, weighing how much longer until I’d be too tired to go any farther.”
“Did he buy it?”
Josh looked at me and raised his eyebrows. “What do you think?”
I thought it was time—finally—that this was my chance to get answers to the questions that had haunted me for the past year. I heard the echo of Mia’s voice ringing through my head, a warning that came from some flickering memory I couldn’t quite place.
It’s too risky, Hadley.
I wanted to tell her that if I didn’t take some risks, I’d never get through tonight.
I swiveled in my seat to face Josh head-on. “I think you’ve learned a thing or two about how to play the system.”
His eyes narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“After the accident, when you were released from the hospital, there must have been some kind of interrogation.”
“Yeah. I’m sure you’ve heard. The whole thing was ruled an accident.”
“But then, back in December, you disappeared a few weeks before winter break. Everyone says you were in juvie. You were gone for at least a month. Maybe that’s where you learned how to cozy up to the cops?”
He turned away from me. “You can’t believe everything you hear, Hadley.”
“So you didn’t go to JDC?” I needed to know. Everything. “There were no consequences?”
Josh’s eyebrows pulled together in a tight line. “You really think I haven’t faced any consequences?”
“Okay. Maybe that wasn’t the best word.”
“Hadley, you have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Then tell me.”
“I can’t just—”
“I heard you were drinking. The night … t
hat night. People said all kinds of things … that your dad got you out of it by paying someone off. I just want to know what really happened.”
“Leave it alone.” Josh leaned in so close I could smell chocolaty caramel on his breath from the Twix he’d been eating while he was talking to the trooper. “Please.”
“Penny’s gone. She was one of my best friends. No one knows what really happened. I have to ask. You’re the only one who has answers.”
“Trust me, you don’t want the answers.” Josh’s voice was a shaky whisper.
“Try me. Try something! You wander around, not standing up for yourself when people accuse you of the worst thing ever. What are people supposed to think when you just take the shit everyone throws your way?”
“What else am I supposed to do?” he asked, his voice cracking.
“I know you, Josh. Knew you, at least, back then. I don’t believe you were drinking. I never have. I know it was an accident. I just need to hear you say it.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Josh grabbed my hands, squeezing so tight my fingers ached. “Penny’s dead. I killed her. And I deserve whatever comes my way because of it.”
But that was wrong. It wasn’t his fault. It was mine. I reached for the door handle, pushing with all of my weight until I tumbled out of the car.
“Hadley!”
I slammed the door behind me and ran for the sparkling glass door of the welcome center. But then I saw the trooper feeding coins into a vending machine and turned, racing across the grass, wishing I could veer around the corner and disappear. Josh was there before I could escape into the shadows, his hands on my shoulders, forcing me to face him.
“I can’t take it back, what I did. If I could make it me instead of her, I would. But that’s not how it works. So, yeah, I take everyone’s shit. Because I deserve it.” Josh’s chest heaved, as if he was fighting for control. “But right now, none of that matters. Right now, we have to chill, okay? Because that trooper is going to walk past us in about a minute, and we have to look cool or else he’s gonna ask questions.”
I shook my head. “I can’t answer questions.”
“I know. Take a deep breath and think of something easy. Like making a deep hole in the ground so we can hide those pills. Or how we should mark the tree I chose. Two trees, really. Kinda like the sisters at the tower.”
My lips parted in a small gasp. “The two that are all twisted together like a braid?”
Josh nodded, his eyes flicking to something over my shoulder then back to me.
“Can you forget everything for a few seconds?” he asked.
“What?”
“Just let it all go. For a few seconds?”
“I don’t know how—”
His lips pressed against mine. They were silky soft, gentle, and tasted sweet, taking me back to the woods, the quiet darkness of his basement, the shadowed stoop of my front porch.
I remembered every detail as if it were happening now instead of a year ago—the night we’d escaped the cross-country season-opening picnic together. How he’d held my hand above his head, leading me away from the steady beat of music rising from the iPod dock centered on a table covered with plates of cookies and cupcakes, pulling me into the earthy scent of the woods. Pressing me up against a tree. His breath was a mixture of frosting and spearmint, his lips grazing my collarbone, trailing up the length of my neck to the spot just behind my ear. I remembered the sizzling feeling that trickled up and down my spine, the heat that seemed to flow between and around and through us as his lips found mine.
Standing by that welcome center, I pulled Josh to me, my arms wrapping around his neck, hands clasping together, that old need and exhilaration rushing through my body, and I didn’t want to let go.
He held me tight, burying his face in my neck, tickling my ear with his breath. “Not much longer.”
None of it made any sense. The kiss, my emotions, his words.
Until I heard the footsteps, thudding along the concrete beside us. Until I tipped my head onto Josh’s shoulder and watched the trooper walk past us, place a can of soda on the hood of his car, and open the driver’s-side door. He fumbled with something, then grabbed the soda, slid behind the wheel, and pulled his door closed. A minute later, he was backing out of the space, his headlights sweeping across the shadows created by the trees.
And then he was gone.
Josh’s hands slipped down my back, freeing me.
Feeling a rush of disappointment, I looked at Josh’s feet, almost asking him a million questions—questions that had nothing to do with Penny and everything to do with us—but I couldn’t find the words.
Then his phone chimed. He pulled it from his pocket, studying the screen for a few seconds before looking up at me.
“Sorry about the kiss. I just figured it would look natural. I’d told him I was with my girlfriend and all.”
I nodded, still unable to say anything, wondering if he’d felt the energy that had taken over my body.
Josh held up his phone. “It’s Sam. You can text that picture and, hopefully, we’ll know what those pills are in the next few hours. I’ll give you the number after we take care of the package.”
More questions tangled in my head as I watched Josh turn and jog back to the car and grab his backpack and the bag from beneath the passenger seat. Those questions twisted as he opened the backpack and stuffed the drugs inside, jogged back to where I was standing, and waved for me to follow. He turned the corner and disappeared into the shadows.
I took a few deep, calming breaths, telling myself it didn’t matter. The kiss was nothing. My feelings were nothing more than ripples from the past.
Trailing behind Josh, I stuffed the questions down deep. The answers wouldn’t change anything. They wouldn’t rewind time or bring Penny back.
I found him kneeling at the base of two twisted trees.
“You’re right. They’re just like the sisters.”
He looked up at me and ran his fingers through his hair. “You gonna help?”
I kneeled beside him, feeling the cool dampness of the ground seeping through the knees of my jeans. Then I pressed my fingers into the ground, pulling at it and tossing handfuls aside.
We worked like that for a while, silent but for our breathing.
Josh pulled the package from his backpack and placed it in the hole we’d created. And then my phone vibrated in the pocket of my jacket, pulling me back to the awkward reality of the moment.
“Is it him?” Josh threw a handful of dirt on top of the brown paper bag, the crinkling sound mixing with the buzz of my phone.
Ben’s face smiled up at me from what felt like another place and time.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m answering.”
“Hadley, don’t—”
“What do you want, Ben?”
He chuckled. “You haven’t figured that out yet?”
“Okay, well, lemme guess.” I stood and brushed the dirt off my jeans. “You definitely want your car.”
“Ding. Ding. Ding. The car, Hadley. Where is it?”
“It’s safe with me. Where it’s going to stay until I feel like returning it. Have you taken my picture down yet?”
“You’re serious?” Ben clicked his tongue. “I said I’m not taking it down until you return my car.”
I sighed. “I found your stash.”
His breathing hitched on the other end of the line. “Sorry, what?”
“You’re sorry? That’s deep. But not good enough.”
“What did you say you found?”
“Drugs. A bag full of a few hundred pills. I didn’t count or anything, but I’m estimating. A blue one, a yellow one, and a couple of—”
“There’s a lot riding on that package. Let’s cut the crap and—”
“So it’s not the car you’re after? Now I’m confused, because—”
“Hadley!” Ben shouted.
Josh stood up, grabbing for the phone. “Hang up. Just hang up.”
“Did I just hear a guy’s voice?” Ben’s tone raised a notch or two, his anger rising along with it. I wasn’t stupid enough to think he was jealous, at least not in the rational, model-boyfriend sense of the word. It was all about the principle. If he couldn’t have me, no one else could. “Who’s with you?”
“As if that’s any of your business?”
“I got your pictures. The guy in my car isn’t the same one you were with at the bar. Call me crazy, but the guy sitting shotgun looks familiar. Like a certain outcast from Oak Grove. And I swear to God, if you’re hanging out with that punk—”
Hearing things can sometimes be better than seeing them. I realized this as the phone slipped from my hand and the sound of Ben’s accusations fell from my ear.
Lying there, gazing into the depths of Josh’s open backpack, I saw something that scared me more than anything had all night: a handgun, its silver barrel smooth enough to spark and flare in the light of the moon.
19
BEN BADEN’S BACKYARD – 12:02 AM
“I CANNOT believe I let you talk me into this.” Mia had pulled her long brown hair into a ponytail that swished across her back with each step. “I must be losing my mind.”
“Did you text Brooklyn?” I whispered as we stalked up to a set of bay windows overlooking the Badens’ backyard. “Is she going to meet us?”
“Yes and yes. She’ll be at the rendezvous point in fifteen minutes, so let’s get in and out as fast as we can.”
I stopped walking and looked at Mia. Like me, she was stooped forward at an awkward angle so no one inside the house could possibly see us. Her ponytail had flipped itself over one shoulder, hanging down the length of her neck. Her entire body was rigid, lines drawn tight around her eyes. She was nervous. Scared, even. But she was standing there, right by my side.
“You’re a pretty awesome friend,” I whispered. She looked at me, surprised, as though she couldn’t believe I’d point out something so boring when we were about to break into Ben’s house. I’d said it because it was true. But, most of all, because I could. I knew now that moments like this one didn’t last forever. That they could be snatched away without warning. That they needed to be appreciated before they were lost.
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