I twisted sideways in my seat. “And you weren’t using me?”
Josh narrowed his eyes.
“When I invited you to the party, it was the first opportunity you’ve had in the last year to do something normal.”
“As if we even made it to any party?”
“I’m just saying if—if we’d made it, you would have needed me.”
“That’s an interesting theory.” Josh shook his head. “False. But interesting.”
“What, you think you could have just waltzed through the front door? Grabbed yourself a cup and headed for the keg?”
“If you must know, I’d planned to go before I ever saw you. The entire senior class was invited, right? Ryan Peterson said so himself, I heard him, two days before break. He stood up on a table in the central commons and announced it. I knew tonight was my night. The tower was just a stop, a place to center myself before doing what I had to do.”
I saw it again, the moonlight flashing off the smooth surface of that gun.
“What were you going there to do?” I asked.
“Fix things. I wanted to talk to Tyler.” Josh tightened his grip on the steering wheel. His jaw muscles flexed.
“Talk to Tyler? No offense or anything, but that doesn’t sound very—Oh, God, Josh. Is that why you have the gun? You were going to make Tyler talk to you?”
“Please, Hadley. Give me a little more credit than that.” Josh stared straight ahead. The lines of his face were as hard as the tone of his voice. “It doesn’t matter.”
I knew that wasn’t true. But I didn’t have any idea what to say next, so I pressed my lips together and stared out the passenger-side window.
The steady thrum of the tires rolling along the pavement was the only sound until Josh flicked the blinker. He eased into the far right lane of the highway and onto a sloped exit ramp. I knew we were in Tennessee—we had just passed a sign placing us thirteen miles from Knoxville—but I didn’t know much else. It was hard to tell anything other than that we were on a two-lane country road.
“We’re running on empty,” Josh said, tipping his chin up, the anger drained from his voice. “Sign said there’s a gas station this way. I need a snack. And a nap. Those Jell-O shots should have worn off by now. Your turn behind the wheel.”
“Josh, you have to tell me. Why did you want to talk to Tyler? What was so important that you’d risk going to that party by yourself? Tyler’s friends, if they’d seen you, there’s no telling what—”
“Enough, Hadley. Please. Just stop.”
My mind tripped backward, starting with the first kiss at the tower and slipping through to the time after Josh had turned me away at the hospital, when I’d texted and called and emailed him, when he’d ignored me and ignored me and ignored me. Until that day in the library: I’d forced the issue by walking straight to his table and sitting down. He’d looked right at me, shook his head, and leaned forward, his voice a whisper as he told me to stop, just stop. It was over and he wanted me to leave him alone. His eyes had been hard, cold. And as he stood and walked out the door, everything I’d been hanging on to since the hospital—all my hope that he hadn’t known what he was saying when he turned me away—slipped out of my grasp.
In that moment, I’d believed him.
But in this one, with the admission that he wanted to fix things with Tyler, I had to wonder—if I’d fought a little harder, if I’d held on, if I’d just told the whole truth—where might we be now?
21
BEN BADEN’S BATHROOM – 12:57 AM
“WE’RE DEAD,” Mia whispered, her words bouncing off the glass walls of the shower. “He’s going to find us. And then he’s going to kill us.”
“Quiet,” I said.
“I don’t get it, man. What the fuck are we doing here? I told you the plan. You’re getting in my way. Not to mention that you lost my—”
“I know the plan,” Ben said. “Trust me. We’re not going to stop until we find it.”
“What’s the big deal?” the third person asked, irritation creeping into his words. “Whatever you’re looking for, Hadley can’t keep it forever. Just catch up with her tomorrow when she’s not so pissed about the picture.”
“We’re on my timeline now.” The scratchy words raked across my skin. “That means we find her tonight.”
“I already told you,” Ben said. “Hadley doesn’t know anything. We need to find Josh Lane.”
“Ben’s trying to protect you,” Mia whispered. “But he’s scared. Whoever he’s with, he’s afraid of the guy.”
I heard it, too. The fear in Ben’s voice. The hesitation. It’s as if he was calculating every word before he spoke.
“Your girlfriend brought Josh Lane to the party, which means she’s our best shot at finding him. Call her. Find out where he is.”
“That’s the problem,” Ben said. “I can’t.”
“Why the hell not?” Scratchy Voice Guy was pissed.
“I kinda stole her phone. And then I threw it into the ravine when we were back at the Witches’ Tower.”
“I thought your phone was missing,” the third voice said, his irritation still evident.
“It is. I lost it back at the party,” Ben said. “It must have fallen out when we were searching the car. But it’s under control. We’ll go back to find it just as soon as—” He cut off mid-sentence, and all I could hear was the rustling of feet on the carpet.
“Holy shit,” Mia whispered. “He’s coming.”
“Shhh.” I squeezed her hand tight. I could feel my blood pumping through my fingers. “We’ll be fine.”
“Someone’s been here.” Ben’s voice had moved from one side of the room to the other. He was closer to the bathroom. To us.
“Don’t tell me something else is missing.”
“No,” Ben said. “But the light from the closet’s on. I turned it off before I left.”
“Seriously? I don’t know what you’ve gotten yourself into, Ben, but that sounds like paranoia has set in. Let’s just go back to the party and—”
“Enough!” Scratchy Voice Guy yelled. “The party is not an option. Someone was here, so we search the place before we do anything else. If we don’t find her, we think about how to contact her since Ben took away her phone. Great thinking, by the way, douche bag.”
Footsteps came closer. My entire body stiffened. Mia held her breath.
“Where the hell are you going?” Scratchy Voice Guy asked.
“Take it easy, bro.” He laughed, but the irritation was still there. “I just gotta take a leak. While I’m in there, I’ll check the linen closet to make sure Hadley’s not hiding out. Don’t forget to look under the bed.”
I knew the voice. Who it belonged to. It was the laugh, the way it rose at the end. Just like Penny’s. And the sarcasm, the dry humor Penny had been famous for.
“Tyler,” I whispered. “It’s Tyler.”
Mia sucked in a breath just as the light flipped on, the flash of bright white so harsh against my eyes that I squeezed them tight.
The door clicked shut, and all that was left was a deafening silence.
But then came Tyler’s release echoing against the walls, so loud I thought I wouldn’t be heard moving my foot just an inch, to slide away from Mia and give us both a bit more space. When I did, I tipped sideways, throwing Mia off balance. The movement was slight. Only an inch or two. But a large mirror hung over the sink and toilet, and in its reflection, Tyler had the perfect view of the shower behind him—of the shadowy figures hiding on the other side of the beveled glass doors.
A few last drips plopped into the water.
“You have got to be kidding me,” Tyler whispered.
The sound of the zipper split the night in half—into the moments before Tyler knew we were there and the moments just after.
Mia’s hand gripped mine tighter.
Tyler whipped around and yanked the shower door open, his face pulled tight with so much anger I thought he would give us aw
ay for sure.
“How stupid are you two?” he whispered.
Mia shifted her weight from one foot to the other. I hoped she didn’t have to pee.
“You made it out of that party alive and you come here? Do you have any idea who’s out there with Ben right now?” Tyler asked, stabbing his thumb over his shoulder. “Roller Haughton.” He paused to let his words sink in.
“Roller Haughton?” I asked, my voice a whisper. “Isn’t he some kind of small-time drug dealer?”
“I’m not sure he’s small-time anymore. He supplies most of the high school and then some,” Tyler said. “They lost something tonight. Something important. Won’t tell me what, but I’m guessing it’s not exactly legal.”
“Roller graduated with Brooklyn’s brother,” Mia said. “Every time Eddie comes back to Oak Grove, Roller tries to meet up with him, but Eddie does whatever he can to avoid the guy. Says he’s nothing but trouble.”
“Interesting. That’s exactly what my mom always said about Eddie.” Tyler looked at me, his eyebrows arched. “News flash: Roller’s not just trouble, he’s pissed. Really pissed. And for some reason, Hadley, he’s blaming you. I’m only tagging along to make sure things don’t get out of hand. You were like a sister to Penny. She’d kill me if I didn’t watch out for you.”
I took a deep breath. “I can handle Roller. But only if you get Mia out of here. You have to—”
“I’m not leaving you,” Mia said, jerking her hand from mine and crossing her arms over her chest. “No freaking way.”
“Roller Haughton, Mia. I don’t want to get you mixed up with him.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t want either of you mixed up with him,” Tyler said. “I don’t know what he’s looking for—drugs, or money, or something even worse—but if you tell me where it is, I’ll take him to it. End of story.”
“I don’t know what it is, so I have no idea where it is.”
“We don’t.” Mia sighed. “But Josh does.”
“Technically,” I said, “we don’t know that for sure.”
“Do you know where Josh is?” Tyler asked, worry creeping into his words.
“No. Last time I saw him, he was racing out of Ryan’s party.”
“You need to find Josh.” Tyler looked me right in the eyes. “You need to warn him, okay?”
“We’ll get right on that,” Mia said. “If we make it out of here alive.”
“I’ll make sure you have the chance to escape. But you gotta lay low tonight. Don’t let them find you.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because they’ve both freaking lost it, that’s why,” Tyler said.
“I wasn’t asking why we should stay away from Roller and Ben. Why are you trying to save Josh? I figured you’d want to help them destroy him.”
Knuckles rapped on the other side of the door. “What’s taking so long, man?”
“I’m in here talking to Hadley and Mia,” Tyler said.
I almost hit him, my hand balling into a fist as his words registered in my brain. I was stupid to think he would help.
But then Tyler laughed. “Gotcha, Baden. I’m taking a dump. A little privacy, please?”
“Oh, now he’s the funny man.” Ben laughed. It was his I’ve-had-too-much-to-drink laugh. I’d heard the same one the night of his birthday. Its echo reached up from the depths of my memory, a new flash making me feel dizzy and weak, and I needed to know … What had Ben done to me?
“Hurry the fuck up, dude,” he said.
“If you want me to hurry, leave me alone.”
I expected Ben to charge through the door, to know through some sixth sense that I was just a few small steps away. But then I wondered: if he knew we were here, would he lead Roller to us? Or away?
“Spray some of that flowery shit my mom left in there when you’re finished,” Ben said, his footsteps fading.
Tyler looked at me, his mouth turned down. “You asked why I’m trying to help Josh? Let’s just say I owe him.”
I wanted to ask what that meant, how Tyler could possibly owe Josh anything, but he kept talking, and I had to struggle to keep up.
“My parents are out of town this week. With the anniversary of Penny’s … They had to get away. You can hide out at my house until this blows over. Remember where the spare key is?”
“Yeah, but—”
Tyler turned and flushed the toilet, glancing at us from the reflection in the mirror. “You’ll go? As soon as we leave?”
I nodded. At the very same time, Mia shook her head. The movement was slight, but I caught it.
“Don’t forget to find Josh.”
“I won’t.” Tyler was right. Finding Josh was critical. He knew what Ben was after and could either hand it to me or, if he’d hidden it, take me to it. More importantly, I had to warn Josh that he was in serious danger.
“You don’t have your phone.” Tyler pulled his from the back pocket of his jeans and started scrolling through his contacts. “Here’s Josh’s number.”
I stared at the numbers, willing myself to remember, glad that Mia was staring, too, her lips moving as she whispered them aloud.
“Find him. Then all of you, lay low.” Tyler tucked his phone away and flipped the light switch, plunging us back into darkness. A murky glow filled the room when he opened the door, but he pulled it almost closed right behind him.
“You’re not gonna want to go in there,” Tyler said as he moved steadily away from us.
“You couldn’t have done that back at Circle K?” Ben asked.
“Sorry, dude.” Tyler laughed. “Now, what’s the plan? Where are we headed next?”
“That’s on a need-to-know basis,” Roller said. “And right now, you don’t need to know.”
“Whatever,” Tyler said. “Let’s hit it.”
I sighed and yanked my bangs out of my eyes, feeling a cool sheen of sweat on my forehead. Relief coursed through me. They were leaving, and we would have a chance to get what we had come for.
There was a shuffling of feet. The squeak of the sliding glass door. And then nothing but silence.
“Hadley,” Mia whispered, her voice cracking.
“Yeah?”
“I can’t. Penny’s house? Not tonight.”
“Mia, it’s the best place for us to hide.”
“Promise, Hadley. Promise you won’t make me go there.”
My mind was reeling. The only thing I could focus on with any certainty was the list of items that I needed to take from Ben’s room. So I did the only thing I could to keep Mia going.
“I promise.”
“Oh, thank God,” Mia said. “Now, let me pee, and then let’s get the hell out of here.”
22
ATLANTA, GEORGIA – 8:43 AM TRIP ODOMETER – 507 MILES
HOURS HAD passed, but I couldn’t get it out of my mind: the conversation we’d had just before turning on to the Tennessee backcountry road. The feeling I had that maybe, if I’d just tried a little harder, Josh wouldn’t have been able to push me away. And the gun, every time I blinked, I saw it, and every time I saw it, I wondered.
Why, exactly, did Josh have a gun in his backpack? What had he been planning as he stood at the top of the Witches’ Tower, his mind set on heading to Ryan Peterson’s party?
A million questions had spiraled through my mind as Josh pulled into the run-down gas station, as he swung Ben’s BMW alongside one of the three pumps and unfolded himself from the car, stretching his arms high up in the air. I had almost asked again. But then, as the gas flowed into the tank, he leaned down by my open window.
“You’re up,” Josh had said, tossing the keys into my lap. His eyes had been droopy, his chin covered in caramel-colored stubble. He’d looked so tired, so normal for once, that I’d kept quiet. “I’m beat. You’ve got to pay attention, though. We’re taking I-85 south. It’s faster.”
I’d gone inside for a restroom break and a drink, and when I’d returned to the car, he was stretched out in the passenger s
eat. He was asleep before I even made it back to the highway, and he hadn’t stirred once since, not as the sky turned from a deep bluish-purple into a swirling mixture of oranges and pinks. Not as we’d crossed the state line from Tennessee into Georgia, the rising sun casting its rays on the world, making everything around us shine with promise.
Nearly four hours later, I steered the car around a bend, glancing over at Josh. So still and quiet, so vulnerable as he lay there with one arm slung above his head, with his mouth open slightly, I thought about the simple truth that I knew deep down—the truth I had always known but couldn’t bear to face.
I’d done this to Josh. Ruined his life. And there was only one way to make it right.
It was time to stop holding back. Keeping my eyes on the road, I slipped my hand from the steering wheel and touched him, grazing my fingers across the smooth skin of his arm. When I glanced over again, he was looking up at me, his eyes sleepy but more alive than I’d seen them since the night of the accident.
“We should talk,” I said, my hand falling away from his arm.
“We should.” Josh cleared his throat. “I want to start.”
“There are things you need to know. Things I never—”
“I wasn’t drinking.” His voice was a hoarse whisper. “I know you said you never believed it. But I wanted you to hear me say the words. I. Wasn’t. Drinking.”
I felt a surge of relief. I hadn’t ever thought the rumors were true, not all the way, but there were times when doubt settled in, and confusion mixed up the details. I pressed my foot on the accelerator, hoping that each passing mile would make our past clearer.
“I went over to Joe’s that night. The night Penny …” Josh sighed. “I still hate to say it, you know?”
I nodded, keeping my eyes focused on the broken white lines stretching in front of the car.
“After you called to cancel on me for your girls’ night, Ricky texted that he’d just gotten a new video game. So, I met him over at Joe’s house—we’d all agreed to avoid Baden’s party.” I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. “We hung out for a while, and then, when I could hardly keep my eyes open, I said I had to go. Ricky needed a ride—he was blasted from some concoction they’d made raiding Joe’s parents’ liquor cabinet—so I took him home.”
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