I need him. And I think he needs me. And he needs River even though he doesn't know her yet.
Now, I just have to build up the nerve to actually tell him about her. And I have to do it soon.
A part of me is scared that my friends might casually mention my daughter in conversation one day. I’d hate for Archie to find out that way. But he isn’t exactly on speaking terms with Charlie and Leo ever since he quit Hartley Construction. Plus, Nova and Reese have made it clear that they won’t be dishing out the scoop. If Archie and I want to get to know each other, we’re going to have to figure it out ourselves. No shortcuts. No cop-outs. I’m hoping they don’t change their minds before I get my act together and woman up to this man about our daughter.
So, today is Day 1 of Archie working here with me. The kids love him. He’s already taken so much responsibility off my plate. And it doesn’t hurt that he’s so much fun to look at.
I still get shivers thinking about the way he fucked me in his motel room last night. That man’s touch affects me like no other. I love the way it feels when we’re together.
But needing him like this is disorienting. Because I’ve spent the past two years trying to build myself up to the point where I don’t need anyone else’s help me stand on my feet. I’m self-sufficient and I’m proud. But I’ve got this niggling feeling in my belly telling me that as good as I’m doing on my own, Archie and me could be even better as a team.
That thought is scary. It rouses the deepest fears in me. It reminds me of a time when my existence revolved around being a cog in the wheel of someone else’s life. So why am I opening myself up to the idea of joining with Archie and trusting him and letting him all the way into my life? These are the questions I ask myself as I walk into the kitchen, listening to the music and laughter as I start chopping vegetables for tomorrow’s lunch.
The dance party keeps going well into the afternoon until the parents start showing up and, one by one, taking their kiddies home. By 5:30, most of the kids have left. Only Melody, Hannah and of course, River remain. I’m sitting on the colorful play mat in the living room, reading stories to the girls.
Archie comes and leans his shoulder on the doorframe. “Hey…” he says with a smile.
The toddlers are already distracted. They’ve ambled away and found toys to play with. I set the book aside and watch him. “Hey. Long day, huh?”
He looks tired. But happy. I see the way the corners of his eyes crinkle and the contented expression on his face. “Long day but I loved it.” He shoves his hands into the pockets of his pants. “These kids give me life.”
I laugh. “Yeah, tell me about it.”
His eyes go solemn. “I’m really happy we’re doing this together, Sophia.”
“I am, too.” My heart thump-thumps in my chest.
Our gazes linger on each other. Oh, the things this man makes me feel.
“Come ‘ere.” He walks over and grabs me by the wrist, yanking me to my feet.
“What are you doing?” I giggle as he pulls me around the corner where the children can’t see us. He pins me to the wall.
“This,” he says and I groan when his mouth makes contact with mine.
There’s restraint in the kiss. He’s holding back. Giving me a tiny sample of the lust buffet I’m craving. Last night, he was holding back, too. Yes, the sex was intense. It was crazy. I had four orgasms under my belt by the time he let me out of that sex dungeon.
But he hid himself from me. He fucked me senseless with his sweatpants around his hips. He wouldn’t allow himself to bare himself to me completely.
And I didn’t say anything because I can’t imagine what it must be like. Living with an amputation. Especially for a man as strong and protective and proud as Archie Jones. I wish he could trust me with his body the way I’m trying to trust him with my heart. But I guess we’re both works in progress.
I’ll be patient with him and hope for his patience in return.
I hear myself whimpering when he pulls away from our kiss. “I’m gonna get going,” he whispers, his lips brushing my cheek.
“Oh, okay.” I think he picks up on the disappointment in my voice.
He’s been here since 8:30 this morning but as they say, time flies when you’re having fun.
His tongue glides across his lips as he looks at me. “I need to get off my feet for a few hours but I could come back later, if that’s what you want…”
That offer sounds beyond amazing. I want to say yes. But I can’t, not until I’ve told him about River.
I give him a playful, little push. “No way. I’m beat after last night.”
Archie’s eyes glitter with mirth. “You sure, baby? Because you could have all this. All night long.”
The offer is tempting, I’ve got to say but I can’t. Even if I weren’t worried he’d find out about River, the truth is I’m tired. Very tired. I promised myself that I’d get started on painting the daycare center bit by bit each night this week but I keep putting it off because by the end of each day, I’m dead on my feet. “Rain check,” I tell him.
He kind of shrugs. “All right. Your loss.” He sweeps his hands up and down his gorgeous body. “I’ll just be in my dank hotel room under my ugly comforter thinking about you as I jerk off.”
I croak out a laugh and punch him in the shoulder. “You’re so weird.”
Archie smirks as he walks back into the living room where the girls are playing. I watch as he says goodbye to them, offering them each a high-five in turn.
When he gets to River, he seems to slow down. He smiles as he searches her face. And my punk-ass heart screams out, begging him to see her, to figure it out on his own so I don’t have to find the words to tell him that she’s his daughter. Instead, he picks her up and gives her a whirl in the air.
“Wheee!” she shouts cartoonishly as she flies overhead.
My chest goes tight, seeing my daughter with her father. You can’t continue to keep them apart, Sophia. They need each other.
He pinches her cheek and sets her back on the floor just as Hannah and Melody’s dad, Keeland, drives up to the curb outside.
Archie’s eyes stay focused on River as he backs away from her. He seems lost in thought as he grabs his sweatshirt from the hook in the entrance closet.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” I ask as he sets his hand on the door knob.
He glances back at me with a close-lipped smile. “See you tomorrow.” And he slips out the door.
18
Archie
Las Vegas
Two years ago, 10:35 P.M.
It’s like an amusement park on steroids.
Blinding neon lights pop and flash along the tall buildings stretching down the Strip. I’m staring at Daisy and the smile winding across her face outshines it all. Watching the way the breeze whips through her messy hair is something I think I could do for the rest of my life.
The white stretch limo changes lanes abruptly, weaving expertly through the traffic, and Daisy swerves into the side of the open sunroof. Her eyes flare with panic for a half-second but my arms clamp around her waist just as fast. “Don’t worry. I’ve got you,” I whisper in her ear.
She turns to look at me and all that beauty and magnificence shines up at me. Her hands come up and cradle my face. When she slides her lips over mine, I close my eyes to savor the feeling. My mind takes a snapshot of the sensation. It’s something I want to hold onto so that in the rough days and months up ahead, when I’m far from home, in a dangerous territory that’s unfamiliar and I’m fighting against the pesky bugs, the smothering climate, the militant rebels and the fear that threatens to break me, I can come back to this moment and know what it’s like to share a perfect sliver of time with the perfect woman.
Our chests press together. Our tongues dance in sync. She kisses me like I mean something to her, like I mean everything. And I know we only just met but she means more to me than she could ever imagine. That’s why I want to heal as much of her broke
n heart as I can in the short hours we have left.
The blare of a police siren slices through our kiss. “Heads inside the car, people!” The burly officer yells from where his cruiser is parked haphazardly on the sidewalk. “This isn’t the ending of Pretty Woman. Heads inside the car!”
Daisy drops through the sunroof, falling back into her seat. Her filthy wedding dress poofs out all around her. She tugs on the hem of my shirt, pulling me inside, too.
“I told you that was illegal,” she scolds between giggles.
“I never argued whether it was legal.” I fall into the seat beside her and haul her into my lap. “I just said they do it in movies all the time.”
“Oh right. Never mind what the law says. Let’s just make out while hanging out the sunroof of a limo on the Las Vegas Strip.”
I kiss her again. “You can’t say that didn’t give you a rush.”
She sighs and leans her head on chest. “It did…” She whispers shyly. “You give me a rush.”
And words won’t do the job. They won’t explain to her the dizzying feelings she’s given life to inside of me. So, I kiss her some more, letting my hands roam over her smooth skin.
“What’s your reason?” she asks as she drapes her arms over my shoulders.
I kiss the inside of her elbow, flicking my tongue on the warm skin. “What’s my reason for what?”
“For joining the military. Seems so scary. I couldn’t imagine doing that.”
I feel a pang in my chest at the question but I try to make light of my response. “Well, I’m big and I’m bad so why the hell not?”
She tilts her head to the side and observes me. There’s no laughter in her eyes. “C’mon. Be serious. No lying in the confessional, remember?”
I poke my tongue into my cheek and steal in a long breath. “That’s fair,” I say quietly.
She’s silent, waiting. She doesn’t prod me. I appreciate that. “I was about seven or eight and, one night, while we were all asleep, someone came into our house. I was the one who heard it and I went into my parents’ room to wake them up.” My jaw clenches as I recall the events. “My dad pulled me and my mother into the closet. He said we’d be safe there. The problem was—my older sister was in her room, asleep. My mom begged Dad to go get her. But he refused. He was scared shitless. He didn’t want to get out of that closet to save his own child. My mother wouldn’t have it. She rushed out of the closet. She came face to face with the burglar.” I chuckle. “She was a savage woman back then. She still is today. She didn’t back down. She fought. She fought and she fought and luckily, the guy was a punk. He ran away with nothing and the police caught him by morning.”
Daisy’s eyes are wide. “Oh my god. That’s horrible. What kind of man stands back and lets that happen to his family?”
I shake my head. “He wasn’t a man. He was a coward. And I vowed to myself that I’d be the opposite of him.” I chuckle. “I took it all the way to the extreme.”
She laughs and cups my jaw in her hand. “Yes, you did G.I. Joe.”
“A man isn’t a man if he isn’t willing to fight for the people and the things he loves. A man doesn’t deserve a family if he can’t protect them. I live by that. I’m willing to be alone for the rest of my life if I can’t protect what’s mine to protect.”
Even today my dad and I don’t see eye to eye on that. That’s why I stay away from my family as much as possible. I can’t stand to look at the weak man my father is and I resent my mother for settling for him all this time. I go visit once in a while but it’s better if we just keep our distance.
“Fuck, you’re brave,” Daisy says and she slides her mouth over mine. My eyes fall shut and our foreheads press together. “God, I just wish…” She won’t let herself finish that thought.
I wish a lot of things, too. I wish tonight wasn’t the end for us. I wish we had more time. I wish she were mine.
The car lurches again before abruptly stopping. My eyes jerk open and I see that we’re stopped at a red light. But it’s the backlit roadside chapel with its ‘We do quickie weddings’ billboard that snags my attention and won’t let go.
I take that as a sign.
19
Sophia
My sister’s car pulls up in my driveway just before 6:00.
Today was Archie’s second day and it went as smoothly as the first. He left about half an hour ago, after most of the children had already been picked up by their parents. I’m in the living room, packing away supplies from the art projects he worked on with the kids earlier.
I’d expected Ramona to help me clean up before leaving. I mean, it’s the least she could do. But now that she’s on two weeks’ notice, all she does is show up. She works even less than she did before.
Anyway, River sits on the floor, gnawing on the corner of a cardboard book as I tidy the arts and crafts area.
“Hey dumpling,” my sister says as she waddles through the front door and swoops her niece into her arms.
Angie rains down kisses on my daughter’s cheek and the little girl just loves it. “GeeGee! GeeGee!” I still don’t understand how a baby can butcher the word “Angie” to the point that it comes out “GeeGee”. But I digress.
I shove the colorful paintings and scribbles into a large plastic storage container and slide it to the corner of the room. “Thank you so much for watching her tonight.” I give Angie’s arm a quick squeeze as I whizz by her. I hurry back into the hallway and slide my feet into my sneakers. “I have so much work to do to get this daycare centre up and running. I can’t put it off any longer.” I grab my cardigan and purse from the closet by the door. “But I’ll only be gone an hour or two. I promise.”
Angie is standing there with River on her hip, watching me as I flutter about. “Take as long as you need.” Her eyes stay on me as I zip about the house. The air is heavy with the question I know she’s dying to ask. Eventually she cracks. “So, did you tell Archie?”
I cringe. “Uh…not yet.”
She tilts her head and glares at me. “Soapy…”
“I just need a little time.” I sound defensive to my own ears. “He’s only been working here for a few days. I don’t want to rush and make the wrong decision and then have to regret it. I’m just thinking about my daughter’s best interests.”
The more I watch Archie—the way he interacts with the children—the more I’m starting to think that, telling him about River is what’s in her best interests. He’s been great. Especially with her. I don’t know why but he seems to always take a little more time with her and pay more attention to her. It’s almost as if he knows the truth somewhere deep down.
“Just don’t wait too long,” my sister warns, “Because if he figures this out on his own, you’re not going to be able to fix things with him.”
I press my eyes shut and pull in a breath. “You’re right. I’ll tell him soon. Very soon.” I give Angie a one-armed hug, and with a quick kiss to my daughter’s forehead, I’m out the door.
I use the bus ride across town to try and grapple with my feelings, to wrestle my fear into submission. I weigh the risk that he might freak out and walk out of my life forever against the possibility that he might open his heart and slip into place as the missing piece of River and my little family. Don’t get me wrong—I’m going to tell him. It’s just a matter of when and how.
The future site of the daycare center is on a quiet side street a few blocks from Town Square. The 61 bus drops me off right on the street corner and I trudge across the lot, totally preoccupied with my thoughts.
As I’m turning the key in the lock, I peer through the newspaper covering the giant windows and realize the lights are on inside.
“Fuck!” I mutter under my breath. I haven’t been here in days so if I forgot the lights on all this time, I’ll be so damn mad at myself. I’m trying to run this business on a limited budget. I can’t afford an over-the-top electricity bill.
I tug open the door and step into the main hallwa
y. Yup, all the freaking lights are on. I’m kicking myself on the inside.
But as I turn the corner into the main play area, I find a big, shirtless body hunched over a worktable, goggles on and electric saw whirring away.
My heart breaks out into a sprint beneath my ribcage. I fold my arms over my chest and try to glare but I can’t win against the smile curling my lips. “You know this is trespassing, right?”
Archie looks up and pulls the goggles away from his eyes. His dimples pop into view and my ovaries go kaboom! “Hey Daisy.”
20
Archie
In the narrow space, we dance around each other in silence.
I’m busy sawing wood and installing shelves while Sophia stands on her tiptoes with the paint roller in hand, covering the grimy wall with a layer of vibrant yellow paint. The arch of her back and the definition in her calves makes my cock ache. She has no idea how sexy her body is, even in an old T-shirt, simple leggings and running shoes. It’s distracting. I nearly sawed through my finger twice looking at her.
When she peeks over her shoulder, she catches me staring. Her tongue rolls over her lips and she bats her eyes at me. Gorgeous. My gorgeous Daisy.
I’m her fucking slave.
I’m not even complaining.
She’s the kind of woman worth doing stupid shit for. That’s why, after running around with a group of rowdy toddlers all day, I made my way over here to Sophia’s future daycare center.
Despite the sizzling ache in my nerves. Despite the straining pull in my back.
Because you do that sort of shit when you love a woman.
Anyway, Charlie promised Sophia that Hartley Construction would take care of the painting for her. But he never got around to it. The guy has good intentions but he’s busy. That’s all right.
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