Leo shakes his head and mutters under his breath. “Fucking christ, Archie.”
I glare at his face. “She needed somebody to talk to. It’s like she was invisible. Everybody around her was just pretending she wasn’t there.”
“And it had to be you,” Charlie spits out on a laugh. “You had to come to the rescue, Sergeant Good Times.”
“It wasn’t just sex.” I snarl in my friend’s direction. “Some fucking magic happened that night.”
The words sound crazy as I say them. My friends know that I’ve never passed up an opportunity to start some trouble. It’s a reputation I’ve never shied away from.
But a girl in a wedding dress crosses the line. Even for me. I didn’t approach Sophia just to have a good time. From the minute I saw her, I knew there was something more beneath the surface, something I felt compelled to explore.
She was hurt. I was scared. We needed each other.
Leo straightens in his seat. “Wait—so the girl you wrote all those postcards about, the girl you wouldn’t stop talking about while you were overseas? That was Sophia?”
I nod my head slowly. I know how insane this sounds.
He scrubs a hand down his face. "Well, that's some romantic shit if I ever heard it."
“Fuck, I never read the postcards,” Charlie mumbles to himself and I shoot him a deadly glare.
“This is wild.” Leo scratches his chin.
Charlie brings the conversation full-circle. “So basically, she got pregnant that night. And she had River. And you’re the father.”
I shove Leo’s feet off of the wooden chair and drop down in it. “I’m the father.” The words sound surreal to me.
Charlie leans forward, his elbows on the table. “So, tell me—what do you want to do? And you’d better not say you plan on leaving her alone with that baby because I swear I will kick your ass all over this office.”
“First off, you can’t even beat me in your dreams.” I snarl.
Charlie looks to Leo for back-up. Leo shrugs. “You know he’s right, man.”
I bury my face in my hands. “She didn’t even tell me.” I want to scream right now. “I was in her house, helping her with those kids and she didn’t tell me the truth about my child. And I think the worst part is, I just felt a connection to River. I couldn’t figure out why she was my favorite, why I was drawn to her…It turns out, I’m her father.”
Leo pushes a hard exhale. “Sophia has been through a lot over the past few years,” he tells me in his wise, knowing, fatherly way. “I don't blame her for having her guard up. She was just trying to protect her kid.”
“But this isn’t some little, inconsequential secret,” I argue. “This is huge.”
The office door pops open so fast it shoots my heart into my throat. The receptionist’s attention goes to Charlie. “That brickwork contractor you’re meeting with, he’s in the waiting room.”
“Gimme five minutes,” he tells her. She nods.
When the door closes, Leo’s attention comes back to me. “She fucked up, Archie. Let’s all agree on that. But she’s a good woman. A good woman who’s taken an emotional beating. You weren’t here for all of it. You didn’t see her lying on my couch for months while Reese and Nova took care of her. You didn’t see her struggling with a newborn. She went through a lot of shit. And she’s still standing. She deserves credit for that.”
Charlie pushes away from his desk and stands. “I get it—you’re pissed at her for keeping this secret.” He comes around the table and puts a hand on my shoulder. “But beyond all that, what are you going to do about it? Are you gonna sit in here and whine about how unfair it is or are you gonna step up and be a man?" He heads for the door without waiting for my answer. “Let me know. I’ve got a meeting to get to.”
23
Sophia
I absolutely hate myself right now.
And I’m convinced that I deserve every ounce of self-loathing that I feel. My shoulders slump under the weight of my guilt and I spend the whole day feeling like my heart will crack wide open and all my sticky, black pain will come gushing out.
But I can’t wallow. It’s just me and Ramona and a house full of crazy kids today. If I don’t pay attention, I can almost guarantee that one of them will somehow end up chopping off a finger in my NutriBullet by the end of the day.
I keep trying to remind myself that Archie reacted just as I feared he would. He found out the truth about River and he bailed on us. Sergeant Good Times is probably halfway to Mexico by now in that cherry red drop top Chevy of his. And I’m alone in the rubble of the dream I adjusted to make room for him.
I knew that I was better off on my own. Just me and River. I shouldn’t have allowed him in.
I was right all along. I knew he wouldn't want to be a father. I knew I was right to keep River from him. I was protecting her. And now, I've let her down.
Barely managing to keep from bursting into tears, I bumble my way through the day. I’m feeling extra anti-social so when the parents start showing up around 4:45, I leave Ramona in charge and head into the kitchen to finish washing up the dishes from lunch.
I’m elbow-deep in soap suds when Ramona comes sauntering into the kitchen as she loops her scarf around her neck. She leans into the fridge and grabs a juice box. “Hey, Sophia—all of the other kids are gone now.” She stabs the straw into the opening of the juice box, “but that hot Archie-guy is out there getting River dressed. He says he’s her dad and that he’s taking her to the park?” There’s a questioning lilt to her voice.
The soapy plastic bowl in my hand slips from my fingers and lands in the sink with a splash. Tearing past Ramona in the open doorway, I stiffen my spine and march into the play room, ready to ask this man what the hell he thinks he’s doing. But the sight that greets me turns my spine to mush.
Archie is sitting in one of the tiny little chairs with River seated on the art table in front of him. The child gnaws on a teething toy as her father slowly and carefully wiggles her little pink rain boot onto her foot. She's already dressed in her coat and hat and a colorful scarf that's not hers. She's overdressed for the weather, zipped all the way to the top.
Even when my ballet flats scuff to a stop on the linoleum floor, Archie's eyes don’t shift to my face. Instead, he picks up the brand-new pink umbrella stroller sitting at his feet.
"You ready?" he asks as he scoops his daughter off of the table.
Am I ready?
Ready for what exactly, I'm not sure. But I grab my sweater and nod, anyway.
He turns away from me, marching straight for the front door. I can see that he's struggling to leash all the anger that's pent up toward me. He’s a mountain of a man with his huge shoulders and his long frame. He’s slinking through the doorway, holding a pink backpack on his shoulder and a drooling toddler hitched to his side. My primal instincts kick into gear, arrowing reproduction signals to my fluttery lady parts like a distress call.
Silently following after them, I grab my keys. While I'm locking the door, he sets River down in the yard and figures out how to open the stroller for the first time. He pulls on a lever and the seat pops into place. I watch him pick up our daughter and tenderly place her in the seat. He straps her in and roughly wiggles the metal frame. He circles around the stroller, analyzing it from every angle then wiggles it again. When he’s finally sure that it’s safe, he kicks up the brake and throws a cutting glance my way. “Let’s go.”
The walk to the park is silent aside from River’s babbling. Archie stops at every yellow light. He checks and double-checks before crossing the street. His eyes dart around vigilantly for even the smallest threat.
Just seeing the amount of care he’s putting into something as simple as taking his child to the park is making my heart bleed. I was so wrong to keep him from River. I should have told him about her the minute he came to town. I’m so mad at myself that I waited for him to figure it out on his own.
With tender, careful movements
, he pulls River from her new stroller and places her in a swing. I stand off to the side with my arms folded across my chest, trying to hold myself together.
“I wasn’t trying to hurt you, Archie.” The words seem inadequate but they’re all I’ve got. “River is the center of my world. I love her with every inch of my heart and I would die if anyone tried to hurt her.” I sniff as the tears come pouring down.
Ignoring me completely, he watches the little girl as she flies through the air, giggling and kicking her feet up in front of her.
“You said you wouldn’t be in town for long, that you didn’t know how to settle down. I didn’t want her to become attached to you only for you to turn around and leave.” My chest shakes as I sob. “You can hate me all you want but—”
He spins around and grabs me by the shoulders. “That’s the fucking problem, Sophia. I don’t hate you. I love you so much I don’t know how to.”
When he releases me, I feel cold without his hands on me. “I was trying to protect her,” I justify weakly.
“Protect her? From me? This is my daughter we’re talking about here.” His eyes go red. They swim in tears. “I can’t even allow myself to think about all the important moments and once-in-a-lifetime milestones I missed. Your big, round pregnant belly and your crazy food cravings. Holding your hand as you gave birth. Driving my family home from the hospital. River’s first smile. Her first step.”
When he says that, my throat clogs with emotions because I lived all those moments and they’re my most precious memories. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper. “I wasn’t sure if you’d want us. If you’d want to be a family. That’s why I didn’t tell you.”
“You don’t fucking get it. Of course, I want you. I’ve always needed you.” Frissons rise along my skin. His words strike me all the way to the core of my being. “And River? I didn’t expect her but she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I’ve been searching for my purpose, Sophia. And here it is. I’ve finally found it—you and River standing right in front of me.”
His anger has melted now, leaving behind something soft, something like hope. I want to bathe in it. “Oh god, Archie. I’m so sorry.”
He breathes out roughly and rakes his fingers through his hair. “Look, it wasn’t your fault,” he says in a low voice. “I was on a different continent and you didn’t know you’d ever see me again. When I showed up in Copper Heights, you didn’t know if you could trust me. I get it. All I know is I’m done missing moments. I’m here now. And I’m not going anywhere.”
My heart has disintegrated. It’s a puddle in my chest. I have No. Fucking. Words.
“The bottom line is this—you’re not getting rid of me, Sophia. I’m here to be a family. The parent my daughter. To love you. I know you’ve been hurt and you’re just trying to protect yourself.” He reaches up and cups my face, gently running his finger along my cheekbone. “Your little self-sufficiency act is cute but’s not gonna get in the way of what I have to do. The choice is yours. You can just drop it now and let me love you or I’m going to fight until you see things my way. Until you see that you can rely on me to take care of you, to be your friend, to be your man. You can either open the door for me or stand back and protest while I tear down every single wall around your heart. Brick by brick. But either way, I’m gettin’ inside."
Swallowing hard, I decide to stop fighting this. I lay my hand over his heart and I feel it raging with conviction beneath the surface of his skin. Brushing my lips over his feels so right. “I’m opening the door, Archie. I’m letting you inside. I want you in my life.”
24
Archie
I stand in the doorway and stare as Sophia lowers River into her crib. I’m not surprised that the little girl could barely keep her eyes open at the dinner table. She played hard at the park this afternoon. I was committed to making sure she had the time of her life. After all, she and I have a lot of catching up to do.
I’m a father.
The thought puts a huge smile on my face. Finally, I have a purpose. I don’t need to wander around, searching for my place in the world. I’ve found it.
These two beautiful girls. Sophia and River. My family.
I would kill for them. I would lay down my life to protect them. I feel like my life is finally worth a damn.
Sophia’s breath stutters when she steps away from the crib and sees me standing there. “Hi…” she whispers.
“Hi…” My heart gallops just looking at her. She’s barefoot and wearing a tank top and tiny satin shorts with her hair flowing down her back. She couldn’t look more perfect if she tried.
I know she feels terrible that she hid River from me and I won’t lie—it stings. But my love for her is too big to hold a grudge.
I pull her to my chest and wrap my arms around her. I breathe in her scent. Beautiful wildflowers.
She kisses my collarbone and laces her fingers with mine. “Come. I want to show you something.”
I let her lead me down the hallway to her bedroom. Or our bedroom, I guess I should say. She instructs me to sit on the bed and she drops to her knees to dig into the back of her closet.
Finally, she emerges with a big shoe box, overflowing with papers. She sits next to me and pulls back the lid.
She hands me a small, clear plastic bag with a little brown thing inside. It looks like a piece of turd.
“What is this?” I ask skeptically as I accept it from her hand.
“It’s River’s umbilical cord stump.”
My eyes widen as I pinch the plastic between my fingers and hold it far away from me. “What the hell? Why would you keep that?”
She laughs and shrugs a shoulder as she takes it away from me. “Some cultures think it’s good luck. And personally, I think it’s special.” She holds it up and looks at it through the plastic. “This cord is what connected us to each other. For nine months, that cord was her lifeline. Maybe I’m just overly sentimental, but it means something to me.”
I nod in understanding as she sets the cord aside and rifles through the box again.
She hands me a string of black and white printouts of an alien lying on its back. I grin. “Ultrasound pictures?”
“Yeah.” She peeks over my shoulder to check the date. “These are from her twelve week scan. I should have more recent ones. Maybe at the bottom of the box.”
Sophia digs around some more. “Her birth certificate. River Antonia Gallo.” She wears a bittersweet smile as she hands the thick piece of paper to me. My heart splinters when I see the space next to Father’s name is empty.
Fuck, I’m so, so sorry.
I’m here now. And I’ll make that count. I’ll do everything in my power to be the father that little girl deserves. The partner Sophia deserves.
She shoves her hand to the bottom of the box and comes up with a simple spiral-bound notebook. The pale pink cover is falling off and the corners are dog-eared. She sucks down a big breath then turns to me and smiles. “Okay, this…this is personal.” She brushes her fingers along the cover. “This is my pregnancy journal. It’s basically all of my rambling thoughts, my worries, my hopes. Everything that I was thinking and feeling during my pregnancy.” She bites down on her lip and then confesses. “I was really lonely when I was pregnant. I was too depressed to talk a lot. So, I spent a lot of time journaling my feelings.” She sighs. “I’ve got to warn you—I never expected anyone to read this. Maybe River in 20 years. Aside from that, this journal was supposed to be private.” She takes my hand. “But I want to share it with you. Because it was the most important journey of my life and you weren’t there to share it with me and I just want to give you a glimpse into what it was like.”
I close my eyes and breathe in through my mouth. I can’t believe that she’d share this with me. I’ve been struggling to come to grips with how much of River’s life I’ve missed. It breaks me to know how many moments we’ll never get back but I feel so privileged that Sophia is
willing to give me access to her thoughts in this way. It almost feels too sacred, too intimate.
“Are you sure you want me to see this?” I place my hand on top of hers and squeeze.
She nods, biting down on her lip as I take the notebook into my hand.
I look at her and smirk. “Are there any juicy tidbits about me in there?”
“Oh, yeah,” she says with a grin. “There are pages and pages and pages of stuff about you in there. All good stuff, though.”
I laugh and pull her close to put a kiss on her scalp. “Thank you,” I say. “Thank you, Daisy.”
She sits patiently beside me as I carefully comb through the journal, page by page. Together, we relive the good days and the bad days, the highs and the lows, the milestones and the fears. She shows me pictures of her pregnant belly and selfies of her with newborn River. And by the time we’re halfway through it, I’m so involved in it. Fully invested.
Sophia lays her head on my shoulder as I’m flipping through the final pages. “I know this doesn’t make up for all the time you lost but I just want to bring you into the experience in any way I can think of.”
Words at the bottom of the last page catch my attention. My gaze shoots over to Sophia. “You had to have an emergency C-section?”
She nods. “Yes, I was careless, I guess, and I ended up having a bit of an accident.”
“What do you mean?”
“Let’s just say, I’ve been trying to open that daycare center for a very long goddamned time.” She laughs. “Back then, I’d found a really cheap location on the industrial side of town. I was putting the finishing touches on it so I could have the official opening. But there was a gas leak in one of the neighboring buildings.” She trembles as she tells the story. “My sister’s husband, Ben, found me unconscious and got me to the hospital just in time. When I got there, I was in such bad shape, they had to perform a C-section right away.”
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