by Kim Desalvo
Lexi was already shrugging into her coat and heading for the door. “I’m on my way to him right now,” she said breathlessly. “I’ll make them let me in. I’ll call the cops if I have to.” The images of the cops busting in on her own pity-fest were still fresh in her mind, but she wouldn’t hesitate to do the same for Dylan if it would help resolve the situation.
“Thatta girl,” Bo said, cheering her on.
“I honestly don’t know where Tia is, but she calls me at least every other day and tonight should be a call night. Oh shit, I hope it’s a call night. I really can’t believe this, Bo. No matter how many crazy things happen to them, I can’t help but wonder how people can be so shitty to each other. I feel horrible for the way I treated Dylan, and once again, he didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Tell him that. It’ll mean a lot to him, I promise you.”
“I’m leaving now.” She paused, and Bo held his breath. “Thanks, Bo. Once again, you’re the hero.”
His heart melted just a bit at her words. “Thank you, Lex, but I think you’ll get the hero status out of this one.”
He heard the click as she cut the connection and he sat there with the phone in his hands for a long while, praying for miracles.
*****
“Welcome to Chit Chat!” The familiar voice of Dottie Miles filled the living room, and Tia sat back with a cup of tea. She’d been avoiding watching the television, preferring instead to hide in books and prepare meals for Lilly and Marcus. Curiosity had finally gotten the better of her; but more than that, she really needed to get a grip on her life and make some hard decisions. She needed to see if people were still talking about the pictures and find out what they were saying. Did the whole world think she was a complete loser who couldn’t hold onto her man, or that Dylan had decided that Penelope had been right all along and that a relationship between a rock star and a teacher could never last? Were they right?
She couldn’t keep hiding out at Lilly’s. She and Marcus had been wonderful to her and hadn’t mentioned a word about her leaving; even when the snow was under control and Lilly had to go back to work on Tuesday. Tia had done some hard thinking that day and every day since, but her brain was still clouded and the pain was still too fresh to come to any definitive answers. The time had come, however, and even though the apartment in the city still didn’t really feel like home, it was hers and she missed it.
It was nearly halfway through the show before Dottie brought it up. “OK, can we go back to the Dylan Miller story for just a bit?” she asked her co-hosts. “Now you know I’ve been a fan from the start—and I still am—so I just have to say that I think people are making entirely too much of the whole thing.”
“I don’t agree,” Lynne said. “I think it’s another case of a man who couldn’t keep it in his pants and never even considered the consequences.”
Tia felt as if a giant hand was squeezing her heart.
“I know that’s what people say it looks like,” Dottie argued, “but really. I did some research last night, because I just couldn’t get it out of my mind. I’ve been rooting for him and Tia since the word go, and I couldn’t make myself believe that he’d really do that to her. The man’s been in the spotlight for a lot of years, and never once has there been a situation where he’s been caught in such an insanely inappropriate scenario. He’s kept his life pretty private, and hasn’t even dated extensively. I know a lot of people are saying he’s a complete idiot for getting caught like that, but a lot of people are coming to his defense, too; some of them are ex-girlfriends who say that Dylan was not only faithful and trustworthy, but also devoted and much too classy to mix it up with a couple of low budget porn stars.”
“Well, he obviously did, or we wouldn’t have the evidence,” Abigail chimed in.
“I think someone threw him under the bus.” Her co-host opened her mouth to protest, but Dottie cut her off. “You’ve seen him with Tia; you’ve heard the way he talks about her and seen the way he keeps her close. He loves that girl, but there are an awful lot of people who aren’t happy about that, and I’m not just talking about ‘My Bloody Valentine.’”
“You can’t argue with the proof, though, and the fact remains that something went on between him and those women.”
“But did you actually see the pictures? Does he look like a man who’s enjoying himself? Most men, if put in that same situation, would have huge grins on their faces and would be hamming it up for the cameras—Dylan just looks out of it.”
“I’m going to need more proof than that,” Lynne said.
They moved on to other topics and Tia turned off the TV and sunk into the couch, wondering how her life had come to this.
*****
“We need to have a talk,” Lilly announced on Thursday when she got home from work.
Tia had been expecting it; in fact, she’d already come to the conclusion that it was time for her to take her life back. She’d spent the past couple days weighing her options, and realized that she couldn’t make a final decision until she’d heard Dylan’s side of the story, even if it wasn’t what she wanted to hear. No matter how many ways she turned it in her mind, she was sure that Dylan loved her and even more sure that she loved him. Life without him wasn’t something she could even consider at the moment, but until they talked, she would be stuck in this limbo. She knew that she was hiding from the possibility that he’d decided that a life with her wasn’t worth his time, but in her heart of hearts, she just couldn’t believe that to be true, and what Dottie had said kept tugging at the back of her mind. “I know.”
“Listen, darlin’. I know you’re still hurting, but I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I was watching Chit Chat on my break today and that woman, Dottie Miles, made some good points. Have you seen the show?”
“I saw it today. I was afraid to see what they would say before and I...”
Lilly took a deep breath and pulled her carry-all bag onto the table. “Tia, have you seen the pictures?”
She looked down at the floor, afraid to look at what Lilly was pulling out of her bag. “They were texted to me.”
“I know, but have you really seen them? After the show, I couldn’t get them out of my mind, and I had to go buy the magazine.”
Tia’s stomach churned instantly. “No Lilly, please. I don’t want to see them. Absolutely not.”
“Answer me this,” she said, looking deep into her eyes. “Do you love that man, Tia?”
She hitched in a breath and a tear spilled from her welling eyes. “More than breathing.”
Lilly put her arm around Tia and gave her a squeeze. “Do you believe that he loves you?”
“Yes.”
“People aren’t perfect, Tia. Sometimes they fuck up, plain and simple. Hopefully they learn a lesson from it and go about making it right. Do you think Dylan would want to make it right?”
Tia was transported to the day Dylan came back for her, the day he walked into a staff meeting and told her he had never stopped loving her. He hadn’t done anything wrong, but the hurt on his face and the pain in his eyes nearly broke her heart. She remembered the way he looked at her hard when he insisted on apologizing for not seeing through Penelope’s lies; how sorry he was that she was hurt because of him, even though he wasn’t the one who caused the pain. God, the love she saw in his eyes was almost too much to bear, and she thought her heart would explode with the sheer intensity of his sincerity. She did believe that he wouldn’t intentionally hurt her—had to believe it before she made the decision to make a life with him. You have to have a lot more trust than the average girlfriend, he’d told her on more than one occasion, they try to fabricate relationships, try to sensationalize the simplest things to sell their rags. It might get hard at times—really hard.
She cried out then, breaking down completely and sliding to the floor, pulling her legs to her chin and curling up as small as she could get. Dylan had never once given her a reason not to trust him—and at the first sign of somethi
ng hard, she’d run away and not even given him a chance. She hadn’t once considered what her leaving may have done to him; the thought that he might be hurting, too. She hadn’t given him a chance to do anything.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Lilly said, pulling Tia’s head into her lap and cradling her while she sobbed. “Dottie said that no matter how much evidence there appeared to be, she couldn’t believe that he’d do that to you. She said that she could see how much he loved you, and that she believed someone had thrown him under the bus. I love how she uses that expression. I had to see for myself if what she said could be true, and I think it is. You need to look at the pictures, Tia.”
“I can’t,” she whimpered.
“Dottie said that most men in the position of being with two porn stars would be loving life; hamming it up for the camera and smiling big. Dylan doesn’t look like that at all. He doesn’t look anything, baby. It’s almost like he doesn’t even know what’s happening. I can see it, and I’ve only met him a few times. I think you’ll know when you see them that he didn’t make it happen. I don’t even think he was a participant.”
She didn’t want to. God, she just wanted to crawl back into last week and make the whole thing not happen, but if what Lilly was saying was true, it might settle her heart just a bit. Being drunk was never an excuse for bad behavior, but maybe she could find a way to live with it. She nodded, and Lilly reached into the bag and pulled out the magazine.
She tried not to see the whole picture; whether Dylan was out of it or not, she didn’t want to see the man she loved in the arms of another woman. Her whole focus was on his face, and she could see instantly that the face she was looking at wasn’t Dylan…at least not the Dylan she knew. There was no expression whatsoever; not pleasure, not victory, not disgust; just a kind of noncompliance that really did indicate that perhaps he wasn’t fully aware of what was going on. His eyes were closed and his mouth was open slightly like he was asleep. Looking closely at one of the pictures, she could actually see manicured fingers holding him at the wrist in what appeared a way to keep his hand in place. Oh God, Lilly was right and so was Dottie Miles. Dylan wasn’t any more present in the scene than she was was—physically he was there, but there was no awareness in any part of him. She felt the guilt pour over her like a waterfall and knew instantly that he was here, in Chicago, waiting for her to come home; hurting and suffering once again for her pain that he hadn’t intentionally caused.
His first text of the evening flashed in front of her eyes. Looks can be deceiving, he’d said, especially in this case.
“Oh God Lilly, I’m such a fool. I have to go to him.”
“I knew you’d see it, too,” she said. “I just knew it. For what it’s worth, my money’s on you two making it.”
Tia planted a kiss on Lilly’s cheek. “Do you have a phone book? I need to get a cab.”
“I’ll drive you. I would be happy to.”
*****
The elevator door opened, and he was exactly where she knew he’d be; sitting on the long black couch in the living room waiting for her to come home. Her heart nearly melted when she saw him—his eyes were red and rimmed with dark circles and a shaggy beard shadowed his face. His normally silky hair hung limply over his eyes and he looked gaunt and tired, but his eyes widened with surprise and relief when she stepped off the elevator and into the dimly lit room. She thought she’d never seen him look so beautiful.
For a moment they just stared at each other, and then he slowly got off the couch and made his way to her, falling to his knees and wrapping his arms around her legs and burying his face in her stomach. She could feel the shaking of his sobs and he fought to keep his voice steady as he whispered, “I’ve never been so sorry about anything in my life, Tia. I know I don’t deserve you, but I’m dead without you, baby girl, and I hope to God you’ll find a way forgive me. You are my whole world, and I love you more than I can ever tell you. Please…” He nearly choked on the last word, and he clutched her with his whole being.
Tia fell to her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck. They cried together like that for a few moments, each desperately holding on to the other, before Tia was even able to form words. “I’m so sorry I ran away, Dyl. I’m sorry I didn’t even give you a chance to explain. I love you more than life, and we’ll get through this. I can’t live without you, either.”
The hitch of his breath was enough to tell Tia that she’d made the right decision; that no matter how hard it was, they’d come out on the other side of this with their love intact and maybe stronger than ever.
“Oh God, baby girl, I was so scared I’d lost you again. I was worried that this time I wouldn’t get you back.”
Through her tears, Tia said, “I told you, Miller, you aren’t going to get rid of me that easily. You’re stuck with me forever.”
“I wouldn’t have let you go, you know. I would move heaven and earth to keep you in my life.”
They held each other for a long time, holding each other like life rafts in stormy seas. Dylan stroked her hair and wiped her tears, and she wrapped her legs around him so she could press against him with as many cells as possible. They cried together and whispered mutual sentiments of relief, forgiveness and love.
They both jumped when they heard the buzzer, and looked at each other with confusion. No one knew Dylan was here, and Tia hadn’t told anyone but Lilly that she was coming home. “I’ll get rid of them,” Dylan whispered, pulling Tia to her feet and walking over to the intercom. “Yes?”
“Dylan, thank God. It Lexi. I have to talk to you right now—it’s an absolute emergency. Buzz me up.”
*****
Tia and Dylan stared at each other for a few moments as the elevator door closed on Lexi, heads reeling from the information she’d just given them. Finally, Dylan took her hand gently and pressed his lips to the back of it. “You forgave me before you knew,” he whispered. “When you believed I’d betrayed your trust.” He leaned over, putting his head in her lap.
Tia pressed her lips together in a thin smile. “No, Dylan, no.” She fisted her hands in his hair and gently pulled him up to meet her gaze. “I just had to realize that there was nothing to forgive.” He raised one eyebrow in question and she pressed a kiss there. “I have to believe that you would never betray me—otherwise we’ll never make it. I know you love me…”
“More than you’ll ever know.”
“…and that you’d never willingly do something to hurt me. I’m sorry it took me so long to figure that out; but I promise you I’ll never forget the lesson I learned. It just hit me like a truck, and then I worried about what other people would think of me…I still have to work on that one, I guess.”
“That’s the hardest one to get used to,” he admitted. “It doesn’t matter how much you tell yourself it doesn’t matter; it still hurts when people who don’t know you pass judgments without knowing even a fraction of the truth. I wish it wasn’t that way, baby. I wish you never had to hurt because of me.”
“I just need to figure out how to let it roll off my back, like you do. I’m not there yet, obviously, but I’m working on it.”
“It never rolls off your back. It sits there like a weight until you shrug it off; but you do shrug it off eventually because it gets too much to bear. But you can trust me, Tia, always. I’m going to fuck up sometimes; God knows I’m not perfect; but I will never, ever, do anything to hurt you. I know it’s hard, but you can absolutely trust that.”
“I do know,” she whispered, “I’m so sorry that it took me so long to figure it out, Dyl. I never should have doubted you.”
“So you’ll still marry me, then?” he smiled.
“Try and stop me.”
He laced his fingers through hers and lifted her hands over her head, bringing his lips to hers. “I love you, Tia Hastings. Nothing and no one will ever change that.”
“Show me how much,” she breathed against the soft brush of his lips.
“Oh my swe
et, sweet, baby girl.” He pressed his lips to hers and smiled. “I desperately need a shower.”
“I’ll wash your back if you wash mine.”
“Always and forever,” he whispered, taking her by the hand and leading the way.
Chapter 42
“Great to see you, Dylan, although I wish it were under better circumstances.”
“Indeed,” Dylan said, shaking his hand. “Bradley Erikson, meet Tia Hastings, my fiancé.”
“Now there’s a good circumstance,” Bradley said, shaking Tia’s hand. “Best wishes to you both.”
“Thank you. It’s good to meet you.”
“I assume you’re in LA for the premier?” He looked at Dylan and tipped his head. “Congratulations on the release, right? I mean, in light of the whole situation…she isn’t going to be there, is she?”
“She sure as hell hasn’t been invited, but frankly, I think she’s gone a bit off her rocker lately, so I wouldn’t put anything past her. I thought about skipping it myself, but it turns out that Tia really wants to do it, so here we are.”
“Do you have a restraining order against Miss Caglio?”
“No. I didn’t see it necessary.”
Bradley frowned. “Considering the fragile nature of her…psyche…and her connection to those porn stars, I’d advise you to be extra cautious. She could use this as another platform to spew her BS, and showing up would give her the national audience she’s been so desperate to get.”
“We’re both prepared for that scenario, I think, and I’ve been assured that there will be extra security on hand, just in case.”