by Kim Desalvo
“Mmm hmm,” Bo murmured.
“There was this one scene where she was running along the beach in a bikini with a 357 magnum in her hand—she was dirty and her hair was a mess, but it was hard not to notice Ryan noticing her. I made a funny comment, about chicks with guns in skimpy bikinis, and he admitted he found her ‘sizzling,’ or something like that. So I said, ‘OK, I’ll tell you what. If you ever meet Alexis Janice on the street, and she wants to sleep with you, go for it. One night for free; no questions, no consequences. A freebie.’ I called it, his ‘one gimme.’ Of course, we both knew that the chances of that happening were slim to none, so it just became a stupid game, a private joke. He said that if he got a gimme, it was only fair that I got one, too.” She paused, absently twirled a lock of hair around her finger, and stared down at the ground. “Mine was Dylan,” she said slowly.
“I see,” Bo said. “You know, I have a pretty strong suspicion that he’s at the top of a lot of those lists, wouldn’t you agree? Is that what you don’t want them to know?”
“Oh, Tia knows…she knew from the beginning and could have told Dylan for all I know, but that doesn’t even matter anymore at all.”
“Are you worried that she still thinks you…”
“Oh no!” she cut him off. “Now that I know him, I like him as a person. A lot. I could never think of him that way—at the time I objectified him; just like every other fan does. Now that I call him a friend, I could never, ever, think about him that way again. Even if he wasn’t with Tia,” she added. “But they’re so perfect together anyway, and I’m incredibly happy for both of them. They belong together, and I love them as a couple.”
Bo nodded. “Me, too. It’s great seeing Dylan so happy, too. It’s been a long time comin’ for that dude, and I can’t think of anyone who deserves it more than he does.”
“I feel the same way about Tia. The whole ‘gimme’ thing crashed down the first time I saw them together—at the show that first night. And it’s never once entered my mind again.”
“I think I see,” Bo said, the realization dawning on him. “Ryan couldn’t see that, could he?”
She shook her head. “The trouble with Ryan,” she continued, “started when I got home from Europe, I guess. I couldn’t tell anyone about Tia and Dylan, but I also couldn’t keep the whole story to myself. Tia was going to tell people that she’d met all you guys at the first Aid for Africa concert—her secretary at school had a mad crush on Dylan and Tia wanted to give her an autographed picture of him as a little gift. It’s Lilly, you know, she’s here, and she looked after Tia a lot after Nick died—sending her home with meals, dragging her out to social gatherings, stopping over with groceries and helping her with yard work; things like that.
“I mean, Tia did tell people Dylan’s first name, and that he played in a band; she just gave the impression that he was playing on one of the smaller stages and managed to meet you guys. She didn’t figure that anyone was going to assume that she’d won the heart of Dylan Miller, and she was right. No one even gave it a second thought. So even though I couldn’t say much, I could tell people that I’d hung out with Inhap.”
“A bit of an understatement,” Bo chuckled, remembering their trip, the shows, nights out, spa days for the girls, shopping sprees, the night in Northampton…
She smiled thinly back. “It gave me a bit of celebrity status for a little while,” she said, “but Ryan couldn’t get past the fact that I’d met my gimme face to face. He was pretty agitated, and asked me point blank if I’d slept with him. Of course I hadn’t, and I told him that, and he got really snotty—started saying things like, ‘What, he didn’t want you?’ and ‘What a disappointment that must have been.’ I told him the same thing I told you—that I’d had a chance to get to know him as a person and that I didn’t think of him that way anymore—that I’d have to find a new gimme—but he wasn’t buying it. Of course, I couldn’t tell him about Tia, so he didn’t believe that I’d have any reason not to try.
“He knew I was hiding something too—something big—and of course it was the secret that Tia and Dylan were dating, and shortly after that, the secret that they were in love. Paris was the next stop after I left you guys in Amsterdam, so it was just a few days after I got home that she called me and told me about her birthday dinner on the Eiffel Tower.
“When I told Ryan that Tia and her new boyfriend were in love and shared some of the story with him, his immediate response was to tell me that I probably wished it was me up there, with Dylan Miller. We fought that night—he was so jealous and convinced that something had happened between Dylan and me, and things were just never the same after that. I could feel the distance growing between us from then on, even though I didn’t fully realize it at the time. I was pissed that he didn’t trust me, and maybe more so that he didn’t believe me—that he really thought I’d lied to his face. That just isn’t me—I have a bit of a reputation for telling it like it is…” her voice trailed off, and Bo interjected.
“Ya think?” he said sarcastically. Then he added, “It’s one of your better qualities, Lex.”
“Thanks, I think,” she said, smiling thinly. “He finally stopped talking about it constantly; stopped accusing me, but it was always there, hanging out in the background, waiting to rear its ugly head. One night there was a rerun of some late show on where Dylan was the guest, and he called me into the room to tell me; in not so nice a tone; that my boyfriend was on TV. Then, when the second Aid for Africa festival was televised, he asked if I wanted him to make me some popcorn so I had something to do with my hands while Dylan was on the screen—little jabs like that that he said in a joking manner, but the sarcasm and accusation were always there. Of course I wanted to watch you guys! It killed me that I couldn’t sit down and enjoy it live; that I couldn’t explain to him what was really going on.” She paused and sighed. “I’ll have you know that I stayed up until two that night to watch the recorded version of the concert.
“It certainly wasn’t Tia’s fault—after seeing how the media descended on her after they went public; I knew she’d made the right decision not to tell people about her and Dyl. I knew it at the time, even though it was really hard to keep it all a secret. I wanted to tell people my part, but I couldn’t do that without telling hers.” She was quick to add, “And it wasn’t Dylan’s fault either. He can’t help who he is, and anyone who knows him knows he never shoves it anyone’s face. It’s just always there.”
Bo nodded. He understood completely. He wasn’t the ‘sexy front man,’ and didn’t make movies so didn’t have the same amount of public exposure, but Dylan made damn sure that they were a band, not a solo act, and Bo got his fair share of the same treatment. It had certainly created problems for him on more than one occasion, and he was actually thankful that Dylan was willing to deal with most of the attention, sparing him and the rest of the guys the bullshit that went along with the constant glare of the spotlight. “But do you think that if you had been able to tell him the truth, things would have been any different?”
“I don’t know. He probably would’ve been even more jealous if he found out I’d hung with you guys for almost two weeks—that I’d been in the front row for all the shows, hanging out backstage…looking back now, it might have made things worse.”
Bo raised his eyebrows in question. “What do you mean?”
“Let’s just say Ryan has a bit of an inferiority complex when it comes to Dylan,” she said. “I would guess a lot of guys would, I mean, let’s face it, even if you erased the entire celebrity thing—forgot the fact that women are constantly falling at his feet—he’s still incredibly successful, wealthy, well-traveled, kind…”
“Don’t forget damn good-looking,” Bo teased.
“Well, there is that,” Lexi said with a half-smile. “’Sexiest Man on Earth,’ and all that.”
“Kind of hard to ignore,” he smirked.
“When Dylan came back—after the whole Penelope thing—he went with
Tia to the country club to meet her parents, and I was waiting for Ryan by the locker rooms so we could have lunch. Dylan was hiding out in there so Tia and her parents could have some time to debrief a little as a family—they’d just found out the truth about who Dylan was, and he figured they needed a little time. When Dylan walked out, I was shocked and surprised, and so glad to see him! Tia had left me a message the night before to meet them there, but I’d lost my phone…whole other long story that doesn’t affect the outcome…and when he told me that they were back together, I threw my arms around him and gave him a huge hug—just as Ryan walked out the door.”
“Oh, boy,” Bo said.
“Yeah. He nearly went ballistic seeing me in Dylan’s arms. He was sure that Dylan was there for me, and his first reaction was pissed off. Of course, I immediately explained that he was Tia’s Dylan, and he relaxed some—we even joined them and Tia’s parents for lunch, and then for dinner, a few nights later. He came with me to Paddy’s, where Dylan and Tia went the first night they met, and to the engagement party, obviously, but he was pretty much a shit at every single outing.”
“I think he wanted a piece of me that night,” Bo said. “He certainly wasn’t happy to meet me.”
“That was all on him—please don’t take it personally. It bugged the shit out of me when he acted that way, always putting himself in the corner and refusing to have fun and then giving me crap about it later; but I tried to put myself in his shoes—what if he had spent ten days with Alexis Janice? Would I feel the same way? The conclusion I always came to, though, was that I’d have to trust him, and that I’d have to let it go. He couldn’t let it go.”
“I’m really sorry, Lexi,” Bo said gently.
“You know what Bo? I don’t know if I actually am sorry. I’m glad I found out who he really was before I married him, and I was already wondering if I could spend my life with someone who didn’t trust me. I’m sad that we couldn’t make it work, but looking back, I don’t think we ever could have.”
“So that’s what ended it then?”
“That was the beginning of the end,” she said, looking off into the distance at nothing in particular. “Once Tia and Dylan went public, he started getting hassled at work. I’d been interviewed a couple of times, as you well know, and people who knew Ryan and I were engaged started crawling out of the woodwork.”
“Isn’t that the way it always happens?” he asked rhetorically.
“People started offering him money for an invitation to our wedding—and offering pretty big ‘bonuses’ if they could get a seat at Dylan’s table.”
“Oh man,” he sighed, shaking his head.
“Oh yeah, the shit hit the fan, let me tell you. Some people went so far as to tell him, point blank, that they’d crash the wedding if they weren’t invited. One of his co-workers suggested that he hire a security firm to handle the reception, and he about went off the deep end.”
“I can imagine.”
“They were hassling him for other things too; you know how it is; and it irked the living crap out of him that he was always second fiddle to Dylan. It was obvious when we were out with them too—Dylan always got so much attention and Ryan was just kind of in the background. He wasn’t used to being invisible. It pissed off his world that people who barely knew him would come up to the table and act all happy to see him, then turn all their attention to Dylan as soon as he’d made an introduction. Again, it wasn’t Dylan’s fault, but Ryan just couldn’t handle it.”
“That can be a tough situation to be in, you know.”
“I do, and that’s why I tried to be understanding; tried to give him plenty of attention so he wouldn’t feel inferior. But that’s exactly how he felt, and there was nothing I could do or say to make him feel otherwise. He pretty much told me that he’d never be able to give me the kind of life that Dylan was giving Tia, and that he’d always wonder if I was comparing him to Dylan and that he knew he’d never measure up.”
Bo put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a gentle hug. “It wasn’t your fault, either, Lexi. You have to know that.”
“I do know now, but things weren’t quite so clear at the time,” she said wistfully. “When he told me that we had to postpone our wedding because of a “big project” he was working on for the firm—one that he told me could guarantee a position of partner—I was the one who went ballistic. We fought hard, and I stormed out and didn’t return his calls for over a week.
“Ironically, it was Dylan who helped me put the whole mess into perspective. He pointed out how tough it had to be for Ryan to deal with the fact that I’d been internationally jet setting over the summer and that he’d just found it out. He said it would take a while for him to realize that it hadn’t changed me. He also apologized for planning his and Tia’s wedding so close to ours—of course he didn’t have much of a choice, but he felt guilty anyway. He told me to try and understand how it must make Ryan feel to suddenly have the celebrity shoved into his life and to see Tia’s wedding being talked about on TV and in the papers, while his own seemed to be on a back burner.
“Dylan was right, of course, and I sucked it up, called Ryan, and told him I was OK with the postponement; I tried to be a fucking cheerleader for his “big project,” and was being completely understanding of his late hours, his sudden inability to return my calls, his mysterious trips out of town...”
“And that’s when you found out that he…”
“Yeah. Apparently, she didn’t know about his connection to Dylan, and so when he was with her, he didn’t feel covered by Dylan’s shadow, or some shit to that effect. He could ‘feel like a man again,’ he said, as if I hadn’t been jumping through fucking hoops to make him feel that way every day.”
“Dyl told me about that. I’m really sorry. I can see why you don’t Dylan and Tia to know the whole story.”
“Exactly! I don’t want them to feel guilty or responsible—it isn’t their fault at all, it’s just the way it all worked out. Ryan couldn’t deal with it, and that’s his own fucking problem. But knowing Tia and Dylan the way I do, they’d feel at least partly responsible, and I would never do that to them.
“So that’s my story,” she sighed. “He’d broken every shred of trust I had in him based on his own delusion that I’d done the same thing to him. Or it just wasn’t meant to be in the first place. Either way, I realized that all the nights he’d been “working late” were just excuses to not see me. Or to see her. Probably a combination of both.”
They sat in silence for a while and Bo tried to process it all in his mind. He could understand every side of the story—except for the cheating part—and poor Lexi came out the loser from every angle. She was carrying a heavy burden in order to protect the ones she loved, and he respected her tremendously for it. But damn it, she shouldn’t have had to suffer, not for a minute. He took a few deep breaths to try and calm the fury that bubbled up inside him that she’d had to bear that burden alone for all this time. Finally, he burst. “He’s a complete ass who didn’t even come close to deserving you,” he snarled, the anger evident in his voice. “I mean, to make you feel guilty for something you didn’t even do—for not trusting you—for hurting you like that…” He’d been keeping his own feelings in check, but he lost control of his emotions and the words tumbled out before he could reign them in. “I mean damn—if you were my girl, I’d be looking for excuses to come home early. Every day.”
“Thanks for that,” she said softly, staring off at the dark sea, the breeze lifting her blonde hair and sending it tumbling around her face. She reached for him without averting her gaze and he took her hand, holding it tight. “Maybe I should be your girl then, Bo.”
“Yeah, Lexi, maybe you should,” he said, the words low and gravelly.
She was struck by the timbre of his voice but when she turned, she still expected to see the usual humor on his face, the smirk he often wore when they flirted. What she saw was completely the opposite—a look she’d never seen
before. His lips held not even the hint of a smile, and his eyes were intensely focused on hers. She felt the heat rush up to her face in the intensity of his gaze and a flutter rose in her stomach. There was no doubt about the seriousness in his eyes, and at that moment, she felt she could simply fall into them and stay forever, cocooned in the warmth and safety she saw there.
“I really think I could do that,” she whispered on breath as light as the ocean breeze.
He held her gaze a moment longer, waiting to see if she would break into a grin, laugh it off like it was one of their usual jokes. He would have gone along with it, laughed with her, because he wouldn’t ever want her to feel uncomfortable around him knowing he felt something she didn’t. But she didn’t look away, didn’t laugh, and he could read it in her eyes—she wanted this, too.
He brought his hands up to cup her face, and slowly lowered his mouth to hers, hearing the soft sigh slide through her lips just before they touched his.
His soft, full lips closed over hers, and one of his hands slipped behind her neck, pulling her in closer. She fell into the kiss, fireworks exploding in her mind and her stomach flipping over and over and she slid her own hands around his strong frame and scooched closer until their legs were touching and leaned into him. His beard tickled her cheeks and chin and she sighed again as his tongue requested entry and she immediately granted it. This felt so warm, so comfortable, so right, and she couldn’t believe that they hadn’t done it sooner. Couldn’t believe she hadn’t admitted to herself before now that what she felt for Bo Collins was not just an innocent flirtation but something more—something deeper.
When the kiss ended and he backed away, she could only look at him for a moment through eyes lidded with desire, her breath quick and shallow. “Wow,” she finally managed to whisper, a slow smile lighting her face. “Mad skills indeed.”