by Robin Roseau
"Could you add an ice cube to mine, please?" I set the cup down on the table but kept fingers on it. I listened as Charlotte dug around for an ice cube, then I heard a little splash. "I need a fork." She pressed one into my free hand, and then I used the fork to bob at the tea, trusting that I was poking the cube up and down to make it melt faster.
I heard a slight sound of amusement from Charlotte.
"Oh, you do make noise," I said, amused myself. There was a slight scrambling noise. I didn't know what that meant, but she reached over, pulled the fork from my hand, and then moved my hand so I could feel her face. She had one hand over her mouth, and I laughed.
We sat quietly after that. I was able to drink my tea, which I did with two hands, setting the cup down very carefully so I could find it in the future without spilling it. At one point I emptied it, and without prompting, Charlotte took it from me, filled it, and added an ice cube. I could hear her bobbing it around for me before setting it back on the table. She moved my hand into contact with the cup, and I moved the cup where I'd grown accustomed.
I probably should have talked, but I didn't have a clue what to talk about. So I sat quietly.
The egg rolls came. Once the waitress left, I said, "They should be cut. I pick up one section at a time and use a spoon to add a little bit of fish sauce."
Charlotte handled it. They were a little warm, but she handed one to me. I took it gingerly, and she kept one hand on mine while she added the fish sauce for me. One little spoon of fish sauce lasted half of a section before I asked for more.
It wasn't the weirdest part of the date, but needing her help to eat was definitely up there.
Still, it was a good egg roll.
Our food came along with individual plates. Charlotte handled everything while I sat quietly. I wasn't sure how she planned this. If it had been a sandwich, I could have fed myself. But I'd do nothing but make a mess this way, and I wasn't going to try.
Instead, she made a plate then she tapped my lips with a pair of chopsticks. "You're going to feed me, aren't you?" That yielded two taps on my lips. So I opened my mouth.
In between bites, I told her I felt like a baby bird. She took my hand and set my fingers against my teacup.
I didn't know what to make of all of it. It was just... weird. But it was kind of nice, too. Not one word from her, but I seemed to have her undivided attention, and she was taking care of my needs at a very primal level. She was feeding me.
And she rarely stopped touching me. I liked that. It made me feel connected. She was sweet and tender, and strangely, I was having a nice, if incredibly weird time.
I know I keep using that word, but I can't find another.
When the meal was done, she dabbed at my lips and fingers with a damp cloth. I could have done that myself, but when I offered, she refused to give me the cloth and took care of it for me. But then she brushed my face with her fingers, and I held still for her.
She paid for the meal, let me drink a little more of the tea, and then led me from the restaurant.
* * * *
In the car, I thanked her. "You know, you could talk. It's not like I'm going to recognize your voice, but even if I do, so what? You're willing to be out to the waitress, but not to me? I don't get it. You know I won't judge."
All she did was tap my arm once.
* * * *
I had no idea where she took me next. She'd said in her text there was an exhibit, and from time to time I heard other people. I decided it was a museum or art gallery or something along those lines, but I never heard a name or a clear indication.
It was actually rather interesting and a little overwhelming.
Like she had at the restaurant, Charlotte escorted me in and then found a seat for me. I received a caress on my arm, and then I listened as she stepped away.
There were other people, and I cocked my head, but no one approached me or spoke sufficiently near me I could listen in on their conversations. It made me feel isolated, but it was a little exciting at the same time.
Charlotte came back and sat down next to me. She caressed my arm again. I tingled with the sensation. I decided I really liked the physical affection, and if this was how she was always going to treat me, I was okay with that.
I didn't even mind the eye patches and glasses. Yeah, it was a little weird, but it didn't actually bother me. Instead, it raised my attention to the other senses. And it was a little sexy needing Charlotte to take care of me. It was even more sexy that she was doing so. It meant I was receiving a great deal of attention, far more than I was accustomed, and I liked that, too.
But I didn't like that she wouldn't talk to me. That part annoyed me.
We sat for just a minute, then she helped me to my feet and took my arm. After that, we wandered through the exhibit.
There may have been a visual element, but of course, I couldn't see that. But for me, it was an exhibit of sound and touch. There were distinct rooms, each with their own background noises, and several exhibits in each room. Each of those had more noises, and many of them had some sort of touch.
It began with the sounds of a thunderstorm. At first, the sound came from ahead of us, but then we passed through a doorway, I thought, and the sound came from all around us. But it wasn't all the same sound. There was rain all around, but the thunder might come from this direction, but an echo from another location. And that would shift.
And there were other noises. Frogs, I thought. Wind. Tree branches moving, whipping in the wind. We stood in the middle of the room and listened for a while.
I turned to Charlotte and spoke into her ear. "Is it all like this?"
She gave me two taps on my arm, then a pause, then one tap. Yes and no. I would learn it was like this, but each room was different.
So we listened for a while, and then she moved us to the side, and we passed through a section of branches or large leaves. I was startled at first, as they brushed against me, but when I jerked, Charlotte pulled me back. I reached out with a hand to feel. She let me touch, but then she took my arm and set it back at my side. I let her lead me through, and the vegetation brushed at me -- and I assumed at her.
The sounds changed a little, too. It was like I could hear raindrops hitting these big, fat leaves.
And then this changed, too, and the leaves were damp, just a little, not enough to get us actually wet, but it was a new sensation.
We left the vegetation behind, but then Charlotte moved me carefully, and I felt my face misted. It felt nice, and I opened my mouth. It was just a little mist. With two hands on my shoulders, Charlotte pushed me through then followed behind me, presumably getting her own dose of mist.
She brought me to a stop and turned me to face her, stepping close. Then she leaned forward so our cheeks were close, our mouths near each other, and she inhaled deeply. She did that a few times. I thought she was smelling my hair or something, but then I realized it was a hint. So I took in several deep breaths.
"It smells like rain!"
She gave me two gentle taps on my cheek and then a kiss there besides. I made a sound of appreciation.
* * * *
Each room was like that, although markedly different. In some of the rooms, the exhibits included things to touch or manipulate. My favorites were the things Charlotte could brush against my skin. There were brushes, and she brushed my face and arms. The brushes were different, and she could give me different sensations. Another station had various types of cloth. Some of the cloth was rough and unpleasant. Some was silky and felt really nice.
We stayed at the gallery, wandering the exhibits, for a couple of hours, I decided later. Then we put the last exhibit behind us, and I thought we were leaving. I pulled her to a stop. "Can we go back to the room with the brushes?"
Her answer was two brushes of her cheek against mine.
"Oh, that was nice," I whispered.
She took me back to the room with the brushes, and we lingered.
* * * *
"Will you stay a while, Charlotte? We can sit on the sofa. You can draw the drapes if you like."
I listened to her move to me, and then she surprised me. She knelt, and I felt her working at the straps of my shoes.
"For the record, we're not having sex."
She said nothing, but when she encouraged me to lift my feet from the shoes, I did it. I heard her remove her boots, and then she took me by the hand and led me to the sofa. She stepped away, and I heard the drapes being closed. Then she moved back to me and sat on the sofa beside me.
She took my hand and began caressing it in long, slow touches. It felt nice, but I wanted something else.
"I had a nice time," I said. "Weird, but nice. Did you?" She tapped my arm twice. Then twice more, then twice more.
"Good. Are you going to ask me out again?" Two taps. "Will you let me see who you are?" That was one tap.
I pulled my arm away and set both hands in my lap. I sat quietly for a moment, but I didn't pull away when she brushed my arm with the backs of her fingers, up near my shoulder.
"You may do that, but let me think a moment."
I gathered my thoughts. I wanted to be clear. Finally I relaxed a little and offered my hand. She took it and returned to the more complete touches she'd been doing before I pulled away.
"I had a nice time," I said, repeating myself from a few minutes earlier. "We'll text more about it, about all of this. I'll go out with you again, but you're going to make promises to me."
She shifted and I felt fingers on my lips. But I turned away. "No," I said. "I'm going to say this, and you're going to let me." After that, she didn't interfere. "You are not coming into my life like this and then leaving like this. You're afraid of something, and I don't get it. This isn't about coming out. I don't know what it's about. Do you want to see me again?"
She tapped my wrist fairly frantically.
"All right," I said. "We'll do this your way for now. But I'm not accepting future dates without a promise."
One tap.
"Tough," I said. "You are going to promise there's a limit to how long we're doing it this way. You will promise I will eventually see you, and we'll talk about whatever it is that has you so frightened. Or no more dates. You don't have to promise now, but you know what my answer will be if you give the promise, and you know what my answer will be if you do not."
She withdrew her touch, and I sighed. Then we sat on the sofa together, not touching, not saying anything.
But she didn't get up and leave, either.
And finally, two taps on my arm.
"That was a yes," I said. "Yes, you'll promise before you ask me out again, right?" Two taps. "And you will be asking me out again?" Two taps. "Soon?" Two taps. "Good." I took a few breaths. "I'm going to do something. If you want to stop me, you may stop me."
She didn't tap at all. So I moved slowly, comg closer to her, throwing a leg over both of hers, and perching over here, sitting on her legs like I had earlier. She grew very still. I sat back but set my hands on the back of the sofa behind her, one on either side. "You may touch anything you can reach," I said. "But we're not having sex tonight." Then I leaned down. I wasn't going straight for a kiss. I wanted to brush cheeks, and so I turned a little sideways.
It was a little awkward, and I had forgotten the glasses, which didn't help. So I whispered into her ear, "Take off the glasses. I still have the patches."
She reached up and did it slowly, then I took them from her, leaned back, and set them on the coffee table. After that, it was easier to brush my face against hers.
I kissed her ear, and she took in a deep breath. Her hands found their way to my hips, but she only set them there, not moving.
"You may touch more if you want, but there is no obligation. I just want to feel you for a little while, before you go."
She tapped my hips, and her hands would explore a little more, but not quite yet.
I teased her a little with my lips. I teased her ear. I kissed her cheek. I inhaled, pulling in her scent. I pressed against her, snuggling in tightly.
And then, slowly, I sought out her mouth.
Our first kiss... it was nice. Long. Sweet. Intense. I felt a rush of heat, and I didn't mind that at all. I flicked her with my tongue, and she flicked me, but neither of us invaded, not for that first kiss. That would have been too much. Instead, we both seemed to go for sweet and hot, but not mauling each other hot.
It was perfect. Just perfect.
Finally I pulled away then leaned against her, my mouth near her ear again. I rested there and sighed. "That was really nice. Really, really nice."
She tapped twice on my hip, then twice more, and twice more. I giggled. "Hold me for a while." So she wrapped her arms around me, holding tightly. I sighed again.
"I've been hurt," I said. "I think you've been hurt, too." She tapped fingers against my back twice. "You feel nice. I liked the way you took care of me tonight. Did you like taking care of me?" Two taps. "I want you to switch our positions, and then one more kiss, kind of like the last one. Would that be nice?" That was a long serious of taps on my back.
"Then you should go," I said. "Because I'm going to want more, and I think you want more, but we're not doing more until I am allowed to see you."
Her fingers stilled, and she rubbed again. Then I let her turn us around on the sofa, and soon I found her perched in my lap, just like I had been in hers.
"You may touch a little first," I said. "If you want to. But one long kiss, and then you have to go. No more touching after that."
She took me at my word, and she took her time. She didn't maul me or feel me up, but she caressed, and she was somewhat bolder than she'd been. I leaned back further into the sofa and enjoyed the attention, my hands resting on her hips.
When she lowered her head, it was first to my cheek, then she gave my ear the sort of attention I'd given hers. I purred a little and told her I enjoyed what she was doing, that I'd want more the next time.
Finally we kissed, and our second kiss was every bit as good as the first.
But then it was over, and she began to slip from my lap. But I found her arms and ran my hands down until I was clasping her hands. I held her that way.
"I'll give you a minute or two after I hear the door close," I said, almost a whisper. "I bet your phone is still on the coffee table, so once I remove the patches, it will be sitting there. Text me when it's safe for me to get up. If you take too long, I'll assume another battery malfunction."
She tapped twice then leaned forward and brushed cheeks. Then she slipped away, and I felt a deep loss, but I said nothing.
I listened as she put her boots on.
"Charlotte," I called out. "This was the weirdest date I've ever had, but it was also one of the best."
She made a noise, not quite a gasp, but I think I surprised her. Then she tapped the wall twice in agreement. A moment later, the front door opened and closed.
I sat still, listening. I heard her car start, and then I heard as she drove away. I waited another minute, just absorbing my emotions from the night.
Finally I reached up and gently pulled off the eye patches.
Abbreviated Dinner
The phone was exactly where I left it. I picked it up and waited.
That was the best date I've ever had.
Before I could respond, the next text arrived.
I'm so afraid, Violetta.
Please don't be.
I promise, if you're patient, I'll let you see me. But I'm afraid you won't want to see me after you see me.
That's ridiculous. Do you think I'm that shallow?
Her next response didn't come for a while. I sighed and climbed to my feet. I c
ollected my shoes and headed upstairs. I undressed and climbed into jammies and a robe. I took care of my makeup and other needs, and then I collected a book, turned off all the lights, and climbed into the bed, the phone plugged in on the nightstand beside me. Finally it buzzed, and I snatched it up.
It's not that. It's complicated. You're going to have to take my word. I have cause to be afraid.
I couldn't argue with her without knowing the reasons.
How long will this take?
I don't know. Eventually. Is that good enough?
I thought about that. I wasn't happy about it.
I had a nice time. I'm not seeing anyone else. For now, as long as I continue to have a nice time, I'll try to be patient.
Thank you.
You promise. I need to read the words. This stage is temporary, and you won't just disappear.
I promise. This is temporary. I won't just disappear.
I'm quite aware you could just disappear. You could be trying this whole lesbian thing on with me. You can't possibly be that emotionally invested in me as much as you are in coming out. If you need help, I'll help. But if you just disappear, or if you're just using me, that's not fair to me.
I'm more invested than you may imagine.
I considered for a while. Finally I nodded to myself.
All right. For now. So, I'm waiting.
Waiting for what?
You to ask me out.
LOL. I need to figure out what we're going to do. Next Saturday?
I can't. Work weekend at The Marys' cabin. We leave next Thursday, and I'm busy Tuesday night. Seeing my old friend, the one whose sister hates me.
Seeing another woman? I sort of hoped we could be exclusive while I screw up my courage.
She's straight and married.
I paused, thinking about it.
Exclusive, for now. I'm not actively looking for anyone, and I'll turn down casual dates. But if someone interesting comes along, you'll be getting an ultimatum.
All right. That's fair, I suppose. But promise me at least a little time.
How long?
Will you promise me exclusive through our next date, and then we'll see how my courage is doing?