by Mj Fields
“Not yet,” she said staring at our daughter.
“So what are you gonna name her?” Xavier asked.
“I’m not sure.” Carly was smiling at her like she was the most fascinating thing on planet earth. Just like she use to look at me, well without the fuck me eyes, but you know what I mean.
“I think we should name her Katherine Ann after your mom, what do you think Baby?”
“We don’t have to,” her little lips started quivering.
“I think that’s a great name,” I looked up as her brother Cameron and her father where walking in. “Congratulations. We would have been here sooner but when I heard I had a niece, I was a bit surprised. Dad and I stopped by the mall and grabbed her some clothes.”
Cameron kissed Carly and she started to cry.
“She’s beautiful Carly. Mom would be so proud of you.” He looked up at me, “Both of you.”
That was the first ‘moment’ Cameron and I ever had.
“Thanks man,” I stuck out my hand and shook his.
“How did they mess that up?” he laughed.
“Apparently she must have had her hands between her--.” Carly began.
“They just messed up. It happens.” I interrupted.
I looked up and saw Zandor and Xavier’s shit ass grins.
“X you better watch it man you got one coming too and Z--.”
“It’s perfectly natural,” Carly held my hand.
“And genetic,” Zandor busted up.
Carly giggled, too. This fucking story is never gonna go away.
“She never needs to know about this understand?” I scowled at my brothers.
“Can I hold my granddaughter?” Carly’s dad asked. “More out of curiosity, because I can assure you this is terrifying for me. Your Mom handled the two of you like she knew what she was doing. Me on the other hand, I always felt like I was going to break you.”
He turned her and looked at the back of her head and smiled and kissed it.
“See this little mark in her hairline, it’s a birthmark. You won’t notice it at all when her hair grows in but it’s there. You and your mother both have it. I noticed it when you were born and while Katy was sleeping, I checked. Same exact spot.”
“Did mom know that?”
“No, she couldn’t see it.”
“You should have told her Dad.” Carly teared up again. “Why didn’t you tell her? That’s something she would have wanted to know. Mom would have loved that Dad. She would have told me that story a hundred times. She would have.”
“It just wasn’t something we would discuss,” He said quietly as he looked at our girl.
Momma and Bella returned with food and Carly tried to stop crying.
Bella walked up and climbed in the bed beside her, “You miss your Momma?”
Carly smiled and nodded and our sweet little Bell hugged her. “I’m lucky I have you when I have a baby. And you’re lucky too, ‘cause you have me and now you have Elsa.”
“Elsa huh?” Carly hugged her. “Frozen?”
“I love that movie,” Bella whispered in her ear.
“But her hair is dark.”
“True.” Bella agreed.
“I was thinking Katherine Ann, Bella, what do you think of that?”
She looked at me and smiled and then looked at Carly, “Can I call her Kiki?”
“Kiki?”
“No, I think she said--.” Z began.
“Zandor I’m warning you,” I knew what the bastard was gonna say.
Chapter 5
Carly
Four days after our little Katy, or Kiki as Bella called her, was born we were home. Jase was hushing everyone when she was asleep, including me. He couldn’t stand to hear her cry. He didn’t get angry, he seriously couldn’t stand to not know what was wrong, ‘She can’t tell us you know, not like Bella can.’ To me she didn’t cry hardly at all. When she did it was so soft and sweet. Even her cries were precious.
My incision hurt when I got up but believe me with Momma Joe, Bella, and Jase, I didn’t move all that much.
Dad and Cameron stopped in again with pink everything. Apparently Barbie, the step-monster, was now spending Dad’s money on his granddaughter, yet she hadn’t stopped to see her. Not that I cared if she did but having Cameron and Dad around was so good. My little Katherine Ann was mending our family’s brokenness.
Thomas, my mom’s boyfriend in her last couple years of life, a man who I loved as if he was blood, had come to the hospital the first night she was born and I told him about the mark. I also told him what I had said to Dad and he listened because that’s what he did. Listen without judgment and was always there when I needed him.
When Xavier and Taelyn left tonight, I changed for bed, read to Bella, as Katy lay asleep in her arms. Bella was a little Momma already. She must have thanked me at least twice a day for giving her a little sister. She said she was kind of glad it was a girl because now she’d have someone to play Barbies with besides uncle Xavier, which made Jase laugh.
Bella fell asleep and I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and took a couple pictures of our two girls because it was the most beautiful thing ever. I stood up and saw Jase leaning against the doorway watching us.
I very quietly picked up Katherine Ann Steel and kissed her sweet smelling little head and handed her to Jase, who was now by my side. I bent down and covered Bella and gave her kisses, Jase kissed her goodnight, too.
When we walked out in the hall he told me, “She doesn’t need to eat for two more hours, how about you get some sleep.”
“Did Taelyn and Xavier need anything for Saturday?”
“Nope, everything is all set. Her parents are flying in tomorrow.” He kissed Katy’s little head and took my hand. “And her brothers.”
“Oh, the Patrick boys.”
He looked over at me and scowled.
“Really Jase?”
“What?” He was brooding.
I couldn’t help but laugh, “I’m twenty pounds overweight and breast feeding. Do you really think--.”
“No, I don’t think and I don’t like the way you’re thinking either, Mrs. Steel.”
“Mrs. Steel, I do like that.”
“I like your twenty pounds.”
“Oh, do you?”
“Uh huh.”
“But not the breastfeeding.” He looked down at Katy, “If I didn’t love you so much, it would be an issue.”
I got into bed and he handed her to me. I know it was an awful habit to get into but I liked to fall asleep with her in my arms.
Jase sat next to me and patted his chest, “Right, here’s the spot.”
I loved that spot and I loved hearing his heart beating beneath his chest.
“Baby?”
“Yes?”
“I still think it’s too soon to have Katy out in public, I mean she’ll be less than a month old and--.”
“Dad and Cameron have agreed to stay at the hotel and watch her.”
“You’re father who’s afraid of babies?”
“My father--.” I stopped because I didn’t want to argue or be rude but I wasn’t going to budge.
His heart was beating faster, which it always did when I first rested my head on him but normally it slowed down by now.
“Sorry Baby.”
~
After Katy’s next feeding Jase put her in her bassinet and then got back in bed.
“You asleep?”
“Not yet.”
“Okay. I fucked up and I’m sorry.”
“Jase, even though they haven’t been around a lot doesn’t mean they don’t love me.”
“I just don’t get it. We invite them to everything and there’s always an excuse as to why they don’t come.”
“It’s a pretty intimidating crew, you know.”
“No, I don’t know.”
“That’s because of the way you all are. Not everyone has that type of relationship or understands it.” I yawned. “You’
ll be happy that outsiders view this crew like that when your daughters are dating.”
“We got twenty years, don’t bring that up already or I’ll be gray in a week. Now put your head back here and let’s get some sleep.”
I lay there and listened to the music that Jase’s heart played for me every night and drifted off to sleep.
~
I don’t know what woke me, it wasn’t Katy or Jase, maybe it was too silent in the house, regardless I was awake.
I knew not to move because then I would wake Jase and then he would hush me. So I just lay there and stared at him. He was a beautiful man physically, that could not be denied and I was learning to get over the gawking women. But his heart, his protective nature, and the love he had for his family, which included me, was even more beautiful than him or that dimple.
I have already fallen in love with Jase Steel twice in my life and I didn’t think it was possible to do it again.
The badass tattooed boy who made my head spin when I first met him, then melted my heart when he gave me the plate with the phrase ‘Sono caduta per voi‘ engraved on it. He literally made me fall several times back then.
Hearing and seeing him with Bella the first few times did that again. The fall then was softer, less heartache, no blood or scars.
Now thinking about how he stayed pretty calm--for Jase, when things got crazy in the hospital and seeing him with Katy, Bella, and me, well that fall would be the death of me. I never wanted to live without this man in my life, not ever.
Chapter 6
Tara
I watched as Carly took Katy out from under her nursing cover and placed her over her shoulder to burp her. Carly had never looked more beautiful, she was meant for this role as a mother.
“You’re so good with her,” I had meant to keep that thought to myself.
She leaned back against the couch and pulled her long blond hair to the side, away from Katy and smiled at me. Then she reached over and rubbed my belly. “You will be too. Twice as good as I am.”
I was pregnant with twins. “I hope so.”
She looked at me and shook her head. “You’ll embrace it just like I have. And if it seems to not come naturally,” she laughed, “Momma Joe will show you how and tell you why it is.”
“Cyrus too.”
“Yeah him, too.”
Carly beamed when Katy burped.
“Whatever they can’t do for us,” she said referring to our husbands and their family, “All we have to do is listen and watch. These little people show and tell us in their own way what they need. Jase gets all out of sorts when she cries but she isn’t upset, she is communicating. Aren’t you Katherine?”
I saw the sadness in her eyes when she called her daughter by her mother’s name.
I sat quietly rubbing my belly. “She’s proud of you Carly. You know that right?” A tear slid down her cheek. “Oh I’m sorry I didn’t mean--.”
She wiped it away with the back of her hand and smiled, “I just wish she could see her you know? Hold her, kiss her, smell her, just touch her.”
Carly looked over at me and I nodded. “At least she taught you how to be a Mom--.”
“Oh Tara, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
“No, that’s not what I meant. She raised you. You know what she wants and expects out of you. What she would want you to teach your daughter.”
“I know. But I promise I knew everything she wanted me to really know by the time I was in kindergarten. You just need to remember those things.”
“You’re right.”
“I will be here you know. I think we should make a pact.”
“A pact?”
“Yep, anything you want me to teach your children I will. And you are going to be in charge of teaching Katherine how to dance. Deal?”
We both laughed, “Deal.”
Jase and Zandor came in the room.
I looked for Cyrus and he wasn’t there.
“Is Cyrus helping get dinner ready in the kitchen?” I asked.
“Nope,” Zandor answered. “He stepped out for a few minutes.”
It was odd that Cyrus would do that, I mean I trusted him but to leave without saying goodbye or letting me know where he was going?
I looked up as Jase bent over and gave Carly and then Katherine a kiss. “You okay Baby?”
“We sure are, aren’t we Tara?” She asked.
“We’re good.”
Jase smiled at me and then sat on the other side of Carly, “What’s going on in there Carly?”
“A lot,” she said as she leaned against him.
“Let it go for now and rest while she sleeps okay?”
“Yep.” Carly smiled.
I sat back and closed my eyes. One me. One me and one Cyrus equals two. Two people who love each other. Three, oh God three was being completely skipped over and then there was four. I rubbed my belly taking the time to appreciate four, to love four. I would take more time with four because even though the hurt of five was fading, it was here now because I wish they were still alive and here with me and had not died when I was five years old. It hurt now and Cyrus wasn’t here to smile and make me forget the hurt.
It was almost scary to me that I leaned on him so much, needed him so much, but I couldn’t stop it and he wouldn’t let me if I tried.
I must have dosed off, which was normal being pregnant with twins. I woke to Momma Joe rubbing my shoulder.
“You okay Tara?”
“Yep,” I nodded. “Just tired.”
“Dinner is ready--.”
“Is Cyrus back?”
She shook her head no, “He will be soon. Come eat.”
“Okay.”
~Cyrus~
My Birdie was the most beautiful being on the entire planet. She was so fucking amazing. She was everything I ever needed and that’s the only truth that matters anymore.
She had come a long way since the day I first saw her standing in my living room with Jase and Carly. Fuck, she was maddening to me. My first impression of her, the first thing I noticed was how free she looked when she danced. How she could let it all go and lose herself in the music. I wanted her to lose herself like that while I was buried inside her. That’s right, I wanted to fuck her immediately, but no more than three times. She said no and left with that fucking scumbag Tony.
When I saw her again she was not free. That little erotic bird, (yes I said erotic, not exotic because I wasn’t thinking any more profoundly than balls deep at that moment) I realized just how caged she was. I knew from that instant, nothing that free should ever be caged. I also knew I was thinking with my cock, or so I thought. A funny thing I have learned was when plugged into the right pussy, cock grew some invisible line that connected to the heart. Son of a bitch, I am so glad that shit happens too because from the second I realized that my heart and cock were hers forever anyways, I came back to life.
I walked into the pet shop to buy three fish, yes three. My Birdie was still counting, I knew it and, yes, at first it kind of upset me. It was her coping mechanism and I thought we were past that, that I was enough, we were enough. But then I did some research and some reflection on what I had done to overcome traumatic experiences in my life. I made my invisible scars visible, and then covered them up and kept them close. Then I fucked. I was damn sure giving her one part of that and she wasn’t counting when she was screaming out my name. So what does a man do when his woman is still hiding her scars? Any fucking thing he can. We were in this together and we were gonna face that shit head on.
I walked up to the tank and looked at those slimy mother fuckers and realized it didn’t matter, I was a big boy and would suck it up for her.
I reached in my pocket realizing I forgot my wallet and needed to go get it. I walked past the cash register and saw two cute little kids holding a box. Inside the box was a tri-colored pup.
I walked out and grabbed my wallet. When I turned around I saw the kids walking out.
‘He�
��s gonna kill him,’ the little girl said looking up at her brother.
‘We got rid of two, the third one’s just--.”
‘Fugly, that’s what Dad said.’
‘That’s not a nice word okay? We will find him a home.’
‘What if--.’
Her brother stopped and set the box down and gave her a one armed hug. ‘We can’t afford to feed them. If we don’t find a home, we let him go--.’
‘He won’t have anyone to love him. He’ll get hit by a car, Joey. He’ll die.’
‘We’ll figure it out.’
Her brother hugged her and I opened my wallet. Now, I’m no idiot okay. I know giving these kids a pile of cash wasn’t gonna solve all their problems but maybe it would help. I was a good guy now, and I knew what it was like to be down on my luck.
And okay truth, she was a tiny little, dark haired, green eyed, cute as hell crying girl.
I pulled out a bunch of bills and looked up ready to go hand them the money when the pup jumped out of the damn cardboard box. His ears were hanging almost to the ground and honestly there was not one thing about him that was cute. He was Fugly. And no doubt his ugly ass wouldn’t find a home.
As I’m thinking this, his head tilts and he walks towards me. Oh no Fugly, turn that ass around and walk away. Did the son-of-a-bitch listen? No, he sat at my feet and looked up.
“Sorry mister,” the boy, Joey, said as he walked over.
“No problem.”
“He likes you,” the little sparrow said and smiled a toothless little grin.
Oh hell no. No. No. No.
“You want him?” she said as she continued smiling and wiped her tear stained face.
“Now what makes you think I’d want this pup?”
“You’re going into a pet store.” She responded.
“To buy a few fish.” I said crossing my arms over my chest.
“Come on sis, leave the man alone,” Joey said tugging at her arm.
She pointed at my arm, “Seal?”
“Yeah.” I nodded.
“My Dad was a Seal, too. Now he’s out and can’t find a job--.”
“Sis come on--.”
She ignored him and looked up at me. “He’s gonna put Fugly down cause we can’t afford to feed him.”