“Of course.”
“Of course you did.” She winked, like she knew I was lying. “For some reason I didn’t think you had.”
I don’t know how I didn’t notice, because looking around now it was totally obvious. Some of the walls were basically just big lumps of charcoal, and there were little piles of black soot in all the corners. I saw that the loom was all charred, and noticed our footprints in the black dust on the floor. I understood why I’d been having so much trouble breathing. I realized it had been a cloud of soot that rose up from the couch. Ms. Delancey was sort of smirking as she watched me figure all this out. “It was something in the wiring. I don’t really understand these things. But nobody was here, and the fire trucks didn’t arrive for hours, and everything was destroyed. Did Julia really tell you none of this?”
“Of course she did.”
“You’re fibbing. And that’s fine. But don’t you ever wonder why she doesn’t tell you anything?”
On our way out of the room she stopped in the doorway to flip a light switch on the wall, but nothing happened because there was no bulb in the ceiling and all the wiring in the house had melted. “Oh, Joe, this is my dressing room,” she said. “This is where I used to get dressed.”
Ms. Delancey drove twice as fast on the way back from Golden Oaks, weaving in and out of traffic, singing along to her CD—and she seemed to have basically forgotten I was there, because she didn’t try to talk to me again until she dropped me off at the hotel.
“I’d keep this to yourself if I were you,” she said as I was getting out of the car. “You’ll be tempted to talk about it, but it won’t work out well for you.”
“Okay, I promise.” I already knew I wouldn’t keep that promise. I would look for Julia as soon as her mother drove away, that very instant, and I would tell her everything. “Thanks for lunch, and I’ll be seeing you around, I guess.”
“Probably not for long. Good-bye, though. And good luck.”
Julia wasn’t home. I found out she had already finished lunch with Granddad, and now she was at a training session in the city, and she might stay for dinner. I found Cecily out by the pool, lying on her back next to the water.
“Cecily,” I said. “Can I ask you a couple of things?”
“Wait.”
She sat up quickly, grunting. I realized she was doing sit-ups, and I tried to stay calm while she finished them off. Then she rolled slowly over the edge of the pool and splashed into the water. She stayed under a long time and finally came up shaking her hair like a sprinkler.
“Okay, now you can speak.”
“I talked to your mom.”
“Hold on, I think I lost my hair band.” She disappeared underwater for another minute, and then came up. “Maybe I never had it on. What were you saying?”
“Your mom took me out to lunch. Then she showed me your old house. Then she started talking about Houston.”
“Wait, she asked you out to lunch?”
“Just the two of us.”
“Did she pay?”
“Yes.”
Cecily started to climb out of the pool excitedly. “That means she’s in a good mood. If I get over there right now, maybe she’ll pay for my trip to Montreal.”
Now she was all in a rush, pulling on her shoes and wrapping a towel around herself. As she sprinted out the gate, she yelled over her shoulder at me, “Don’t worry, Joe! Whatever the problem is, I’m sure there’s nothing you can do!”
When Cecily was gone I put her towel in the laundry bin and reorganized the equipment shed about fifteen times. Then I watched TV in Julia’s room while I waited for her to come home. By the time she finally walked in, it was pretty late and I’d forgotten half the things I wanted to ask her—and also how I’d planned to bring them up. She went straight to the bathroom and took this incredibly long shower. Afterward she was too tired to play poker or ask me about my day. We were lying around watching this bank-robber movie when I finally mentioned that I’d seen the house she grew up in.
“My mom took you to Golden Oaks?”
“She gave me the whole tour.”
“Why?”
“She thought I might like to see it.”
“So, what’d you think?”
“I never knew your house burned down.”
“I guess it’s not my favorite subject. Did you notice all her plastic surgery?”
“No.”
“Look a little closer next time, and you’ll see.”
“We talked about your family too.”
“Well, whatever she said, I’m sure it isn’t true.”
“She told me about Houston.”
“What about him?”
“She told me Houston is in love with you.”
“No. Don’t say that.”
“But that’s what she said.”
Julia jumped up and snapped on the light. It was too bright to open my eyes all the way. “I told you not to listen to her,” she said. “She’s so horrible. All she ever wants to do is stir up trouble.”
“Is it true?”
“It’s totally ridiculous.”
“That’s what I said.”
“So why are you upset? What is this? Why are you confronting me like this?”
“I’m just telling you what she said.”
“Well, it doesn’t feel that way.”
“That’s not all she told me.”
“I don’t care what else she said. I don’t have the energy for this right now. If she upset you then it’s your fault for listening to her. It’s hard enough for me, having a mother who hates me.”
Julia jumped up and stomped off to the bathroom. Life is so full of impossible things that I can’t understand. Sometimes being in love means that a girl is furious with you and you have no idea why. When she came back she was calm again but acting very young. She got herself under the covers with her arms full of stuffed animals.
“Cuddle with me,” she said.
“No, I don’t feel like cuddling.”
“Come on. Don’t make me cuddle with myself.”
She opened up the covers to make room and tried to pull me in, but I wriggled away from her and rolled off the bed onto the floor. I guess I was just going to sleep there all night. I really have no idea what my plan was. After a few minutes I thought maybe Julia had gone to sleep, but then she started talking.
“Okay, fine. Let’s talk about my mom,” she said. “If she told you so much, did she tell you how our house burned down?”
“Something about the wires.”
“Funny she didn’t get more into it.” Julia’s voice was very calm and quiet. “Go ahead, Joe. Ask me how our house burned down.”
“No. I don’t feel like asking.”
“We were all in the dining room, eating dinner. Did she show you the dining room?”
“I saw it.”
“We heard a knock on the door, and it was the police coming to arrest my dad. It was obviously serious this time, but my mom tried to keep on eating like everything was normal, asking for the spinach, making Houston finish this really boring story. But I could see it gradually sink in that the ride was over. He’d given her this exciting life, but now her reputation would be ruined, and every party would be different and there was nothing she could do. And she wouldn’t be able to pretend that he was someone else anymore because everybody could see him.”
I pushed myself onto my knees and then slowly stood up. Julia was curled up on her side holding her knees and staring at the wall on the other end of the room. I couldn’t see her face.
“She always acts like he betrayed us. Like she didn’t know he was a crook when she married him. She sent us all off on vacation in Los Angeles, where her sister lived, and that’s where I met Alvin, on my last day there. While we were gone, Golden Oaks burned down one night. My mom was out to dinner in the city when the fire started. The insurance covered it as an electrical fire—and some days I want to believe it, because I think that house probably
wanted to burn down. But most days I know I’m kidding myself. That house meant a lot to Dad’s family, so I guess she figured that was the cruelest way to hurt him.”
I got up off the floor and lay down carefully next to Julia. She rolled over and put her hand on my chest.
“I just want you to think about what kind of woman you’re dealing with. She turned on all of us. Especially Houston. She’s just looking to make trouble for everyone.”
“I didn’t know all that.”
“Besides, the whole thing is ridiculous. Houston likes you.”
“She thinks he’s only nice to me because everyone knows we won’t last.”
“Amazing,” said Julia. “She really is uncanny. She can always find the nastiest and cruelest thing to say.”
“So it’s not true?”
“Is what not true?”
“What everybody thinks.”
“Oh, please. Don’t ask me that.”
“Why not?”
“Honestly? Because it makes you seem a little insecure. She’s like a wrecking ball. What else did she say?”
“I can’t remember.”
“And you really didn’t notice her plastic surgery?”
“I guess I’ll try to look next time.”
“I’m so tired, Joe. Can we talk about this tomorrow and just be flop-heads for a minute please?”
She still hadn’t answered my question, but I couldn’t ask her again now. She dozed on my chest a little, and then rolled over to finish falling asleep. An hour later I was still on my back—wide awake—watching the fluorescent stars on the ceiling very, very slowly lose their glow, when Julia started talking and moving around. It took me longer than normal to calm her down about breakfast the next day. But once she stopped destroying all the covers with her arms and legs, she finally answered my question.
“Of course nobody thinks it could last,” she said. “We can’t stay silly forever, and there are too many things I’d never try to talk about with you. When I go to college it’ll just be a matter of time.”
“Maybe so.” I knew she wouldn’t hear me, but I didn’t care. “But we could still try.”
“I warned you not to fall in love with me.”
She was sitting perfectly still with her back straight up against the wall, and her eyes were wide open and shining a little. She was still breathing pretty hard from all her thrashing around earlier.
“You might always change your mind,” I said. “It’s possible.”
“Your brother is dead and you’re just sitting there. It’s so obvious who killed him, and you haven’t done a thing. Don’t you miss your brother, Joe?”
This was the first time Julia had ever asked me a question in her sleep that wasn’t about breakfast.
“I still talk to him almost every day,” I said. “He keeps getting younger and younger.”
“I know why Alvin is dead, but only when I’m asleep. When I’m awake I only know it in a lot of tiny pieces, never all at once. But if I went back carefully and put together all the things I know, then it would be perfectly clear.”
“Just tell me what to do.”
“A girl can feel when a boy watches her that way her entire life. But it’s not something that I could ever think when I’m awake. Nobody could stand to know everything they could figure out. You have to just pick a few things. Otherwise it’s just too much. But you’re Alvin’s brother. You should be able to see it too.”
“I’ll do anything you want. Just tell me.”
“Who’s going to make breakfast?”
“I could still surprise you.”
“I don’t have enough money for breakfast!” Her legs were starting to move again. “But there’s got to be something to eat in the morning.”
She was climbing her imaginary ladder again, faster than before. I started to worry she might scratch out her eyes or something, so I tried to keep her arms underneath the blankets while I calmed her down.
“Don’t worry about breakfast. I’m going to take care of it.”
“How do you know there’ll be enough?”
“I’ll pour some cereal and make some eggs. I’ll give everyone some orange juice. There’ll be plenty of breakfast for everyone. Go to sleep, Julia.”
Finally I got her to relax. Her breathing slowed, and I stroked the sides of her arms until she closed her eyes and started to sleep normally again. She still had on this little wrinkly frown, so I stayed there in bed with her until it finally went away, and then I got up and went into the little kitchenette, because I knew I wouldn’t sleep now. I set out plates and bowls for us and opened a new cereal box, and then I got out all the eggs and lined them up next to the stove.
I knew that it was time for me to think about what I was going to do next, but it didn’t come easily to me. I sat down at the table and counted as high as I could, as high as a few hundred maybe—and when that didn’t work I lay down on the floor. I made myself remember the whole day: the horrible food, that big old charred house, that puff of smoke rising off the sofa cushion, Ms. Delancey’s singing, and everything she’d said. When I felt my body warming up the big floor tiles, I decided to call Marcus. It was all I could think of to do.
I hadn’t used my cell phone since I realized that Alvin was never going to call it, so first I had to charge it for a little while. Once I turned it on, I saw that I already had a message from Marcus. Once I got it playing, it was nice to hear his voice again, though he sounded pretty upset.
“I don’t know how to reach you, Joe, and I have no idea where you are. But I’m afraid I have terrible news.”
He sounded like he was calling from the street. I could hear traffic behind him, but I couldn’t tell if he was driving or walking.
“Alvin’s body was found by some campers in the desert about an hour outside of Los Angeles. He’d been shot twice in the head. I can only assume it was some terrible drug deal gone bad. I thought you should know as soon as possible.”
I had already known that Alvin was dead but hearing it from Marcus still felt strange, and suddenly I wished I’d left my phone on, so I could have been there when he called.
“I thought of having a funeral, but I didn’t know if you would even come, and certainly nobody else would. So I’m going to have him cremated, and maybe we’ll throw his ashes in the ocean. Didn’t Alvin always like the ocean? I’m taking care of it tomorrow because I’m leaving Los Angeles on Saturday. I got an offer to play semi-pro basketball in China, while I get a master’s at Peking University in Beijing. Pure fluency in any language can only be achieved by total immersion. Good-bye, Joe. I don’t care if you contact me, but you know you always can.”
There was another message from Marcus, but when I tried to listen to it I accidentally deleted them both. Then I tried to call him, just in case for some reason he hadn’t left yet, but the number had been disconnected. I put my phone away, and realized I was starving. I found this old piece of pizza in the refrigerator, but it didn’t fill me up. So I decided to walk to McDonald’s to see if they’d let me order at the drive-through on foot. I took a peek into the bedroom to make sure Julia was still sleeping, and then went out as quietly as I could.
I was shuffling along in the shoulder about a mile down the road with fields of boulders on both sides, chewing on some grass I’d pulled out of the ground, when I found Alvin. He was lying on a boulder, looking up at the stars. By this time, he was probably about seven years old. He always had a big wad of chewing gum in his mouth at that age, and one of his teeth was still coming in.
“It’s lucky you stopped by,” he said. “Welcome to the enormous rock that I am lying on.”
“Hi, Alvin.”
I climbed up on the boulder and lay down next to him. I remember a warm wind blowing over the rocks, and the stars were extremely bright because there were no other lights.
“What are you eating, Joe?”
“Grass.”
“Give me some.”
I gave him some grass a
nd he chewed it. “That grass is extremely disgusting,” he said. “Good for you, Joe. And how are we supposed to explain this midnight jaunt of yours?”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“About what?”
“Julia thinks it’s obvious who killed you. That I should have figured it out by now.”
“Well, what is she expecting? It’s never been your style to try to reason through a situation.”
“Your body was found in the desert, you know. With two bullets in your head.”
“That’s upsetting,” said Alvin. “I’m not sure I needed to hear that. And she knows who it was?”
“She probably thinks it was Houston.”
“What do you think?”
“I hate thinking about it.”
“God bless you, Joe.” Alvin laughed. “Well, it’s not like I’m some expert, but I’ve always enjoyed puzzles. Maybe I could help you think it through.”
“I don’t want to think it through.” I could feel myself going on tilt. “I just want you to tell me.”
“I can’t,” said Alvin. “I’m not really here. But you’re smarter than you think. You always have been. How about we play a game? Do you think you can calm down enough to answer a few questions?”
“Okay. Fine.”
“Do you remember the last time you saw me?”
“Yes.”
“What did we do?”
“We ate.”
“Where?”
“We ate dinner in a restaurant.”
“And?”
“You said you needed me to come sailing with you.”
“Excellent,” said Alvin. “Maybe your memory was fine all along. How was I planning to pay for all that sailing?”
“You showed me all this money.”
“In?”
“A bag.”
“What kind of bag?”
“A little green suitcase.”
“You’re performing at a tremendous level,” said Alvin. “Where was my body found again?”
“Somebody dumped it in the desert.”
“Let’s think that scenario through one more time.”
“Okay.”
“Anything occurring to you?”
“Why make this into a game?”
“I’m just wondering what happened to my bag,” said Alvin. “That’s all I’m trying to say.”
This One Time With Julia Page 13