by Lacey Black
Levi: I know I hurt you, but please call me. Please.
Levi: I need to know that you’re okay.
Levi: If you need time, take it, but don’t shut me out completely.
Levi: If you give me the chance, I’ll explain everything.
Levi: I know it’s late. Shit, it’s the middle of the night, but I’m freaking out here, angel.
What am I doing? I’m sending stalker-like text messages to my girl at two in the morning. Isn’t that what most sane, rational men do in the middle of the night when they fuck up? Oh, and don’t forget the begging and pleading; I’m not above that shit, not when it comes to Abby.
Getting up, I rid myself of my t-shirt and pants. They smell nasty from the fire, and even though I know I should shower (Yes, I’m making her bed smelly), I just don’t seem to have the energy to take care of that task. Even if the result would leave me smelling great and just like Abby, because there’s no way in hell I’m leaving this apartment right now.
Crawling back into bed, I hold my phone like it’s the lifeline keeping my heart beating. Her pillow cradles my smoky head, the occasional scent of her shampoo permeates through the stench and brings me the slightest taste of comfort. But the reprieve is short-lived, and before I know it, the trace of her is gone again.
Just like Abby.
* * *
My phone makes a noise, pulling me from the lightest sleep I’ve ever experienced. It’s a text. From Abby. Sent now, at 3:14am.
Abby: I’m not ready to talk.
My fingers fly across the screen, my response coming only moments later.
Levi: I get that, but tell me you’re okay. Please, Abby.
I hold my breath and wait. And wait and wait for those little bubbles. It must be ten minutes before I have my response.
Abby: I’m fine.
But something tells me she’s anything but. This is one of those times where a woman says she’s fine, but isn’t. She says there’s nothing wrong but is clearly pissed off. No, I may not know these examples firsthand, but I’ve heard enough married dudes on the fire department or with the ambulance to know that when your woman says I’m fine, you’ve fucked up good.
I want to reply more, but choose to let it be. It’s still in the middle of the night, and Abby needs to be sleeping. As for me, there’ll be no sleep. My thoughts will be plagued by emerald eyes and the sexiest smile I’ve ever seen. My fingers will twitch when I think about her hair and my dick won’t understand what’s going on when it gets so painfully hard for her touch that it might suffer some long-term damaging effects.
No, I’m on my own tonight.
Just me and a big fat fucking case of misery.
* * *
There’s a loud beating at my door, one that pulls me from this weird drunk-like fog I’ve found myself in. It takes me all of one second to realize, even with a throbbing headache and a horrible kink in my neck, I’m not drunk or hungover, not even a little bit.
The pounding continues, but sounding slightly distant this time. The clock reads seven-thirty, which isn’t too early for visitors, unless you’ve been up all night wishing you hadn’t lied to your best friend and told her from the get-go about joining the dating site and befriending her on the sly.
Abby.
What if Abby’s at the door? Maybe she forgot her keys. We already know she doesn’t have my apartment key anymore, but what if she misplaced hers and can’t get into her place? She’s probably pounding on my door right now for help.
Jumping up, I sprint to the front door, sliding around the corner in my socks and into the kitchen. Throwing the lock on the knob, I rip open the door, out of breath and completely oblivious to the fact I’m in boxer briefs and socks.
There she is. Long brown hair pulled back at the nape of her neck, tight yoga pants, and an oversized t-shirt. She’s getting ready to pound on my door again, her hand poised high to strike again, when I cross the hall to stand behind her. I almost wrap my arms around her, but knowing that she could very well hate my guts right now, I opt to reach out and touch her shoulder. “Hey.”
Abby whips around, a startled squeak coming from her surprised face, and that’s when I realize my mistake. This isn’t Abby. It’s Lexi.
“Jesus,” she scolds, her green eyes hard.
“Sorry.”
“Why do you smell like you swam in a fire pit?”
Reaching around and rubbing the back of my neck, I answer, “Uhh, I had a fire last night. Haven’t showered yet.”
“Is that because you were too busy being a douche to my sister?”
“What?” I ask, surprised by her hostility, yet completely unsurprised by it at the same time. Lexi’s always been the slightly more passionate sister. Where Abby has always been quiet and shy, Lexi is a little more in your face and always tells it like it is.
“Maybe you can explain to me why my sister called me up an hour ago, crying, Levi, and told me you were the biggest liar in the history of the world.” I open my mouth to speak, but she continues.
“And, believe me, Levi, I’ve known my fair share of liars lately.” Again, I open my mouth, but she raises her hands, stopping me in my place.
“The one person who’s never supposed to hurt and use her did just that. You toyed with her feelings, making her fall completely in love with you, for what? Some sick game? Do you do this with other women? Be all sweet and sexy and make them fall for you? Then toss them aside like yesterday’s trash?
“She was crying because of what you did, Levi. You hurt my sister, you worthless pile of dog shit, and for that, I’m going to have to cut off your balls and stuff them down your throat. With a nail file!” she practically shouts at me in the middle of the hallway.
“Wow, that sounds painful, dude. Might want to invest in a cup when you’re gonna be near that little firecracker.” The deep voice comes over my shoulder and off to the left.
Lexi’s flaming eyes turn on new prey. “Excuse me?”
“Hey, don’t get your panties in a wad, sweetness. I was just warning my man here that his woman was more of a firecracker than I originally suspected,” the new addition says. Linkin is leaning casually against his door jam, a wide smile on his face. He’s lived next to Abby for a handful of months, and even though we’ve spoken a few times in passing, this would be the most consistent words we’ve shared since I met him.
“His woman?” Lexi seethes.
“Whatever you want to call yourself, sweetness. It don’t bother me any,” Linkin practically coos at my girl’s twin sister. Her rage is visibly pulsing through the thick air in the hallway.
“This isn’t Abby, Link. It’s her twin sister, Lexi,” I tell him. He gives me a knowing grin and nod before turning those dark eyes back at Lexi.
“Twins. I like it.”
“Unless you want your own balls to be sawed off with a dirty spatula, I suggest you head inside and leave us be,” she fumes at the tall man across the hall.
“Feisty. I dig that in a woman,” Linkin says with a wolfish grin. Then, to really piss her off, he throws a wink over his shoulder before heading inside his apartment, whistling a happy tune. When the door shuts, we’re surrounded in uncomfortable silence.
“Listen, Lex, as much as I love getting my ass handed to me in the hallway, do you mind coming inside?”
“Why are you practically naked?” she asks, following me into Abby’s apartment. “And why are you in my sister’s place?”
“I’m here because I was worried about her and hoped I could talk to her when she came home,” I say, talking over and standing by the counter.
“She won’t be home. Not while you’re here.”
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I walk over and drop down into the closest kitchen chair, and run my hands from the back of my neck up into my hair. “I fucked up, Lex.”
“No shit, Sherlock.”
Glancing at her, I see the hostility in her eyes ebb, but only minutely. “How much did she tell you?”
“Not much. She couldn’t really talk over her crying, you know?”
Shaking my head, I avert my eyes for a moment before returning them to hers. “When she signed up for the dating site, it kinda made me all nutty.”
“Jealous?” she asks with a smirk.
“Insanely. I ended up creating my own profile on the site with the thought that it’d be just to keep an eye on her. But then we started talking online, and we were still hanging out all the fucking time, and the lines became blurred. I wanted her.”
“Wanted her…” she encourages.
“Like wanted her in my arms, in my bed, and in my life twenty-four seven, kinda wanted.”
“Finally,” she mumbles.
“I had plenty of opportunities to tell her the truth about the guy she was talking to online, but I didn’t. I was terrified that she wouldn’t see it as a way for me to watch over her, and keep her safe. The Internet is a crazy fucking place.
“Anyway, it doesn’t matter now. What matters is I should have told her and didn’t. But it wasn’t because I was playing some game with her, okay? I would never do that, not to anyone, but especially not to her. I fucking love her, Lex.”
“You love her?” she asks, her eyes looking brighter, probably from unshed tears. Damn it with those tears. “Like really, really love her?”
“Yeah, I do. I was going to tell her last night. Honest.”
“She said you lied in a confession time.”
Hanging my head in shame, I admit, “I did. It was stupid, but I was afraid she’d be pissed at me. My brain just told me to deny it, even though my heart wasn’t on board. I had planned to confess everything last night and tell her how I really felt, but then we had the fire call, and I had to leave. She went to my apartment and found my laptop. You can imagine what happened next.”
Lexi stares over at me, her knowing eyes trying to gauge the sincerity in my words.
“I need to see her, Lexi. If she’s not with you, then where?”
Seemingly torn between telling me or not, she finally gives me a bit of relief. “She’s at Dad’s. She went there last night. After I talked to her, he called me; said she was up crying most of the night, but wouldn’t tell him why. Just said someone she loved hurt her.” My heart literally tries to crawl out of my chest. “I knew instantly who had hurt her. Besides her family, she only loves one person, and that man was too stupid to see it. That’s why I came over here to maim you.”
Direct. Hit.
“I see it, Lexi, and I want it. Fuck, I want her love bad, but I don’t know how to get her to talk to me right now.”
“You can’t. She needs some time to think and settle down.”
“But I need to tell her the truth. She needs to know that she wasn’t some game, that I really do love her.”
“And you’ll tell her that, but just not yet. She says she needs time, and you need to give it to her.”
Time. The one thing that almost pains me to give her, but if that’s what she needs, then I guess that’s all I can do. I’ll be here, waiting (or more accurately, at my own apartment), for when she’s ready to talk. It might be a day, maybe a few. God forbid she makes me wait more than a handful of days–that thought is catastrophic.
“I’ll give her time. As much as she needs.”
“Good.”
“Now, what’s going on with you? Why were you coming at me like a rabid pitbull who hasn’t eaten in a week?”
“Because you’re the asshole who hurt my sister,” she says matter-of-factly.
“True, but that was more. You basically said all men are liars, which isn’t like you. Is it Chris? Did he lie to you about something?” I ask, gauging her reaction. My question hits bullseye, her eyes watering once more.
“Doesn’t matter,” she whispers.
“It does,” I say, kicking the chair across from me away from the table. “Sit.”
She does, and without any sass, which tells me this is something that’s really bothering her. But when she starts talking, I’m left stunned by her admission. My blood boils and my heart breaks, and for the first time since last night, I’m thinking about someone other than Abby Summer.
I’m thinking of how I can kill Chris Jacobson and make it look like an accident.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Abby
I had no idea the human body could shed so many tears.
Which is funny considering six months ago, I watched my sister Meghan’s world shatter around her as she lost her fiancé, Josh. Those tears never seem to dry. Those tears were constant, day and night, and I almost feel guilty comparing my misery and heartache to something as monumental as losing the love of your life.
Levi wasn’t that for me.
He proved it by using me as a pawn in some sick and twisted game of chess. Well, checkmate, Levi. You win.
My mind keeps trying to figure out why. Why did he search me out on that stupid dating site? Why did he befriend me and carry on as if he had no clue who I was for a month? Why would he take me out on dates and make love to me with his stupid magic penis? Okay, no it’s not magic, but it is pretty fabulous. And most importantly, why would he lie about all of the above?
My heart and my head are doing battle. My heart tells me to talk to him, that there’s more to it than a juvenile game of cat and mouse. My heart tells me my Levi would never intentionally hurt me the way he has. My heart tells me that love can overcome anything, even when the one your heart is calling for betrays you.
My head, on the other hand, tells me to rid the world of the no-good, too handsome, lying, cheating bastard. Okay, yes, my head might be caught up in a bit of melodrama, but whatever. He didn’t cheat. At least, I don’t think so.
See? My head is in a funky place right now. I need to take some time, think about what I really want out of this relationship, and talk to him. Of course, if he doesn’t really want a real relationship, then what I want doesn’t matter, does it?
Stupid head.
I need my space. As much as I love spending time with my dad and grandparents, they’re hovering as if I’m about to go postal any moment and start picking people off with a sniper rifle from the clock tower. And our town doesn’t even have a clock tower.
That’s why I’m loading up my car to head back to my place. As soon as my bag was packed, I sent Lexi a text message, asking if the coast was clear. I know she was there earlier today. I know she talked to him. She never once pushed me, but just kept saying that when I was ready, I really needed to speak with him.
Maybe it’s not as bad as I think? First off, Levi wouldn’t still be breathing if Lexi got a hold of him. The fact that she talked to him, and didn’t rip off his balls like she said she was going to, is telling in itself.
Yeah, there’s only one way to find out what has really been going on, but today is not going to be that day. Right now, I just want to curl up on my couch, watching mindless, boring television, and get bloated eating too much Rocky Road ice cream. Maybe eat raw cookie dough for good measure.
“You know, I could go over and speak to the young man, if you’d like,” Grandpa says from my doorway.
Glancing at the aged man who acts like he isn’t a day over thirty, I can’t help but smile. “Oh, and how do you know it’s a young man?”
He enters my bedroom and takes a seat on my bed. “Well, beside the fact that your grandmother came to bed last night cursing like a sailor on a three-day bender at a whore house about the stupidity of the male species? I might be old, sweetheart, but my eyesight is fantastic. It’s Levi, right?”
Unable to speak, I nod my head.
“Well, that boy has always been a little slow on the upswing, sugar. Even when he was younger, he was impulsive and reckless. Scared the bejesus out of all of us a few too many times,” Grandpa says with a fond smile. “But he’s always loved you, even if he didn’t realize it until recently.”
“Why does everyone keep saying that?” I ask curiously with a humorless laugh. It’s not l
ikely Levi called up my grandpa and told him all about his feelings for his granddaughter or anything.
“Anyone in a five mile radius can see it, sweetie. Everyone but you.” I start to deny, shaking my head frantically, when he cuts me off. “No, don’t even try to deny it. We’ve all known for a while, but apparently, you’re a little slow too. Maybe that’s what makes you two perfect for each other,” he adds with a chuckle.
“Can I ask you something?” He nods as I take a seat beside him. “What would you do if Grandma lied to you?”
“Without knowing the circumstances, that’s hard to say. I guess if it was something she felt like she was protecting me from, then I’d forgive. I love your grandma more than anything, so it would have to be pretty bad for me to walk away. When we married, I vowed to love and protect her, and because of those vows, I’d like to think I’d do everything within my power to make our marriage work, and that includes forgiveness.”
“I wish it were just a simple decision,” I tell him.
“The things worth fighting for rarely are. Listen, I don’t know what Levi did, but I know you’ll weigh all of your options and make the right decisions where he’s concerned. Just make sure they’re not rash ones. Hear him out and then make your choice. Okay?”
“Okay,” I tell my grandpa, wrapping my arms around his frail shoulders and holding on tight.
“And if you need help burying the body, you call us. Your grandmother and I are pros at establishing alibis when the time calls for one,” he says with a straight face. At first, I laugh, but I’m suddenly not so sure he’s joking.
With a warm, comforting hug and my bag in hand, he walks me down the stairs–okay, I might help him more than he helps me, even though he’s still amazingly agile for a man his age.
The August sun is still shining high in the sky, even for late afternoon. After my dad throws my bag back into the trunk, I head out and make the short trip back to my apartment. I just pray Levi’s on duty tonight so that I don’t risk running into him. I’m not sure I’m strong enough not to throw my arms around him and beg him to love me.