His body was rigid. Jewel stood there for a moment and then she went up to him, wrapping her hands around his waist. “You have not lost me Jordan, I am still here.” She told him resting her head against his back.
He braced his hands against the counter. “It’s not the same Jewel. I want back what we had before, and because of what happened I have to be satisfied with what you give me.”
“Please turn around,” she pleaded.
He did so immediately and looked at her; the oval face that he knew so well, the curling of her lashes and the finely arched brow, the little mole at the side of her lips that he thought was so damn sexy, and those lips!
“We are together right now, and it’s better than not being with each other at all. We have made a child together, we are getting there. You just have to be patient.” She told him gently. He pulled her into his arms. “I am trying,” he whispered against her mouth. “But it’s so hard.” He took her lips with his and lifting her, he took her inside the bedroom where he undressed her slowly and used his mouth on her to show her how much he was trying.
*****
“I dumped Tyler yesterday,” Jaclyn said abruptly stretching her legs out on the lounge chair.
“Girl I thought it was going somewhere good.” Jewel said in concern. They were at Savannah’s apartment this time, and instead of sipping wine they were drinking hot chocolate and eating cookies that Savannah had made. It was two weeks since she had been to Jordan’s place and spoken to his mother. She had been back a few times and spent the night there on Monday. She had told him she was going over to Savannah’s place and she would see him tomorrow, being Saturday. She was starting to show and he wanted to take her shopping for baby clothes, but she was not ready yet.
“She is too picky,” Savannah said with a shake of her head as she plopped back on the bed. “He told her that he wanted her to meet his parents and she told him she did not want to see him again.”
“You dumped him because he wanted you to meet his parents?” Jewel stared at her friend in surprise.
“I am not ready for that kind of commitment.” Jaclyn said with a shrug of her slim shoulders. “I am just in it for a good time, and he is boxing me into a corner trying to force my hand.”
“The man is devastated and has been calling my phone and asking me what he did wrong.” She stared at her friend in disgust. “You need to talk to him.”
“I don’t need to do anything!” she said crossly. “He will get over me soon enough.”
“Why are you so afraid of commitment?” Jewel asked her softly.
“Look who is talking!” Jaclyn said with a sharp laugh, staring at her. “Here you are, getting bigger by the month with Jordan’s child and practically over at his place with him all the time and yet you refuse to go and live with him. I bet the guy is dying to ask you to marry him.”
“You know my reasons,” Jewel said stiffly.
“Yes, and you have since discovered that those reasons are false. The man never stopped loving you and cannot bear to be away from you for a second. You need to put him out of his misery.” Jaclyn told her dryly.
“We were talking about you,” Jewel reminded her. ”You need to give Tyler a break.”
“Speaking of which,” Savannah held up her ringing phone. “It’s for you.”
With a look that could kill, she grabbed the phone and went into the other room to take the call.
“Now back to you girl, what are you going to do about the situation you find yourself in?”
*****
“I am doing fine mom, honestly,” Jewel tried not to sound impatient. The shop was packed with customers waiting to be served and even though she had hired two high school girls to work on Friday afternoons and Saturdays, she still liked to give them her personal touch. She was entering her fifth month and she was starting to show. And so she had started taking it a little easier. She had promised Jordan she would not overextend herself. “Mom, no you don’t have to come here, I am fine and Jordan makes sure I am okay.” She listened for a minute, smiling at the woman in front of her who needed her attention. “Mom, I have to talk to you later, I have customers. Okay, I love you too.”
“Sorry about that, my mother is being overprotective.” She told the middle aged woman as she handed her the book she had ordered.
“That’s quite all right my dear. I am a mother myself.” She said with a friendly smile. “And I see you are going to be one soon,” her glance took in the slight bulge in her peach cashmere sweater.
“So I am,” Jewel patted the slight bulge automatically.
“So you will know what it’s like.” With a wave she left the store with the package under her arm.
Jewel went back to dealing with some more of the customers and was busy helping a young lady to choose a book for her sister when he came in.
She did not know he was there until he was behind her. She had promised that she would go out to dinner with him later as soon as she closed the store. They were planning to go and eat at the little Italian restaurant near his office building.
She saw when the girl looked behind her and her gaze change to one of acute admiration. “I thought you said you would not be working so hard?” his deep voice said behind her.
“Jordan!” she turned to face him and her heart turned over by how handsome he was. He was all in black and his hair had been tousled by the wind. She could smell his elusive and expensive cologne. “What are you doing here?”
“Checking up on you, and I see that you are breaking the promise you made to me.” He must have noticed that all the women in the store were haggling him, including the two teenagers, but he was looking at her only. She felt a warmth of feeling special, run through her.
“I am taking it easy.” She told him.
“I’ll wait for you right by the corner.” He pointed to the little corner table with the stool next to the window. “Sorry to interrupt,” he told the girl behind them with a pleasant smile.
“No trouble at all,” she told him, giving him a come hither look which passed right over him.
“You are a very lucky woman,” she said with a sigh as soon as Jordan was out of earshot.
Jewel looked over at him as he sat on the stool, her expression thoughtful.
Chapter 6
He wanted her to move in with him. She was now into her sixth month and they had found out that she was going to be having a girl.
They were at her apartment because they had just gotten in from a drive in the countryside. It was spring, and the flowers were in full bloom. He had called and told her to put on something warm, as they were going out to commune with nature.
“I am not ready yet.” She told him stubbornly. She preferred this arrangement. She got to see him as much as possible but she still had her own space.
“You spend almost every nights at my place and some of your things are over here so why can’t you move in?” he was pacing the length of the small living room, his hands shoved into the pockets of his denim.
“Because I want to have my own space where I can be by myself Jordan, I wish you could understand that.” Jewel made her way into the kitchen to make a pot of tea. She hated arguing with him and wished he would just accept her position.
“I love you, and you are carrying my child Jewel,” he had followed her into the kitchen and stood behind her. “I want us to be a family Jews, and I get frustrated that you cannot see that.”
She turned around to face him, discovering that he was very close to her.
“How long are you going to keep punishing me?” he asked her lifting her chin to look at her closely. “How long am I going to have to pay for what happened in the past?”
She felt her heart lurch inside her. She had been trying to put it behind her, but she could still recall the loneliness, the fear, and the extreme pain of losing their child that time several years ago, and somehow she could not move past it. He had also told her about the mistress his father had stashed somewhere
, and she kept thinking about that poor woman who loved and lost.
“I need time,” she whispered, her eyes pleading with him. “I need more time Jordan, please. I have some issues that I am dealing with and I just need to sort them out.”
“We are in this thing together, and I am so sad that you cannot see that.” He told her wearily, his thumb caressed her cheek. “I am tired Jewel. I want my family with me and I was cheated of that all those years ago. I am sick of this arrangement. I have been tiptoeing around the subject of you living with me. I want to marry you and have my family with me. Is that so wrong?”
Her heart skittered at the word ‘marry’ and she wanted to shout yes but something was stopping her. She could not commit, not just yet.
“It’s not wrong,” she went into his arms and rested her head on his chest as he closed his arms around her. “I just want to make sure that this is something we both need Jordan. I am scared of feeling the way I did before and I don’t want to lose control like that ever again.”
“You are saying that loving me means losing control?” he eased her away from him to look down at her. “It’s the opposite for me. Loving you makes me strong and it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.” He tilted her head up and kissed her hungrily, eliciting a response from her as the desire stirred inside her and curled in her stomach. “I am going to give you some time to think about what I am asking you. I have to go away for a week on a business trip and when I come back, if you have changed your mind please let me know.” He paused. “If you still feel the same way then I promise that I will always be there for you and our daughter.”
“Jordan what are you saying?” she felt a frisson of fear going through her.
“I love you baby, but I need more. I need everything Jews, or nothing at all. I will leave a number where you can reach me in case of anything.” He moved away from her and made his way towards the front door. “I love you Jewel, more than I can ever explain to you. I never stopped, even when I was away. I tried to forget you and put everything behind me but it did not work. I will love you until I die.”
After he left, the silence in the apartment was deafening. She should not have let him go! She thought in panic. She jumped as she heard the whistling of the kettle signaling that the water was ready to prepare her tea.
She wanted to go after him but she felt glued to the floor with the memories racing through her mind.
“How about I carry those books for you?” he had come out of nowhere. Jaclyn and Savannah had gone ahead of her because they said they wanted to go look at some jeans at the mall before going home.
“Jordan! You scared me.” She had stopped and looked at him as he walked up beside her. He was in his football jersey and his hair was falling on his forehead and he looked like he always did: handsome, carefree and totally irresistible.
“Did not mean to do that,” he told her with a grin, reaching for the books in her hands. She gave them to him and he walked alongside her. “You have been avoiding me.” He commented quietly.
“I have been busy with final exams.” She avoided his gaze, not wanting to tell him he was right. Ever since he had kissed her a week ago she had found that she could not stop thinking about him. She had been doing a lot of talking to herself. He was a McIntyre and that means he was way out of her league and she noticed how all the girls hung around him. She had also heard talk that his parents did not tolerate African Americans. It was fine when they were employees, but one dating their only son was not going to be accepted.
“So have I, but I still have time to think about you.” He held her arm, forcing her to stop. They were in the woods near her house and he led her off to the dense area where they could not be seen by anyone on the streets. “What are you afraid of?”
“Let’s see,” she pretended to think. “You are white and rich and I am black and live in the area of town where the people all work for your family. Besides that, you have probably been with every popular girl in school. Reasons enough?”
“No,” he had told her softly. He had pulled her into his arms and her books had fallen to the ground as he bent his head to take her lips with his. “I cannot stop thinking about you and the way you taste when I kiss you. I have not been with anyone else since that time and I don’t want to.” He touched his mouth to her innocent one and she opened up for him. She had been like a flower opening up to accept the much needed nectar and as his tongue entered her mouth she had put her arms around his neck and clung to him weakly. He had pulled her closer and every sane reason she had drilled inside her mind as to why this was insane, slowly drifted away as he deepened the kiss.
It was at that moment that she realized that she did not want to stay away from him. No matter how far apart they were socially and financially, surely they could find a way to make it work.
He released her mouth slowly but he still held her close to him, the books scattered around the ground forgotten, as they stared at each other, brown eyes staring into intense green as they transmitted their feelings for each other in the stillness of the woods. The only sounds were the beating of their hearts and some birds chirping in the trees around them.
“We belong together and nothing is going to keep us apart.” he had told her hoarsely, his forehead resting against hers, his breath fanning her face. “Never forget that!” he added.
*****
“How about this one?” Jaclyn held up a cute pink onesie that said ‘I am adorable’ on it. It was Wednesday evening and they were at the mall shopping for baby clothes. She had not heard from Jordan and she found herself twisting and turning in bed because she was missing him so much. She had the number to call him but had decided against it. He needed to hear something that she was not prepared to say yet. She still did not know what to say to him. She nodded. He had told her that he wanted to foot every bill but she had told him no and he had gone ahead without her knowledge and deposited a sum of money into her account. When she had checked her balance she had placed her hand over her heart in shock to see the amount of money he had deposited there.
“Girl you look a mess. Why don’t you call him?” Savannah asked her impatiently coming up behind them with her arms filled with a variety of baby clothes.
“I can’t; at least not yet. I don’t know what to tell him.”
“I know what you should tell him,” Savannah dumped the clothes into the basket. “You should call him up and tell him that you love him and it is miserable without him and that you are sorry for being such a dumb ass for not seeing it long before now.”
“Thanks,” Jewel said dryly.
“That’s what friends are for.” She said with a grin.
“She is right you know,” Jaclyn was studying a pack of receivers and looking at the colors. “Look at me and Tyler, we are inseparable now, and at one time I thought I wanted nothing to do with him. I have met his parents and now we are practically engaged. You and Jordan are epic and as much as I hated him when I thought he had played you back then; I have to admit that, girl, for a white guy he sure is okay. I have never seen love like the two of you have. What the hell are you doing messing with that?”
“I am scared,” Jewel admitted. “I keep remembering that time especially when I was in the hospital and called for him over and over again and he was not there. It’s like I expect it to happen again.”
“You know that that is irrational fear and you need to find a way to deal with it, and fast.” Jaclyn told her seriously. “That man loves you and you love him, stop trying to complicate things more than it is.”
*****
That evening while she was at the apartment putting away the clothes and other things she had bought, along with the ones her friends had bought for their goddaughter, she heard a knock on the door. For an insane moment she thought it was Jordan and maybe he had come back early after all. A look through the peephole and to her surprise she discovered that it was Jordan’s mother, Caroline.
She pulled the door open and sto
od there looking at her, not even aware that the woman knew where she lived. She had a large gift bag in her hand, which she handed to Jewel. “Something for my granddaughter.” She said with a smile.
“Come on in,” Jewel held the door open wider to let her in. She had not seen or spoken to her since Jordan had left.
“You must be wondering what I am doing here,” she was nervous and Jewel could tell by the way she twisted the straps of her designer bag in her hands.
“You were in the neighborhood?” Jewel asked with a straight face, indicating that she have a seat on one of the small sofas.
“Good one,” the woman said with a short laugh as she took her seat. Jewel sat opposite her and waited for her to talk. “I have not heard from Jordan, have you?”
“No, but he left a number in case I need to get in touch with him.” Jewel suddenly felt sorry for her. She looked so lost and alone.
“He still has not forgiven me and his father for what we did to you both.” Caroline stretched out her immaculately clad legs in front of her.
“I am sure he will,” Jewel assured her.
“I was born in a very poor part of town and thought I would never get out.” She looked down at the pocketbook she had in her hands. “I was an only child and I should have felt special, but my father was a mean drunk and my mother was a very weak woman who took everything that was handed to her without murmur and she just looked on while he started using his fists on me. I ran away when I was sixteen and never looked back. I spent three years on the streets living in old cars, until I decided that I needed something more. I was working in a strip club serving drinks when Jordan’s father started noticing me; he started taking me out and grooming me to be his wife. At first I was excited because I finally had what I wanted, a rich man who could keep me in the lifestyle I had craved, but he never loved me; I was one of his possessions, or more like one of the broken down companies he bought and fixed up, only he did not sell me to the highest bidder, because he was the highest bidder.” She blinked back the tears. “I pretended to be happy and used shopping as my therapy and whenever I go out to functions with him, I would smile and look my best so that people would not see the pathetic unhappy woman from small town USA.”
Hold Me Close: BWWM Romance (Brothers From Money Book 6) Page 20