“Besides, if we share custody, I’ll have to see you. I don’t want to see you anymore.”
Brynn felt like she had been punched in the stomach.
“I… I… didn’t realize…” Brynn was speechless.
“I’ve tried to forgive you. I’ve tried to love you again, but I just can’t.” Adam said as he turned around and continued to pack his bags. “Part of me knows that it may not really be your fault, but I can’t change how I feel. I hate that I just don’t love you anymore.”
Adam’s words cut through her, but the look on his face hurt her more. There was a complete absence of love, almost as though she were looking at someone completely different. Sophie’s death had changed him, and the old, sweet, hopeful Adam had been buried with their beautiful baby.
Brynn had no defense.
She knew that Adam was partly right. “I’m sorry,” was all Brynn could say.
Adam was leaving her for the second time, and this time she knew he wouldn’t be back. She could tell by the look in his eyes. He was a changed man, and there was no trace left of the boy that she had fallen in love with.
But then again, the old Brynn had been dead and buried, too.
Chapter Twenty-One
Brynn and Ellie
THE DOORBELL RANG, startling Brynn.
Maxie took off toward the door, his nails clicking on the hardwood floors as he let out a deep bark and growl. He stood by the door waiting for Brynn to get there.
Shit! She thought looking out. It’s her. What does she want?
She hadn’t seen Ellie since the first time she saw her, standing at her door. When I was pregnant… with Sophie.
Brynn pushed down the sadness as she did hundreds of times a day. She turned around and looked at the house, the hallway littered with boxes.
Ellie stood, waiting patiently for Brynn to open the door.
“It’s okay, boy,” Brynn said to Maxie, patting him on the head. “Maybe if you’re good, I’ll let you bite her.”
She opened the screen door a few inches. “What do you want?”
“Brynn,” Ellie paused. She was shuffling her feet back and forth. “I uh… was hoping, that we could… uh, talk.”
“Talk about what?” Brynn’s voice had a hard edge to it.
Ellie peered hard at Brynn through the screen door. “I just want to talk to you, if you would let me.”
Brynn hesitated. What does she want from me now?
She looked down at Maxie who looked at her blankly. “You’re no help,” she muttered.
She opened the door and stood to the side. Ellie walked by her and Brynn was surprised at how small she was. She was actually a few inches shorter than Brynn, and about ten pounds lighter. Brynn knew that she looked like Ellie, but not completely. What did my father look like?
Brynn walked in front of Ellie and led her to the living room. Brynn moved boxes off the couch and gestured for Ellie to sit.
“I’d offer you a drink, but I’m kind of busy. So if you could just tell me what you want, I would appreciate it.” Brynn got straight to the point.
Ellie was tapping her foot.
“I, uh, am so sorry about your baby,” Ellie said slowly.
“Okay. Thanks.” Brynn said, impatiently. Brynn didn’t think about Sophie, she couldn’t think about Sophie. She knew that if she did, she would die. She blocked her out of her mind and refused to talk about her with anyone. “What else? That’s not what you came here to say.”
“No, but I wanted to say it.” Ellie looked around the room. Everything was disheveled as Brynn was starting to pack, and Adam had already taken his belongings. “You’re moving?”
“Yes. That’s what happens when your husband no longer loves you, because he thinks you killed your baby.”
Ellie took a sharp breath. “Oh, Brynn, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You have nothing to do with it. But really, what do you want?” Brynn’s face was hard, her brown eyes as black as coal.
“You’re not making this easy, are you?” Ellie said, clearly getting frustrated.
“Why would I make it easy for you? Did you make it easy for me?” Brynn’s anger was palpable.
“No. No, I didn’t. I’m trying to fix things, though. I’m trying to make it right, now.” Ellie’s voice was weak, and Brynn felt an awkward surge of strength.
“Why now? I don’t understand why you would bother, NOW?”
“Because, there is a lot at stake,” Ellie said quietly.
Brynn looked at her suspiciously. Ellie’s clothes were nice enough, Designer, Brynn thought. But it didn’t fit with her dark teeth and her sallow skin. It didn’t make sense. She wants something. But what?
Ellie took a deep breath. “I have a son. You have a brother.”
Brynn froze. A brother? Oh my God, I have a brother?!
Brynn was silent. She looked at Ellie, her mouth open. She knew that she looked shocked, but she didn’t care. “How… I mean, what happened? Where is he now?”
The mood of the room shifted, and Ellie knew that she had the advantage. Brynn had been playing hard to get, but now Ellie had something that Brynn wanted. Family.
“His name is Noah. And he can’t wait to meet his sister,” Ellie said, smiling at Brynn. “I know that I wasn’t a mother to you, but I’ve done what I could do for him.”
Brynn looked at Ellie and narrowed her eyes.
“Why? Why did you leave me?” Brynn sat next to her on the couch and stared evenly at her. She held her breath. She had always imagined herself asking the questions, but had never been able to imagine the answers.
“Do you really want to know?” Ellie hesitated. She knew that she was going to have to tell her, but she dreaded it. She wanted to cleanse herself of the truth, but she knew that it meant that Brynn might never want to see her again. She had been dreaming of this moment for almost thirty years, but now she wasn’t sure that she could go through with it. “You will hate me.”
“I already hate you,” Brynn said instantly wishing she could take back the words when she saw Ellie’s face fall instantly. “I’m sorry, I don’t hate you. I hate myself.”
Ellie’s eyes filled with tears. She wanted to be high. She wanted to fade away and not to have to face Brynn. She realized that this is what she had been running from her entire life.
“I left you on the side of the road.” Ellie went on to tell Brynn every detail that she could remember about the horrible night she had abandoned her, and of the years that followed. She talked without stopping for what felt like hours.
Brynn sat quietly, wringing her hands in her lap as she listened. She cried out in pain when Ellie told her about how little Eva ran after the car screaming for Ellie not to leave. But Ellie kept talking, almost as if she were in a trance. Ellie told Brynn about her life, about Noah, and about Dylan.
“What happened to my father?” Brynn asked when Ellie paused.
“He died. He was a bad man, and he died.” Ellie said quietly. “I was messed up on every drug he could give me, and he died.”
“What about now? Are you on drugs now?” Brynn asked angrily.
“No. I’m clean. I’ve been clean for five years,” Ellie said, wincing from Brynn’s anger. “I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. But I know that I did. I was a terrible mother. I know.”
“How were you a mother to Noah if you’ve only been clean for five years? Surely he is older than five!” Brynn was confused.
“He’s been in a home, getting the best of care. I’ve been able to visit him. It was the best place for him. Truly!” Ellie spoke quickly trying to convince Brynn with every breath.
There was silence as Ellie stopped talking. Brynn was taking it all in, replaying the information repeatedly in her mind. It doesn’t make sense that she was coming to her now after all of this time. “Why are you here?” Brynn asked, refusing to let go of her suspicion.
“I’m here for you,” Ellie said attempting to smile.
“But why now? How long have you known how to find me?”
Ellie stopped talking. “I’ve known for a long time.”
“Then why, NOW?”
Ellie sighed. She knew that this part was going to be the hardest. Brynn will just think that I am using her, and she wouldn’t be entirely wrong. “Noah and I are going to lose everything. But now that I’ve found you, it’ll be okay. I can take care of him again, and everything is going to be fine.”
“Why? Why are you going to lose everything?” Brynn asked curious.
“There are rules to the estate. Rules to the money. They thought you were dead, and now they know that you are alive, and so you have a right to some of the money.” Ellie knew that she wasn’t making sense. She was trying to explain it the best way that she could, but she knew that John was going to have to tell her about it.
“Estate? What estate are you talking about?” Brynn was getting frustrated. Ellie isn’t what she appears after all! I knew it!
“My parent’s estate. They were very wealthy. They’ve been gone for a very long time, and you are entitled to some of the money. Noah and I need you. Without you, we lose everything.” Elli was trying not to sound desperate.
“How much money are we talking about?” Brynn said slowly, her mouth very dry.
Ellie paused. “Millions. Millions.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Carly’s New Home
PETEY’S HEART WAS BROKEN.
After loving Carly for ten years, one day she woke up and something inside of her brain had changed. The doctor said she must have been experiencing mini strokes for years. Carly had been deteriorating for a long time, but now she was beyond the place where Lily could continue to take care of her.
Carly still looked the same on the outside, beautiful, tiny and fragile, her hair only slightly gray. But her brain was a scrambled mess of scattered memories from a different life, and the inability to retain anything from her current life.
“She needs to be in a home where she can be cared for properly,” the doctor, a family friend of Petey’s who never asked questions, told Petey and Lily when they called him to look at her. “Whatever happened to her is only going to get worse and not better. I can get her into a place a few towns over where nobody will question where she came from, or whom she is. But it’s a couple of hours away.”
Petey nodded. He knew that his life with her was never meant to be permanent, but she was the only woman he knew how to love. I don’t know how I’m going to let her go.
After the doctor left, Lily looked at Petey, her gray eyes full of concern. Petey was closer than a brother, and his pain hurt her. “Are you okay?” she hesitated to ask him, she knew that he wouldn’t want to talk about it.
“I’ll be fine. I just need her to be taken care of,” Petey said sadly. “This home that the doc is talking about is expensive. And she needs to go now. I don’t know what to do, Lily. She needs more than what I can do. I ain’t got that kind of money.”
“I do,” Lily said without hesitation.
“No you don’t,” Petey said. “You can’t afford it any more than I can.”
Lily’s expression was one that he hadn’t seen before.
“I can,” Lily said her tone firm. “Daddy left me a lot of money. A lot. I’ve never told anyone, because I didn’t want anyone to come after it. But I can afford it, and I’m going to.”
Petey’s eyes filled with tears. “But why? Why would you?”
“Why would I?” Lily couldn’t believe that he didn’t see it. “Before you brought her here, I was completely alone. But then she came and suddenly, I had a family. YOU became my brother, and she became my sister, and I haven’t been lonely since. So I would do anything for her. And I would do anything for you.”
Petey started to cry, and Lily realized that she had never seen this giant man cry before.
“It’ll be okay. We will take turns visiting her, but it will be okay.” Lily’s heart was broken. Somehow, Lily knew that she would never get married, but having Carly with her made her not care anymore. She didn’t want to go back to the solitary life she had before Carly and Petey came into her life.
“Its a few hours away, Lil. How often am I going to get to see her? And she may not even know me. So then what?” Petey was beginning to realize what it all meant.
“I don’t know, Petey. But maybe this will mean that…” Lily hesitated. She never should have said anything. She knew Petey would be angry, and she wanted to kick herself for opening her mouth.
“What?” Petey asked, curious at Lily’s expression.
“Nothing. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Maybe it will mean that I can have a family? I can get married? I can have a wife? Is that what you were going to say?” Petey asked quietly, almost guiltily. As much as he loved Carly, he knew that he could never have those things with her. It wouldn’t be right after what he helped do to her husband. He wouldn’t have felt right.
“Yes,” Lily said. “That is what I was going to say. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, Lil. I thought the same thing lots of times. I always wanted a family, kids to call me Daddy. I knew it wasn’t going to be happy with Carly, but I just didn’t care. I was trying to make up for what I did to her.”
“But you loved her, and you took care of her, and she’s been happy. You did make up for it,” Lily put her hand on Petey’s massive arm. “We need to get her packed.”
Carly had been lying in the bed, half-awake, half-asleep. She stretched out her arms and looked at Petey.
“What are you doing?” she asked, yawning.
“I’m packing for you, sweetheart.” Petey said trying to smile.
“Why? Where am I going?” Carly asked trying to sit up. Her head hurt, and she winced in pain.
“You’re going to a hospital. You’re going to live there where they can take care of you better,” Lily said gently.
“Oh, James. What is wrong with me?”
Petey looked at Lily, his eyes wide. Oh God. She thinks I’m James. “James? Who is James?” Petey asked trying not to reveal the panic in his voice.
“My husband, of course, silly.” Carly said smiling. “I don’t want to go to the hospital. I want to stay here with my sister. I don’t want to leave Lily.”
Lily felt the tears welling up in her eyes. “This will be best for all of us, Carly. The hospital will be able to take care of you best. I don’t want you to leave, either.”
“Carly? Who is Carly? I’m Ellie.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Adam’s Mess
ADAM WAS HUNG OVER. Again.
The day in court to finalize the divorce was hard. It was much harder than he thought it would be. He almost didn’t go. If I don’t go, maybe it won’t be real. If I don’t go, I can still change my mind. If I don’t go, maybe I will wake up tomorrow and it’ll all be a dream and Sophie won’t be dead.
When he finally did arrive in court, he was fifteen minutes late and smelled like gin and beer. The judge shook her head, but the process was short and painless. And then they were divorced.
It was easier than Adam thought it would be. No sobbing, no tearful good-byes. It was simple and short, and when it was over, it was over. It was very anticlimactic. And Adam felt let down, disappointed. He wanted Brynn to cry, he wanted Brynn to throw herself on the ground and beg him to reconsider. He wanted to see her suffer as he was suffering.
When it was done, he glared hard at her and left the courthouse, walking right into the closest bar. He didn’t care that it was eleven in the morning. He didn’t care that he was wearing the same clothes he had worn the night before.
After six Beefeater and tonics with lime, he felt much better. He felt clearer. The bartender was getting ready to cut him off, but Adam was tipping so well, he thought a few more might be fine.
A pretty young redhead sat down on the bar stool next to Adam, and he pretended not to notice.
“I’ll have a Bl
oody Mary, spicy, top shelf,” she said smiling at the bartender.
“Sure,” The bartender said, smiling back.
“Bloody Mary? Have sssome gin,” Adam slurred, grinning at her.
“No, thank you,” she said, wrinkling her nose. He was handsome enough, but he was already drunk, and it was still light outside. Experience told her to stay away from men like him.
“Why? You got something against gin?” Adam said, slightly offended by her expression. “Or me?”
“No, no. You’re fine,” she said quickly, wishing she had sat down at a different place in the empty bar.
“Sssorry. Bad day,” he said hanging his head.
She took pity on him. “It’s okay,” she said smiling sympathetically. “Let’s start all over. I’m Jessie.”
“Adam,” he said putting out his hand to shake and accidentally hitting her in the head. “Oh God, I’m sorry.”
Much to Adam’s surprise, Jessie laughed.
“It’s okay. You’re a mess. Are you always this bad?” she said, resting her pretty face on her hand, gazing at him with sincere interest.
“No.” Adam laughed for the first time since he could remember. “I got divorced today.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Jessie said, immediately sorry for dismissing him so fast. “That must be difficult.”
“Yeahhhh,” Adam said taking a drink of gin & tonic number seven. “It sucked.”
They talked for a while, and by five p.m. Adam was drinking water and messily eating a greasy Rueben. Jessie found herself drawn to him. At first, she thought it was because he reminded her of a stray puppy, but then she started to think that it was because she really may like him. She didn’t usually drink so early in the day, but she was supposed to be meeting a guy from the night before who was a no show.
“Can I see you again?” Adam said, not sure of what he was doing. You just got divorced today. What in the hell are you doing?
“I don’t know,” Jessie said, smiling a beautiful toothy smile. “I think you have a lot to work out, with the divorce and all. You may not even want to talk to me when you are sober.”
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