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King of Thieves

Page 5

by George F. Walker


  She lunges. But STRINGER is too fast. He steps aside, slaps the knife out of her hand, and throws her to the ground. He puts his foot on her throat.

  STRINGER

  Were there any photos taken?

  JENNY

  (struggling to breathe) Yeah … lots of them …

  STRINGER

  Thanks …

  He leans over and slits her throat, hears someone coming, and backs into the darkness.

  TINA

  (exiting the Bluebird Club) Jen? Jenny? Where the hell –

  STRINGER steps forward, grabs her, slits her throat. She collapses, and he walks away.

  Blackout.

  SCENE 20

  GREEN’s house. GREEN and MAC, in his Carlo disguise, are standing near the empty picture frame. GREEN is holding the rolled-up painting. CHRISTIE is standing a little distance away, hands in pockets.

  GREEN

  It’s very kind of you to keep returning this.

  MAC

  It’s the least I can do.

  GREEN

  And … what about all the other things that were stolen?

  MAC

  Don’t get greedy now. You’ll just annoy me.

  GREEN

  Well, I was only – what happened to your accent?

  MAC

  (removing moustache) That was just for your pals. I think you and I need to establish a more honest relationship.

  GREEN

  Should I be afraid?

  MAC

  Only if that helps make you more open to suggestion. I want you to think about how easy it is for me to break into your house and take whatever I want. That would, if circumstances warranted it, include your life. Can you keep that in mind while we’re talking?

  GREEN

  Yes, I can.

  MAC

  Next, I think we should talk about your attitude towards your employees and how to improve it.

  GREEN

  Are you a Bolshevik?

  MAC

  No, I’m a thief. You think decency and fair play are only a matter for politics?

  GREEN

  I’m not sure. Are you suggesting I think more about decency and fair play?

  MAC

  Or you could just learn as we go along? You see, the thing is, I don’t like your two pals.

  GREEN

  Neither do I. Are you suggesting I help you break into their houses? That’s no problem.

  MAC

  Would it be a problem to help me a little more than that?

  GREEN

  I don’t see why. I could help you break into their summer homes, their yachts, their in-laws’ homes and yachts … just about anywhere as long as you’d promise to not break into mine anymore.

  MAC

  I want you to help me break into their heads, Mr. Green. I’m going to present a situation to you – the same situation I’m going to present to them pretty soon, and I want you to tell me what you think they’ll do about it. Can you do that? Do you all think enough alike that you’ll be able to help me out here?

  GREEN

  Well, we all grew up under the same kind of pressure from the same kind of overbearing father, went to the same exclusive schools, and married essentially the same woman from the same kind of family with overbearing fathers of their own … So yeah, I’m pretty sure I can be of some assistance to you.

  MAC

  Terrific. I’ll be in touch.

  MAC starts offstage.

  GREEN

  And again … thank you for returning this. It means more to me than –

  MAC

  (leaving) Your children?

  GREEN

  (to himsel f) My children? (looking at painting) Is that true? Collectively? Or as individuals? (looks at the painting again. Thinks. Looks at CHRISTIE) How do you like your new life as a criminal, Christie?

  CHRISTIE

  Well, no one cares how long I take for lunch.

  GREEN

  Does that watch you’re wearing belong to me?

  CHRISTIE

  No. It belongs to me.

  GREEN

  I see. Am I supposed to offer you your job back? Is that what he wants me to do?

  CHRISTIE

  I think he’d prefer you to beg.

  GREEN

  I don’t mind begging. I beg all the time. I used to beg my father for a promotion just about every week. I recently begged my colleagues for cab fare. Almost every night I beg my wife for forgiveness and for sex, often simultaneously. Would you like me down on my knees?

  CHRISTIE

  That would be nice.

  GREEN

  (getting on his knees) Christie, would you please come back to work for me? I’ll double your salary.

  CHRISTIE

  (leaving) Go to hell.

  GREEN

  (as CHRISTIE leaves) Tell him I tried my best!

  Blackout.

  SCENE 21

  PEACHUM and BROWN somewhere in PEACHUM’s house.

  PEACHUM

  Vinnie saw him leaving the alley.

  BROWN

  And who’s Vinnie again?

  PEACHUM

  He owns the club.

  BROWN

  Oh yes, the gangster.

  PEACHUM

  (shrugging) I just know him from owning the club.

  BROWN

  He’s a punk dago gangster, and you want me to believe he saw my agent kill your two whores.

  PEACHUM

  My two friends …

  BROWN

  Your friends the whores … who just about anyone might have had it in for.

  PEACHUM

  Might have had … But we both know your agent had a definite reason. And okay, that was from something that might have been a mistake on my part … You know, taking out a little insurance so you’d do the right thing with me when the time came … But what your agent did was too much.

  BROWN

  Too much …

  PEACHUM

  Yeah … and in case you’re planning to do something similar, just remember that there are photos of –

  BROWN

  He’s a Mormon, you know. Or something like that. Anyway, what … happened to us got to him in a way I couldn’t understand or control.

  PEACHUM

  But it didn’t affect you like that?

  BROWN

  I thought it was funny. I even kept the bra as a souvenir. And as for Agent Stringer, I’ll make sure he’s properly disciplined.

  PEACHUM

  No, no, that’s all right. We’ll take care of him.

  BROWN

  Sorry. I can’t allow that.

  PEACHUM

  They were our people. (leaving) You can’t stop that.

  BROWN just watches him go.

  Blackout.

  SCENE 22

  MAC sits on a park bench, wearing a hat and coat with the collar turned up. POLLY stands some distance away, watching him.

  POLLY

  Why is this up to you?

  MAC

  I wanted to make sure it was done right.

  POLLY

  You still had feelings for her, didn’t you?

  MAC

  They don’t get to do that to any of us. They’ve got bigger crooks they should be concentrating on.

  POLLY

  Says you …

  MAC

  There’s something wrong with how the wealth is distributed in this country. It’s all going to explode one day, you watch.

  POLLY

  What the hell are you going on about?

  MAC

  I’m a Bolshevik. That’s how we talk. Listen, I think you should go now. He could come along any minute.

  POLLY

  He walks home this way every night?

  MAC

  Unless he’s off slicing someone up. Get going, Polly. If you’re here, I’ll be worried you might get hurt.

  POLLY

  Afraid you’ll lose your concentration? It’s been a long tim
e since you killed someone. Maybe you’ve lost the knack.

  MAC pulls out his switchblade and flicks it open with lightning speed.

  POLLY

  Oh, so it has to be the knife. Why? He’s probably carrying at least two .38s, but you’ve got a reputation to maintain so out comes the –

  MAC hears something.

  MAC

  That could be him. Get out of here.

  POLLY

  (leaving) Okay … but I thought we were a team.

  POLLY is gone. STRINGER appears on the path, moving very quickly. By the time MAC stands, STRINGER is close and MAC has to step back to get out the knife. They come to a standstill.

  STRINGER

  (looking at MAC) That it? Just the blade? Good luck, pal.

  MAC moves in slowly. STRINGER pulls a gun. Sound of a gunshot. STRINGER falls to the floor, dead. POLLY comes onstage holding a gun.

  POLLY

  I told you. (leaving) Next time just listen, okay.

  MAC

  (following her) Sure.

  IVES and PORK come out of the bushes.

  IVES

  She didn’t know we were here?

  PORK

  I guess not.

  IVES

  You think he did?

  PORK

  He told me he didn’t need me. But he knows I’d never let him go into something like this alone. I always watch his back. I mean that’s my job, right?

  IVES

  Maybe he wants you to move on. You know, stop worrying about him and just start looking out for yourself like everybody else does.

  PORK

  Well, that would be a total change in how we operate … because in our crowd, everyone always looks out for the other guy.

  They start off.

  PORK

  That’s our thing, right? We don’t have much. But we got that thing.

  PORK and IVES leave. Two BEGGARS suddenly appear, remove everything of value from STRINGER’s body in record time, and scurry away.

  Blackout.

  SCENE 23

  POLLY and MAC on the street. MAC whistles for a cab.

  POLLY

  Satisfied?

  MAC

  With what?

  POLLY

  Me. Are you satisfied with how I did? I know that was a test. Telling Pork in front of me that you didn’t need him, so I’d think he wouldn’t be there to back you up.

  MAC

  Was he there?

  POLLY

  I don’t know. But that was the point. Me not knowing so I’d think you were all alone. And that was the test, right? To see if I’d come through for you.

  MAC

  Don’t be upset. It was just to see if you had the knack, nothing more, really. I mean it’s one thing to talk about it …

  POLLY

  And if I didn’t have “the knack”?

  MAC

  (producing a gun) There was always this …

  POLLY

  Anyway, now you know for sure. I won’t just die for you … I can kill for you too.

  MAC

  In other words, you’re perfect.

  They continue on.

  Blackout.

  SCENE 24

  GREEN, MERCER, and HALLIWELL are in the bankers’ club, standing on their chairs.

  MERCER

  The man thinks he’s Robin Hood. It’s just so naive and –

  HALLIWELL

  Reckless. Reckless and socially disruptive. A certain amount, okay? That’s what we do, we give a certain amount … always have.

  GREEN

  He wants it all.

  HALLIWELL

  We know …

  GREEN

  Dispersed to a number of charities …

  MERCER

  What charities?

  HALLIWELL

  I wouldn’t even know where to start.

  GREEN

  I’ve got a list. It’s quite long, really. I don’t know how he dug them all up.

  MERCER

  And he’s not keeping any of it for himself?

  GREEN

  He’s going to take a commission.

  HALLIWELL

  Well, I find that strangely reassuring.

  MERCER

  Yes, at least we know there’s some sense to it. (pointing down) There it is again. I told you. It’s a rat.

  GREEN

  Are you sure?

  MERCER

  Definitely.

  GREEN

  Because I don’t mind standing up here for a rat. But if it’s just a mouse and we’re discovered like this …

  MERCER

  It’s a rat.

  HALLIWELL

  (to GREEN) So … if we don’t do this thing he wants us to do, he’ll have us done away with?

  GREEN

  Or turn us into the authorities. He’s not sure which. I think he’ll kill us myself.

  HALLIWELL

  Do we get to choose?

  GREEN

  I think we only get to choose whether or not to hand over the money.

  MERCER

  Well, it is only a million.

  GREEN

  A million plus, actually.

  MERCER

  Plus what?

  GREEN

  A lot. Every dollar we pull out of the market when it starts to wobble. Not just like it is now … but seriously wobble. (pointing) Look … I’m pretty sure that’s a mouse. I think I’ll get down.

  MERCER

  If I was you, I’d stay put until you’re positive.

  HALLIWELL

  (to GREEN) So … he knows the market is going to start seriously wobbling.

  GREEN

  Yes. Remember? He told us …

  MERCER

  He was just speculating. But how did he find out for sure? That plan of ours is beyond the understanding of anyone who doesn’t have access to the members of this club.

  GREEN

  He had access to me. The kind of access that was absolutely terrifying.

  MERCER

  You told him.

  GREEN

  He was going to kill me.

  HALLIWELL

  Well, you should have just let him.

  MERCER

  Yes, this is bigger than your sad little life. This is about facilitating a necessary contraction in the economy –

  HALLIWELL

  To be followed by an unprecedented boom.

  MERCER

  A boom worth millions … billions …

  They both look at him.

  HALLIWELL

  Was this about us not giving you that five dollars for cab fare?

  GREEN

  (shrugging) Only in part.

  They both look at him again.

  GREEN

  What are you thinking?

  They both look up. The ceiling collapses on top of GREEN, and huge chunks of ornate plaster fall on his head, killing him instantly.

  Blackout.

  SCENE 25

  The Bluebird Club. Not too crowded. IVES is onstage just sitting on a stool. MYRNA and PEACHUM are at a table.

  MYRNA

  What’s wrong with him?

  PEACHUM

  He misses Jenny. I’m told he had a thing for her.

  MYRNA

  Doesn’t he know she was a worthless little guttersnipe?

  PEACHUM

  Love is blind, my sweet.

  MYRNA

  (drinking) Blind is one thing. But just plain stupid?

  BROWN enters with two FEDERAL AGENTS.

  MYRNA

  Look at that ape. God, I can’t wait to cut him into bite-sized pieces.

  PEACHUM

  We might have to settle for something a little less satisfying.

  The FEDERAL AGENTS hang back while BROWN joins PEACHUM and MYRNA.

  BROWN

  (sitting) A little slow tonight. Folks must have heard there was going to be a raid.

  PEACHUM

  You think that’s it?

&nb
sp; BROWN

  Well, I tried to get the word out. I’m not interested in putting simple pleasure seekers in jail. I just wanted this place closed. And for good.

  PEACHUM

  It’ll just open again somewhere else.

  BROWN

  Maybe. But you won’t be around to see it. You know, it truly annoys me that you and your pals have places like this to hang out and casually make your plans to break the law.

  PEACHUM

  You’d prefer we made our plans somewhere less pleasant?

  BROWN

  Yes. In some other country, in fact. (producing some documents) Your exemption from prosecution, signed by the governor, and two first-class tickets for a one-way voyage across the Atlantic … leaving tonight, actually. Now, all I need from you is the documentation that incriminates those bankers.

  PEACHUM

  That’s on the way. But in the meantime that “exemption” from the governor isn’t worth the paper it’s written on so you can just keep that. Those tickets out of here might come in handy, though. (reaching out) I’ll take those now …

  BROWN

  Not until –

  PEACHUM

  Now. Please.

  PEACHUM gestures for BROWN to turn around. BROWN sees PORK, who has snuck up behind them and pointed a shotgun at the backs of the FEDERAL AGENTS.

  PORK

  (to IVES) Hey, you wanna snap out of it and give me a hand here?

  IVES

  Sorry.

  IVES pulls a gun and heads over to disarm the FEDERAL AGENTS.

  BROWN

  (handing over the tickets) The place is surrounded by police. At least a dozen of them.

  MYRNA

  Well, ain’t that just completely terrifying … (slaps BROWN on the side of the head) This is gonna teach you not to mess with your betters.

  PEACHUM

  Those police officers have all gone home by now, Agent Brown.

  BROWN

  And why would they have done that?

  VINNIE enters, smiling.

  PEACHUM

  Because my friend there asked them to … after he’d issued them their payments of course.

  VINNIE

  Just like always …

  VINNIE disarms BROWN. Holds a gun on him.

  PEACHUM

  So it’s just us then.

  MYRNA

  (to BROWN) I’m gonna eat your heart. And if I’m still hungry … your liver.

  BROWN

  (to PEACHUM) Why’s she talking like that? What’s wrong with her?

  PEACHUM

  It’s the kind of thing she says when she’s had too much to drink. Don’t worry about it. (to MYRNA) There isn’t time. We’ve got a boat to catch.

 

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