by MJ Prince
“It’s a duel—you against Raph. For the throne,” he replies simply and the universe that had just been spinning? It comes crashing down around me, shattering into a million pieces.
“For the throne?” I sputter.
I shoot up to stand on my feet, as the torrent of emotions raging inside me threatens to pull me under. Hell, I’m already drowning.
“I don’t want the damn throne and I’m sure as hell not about to fight Raph for it.”
Magnus’s eyes grow even more troubled then.
“You must do this, Jazmine. You see, the laws of nature may be cruel and they may be harsh in the same way that storms can wipe out entire cities and famines can decimate a nation, but they are necessary in order to keep the balance. Even the slightest upset in that balance can have consequences beyond anything which anyone can even comprehend. The laws cannot be broken and they require a Crown Trial to determine which sovereign heir will next ascend to the throne.”
“Fuck the laws,” I reply, I’m aware that I’m shouting. I’m aware of the manic desperation that must be shining in my eyes right now. But I don’t care.
“There is no way in hell that I’m doing this and I don’t believe for a second that the universe will come crashing down just because I don’t.”
But Magnus only shakes his head in response.
“You don’t understand, Jazmine, even the slightest crack in the foundations can cause the entire world to shatter. Both worlds.
“A phenomenon like this has the power to change the entire universe. The Crown Trial must take place, or we risk both worlds falling out of balance.”
I stare back at Magnus for a long moment. The only sound in the dead silence is my own ragged breathing.
“You knew this was going to happen, even before you brought me here,” I say finally. “You knew and yet you still brought me here. You knew, but even when I asked, you wouldn’t tell me. You just kept the truth hidden from me out of some twisted belief that I wasn’t ready to know it.”
Magnus’s eyes widen, and his expression is aghast.
“No—of course, I didn’t know then. I told you that I only found out about this phenomenon when I obtained your birth certificate and even then, I couldn’t be certain as to the consequences. No one could. It has only just been determined what should be done.”
“But you suspected? You knew that there was always a possibility that it could come to this?” I ask flatly.
“Yes,” Magnus replies simply. He doesn’t say anything else. But he doesn’t need to.
Anger washes over me, white hot fury sweeping away any sense and reason, until it’s all I can see. It’s only when I feel the trust being swept away with that storm, that I realize it was ever there at all. The realization feels like a punch to the stomach. Had I been that lonely and desperate for family, that I had grown to trust this total stranger? Grown to care for him in a way that I hadn’t felt since my mom died? I feel sick at the very thought. I’ve let myself get dragged into this, let myself be lied to and manipulated, let myself be used as a pawn in this twisted web of power that these Dynasties seemed to be locked in.
“I’m so sorry, Jazmine, I didn’t mean for you to find out this way and I wish that this didn’t have to happen. But it does and I have every faith in you that when the time comes, you will have the courage to do what it takes.”
“No.” My voice sounds as cold as the ice creeping into my core. I trusted you and you’ve been lying to me all this time—hiding things from me which I sure as hell deserved to know from the very beginning. The part about Earth not being safe for me—is that a lie, too?”
“No, Jazmine. Of course, it isn’t.”
“So are you going to finally tell me why?” I demand.
“I can’t. It’s more than just a danger to your life, Jazmine. The need to protect this world from the knowledge of this threat is greater than your need to know about it,” he replies simply, which only adds fuel to the fire burning in my chest.
“Why should I even believe you? Why should I believe a single word that comes out of your mouth? Why the hell should I even trust you?”
Magnus’s calm seems to snap, and for a moment, I can almost feel the waves of anger rolling off.
“I’m your blood, Jazmine. Everything I’ve done so far has been for my son’s memory, your father, and for you, Jazmine. I’m the only one you can trust.” He says these last words distinctly, and he doesn’t have to say anything else, because my mind is already there.
My initial rage has been so all-consuming, that I hadn’t even considered all the other far reaching consequences of this universe-shattering revelation. Or perhaps that was the reason why I had chosen to focus my rage solely on Magnus, so that I don’t have to think about Raph.
But I’m helpless against the torrent of those thoughts swirling inside me now, the doubts screaming in my mind, the storm threatening to pull me under.
“I told you that you couldn’t trust him, Jazmine,” Magnus says, as he sees the storm raging in my eyes.
His words feel like a punch to my gut, but I don’t believe them. I can’t.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” My voice is barely a ragged whisper in the darkness.
“Raphael has been raised from birth to take the throne. The desire for the crown ingrained in his very being—it’s who Jethro made him to be. It’s who he is. And Raphael knew this whole time that it might come to this. He must have known, because his father certainly knew—that one day, you could take from him what he’s been raised to want all his life, at all costs.”
Images of my first duel with Raph rush into my mind. The way he’d seemed so closed off when I questioned him as to why I’d ever need to know how to fight in a duel. We’d trained together almost every day since. My powers are as familiar to him as his own. He knows every move I make before I make it.
Maybe that was the point. Something in my mind whispers, but I can’t bring myself to hear it.
I’m shaking my head, backing away from the spot where I’d been standing frozen. I can’t listen to these words, I can’t hear them, I can’t think about what they mean. Every fiber in my being is telling me that they can’t possibly be true. Not when every time I close my eyes, I can only see the way that Raph looks at me when we’re lying together, as if I’m the only thing that matters in this entire universe. Not his throne, not his Dynasty, not his betrothal. But me.
The troubled look in Magnus’s eyes deepens as he regards me.
“Don’t lie to yourself, Jazmine. You’re stronger than that.”
His words feel like a stab to the chest, and all I can do is turn away from those truths threatening to swallow me whole, and run.
I hear Magnus calling after me, but I don’t stop. I keep running until the cool night air hits my burning lungs.
I’ve never driven on Eden, but I don’t even think twice as I get into one of the waiting cars in the palace courtyard and it isn’t any different from my limited experience of driving on Earth.
I tell myself to calm down as I drive the short distance to the St. Tristan palace. I don’t know anything for sure. Raph will explain. He’ll tell me that it’s not true. He’ll tell me that Magnus is wrong—wrong about the Crown Trials or at the very least, wrong about Raph’s intentions.
I play Raph’s words over in my mind in an attempt to stop myself from breaking down entirely.
I’m certain that from the first moment I saw you on that beach, I’ve belonged to you.
You’re mine now, Jaz and … I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you.
I hold onto those words, because they’re all I have left.
35
The St. Tristan palace is still as a tomb when I arrive. The doorman doesn’t so much as bat an eyelash at my arrival and I get the impression that girls visiting Raph at all times of night is far from an unusual occurrence. I try to remind myself that it’s no longer the case. Raph hasn’t so much as looked at another girl since th
is thing between us started. But the sickening feeling in my gut only deepens.
I follow the doorman’s directions to the west wing of the first floor, through the seemingly never ending marble corridor, my steps echoing ominously through the darkness. I finally reach the large double doors at the end of the hallway. One of the doors is open a crack, but for a moment I can’t make myself go through it.
Get it together, I tell myself.
I raise my hand to knock, but then I catch a glimpse of something through the crack of the door which stills every fiber in my being. I can barely make it out at first—a flash of skin, a gasp, a breathy moan.
Terror washes over me and my mind is screaming at me not to open that door. But I don’t listen.
The door swings open and for what seems like an eternity, I just stare … and stare … and stare.
Shimmering ice blue material lying discarded on the marble floor. A dress.
My eyes follow the trail to a thin scrap of white lace on the floor, then another.
When I raise my eyes to the large silk-sheeted bed, for a moment my mind can’t comprehend what I’m seeing. That traitorous muscle in my chest refuses to accept it.
I close my eyes and open them again, thinking that the image will disappear, that it’s not real. But it doesn’t disappear.
Layla’s naked body straddling Raph’s is real. So real, that I think I feel my heart stop at the sight of it and I want to scratch my own eyes out to stop myself from seeing any more of it. Everything about this nightmare is real—from the sight of Raph’s naked torso leaning back against the wide headboard, to the sight of Layla’s naked breasts pressed up against his chest.
His hands are gripping her forearms and his eyes are locked onto hers. I can’t see the look in them, but I don’t need to. I know only too well how those midnight blue eyes look when they’re dark with desire, with need, with passion, and I’ve been a fool to think that any of that was real when those eyes looked at me.
For a moment, I can feel the ghost of his touch, those hands on my skin, touching my body and I let out a tortured cry which sounds pathetic, even in my own ears.
They turn to me and the sick realization dawns on me that they must have been so caught up in each other, that they hadn’t even realized I was standing here.
They see me now, though. Shock flares in Raph’s eyes. But I tear my gaze away from his face after a split second. I can’t bear to look at him. I can’t even bear to breathe the same air as him.
My gaze lands on Layla, and the gleam of triumph in those cruel eyes makes me gag on reflex, as bile rises in my throat.
We stand there frozen, like pillars of salt, for what seems like an eternity and the universe feels like it has narrowed, so that we’re the only three people to exist in it. I was a fool to let Raph make me feel in those intimate moments like we were the only two people in the vastness of time and space. It has never been just the two of us. Layla has been there all along, and those moments—they were all lies.
I hear Keller’s words repeating themselves in my head.
I’ve just never known Raph to go without.
I know now that he hasn’t been going without. Not at all. It becomes clear to me, why he never took that step with me—because he didn’t need to. Didn’t want to. He had Layla for that, and she is all that matters. It’s always been her.
Raph and I have never used the word love. I’d always been too much of a coward to voice just how fierce my feelings for him had become, and I realize that perhaps it was also because some part of me knew that love was too weak a word for what I felt for him. I’d hoped that it was the same for him, too, and the words that he has spoken to me, well, they went far and above just love.
But I was wrong—about his words at least. Those words were lies and it’s clear now why he has never used the word love with me. As simple as that word is, it holds a meaning that could never be faked the way he was faking with me. He told me once that he didn’t love Layla. But it’s clear now that I’ve been a fool to believe him.
I feel the realization like a knife to the chest, but I force myself to accept it, even if it kills a part of me.
Raph is the first to move. He pushes away from Layla and leaps off the bed. As he approaches me, I can see that he’s not totally naked, from the waist down at least. But the mental image of Layla unbuttoning his black suit trousers then removing them, just causes my stomach to twist even tighter.
“Jaz—” His voice is low and I can hear the distress in it, but I can’t let him speak. I can’t let him get those words out. Because Magnus had been right about him—he is toxic and every single word out of his mouth, poison.
And what could he possibly say to restore the breath to my lungs? What could he possibly do to piece that traitorous muscle in my chest back together? Nothing he can say can ever make any of this go away. He will never be able to make this right.
But it’s my fault too—I knew from the very first touch, the very first look, that Raph would most likely shatter my heart into a million pieces and break me in two. Hell, he had promised on that very first night to do the latter. But I haven’t listened to my own warnings, or indeed his. I’ve been foolish and blind.
I can see perfectly clearly now. I came here looking for answers and I sure as hell have them. Not the answers my stupid heart was hoping for, but I was foolish to think it would turn out any other way. Layla had been right when she told me that there was only one ending to this fairy tale and it wasn’t a happily ever after for me. Not at all.
“Shut up!” I cry out.
He opens his mouth again, but I make sure he closes it.
“Just shut the fuck up. I don’t want to fucking hear it.”
He moves forward another step, but I don’t let him come any closer.
“Don’t you dare touch me, don’t you dare come anywhere near me.”
I’m shouting so loud, that Raph stops dead in his tracks and I’m surprised no one has come in to see what the hell is going on already. I can feel Layla’s gleeful eyes on me. But I ignore her completely.
I’m so angry, that I’m shaking, every fiber in my body buzzing with adrenaline. I can feel my eyes burning, fierce with pain. But I’m too angry to feel ashamed, too angry to care. I take a deep breath, struggling to breathe through the feeling in my chest which feels like a bomb is exploding inside it and I’ve let Raph past my defenses to plant the bomb there. It was only a matter of time before it detonated.
Maybe I should ask him to explain himself. Maybe I should beg him to tell me what I’m seeing is some horrible misunderstanding. But I don’t. Because that part of me is dead now, leaving only a block of ice in its place.
I finally meet his gaze and I feel nothing. Because a block of ice can’t feel and when I speak, my voice is as cold as the arctic wind, as cold as Raph’s own gaze that first moment we met. I know now that was his true self. Not the guy who made me feel safe, made me feel like I’d finally found somewhere to belong. Not the guy who kissed me with such awe and reverence, that it felt like I was all that mattered in the entire universe, who told me that I was all that mattered and that he belonged only to me. No—that guy didn’t exist. He was nothing but a lie. All of it was a lie.
I should get the hell out of here. Now. Something inside me needs to hear the words from his own mouth. I need to hear him say it.
“I just want to know one thing.”
Raph’s eyes flinch at my words, at my tone, but they don’t look away. Good. I want him to see just how dead he is to me now.
“Did you know about the Crown Trial?”
Something flickers in the depths of Raph’s eyes, but still he doesn’t look away.
“Yes,” Raph replies simply, and the fragments of the shattered universe that had been lying at my feet earlier? They’re swept away into the darkness, never to be pieced back together again. Devastation is an understatement. The pieces of the puzzle that I’d been desperately trying to put together, fall into plac
e, but the image is too horrific to even look at.
If the world ended right now, I doubt I’d even notice, because it feels like it already has and nothing, nothing will ever be the same.
He’s opening his mouth to speak, but I cut him off again by holding a hand up. I’m not screaming this time, but I don’t need to. Because the look in my eyes is clear enough.
“Was that the reason why? Was that the real reason why you tried to drive me away and then why you tried to get close to me in the first place?” It should hurt me to ask these questions, but I don’t let it hurt. I can already feel the numbness settling over me, and soon I pray, I’ll feel nothing at all.
Raph doesn’t answer, but the flash of guilt that I see in the depths of those heartbreakingly blue eyes, is enough. This time, I don’t need to hear the words, because that look tells me all I need to know.
He finally drops his gaze, unable to look me in the eye for a second longer. I’m glad, because I don’t want him to see the lone tear slipping down my cheek.
Layla sees it, though, and her responding laugh echoes through the silence. My gaze falls on her naked body still lounging on Raph’s bed like she owns it, which is fitting, because in all the ways that matter, she does. Just like she owns him.
I’m certain that from that first moment I saw you on that beach, I’ve belonged to you. Raph’s unwelcome words play themselves over in my mind and I feel like ripping off both my ears, so that I can never again hear any of his lies.
“Did you really believe that Raph was into you for real?” Layla asks, the delight ringing in her voice.
She quirks a perfectly shaped eyebrow, as she examines the devastation on my face.
“Oh, you did. How….”
Her lips curl into a cruel smile.
“Foolish,” she says finally, and I have no response, because she’s right.
It’s that same foolishness that makes me look back at Raph. Hope can be a stubborn thing and that one last grain of hope inside me wants him to say something. Anything to make the clawing in my chest go away. But he doesn’t. He’s as silent as a pillar of stone. He won’t even look at me.