Blake said, “I realize it’s not the traditional type of engagement ring. But I wanted it to be different and special. The way you are. And the sapphires match your eyes.”
“It’s lovely, Blake. Really, it is. But—”
“What? It doesn’t fit? Don’t worry, I’ll get it sized.” He reached for her hand and lifted the back of it to his lips. “You’re going to make a beautiful Hollister bride, my darling. Now all we need to do is choose a date and a place to have the wedding. And I’ll leave all that up to you. As long as you make the date soon. Very soon.”
He started to pull her into his arms, then paused as he spotted a pair of glittery tears slipping down her cheeks.
“Aww, Kat. I’m sorry. I’m just a cowboy—I don’t know much about romance or how to go about it. I probably haven’t done anything right about this proposal. But if you’ll look into my heart, you’ll see my love for you and Nick is as true as the sky is blue.”
She began to cry in earnest and Blake suddenly felt chilled to the bone. Clearly all the happy excitement he’d been feeling was totally one-sided.
Choking back her tears, she said, “I don’t doubt your feelings for me, Blake. It’s because you do love me that I have to say no.”
She might as well have walloped him with a two-by-four. “Explain that to me, Kat. Because nothing about it makes sense. Especially the no part. I thought—” Cupping her face with his hands, he tilted her head back so that he could look into her misty eyes. “All this time, you talked about us being so close. When you touched me, made love to me, I believed it. I believed you. Has this all just been a game to you, Kat?”
Her head moved negligibly back and forth. “No game, Blake. This time with you has been like heaven for me. But I wasn’t expecting marriage from you!”
Unable to believe what he was hearing, he stared at her. “What were you thinking? That we were just going to go on like we have been for the rest of our lives? Seeing each other once or twice a week? Is that what you want? Because I sure as hell don’t! I believe I deserve more and so does Nick.”
She pulled away and promptly turned her back to him. “Don’t bring Nick into this,” she muttered.
“Why not? This involves him just as much as it does you and me. I want him to be my son. I want to be the father he needs. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
Her head bent forward as though his questions had stabbed her. “Don’t you think I understand that Nick needs a father? It’s something I live with every day. Especially since I—Since his real father died. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to marry the wrong man just to give Nick what he needs.”
Anger poured through Blake and he cursed under his breath. “The wrong man! Is that what you think I am? The wrong man?”
“No! Yes, I—” Groaning helplessly, she whirled back to him. “Blake, you don’t understand. You and I—dating is good with us. But living together as man and wife wouldn’t work. A marriage takes more than just saying ‘I love you.’”
“You would know that, wouldn’t you?”
Even through his anger he could see his sarcasm had hurt her. But he was beyond caring. After Lenore had jilted him, he’d decided it wasn’t in the cards for him to have a family. He’d stopped looking at women, period. Then Katherine had walked into his life and he’d allowed himself to start dreaming and hoping again. What a gullible chump he’d been!
“Probably better than anybody,” she said flatly. “It takes commitment. And the way I see things, you already have too many of those to include me and Nick.”
She stalked off in the direction of the truck and Blake hurried after her.
“So that’s the problem.” He flung the accusation at her. “You’re angry because I had to cancel our dates this week. You think just like Lenore—that I won’t devote enough of my time to you!”
She paused in her tracks and Blake could see her tears had dried. Now her eyes were shooting daggers straight at him. “No. That is not what I’m thinking. I want to spare you another heartache.”
Blake barked out a short, cynical laugh. “Spare me? What do you think you’ve just done?”
“The only thing I could do.”
She rushed on to the vehicle and climbed in before he could offer her a helping hand.
His blood boiling, Blake slid behind the wheel, but before he fastened his seat belt, he reached to the floor behind the seat and plucked up the bouquet of flowers he’d hidden beneath a jean jacket.
“Here. Those go with the ring,” he said, tossing them into her lap. “The blooms are all yellow. Like sunshine. Because that’s how I always thought of you. My sunshine. Yellow flowers and sapphires to match the blue flecks in your gray eyes. What a damn sap, I am. But never again!”
He started the motor and rammed the truck into gear. Across from him, Katherine’s face was etched in stone as she stared straight ahead.
“I hardly feel like dinner after this,” she said in a clipped voice. “Please take me home.”
“It’ll be my pleasure. And as far as I’m concerned, I’m not about to waste my time seeing you again!”
“I wouldn’t have expected anything else from you.”
The drive back to Wickenburg was made in stone silence. When Blake finally pulled into the drive in front of Katherine’s house, she slipped the ring from her finger and held it out toward him.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t accept the ring,” she said in a raw, husky voice. “It’s very beautiful. Too beautiful for me.”
He didn’t understand her last comment. No more than he understood her refusal to marry him. None of her reasons had made sense.
Face it, Blake. It’s very simple. Katherine doesn’t love you. She enjoys spending time with you. She enjoys the sex you have together. But that’s where it ends. Didn’t Lenore teach you anything? You should’ve seen this coming.
Swallowing at the bitter gall in his throat, he said, “Keep the ring. It’s yours now. I don’t want it back.” To make sure she got the message, he gathered up the original box it came in, along with the satin pouch, and tossed them on top of the flowers she clutched in her lap. “Whenever you need a good laugh, you can open the box and look at the engagement ring that never was.”
Her silence spoke volumes as she returned the ring to its box and stuffed the whole thing in her purse.
“There’s no need for you to see me to the door,” she said as she released the seat belt. “I can make it on my own.”
“You may think I’m not worthy of being your husband, Katherine, but I do have manners.”
He left the truck and went around to help her down. Once she was standing beside him, he was instantly overwhelmed with her sweet, feminine scent, and the tempting warmth of her body. He’d thought he’d be spending this night making love to her. He’d planned for the two of them to be celebrating their engagement. Instead, everything was dead. Over.
The silence between them was palpable as they walked to the small porch, where a dim light illuminated the entryway. Blake stood to one side while she unlocked the door.
With her back to him, she paused at the threshold. “Goodbye, Blake.”
“Goodbye.” And tell Nick I love him.
The words were aching in his throat as he stepped off the porch and walked away from her.
Chapter Thirteen
By the middle of the following week, Katherine was close to collapsing. Eating was something she had to force herself to do and sleep came in fitful snatches. Her heart was breaking more each day, while her mind was haunted with thoughts of Blake.
She could understand his anger. No doubt he believed she’d been leading him on, allowing him to invest his feelings in her and Nick, all the while knowing she wouldn’t marry him. The mere idea that he believed that about her was enough to crush her entire being.
But that’s exactly how it
looks, Katherine. You made love to the man over and over. You gave yourself to him in a way that said “I love you. I need you. Forever.” What were you thinking then? And why did you have to be a complete fool and turn him down? Other than Nick, he’s the most wonderful thing to ever happen in your life. Now you’ve lost him.
The recriminating voice in her head was enough to bring tears to her eyes. She desperately tried to blink them away as she sank onto the edge of her bed and pulled open the top drawer of the nightstand. Next to a hairbrush and a jar of night cream, the box with the engagement ring sat like an ominous reminder of everything she’d lost. What was she going to do with it? With this awful sadness weighing her down?
Lifting the lid, she gazed at the ring he’d slipped onto her finger. Even to her untrained eye, she could see the piece of jewelry was worth a small fortune. The square diamond alone was huge and the sapphires equally impressive.
Yellow flowers because you’re my sunshine. Sapphires to match the blue flecks in your eyes.
Each time she remembered Blake’s words, she had to fight off a rush of tears. Oh, why had she ever allowed herself to fall in love with him? And how long would it be before this crushing pain inside her went away? Or would it ever go away?
“Mom, are you about to go to bed?”
Closing the lid on the ring box, she looked up to see Nick standing in the open doorway of her bedroom. More than thirty minutes ago, she’d told him to change into his pajamas, but he was still dressed in jeans and a grubby T-shirt.
“In a few minutes,” she answered, then followed with a question of her own. “It’s getting late. Why aren’t you ready for bed?”
Glum-faced, he walked into the room and stood in front of her. “I’ve been on the phone.”
“I heard you talking with Shawn. That was more than an hour ago.”
Nick let out a hefty sigh and it was plain to Katherine that something was troubling him. As of yet, she’d not mentioned anything to him about her split with Blake. Mainly because she didn’t have a clue as how to gently break the news, or shield him from being hurt.
“He’s getting ready for baseball camp,” Nick explained. “It starts in a few days.”
“Oh. I almost forgot about camp. You still want to go, too, don’t you?”
He shook his head. “I did. But not now. I’d rather go out to Three Rivers and ride with Hannah. She’s the one I was on the phone with just now.”
Three Rivers. Blake’s home. It was never meant for her to live in a place like that, she thought. With a family like his. But God help her, she’d dreamed about it. And now those dreams were dead.
“I see. Did you call her?”
“No. She called me. So we could talk about the roundup. She says it always happens in the middle of May and that’s next week. She wants me to come out for another riding lesson before then. Can we go, Mom?”
Oh, please, God, give me strength, she prayed. “I doubt it, son.”
She expected him to burst out with a protest. Instead, he stared at her in glum silence. “Hannah said she figured you would say that. She says Blake is acting really strange and he hardly ever comes to the house anymore. We think something bad has happened with you and him.”
Before Katherine could come up with an explanation that would make sense to a ten-year-old boy, he suddenly noticed the box in her hand.
“What’s that? It looks like a gift.”
Deciding there was no easy way around this, she opened the box and showed him the ring.
“Wow! That’s a real sparkler! Where did that come from?”
She patted the spot next to her. “Sit down, Nick. I want to talk with you.”
His gray eyes wide with uncertainty, he eased onto the edge of the mattress. “About the roundup?”
“Sort of. Mostly about me and Blake and you.” She drew in a bracing breath. “You see, Blake asked me to marry him. That’s what this ring is about. It was meant to be my engagement ring.”
Before she could stop him, Nick leaped to his feet and let out a joyous yell. “Yippee! Blake is gonna be my daddy! My real daddy!”
Shaking her head, Katherine reached out and grabbed a hold on his arm. “Wait a minute, son. You need to hear the rest. I told Blake no. Understand? I’m not going to marry him. In fact, Blake and I won’t be seeing each other anymore.”
Nick went stone-still, while the joy on his face suddenly turned to total shock.
“I’m not sure what this change is going to mean for you and Hannah,” Katherine went on. “I truly want you to get to spend time with her. So I’m planning to have a talk with Vivian and work something out with her about you two.”
The color drained from Nick’s face to leave it the sickly shade of bread dough.
“Mom, you’re kiddin’, aren’t ya? You wouldn’t tell Blake no. He’s the best! And I know you like him a lot. The kind of like with hearts and flowers and all that mushy stuff.”
She closed the lid on the ring box and put it away in the nightstand. Yes, her love for Blake was full of all that mushy stuff, she thought miserably.
Turning back to him, she said gently, “I’m sorry that I’ve disappointed you, Nick. Believe me, I never planned for this to happen.”
A look of horror came over his face. “Yes, you did!” he yelled. “Blake is the only dad I ever wanted! And Hannah is my cousin and my best friend, too! Now I can’t see them! You’ve gone and ruined everything!”
He turned and raced out the door as though demons were on his heels.
Katherine’s first instinct was to call to him and order him straight back to her side. But she didn’t. Not when she could already hear heartrending sobs coming from his room across the hallway.
Anyway, what could she say to him? She’d squashed her son’s most fervent wish to have a father. She’d made Blake angry and embittered. And she’d ruined any chance she might have for future happiness. Was she crazy? Or would all three of them eventually come to realize she’d done the right thing?
* * *
The next morning, Blake took a long swig of syrupy coffee and wearily wiped a hand over his face. It wasn’t yet ten and he’d already been at his desk for six hours. And that was after getting only two hours of sleep.
Tossing aside his pen, he left the desk and walked over to the window overlooking a portion of the ranch yard. Twenty tons of alfalfa from northern New Mexico had arrived on semitrucks minutes earlier and now several of the hands were stacking the large bales in a barn next to the horse stalls. On the opposite side of the work yard, a cloud of dust was flying above the cattle pens, where a new shipment of heifers was being roped and dragged to the branding fire.
The busy sight told Blake it was a typical morning at Three Rivers. At least, it was for everyone else on the ranch. Just not for him. Nothing would ever be normal for Blake again. Katherine’s refusal to marry him had turned everything dark and somber. And he didn’t know how to fix the pain in his heart or change his life into what he wanted or needed it to be.
A light knock on the door interrupted his miserable thoughts and he glanced over his shoulder to see his mother walking into the office.
She was wearing tall high heels and a beige dress with a pink scarf draped around her neck. She looked prettier than he’d seen her in a long time, yet he couldn’t find the energy or the spirit to smile at her.
“So here you are,” she said. “I missed you at breakfast.”
“I didn’t have any.”
“I should’ve known,” she said with a disapproving smirk. “Have any coffee left?”
“It’s burned black. You’ll have to put a bunch of sugar in it.”
“I’m tough. I can handle it.”
Yes, his mother was tough, Blake thought. She had more fight and fortitude in her little finger than he did in his whole body.
“So where are you
off to?” he asked as she drained the last of the coffee into a thick mug.
“I’m going to Phoenix today,” she told him as she stirred sugar into the mug. “To look at a pair of horses for Holt and possibly purchase them for the ranch. We’ll see. After that, your uncle Gil has offered to take me to lunch. He’s in the city this week attending some sort of special training for county lawmen.”
Gil Hollister was Joel’s older brother by two years. As a very young man he’d lived and worked on Three Rivers, but eventually he’d decided being a rancher wasn’t his calling. By the time he’d reached his midtwenties, he’d moved away to Tucson and become a law officer. Blake and the rest of his siblings considered Gil their favorite uncle, in spite of having three more uncles on their mother’s side of the family.
“Hmm. Is Joseph down there? I’ve not heard from him. Not since we found the cut fence.”
“He didn’t go,” Maureen said. “Seems he took the training last year.”
“That’s good. He doesn’t need to get too far away from Tessa right now.” Raking a hand through his hair, he walked back to his desk and sank into the chair. “Uh, did you stop by this morning for a reason? Other than to make sure I’m still as good-looking as I was yesterday?”
Moving across the room, she stood in front of his desk and carefully studied his haggard face. “Good-looking? Maybe you’d better go find a mirror. You look like pure hell. And to be honest, I’m not one bit happy about it. That’s what I stopped by to tell you. From what Reeva tells me, you’re not eating and I can plainly see you’ve not been sleeping, either.”
“Reeva needs to stick to her cooking and quit worrying about my eating habits. And I’m getting enough sleep.”
“Sure. Like the cow can jump over the moon. I’m sorry, Blake, but you can’t go on like this. You’ve got to snap out of this and put Katherine completely behind you. Or make up with her.”
Leave it to his mother to lay everything out in simple terms. With her, there was no being wishy-washy. Either you did or you didn’t. She wouldn’t tolerate anyone straddling the fence.
Her Man on Three Rivers Ranch Page 17