by Kay Gordon
“You better tell your old man what has you so upset or I’m liable to tear that camp apart while I try to figure it out.” His voice was a playful warning but I knew he’d call May and Howard if I didn’t give him something. Before I could reply, the door to the garage opened again and my mom’s happy voice filled the kitchen.
“Shaylee!”
I hardly had time to separate from my dad before she had pulled me to the couch and was hugging me to her. I melted into her embrace, happily willing to give up my adult-card if it meant having the comfort of my parents whenever I needed them. The tears I’d been fighting broke free and I barely managed to keep myself from falling apart completely.
I could almost feel my parents having a silent conversation over the top of my head. My mom’s lips touched my temple and she shifted so she could see my face. “Talk to us. What’s going on?”
“I just…” I sniffled and swiped at my cheeks, suddenly realizing something. “Wait. Why are you at Dad’s house?”
My dad cleared his throat to my right. “Maybe she just wanted to see you, silly.”
“How would she have known I was here? I didn’t tell either of you I was coming.” I focused my gaze on his guilty face. He smiled and glanced at my mother.
“Cat’s out of the bag, Jeannie. Might as well tell her.”
Like I was watching a fast paced tennis match, I turned my head back to my mother. “Tell me what?”
“Well.” My mom smiled and smoothed back my hair so she could press another kiss to my forehead. “Your father and I reconnected earlier this year and we decided to… date again.”
“Date?” I repeated, like a parrot. My head was spinning. The two of them had been divorced for my whole adult life and now they were back together? “You guys are dating? That’s, uh… weird.”
Both of my parents laughed and my mother released me completely when my father took the spot on the couch next to her. I watched, in complete shock, as their hands found one another easily. It was a sight I hadn’t seen in a really long time but a welcome one. As quickly as a smile bloomed on my face, it fell.
“But… I don’t understand.” I cleared my throat and met my mom’s eyes. “You cheated on him. That’s kind of a big deal.”
She swallowed as guilt clouded her features. I felt like an asshole for bringing it up but my father just smiled and pulled her closer to him.
“That may be so but neither of us was blameless in everything that happened, Lee.” He ran his fingers through her hair and I couldn’t help but smile as he continued. “No family should have to go through what the four of us did. Watching Kira get sicker and sicker and then ultimately losing her cast each of us in our own dark holes. I began to work more and ignored my family, hoping to keep my mind off what we’d lost. In the end, I did wrong by you two.”
“That doesn’t excuse what I did,” Mom interjected as she wiped a tear that had fallen down her cheek. “I turned to someone else for comfort when I felt lonely. I didn’t just betray your dad, Shaylee, but I betrayed you and I’m so sorry.”
Dad pressed a kiss to my mom’s temple. “I forgive your mom and she forgives me. We started counseling about six months ago, something we should have done years ago. But I never stopped loving her, baby. I let my hurt and anger justify pushing her away and breaking up our family.”
“And I let my bitterness and loneliness do the same.” Mom wiped another tear and I gripped her hand tight in my own.
“In the end, we want to be with each other and I hope you’ll support us. Things aren’t perfect, maybe they never will be, but we’re slowly rebuilding. We didn’t want to let you know until we were sure.”
Mom smiled at my dad and nodded her head. “But we’ve spent a lot of time together while you were in Maine and I’m going to move back in here.”
I stood from the couch, my mind swimming with all of the new information, and both of my parents looked panicked for a second. That panic melted away when I sat down in my father’s lap and wrapped my arms around both of their necks. Their arms came around me and I couldn’t keep my own tears back any longer.
My infinitely patient parents let me cry. My mom did her own fair of sniffling and my father did his best to calm us both. When I finally got myself under control, I pulled back and used the tissue Dad had given me to wipe my face.
“I brought groceries. I was going to make spaghetti for dinner.”
“Come on,” Mom said, moving to her feet. “We can make it together. We can also talk about how offended I am that you chose to see your dad before me.”
All three of us laughed and went into the kitchen. Mom and I chopped vegetables while Dad watched us from the kitchen table. They asked me questions about camp and I answered them while avoiding mentioning Drew altogether. It wasn’t until we sat down more than an hour later that my dad came full circle.
“Okay. We’ve heard about the great stuff that happened at camp. It’s time to tell us about whatever had you crying earlier and what’s caused that sad look behind your eyes.”
I picked at my bread, avoiding both of their eyes as I debated what to say. “Do you guys remember the guy Kira was close to at camp? AJ?”
“How could we forget AJ?” My mom laughed and took a drink of the wine she’d poured for all three of us. “He and Kira were fast friends. She claimed him as her best friend that first summer they met.”
I gulped down my own alcohol and placed my empty glass on the table before verbally vomiting everything. I told my parents about Drew and how he’d annoyed me at first. How we’d laughed over pranks and eventually bonded on our day off. How he ran around the lake with me and listened to me talk about everything. About the ball and camping. About how he’d comforted me when I lost my necklace. How Keaton had revealed Drew’s true identity. And finally, I told them about everything he’d said during out last night together, omitting the details of what else we did. When I was done, I was crying- again- and both of my parents were looking at me with sympathy.
“So, let me get this straight,” Dad said, putting his fork down and leveling me with a serious look. “You’re in love with this boy but don’t want to be with him because your sister was friends with him?”
“It’s not that simple, Dad. She wasn’t just his friend- they were way more than that. What if Mom had started dating someone who was your clone in every way? Maybe Uncle Cal? Wouldn’t you feel like she was trying to replace you?”
“Not if she loved him.” He reached across the table and took my hand in his. “Why are you looking for an ulterior motive in this? You’re usually so levelheaded but you’re being unreasonable Shaylee Jane.”
“I agree with your father.” Mom gave me a sad smile. “Why are you so afraid to love this boy? He sounds like a good person.”
I pushed my plate away and sighed. “You don’t understand. Kira truly loved him. I won’t take that from her. And I won’t risk my heart for someone who’s trying to replace what he lost.”
My parents exchanged a sad look across the table and it was my dad who spoke.
“I think you’ve made a poor choice shutting this young man out, Lee. That’s that last I’m going to stay on it.”
Mom reluctantly changed the subject, filling me in on everything I’d missed over the summer. I kept an eye on my parents and couldn’t help smiling when I realized how much they loved each other. They were constantly touching if even in just the smallest way, and my mom’s face was full of affection when she glanced at my father. Dad looked at her as if she was the queen of everything and despite my own heartbreak, I felt happy. No one deserved love more than the two people who’d created me.
I was helping Mom clean the kitchen and had just wiped down the counters when I stopped and sighed. She looked up at me and quirked her brows.
“What’s on your mind, kiddo?”
I honestly didn’t think I looked anything like my mom. The only thing we had in common was our height, build, an
d honey-brown eye color. She was a beautiful woman inside and out, though, and I didn’t blame my dad for being absolutely smitten with her.
“I just miss her.” I tucked my hand into my pocket and rubbed my fingers across the smooth keychain Drew had given me. “Being at camp stirred up a lot of memories as it was and the whole thing with Drew didn’t help.”
“I miss her every single day but I like to think she’s still with us.” Mom wrapped me up in her arms and held me to her. “I talk to her all the time and I swear she’s listening. I’ll talk to her and a butterfly will appear or the breeze will kick up my hair.”
She sniffled and tightened her hold on me. “One night, about two years ago, I was sitting on the porch talking to her, telling her how much I missed her and how many regrets I had over the things I’d done. I was crying and the blue, cloudless sky turned grey so quickly. Suddenly, rain started pouring down out of nowhere and all I could think was that your sister was crying with me.”
“You really think she can hear you?” My face was shoved into her shirt, which muffled my voice and soaked up my tears. I could feel my mother nod.
“Maybe it’s just wishful thinking but I do. It makes me feel better to believe that regardless.”
Strong arms came around both of us and I felt my father kiss the top of my head before he did the same to my mother.
I swiped a hand down my face when we all finally broke apart. “Do you have any of Kira’s old albums handy? I want to look through them.”
“Of course. They’re in the attic.” My father tweaked my nose and stepped back. “I’ll go get them for you.”
My mother watched him leave with a small smile on her lips, like just being in his presence fulfilled her. Like my father, the sadness that had become a permanent part of her face for so many years was gone.
“I’m happy for you and Dad.”
She dropped her arm across my shoulders. “I am, too. I love you and your father so much. I’m a lucky woman.”
As we stood there, my hand automatically went to my necklace and another stab of pain hit me when I remembered it wasn’t there. I quickly dropped my hand but not before my mother noticed. She smiled sadly but didn’t say anything. A minute later, my dad reappeared with a stack of photo albums in his arms.
“Found ‘em. It’s been a bit since I’ve been in her things.” He placed them all on the table and shook his head. “That girl and her scrapbooking.”
We all laughed quietly, remembering how obsessed my older sister was with creating scrapbooks. She could have spent hours in the craft stores looking for little cutouts to coordinate with the photos she had. I had a few that she made me at my place and I knew that my parents had at least double that amount. The stack in front of me included her personal albums she’d made for herself.
After being hugged tight by both of my parents, they made me promise to come by the next weekend. My father also shoved a wad of cash into my hand, telling me to make sure I had all of the school supplies I needed to start classes Monday.
As I drove away from my childhood home, I realized how different it was. The house lost Kira first and then my mother. At that point, I was splitting my time between my parents, staying with Dad one week and with Mom the next. The love and joy the home had once held was completely gone.
And now it was back. It would never feel as perfect as it had with Kira, but it wasn’t the sad, gloomy place it had been for eight years. It felt like home again.
Chapter Thirty-Three
The apartment was empty when I made it home and I dropped the scrapbooks on to the coffee table. I stared at them for a moment, almost weary of what they could possibly hold, and decided that I needed some liquid courage. I stared at them while I stood in the kitchen drinking a beer. It wasn’t until I’d uncapped the second bottle that I moved into my bedroom and opened one up.
The front cover was beautifully decorated and labeled ‘School Memories.’ When I flipped it open, page after page was filled with photos of her from kindergarten up until ninth grade. There was nothing from tenth grade since she’d been too sick to attend and passed away that December.
I smiled and ran my finger over some of the images. When I made it to the section of her third grade photos, there was one labeled ‘Shaylee’s first day of kindergarten.’ The photos showed five-year-old me standing next to eight-year-old Kira, her arm tucking me close to her small body. We were both smiling, although I looked terrified. It reminded me of my first time at Camp Holcomb. I was so scared and nervous but Kira’s confidence and support had helped me get through it.
I flipped through each page slowly, unable to resist smiling at my sister’s beautiful face. We definitely did look alike but her features were softer than mine, more like our mother, including her face. It wasn’t until I found the middle school pictures that we really looked different. The progression from healthy teenage girl was gradual. The weight loss, the missing hair, and her pale complexion had taken her from being my could-be twin to a wispy teenager who was stronger than she appeared.
I had about ten albums in all and I spent hours going through them. Some of them made me laugh and most of them made me cry. One made me extremely nervous and I saved it for last.
“Oh, Kira,” I murmured as I traced the letters on the cover of the album. Small stickers in the shape of campfires, canoes, tents, and pine trees surrounded the words ‘Camp Holcomb.’ “I wish you were here.”
I tried to swallow but my mouth was suddenly dry and it took all of my strength to open the book. The first images were of eight-year-old Kira on her first day, surrounded by nine other girls who looked to be the same age.
It wasn’t until four pages in that Drew appeared for the first time. The image had both Kira’s cabin and the male counterpart in it and they were grinning on the beach of the lake. It took me a minute to spot him but when I did, I grinned through my tears.
Little Drew was adorable. He had bucked teeth, crazy hair that needed a cut, and glasses that reminded me of the little boy from Jerry Maguire. The smile on his face was so big and so cheesy that it felt like a fist was squeezing my heart. I knew that Camp Holcomb was the first place he’d ever felt at home and judging by that photo, I believed it.
Drew didn’t appear singularly with Kira until their third year, the year she would have been in the fifth grade cabin. They were both ten-years-old and obviously close friends. Drew was still adorable but he had grown several inches and into his teeth somewhat. He usually had an arm thrown across Kira’s shoulders and they both cheesed for the camera constantly.
When I made it to her sixth grade year, the first photo was of the two of us at the airport. Our parents must have taken it when they dropped us off. I had a nervous smile on my face but Kira looked as happy as could be.
The next few were of the two of us- arriving in Maine, with May and Howard, arriving at camp, and at the welcome bonfire. A few photos didn’t include me but I appeared again in one with two people. With Kira between us, I stood on one side with a real smile on my face while twelve-year-old Drew stood on her other, sporting an equally happy expression.
I flipped through the photos and was surprised to see how often I appeared with Drew and Kira. In a lot of them, he had slung his arms across both of us, holding us to him in a protective and sweet manner.
I was with them at the movies under the stars, bonfires, and during random activities from my first year on. When I made it to Kira’s ninth grade year, she didn’t even look like the same girl. She had started chemo shortly after we had come home from her eighth grade year and nine months of treatments had changed her a lot. The only thing that wasn’t different was her smile. She had been on her way to remission. She’d beaten it. We were happy.
I swallowed and shook my head. “Or so we thought.”
During her last year at camp, her smile was still bright but the sadness showed in her eyes. Mine, too. I was in more of the photos with her since I’d spent a
lot of time with her during my seventh grade year. I’d wanted to soak in every minute with my sister that I could.
Drew was in them, too. His body language was even more protective than it had been. Not just of Kira, either. He seemed to hold me a bit tighter when I appeared with the two of them.
The photos of Drew and Kira’s last ball stopped me in my tracks. It wasn’t even the photos of them looking amazing. It was one of me standing with my ‘date’. We were smiling at the camera but in the background was Drew. He was staring at me with a longing expression that I’d seen older Drew give a more evolved version of. That picture… it took my breath away.
On the last page, Kira and I posed in front of the Camp Holcomb sign. The next photo was her with May and Howard. The final photo was of her and Drew embracing tight, knowing they’d never see each other again. It was heartbreaking.
“Jesus,” I murmured, flipping the page so I could close it. In the back cover, however, was a pocket and envelopes were tucked inside of it. I pulled them out slowly and turned them around.
On the front of them was Kira’s name and address, with a return address from California. I knew instantly that I was looking at some of the letters Drew and Kira had exchanged during the off season.
I debated with myself for about ten minutes before I pulled the first one out. They were dated starting when the two of them were in sixth grade and ending from shortly before she died. Drew’s handwriting was messy and adorable and I couldn’t help smiling when he wrote “Write back soon, AJ” at the bottom of each one.
Younger AJ talked about random things. He told Kira how school was going, about the different sports he was playing, and how things were with his foster parents. What really threw me was when we got to his teen years and he started talking about his first girlfriend. I wondered how that made Kira feel to hear about that.
He talked about her cancer the first time she’d been diagnosed and offered her words of encouragement. AJ was adamant that she would beat the cancer and he told her she had to get strong to join him back at camp that summer.