‘And you can’t begin to imagine how it feels to be that child, can you? To know that your own mother was so ashamed of having you that she would go to any lengths to keep her pregnancy quiet.’
‘I did what I thought was best.’
‘“I, I, I.” Yes, best for you. The truth is, Jessica, you’ve never really considered anyone but yourself. You are completely and utterly selfish and self-centred.’
‘How dare you speak to me like that! I’m not listening to this one moment longer!’
• • •
‘We’d been standing in the hall until then,’ said Karen, ‘but suddenly she just shot off up the stairs. I was furious and I went after her. “Oh yes, you will,” I said. “There’s something else I need to know.” She was nearly at the top by then and suddenly she twisted around and almost spat at me. “And I can guess what that is!” she said.’
So could Thanet.
And so, too, could Covin. The man’s hands suddenly clenched into fists so tightly that the knuckles gleamed white. Clearly he was bracing himself.
And then at last Thanet understood what it was that Covin had been waiting to find out. He understood, too, why the moment Karen had flung out of the house that evening Covin had gone straight to the telephone to ring Jessica. He had not only wanted to warn her that Karen now knew the truth, he had wanted to make a desperate plea that Jessica should not tell her the rest of it. His relief at Karen’s unexpected return was also now explained: he had been afraid that their estrangement might be permanent.
I suppose you want to know who your father was. Well, you won’t have far to look. Just turn around and go home again.’
You mean –’
Covin let out a sound between a sob and a gasp and buried his head in his hands. Karen looked down at the bent head, then laid a tentative hand on his shoulder and said, ‘I’m sorry, Dad. But I have to tell them how it was, so they can understand what happened.’ Covin half raised his head but didn’t look up at her.
‘Yes. Bloody Bernard, that’s who. Couldn’t keep his hands off his little sister-in-law, could he.’
‘No!’
‘No point in screaming at me. Like it or not, it’s true.’
It’s not!’
‘And then, well, that was when it happened. So fast that it’s still all really a blur. She swung around to climb the last couple of stairs and I grabbed for her, to try and stop her. She tried to jerk aside, to avoid my hand and that . . . that was when she lost her balance and . . . and –’
Up until now Karen’s composure had been remarkable. During the intervening days she must have relived the events of Tuesday night so often that she had been able to relate them almost as if they had happened to someone else. Now, at last, her control cracked. Her face contorted and Thanet glimpsed the tears which suddenly gushed from her eyes before she too buried her face in her hands. ‘It was horrible,’ she sobbed. ‘Horrible.’
As if Karen’s collapse had been a signal Covin straightened up and put his arms around her, began to rock her as if she were a child. ‘Hush, love,’ he said. ‘Hush.’
They seemed oblivious of the presence of the two policemen.
Thanet and Lineham exchanged uncomfortable glances and Lineham raised his eyebrows, jerking his head towards the door.
Thanet hesitated. Father and daughter needed some time alone together, to begin to come to terms with what had happened. On the other hand he couldn’t afford to miss the rest of Karen’s story. Well, he could at least give them the illusion of privacy. He rose quietly; Lineham followed suit and silently they left the room. Thanet adjusted the door so that it was slightly ajar and they waited in the hall. He didn’t like eavesdropping but in this instance felt that it was the best compromise he could make.
Karen was still crying, great gasping gulps of pent-up emotion. Covin continued to soothe her, to murmur in her ear, to stroke her back.
In view of what Thanet had just learned it did cross his mind to wonder if there was a sexual element in their embrace, but he quickly dismissed the suspicion. The solace which Karen was seeking and the tenderness displayed by Covin were, he was certain, untainted by any unnatural element.
At last her sobs abated. ‘Oh Dad,’ she said, ‘it was horrible. I can’t tell you.’
‘I’ve been so worried about you’
‘I know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.’
‘Shh. I’m the one who should be apologising.’
‘Her face . . . Her eyes . . . I can’t get them out of my mind.’
‘It wasn’t your fault. She must have seen how upset you were. She shouldn’t have lost her temper.’
‘But I said such horrible things! And I can’t help thinking, over and over again, that that was the only conversation I shall ever have with my real mother, and look how it ended! I’ll never forgive myself, never.’
‘Karen.’ Covin raised her up so that she was facing him, tilted her chin gently with one finger so that she was looking directly into his face. ‘Karen. Get this straight. Madge was your mother, your true mother. Oh, not biologically perhaps, but in every other way. She certainly couldn’t have loved you more if she had borne you herself.’
‘I know that. I do, really. But, Dad . . .’
‘What?’ There was a shadow in his face now. He could tell what she was going to ask him.
‘What she said . . . about you. Was it true?’ She knew, really; Covin’s reaction just now had been all the confirmation she required. But she still needed to hear it from him.
‘Yes. But Karen – you must understand, and I swear this is the truth, it only happened the once. I was bitterly ashamed of myself at the time, but later, when it brought me you, I found I couldn’t really regret it.’
‘Did Mum know?’
Covin shook his head. ‘Jessica always refused to tell her who your father was.’
‘I’ve thought about it such a lot this week.’ Karen put a hand up to her temple and massaged it. ‘There’s been so much to think about . . . Finding out I was adopted and then, well, there’s no point in pretending I wasn’t shocked, horrified even, at first, when Jessica told me about you. I didn’t want to believe it. But later, well, that was what I wanted to tell you. Later, when it had all had time to sink in, I found I was actually glad.’
‘Glad!’
‘Yes. Glad that you really are my father. It meant that although at first I felt the whole of my past had been just one big lie, in fact a great big chunk of it, my relationship with you, had survived more or less intact. It’s the one thing I can salvage out of all this.’
‘Oh Karen, you can’t imagine how relieved I am to hear you say that.’
‘That was why I had to come back, to put things right with you.’
‘I’m so glad you did. I was afraid I might have lost you for good.’
‘You won’t get rid of me as easily as that!’
The tone of the conversation had lightened so much that Thanet decided it was time to go back in. So engrossed were they with each other that they barely glanced up as he and Lineham returned to their seats and he wondered if they had even registered that they had been left alone for a while.
It was time to lower the emotional temperature. ‘So, Karen,’ he said briskly, ‘you’re saying Mrs Manifest’s fall was an accident.’
She nodded.
‘Then why on earth didn’t you say so right away?’ said Covin, reaching for his cigarettes and lighting up.
Back to normal, thought Thanet.
‘I just panicked, I suppose,’ said Karen. ‘I was in such a state I was incapable of thinking straight. And I was frightened. Although I knew it had been an accident it still felt as though it was my fault, that it was I who’d killed her.’
‘Because you’d been so angry with her earlier, you mean?’ said Thanet. ‘Perhaps you felt as though you’d almost willed it to happen.’
‘Yes, that’s it exactly! I hadn’t thought of it like that, but you’re right.’
‘But why didn’t you at least call an ambulance before you left?’ said her father.
‘I told you. I just panicked. I was terrified. It was obvious she was dead. No one alive ever has that terrible blank, fixed stare . . . I just ran, jumped into the car and drove off.’
‘I saw you,’ said Covin.
‘Really? Did you? I didn’t realise that. I didn’t see you. I think I was more or less incapable of noticing anything.’
‘You went rushing across the road and into the car as I was coming around the bend in the lane behind you. I didn’t know whether to follow you or not.’
Thanet could understand Covin’s dilemma. He must have been torn between his desire to know whether or not Jessica had told Karen he really was her father, and the need to set matters right between them.
‘I thought you might be going home again,’ said Covin. ‘So I thought I’d better have a quick word with Jessica first.’
‘Did either of you touch the body?’ said Lineham.
They shook their heads in unison.
‘So why didn’t you ring for an ambulance, sir?’ said Thanet.
‘Obviously I didn’t want to get involved!’ said Covin. ‘Just in case Karen might somehow be dragged into it. So far as I knew, no one had seen either of us there and I wanted it to stay that way. That was why I left the door open, as I found it.’
‘Did I leave it open?’ said Karen. ‘I didn’t realise.’
Such a trivial matter, thought Thanet, with such far-reaching consequences. If she hadn’t, there would have been no reason for Kevin to go into the house to investigate, no phone call to arouse suspicion. It would also have saved the police a great deal of time and fruitless effort. Still, he wasn’t complaining. He would be able to put the case entirely out of his mind for the wedding.
The wedding!
He glanced at his watch. Six-thirty! He would barely have time to get home and change before the dinner at the Black Swan.
Quickly he arranged for both father and daughter to come in to make their statements next morning, then wound up the interview and left.
‘Why the sudden rush?’ said Lineham as they hurried to the car.
Thanet explained. Then he grinned.
‘What’s so funny?’
‘I was thinking that at least I’ve got a good excuse for not going back to the office, if the Super complains I haven’t brought him up to date! By the way, I’m sorry I didn’t put you in the picture about Karen. I was just going to tell you when Covin arrived back, remember?’
‘I really couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t let me caution him.’
‘Yes, well, I’d guessed what was coming by then.’ A moment or two later, Thanet groaned. ‘Oh, no!’
‘What’s the matter?’
‘I’ve just remembered. I’ll never be ready in time. The house will be crawling with people. The bathroom’ll be permanently occupied and I’ll have to keep on stopping to be sociable.’
Lineham grinned. ‘I’d rather you than me.’
NINETEEN
Even from the outside, Thanet’s house proclaimed that something unusual was afoot. Although it was not yet fully dark, lights blazed from uncurtained windows in every room and figures could be seen moving about inside. Thanet’s parking space in the drive had been left empty but cars lined the kerb in front of the house and Thanet wondered who they could all belong to.
Inside the atmosphere was charged with that special electricity generated by a high pitch of expectation. There was noise, laughter, movement all over the house. For a moment Thanet felt himself a stranger in his own home and then Joan appeared at the top of the stairs. She was all ready to go out, in a dress he hadn’t seen before. It was in one of her favourite colours, a deep, rich blue, with fluid, feminine lines which enhanced the figure she had only ever lost briefly, during her pregnancies.
‘Luke!’ she cried. ‘There you are. I was getting worried.’
‘Yes, sorry darling. I’ll –’
‘Dad! Hi!’ said Ben, emerging from the kitchen with a tray of coffee mugs. He looked unfamiliar.
‘You’ve had your hair cut!’ Thanet said.
‘So’ve you.’
They grinned at each other.
‘Couldn’t let the side down, could we?’ said Ben.
‘Who’re all those for?’ Thanet nodded at the mugs.
‘Just some friends who’ve dropped in. And the two grandmas of course. I went and fetched Granny Bolton earlier. They’re having the time of their lives.’
The grandparents on both sides were to join them at dinner.
I’ll just say hullo.’ The buzz of laughter and conversation swelled as Thanet opened the living-room door.
Ben was right, he saw at once. Joan’s mother and his, both also dressed ready to go out, were sitting on either side of the fire like twin icons, their faces animated as they listened to the chatter all around them. ‘Some’ friends was an understatement, he thought. Bridget and Ben had both attended local schools and their friends seemed to have ‘dropped in’ in force tonight. There were half a dozen youngsters crammed on to the settee and every inch of carpet seemed to be covered by bodies seated or supine. Thanet knew most of them and there was a chorus of greeting. His mother raised a hand to wave at him. ‘I’ll talk to you later, dear. You go and change now.’
Thankfully, he escaped.
‘Oh, there you are, Dad!’ said Bridget, emerging from her room as he went by. ‘We were getting worried in case you’d been held up.’ She was wearing a brief velvet dress with long tight sleeves in a green so dark it was almost black.
‘You look gorgeous,’ he said.
Ignoring eve-of-the-wedding convention, she and Alexander had opted to join their parents and grandparents for this initial meeting between the two sets of in-laws. Thanet had dreaded the prospect of handing Bridget over to a bridegroom with a hangover but things had changed, it seemed, since he got married. Alexander’s stag ‘night’ had been a day’s go-karting with some friends, and Bridget’s had been lunch in Calais on a day trip to France. In any case, he and Joan had been relieved that the young people had opted to join them tonight. It should smooth the way.
‘I see Lucy’s arrived,’ he said. She had been one of the familiar faces downstairs.
‘Yes. I’m so glad she could get away to be bridesmaid, we’ve known each other such a long time. Did you meet Thomas, her fiancé?’
‘No. I only put my head around the door.’
‘He seems really nice. I hadn’t met him before.’
‘Good.’
‘Luke!’ called Joan impatiently.
‘Coming.’
She was waiting for him in their bedroom. ‘It’s five past seven already,’ she said. ‘We really ought to leave by twenty past.’
They were supposed to be meeting the Highmans at 7.30.
‘Don’t fuss!’ Thanet said. ‘It won’t matter if we’re a few minutes late. It’s not considered polite to be dead on time.’ He spotted his hired dress suit for the wedding hanging on the back of the door. ‘Good grief. Do I really have to wear that tomorrow?’
‘Luke! Let’s concentrate on the here and now, shall we? Just tell me what you’re going to wear tonight and I’ll get it out while you have a shower. I’ve made sure the bathroom’s free.’
‘I always did think it would be nice to have a valet,’ he said with a grin.
‘Get a move on!’ she said.
By the time he came back his clothes were all laid out on the bed. He dressed quickly and was hurrying towards the stairs when he stopped dead. Passing Bridget’s room he had glimpsed a ghostly white shape in the darkness. Her wedding dress. Slowly he retraced his steps and went in.
There it was, hooked over the door of her wardrobe, shrouded in protective polythene, a symbol of the great change that was to take place in his daughter’s life, in all their lives, tomorrow.
Contemplating it he was overcome by a complicated blend of emotions – a sense of lo
ss, of yearning for the days of her childhood now gone for ever, all mixed up with a heartfelt desire for her happiness with this stranger who had stepped into their lives to steal her from them.
He sighed, shook his head, squared his shoulders. It was time to face the first stage of his ordeal.
They were all four waiting for him in the hall. Ben appeared at the living-room door. He wasn’t coming with them tonight and neither were Alexander’s brother and sister. The party, it was felt, would have been too unwieldy. ‘Have a good time,’ he said.
And, astonishingly, they did. Right from the start the evening went with a swing. Everyone was in a good mood, determined to make these new relationships work, and despite his fears Thanet found the Highmans unpretentious and very easy to get along with. They were full of praise for Bridget and he found that his fears for her future began to ease. At least she was marrying a man from a stable family background and he felt that these people would do their best to welcome her and make her feel at home in their very different social circumstances.
‘There you are!’ said Joan, when they had taken her mother home and they were at last back in the privacy of their own room. Downstairs the party was still going strong and Bridget had slipped in to join her friends. ‘Now be honest. It wasn’t as bad as you expected, was it?’
‘You’re just saying, “I told you so!”’
‘I certainly am. Unzip me, will you? But seriously, I really liked Alexander’s parents, didn’t you?’
‘Yes, I did,’ said Thanet, complying. ‘You look wonderful in this dress.’
‘I hoped you’d like it . . . So, do I take it that you’re not as worried about tomorrow now?’
‘Marginally less, I suppose.’
‘Pessimist!’ she said, slipping on her dressing gown to avoid embarrassing encounters on the way to the bathroom. When she came back she said, ‘How’s the case going, by the way? I didn’t have time to ask you earlier. I assume there’s going to be no problem tomorrow?’
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