by Candice Dow
“Whatever? I know some people use those services, but not me.”
As she rushed off the phone, she did her best to convince me why I needed to go to an upscale dating service. “Although it’s just a date, he needs to be handpicked.” She snickered. “Okay, so I made you an appointment with the Black Love Agency.”
My nose wrinkled. “That sounds like a porno agency.”
“See, you are so outdated.” She paused. “Now, would I send you to some sketchy place?”
“I guess not. When is the appointment?”
“This evening at six.”
“What?”
“Yeah, I just sent the email with all the details.”
“Wait—”
“I figured we should do it while you’re pumped. Tomorrow might be too late. Who knows? Derrick may drop by tonight and tell you he changed his mind and he doesn’t want you to date.”
“You are such a smart-ass.”
“Love me or leave me alone. I got to go. Hopefully, we’ll talk before you go. If not, we’ll hook up after your meeting.”
My mouth sat open and my heart pounded, as I held the phone. Kia, my editorial assistant, stood in the doorway and interrupted my thought process. Her timid smile greeted my confused look. My eyes shifted left and right. Hers returned the gesture. As I motioned for her to enter, I laughed.
Unaware of the joke, she laughed too. I asked, “Kia, would you use a dating service to find a date?”
“Uh, a dating service?”
I smirked. “You’re single, right?”
She nodded as I tried to recall my last question. “Yeah, you’re single or yeah, you’d use a dating service?”
She covered her smile with her right hand. “Both.”
“Would you?”
She nodded, and I asked, “Really?”
“Yeah, if I could afford it.”
“So, is this what people do?”
“Yeah, some people. Most people will try anything at first.”
Her confidence surfaced as she became the expert and I, the rookie. She continued, “It’s just another way of meeting people. That’s how I look at it. You never know where you’ll find love.”
Love. Technically, I’ve already had my shot at love, a love that would be impossible to replace, so I am just searching for a date. She giggled as my mind wandered off.
“I don’t know.” I lowered my chin and said, “I have an appointment at Black Love this evening.”
“That’s great, Fatima. I heard of people meeting nice guys through that agency.”
Her excitement settled the doubt blustering in me, I blushed. “Really? So you think I should go?”
“Yeah, tell me how it works out for you.”
“I certainly will.”
After I changed from my stilettos into my loafers, I dodged to the subway to make my appointment on time. While I sat on the train, I took note of all the people without rings. It would be interesting to take a survey of how many people would be willing to go through an agency. When the train approached my stop, I daydreamed. Derrick’s voice yanked me from my seat and before I could rationalize, I stood in front of the building.
Do I really have to stoop this low? As I debated the purpose of an agency, my cell phone rang. Mya shouted in my ear, “Go ahead, Fatima. Go in.”
“How do you know that I’m not already inside?”
“Because I know you.”
After looking around to make sure no one recognized me, I grabbed the door. “Whatever. I’m already inside.”
“No, you’re not. I can hear all the traffic on the street. You can’t fool me. I know you too well.”
“All right, all right. I’m going in now.”
“Okay. Call me as soon as you’re done.”
Just as a matter of accuracy, I checked the directory for the suite. When I noticed only the initials BLA on the plate, I thought that was suspect. Why didn’t they want to publicize that they were the Black Love Agency?
Before getting on the elevator, I took a deep breath. Inside the elevator, I took another deep breath. As the elevator went higher and higher, my reasons increased: You can’t be single forever. An occasional date to accompany you to professional engagements. A nice guy to take you out to dinner. And after a three-year drought, an occasional lay probably wouldn’t hurt either.
I stood in front of the young receptionist and smiled. “Uh…”
“Good evening. Do you have an appointment?”
“Yes. My name is Fatima.” As I was about to state my last name, I felt like I was committing adultery. When I looked at the twenty-something black chick across from me, I wanted to beeline out of there. Most people who knew people knew Derrick Mayo. How could I use his last name at the damn Black Love Agency?
“Fatima Barnes?” she asked.
My eyes expanded and my smile stretched even wider, because Mya was clever enough to book the appointment using my maiden name. I felt pumped again.
The receptionist handed me a clipboard with a stack of papers. “If you could just fill these out and give me your thousand-dollar deposit, we can get started.”
Can’t I appraise the damn prospects before they want to take my money? I leaned onto her desk, “So, do you think it’s worth it?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “A lot of people say it is. Many of our clients have gotten married.”
“So, usually how many dates do most people go on before they find what they’re looking for?”
“Well, we charge a thousand per month and you get unlimited dates. So, it’s hard for me to say. I mean most people stay with us on average three or four months.” Trying to whisper, she added, “You know, depending on their personality, some are with us longer.”
“This is the first time I’ve ever done anything like this.”
Her smirk assured me that she thought I was lying. “Yeah, I understand.”
“Do you have any tips?”
She chuckled. “Only pick men who are new to the service.”
“Thanks.” I checked out the nameplate on her desk. “Shakee-me-a. Did I pronounce it correctly?”
“Yeah, most people get it wrong. That’s amazing.”
Being that people often mispronounce my name, I know how important it is to get it right the first time. “Yeah, I hate when people say my name wrong.”
She nodded. “I know. I blame my mother though.”
I laughed and plopped into one of the chairs in the waiting area. “Uh-huh. Me too.”
We giggled a bit about the name game before I began filling out the stack of papers. As I plowed through the pages, I became apprehensive. There were too many clauses. They’re not responsible if someone kills me. They will not refund for loss or damaged property. This is ludicrous. As I disputed everything on every page, I scribbled in my address, my name, my expectations, my signature, and damn it, I signed my check.
I stepped back up to Shakemia’s desk and handed her the clipboard. Before I gave her the check, I asked, “Are you sure it’s worth it?”
She nodded. “Yeah, we have a good selection of men. You’ll be happy with our services.”
“Okay.”
She winked. “I’ll look out for you.”
I covered my chest with my hand. “Really?”
“I gotchu, Ms. Barnes.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem. Someone will be out in a second to take you back.”
A middle-aged lady opened the door, came out, and smiled. My insides frowned. How is she supposed to help me find someone with the right combination of street and intellect? I crept toward her, “Hi.”
Her quivery voice said, “Hello, Ms. Fat-a-mah.”
I smiled at Shakemia, and corrected her, “Fa-tee-mah.”
“Yes, Fat-a-mah, I am Gertrude. C’mon back.”
As we walked back to her conference room, she went over what I was supposed to have read. “I’m sure you know that I’ve been doing this informally for over thirty years. Th
e business has been in existence for about ten. I’m really good at what I do. I help you handpick all of your dates. I do a full psychological profile before the first date.”
“We have to do this tonight?”
“It depends when you’d like to go on your first date. Are you in a rush?”
“Oh no, I’m in no rush to date.”
She snickered. “No, honey. I mean are you in a rush this evening?”
I checked my watch as if I had more to do than read manuscripts and she waited for my response. I shook my head and she invited me to sit at the conference table.
“Okay, we’ll profile you this evening.”
The dysfunctional connotation associated with profiling rattled my nerves. “How do you profile?”
“You take a series of quizzes.”
“Are they open book?”
She didn’t respond. Her fifty-something maturity didn’t find me at all humorous, so I reverted to intellect. “So what do you conclude from these quizzes?”
“They give me an idea of what you’re looking for. How you expect to be treated. What type of person you’d be most attracted to.”
“So, when do I get to the pictures?”
“Well, you’ll only see pictures of men that you’re compatible with.”
“So, how long does it take you to grade the quizzes?”
She chuckled and pointed to the computer workstation. “Your answers will be analyzed immediately. Then, our database will be automatically searched for matches. And you and I will analyze the results. How’s that sound?”
“Sounds good.”
As I sat down at the workstation, she gave me basic instructions. I raced through the series of questions that had nothing to do with me going on a date and became irritated. Why Mya thought this made more sense than online dating perplexed me. The nine hundred and eighty dollar per month overhead charge for this fluffy office was the only difference I could identify. If nothing comes of this, I swear Mya is giving me back my money.
When I finished the useless profile, I walked to her office and smiled. “All done.”
As she looked at her computer screen, she motioned for me to have a seat. “A widow, huh?”
No matter how often I hear it, the word makes me cringe. “Yes, my husband died three years ago.”
“He really took care of you, huh?”
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get to the point, lady.
She smiled. “I’m just analyzing your results.”
“I thought you said the computer does that.”
“Well, Fat-a-mah.”
I curled my lips. She continued, “We have a large database of professionals and it’s rare that you come up with no matches. So, when that happens—”
“Are you saying I don’t have any matches?”
Her lips folded and she nodded. “I usually go back and analyze the results myself.”
Just friggin’ great! When I decide it’s time to date, the damn computer says there are no men out here for you, Ms. Fat-a-mah.
“So what does your analysis say?”
She turned from the computer and folded her hands on her desk. “When did your husband die again?
“Three years ago.”
“It appears he was a lot older than you. How much?”
What did my new date have to do with me and Derrick’s age difference? “Seven.”
“He practically did everything for you.”
“No. He did what a man should do for his wife.”
She chuckled. “I hate to tell you this, but your expectations are out of this world.”
I snatched my neck back. She nodded. “Based on what you’ve written, I don’t think anyone can make you happy right now.”
Thanks lady. Thanks a whole lot. Can I get my damn check back? I raked my fingers through my hair and her jaw dropped. “You still wear your ring?”
As I peeked down at my three-karat princess-cut diamond solitaire, I clasped my hands together.
“I’m sorry. I don’t think we can help you. You can get your check back from Shakemia. Maybe you need some more time to get over your husband.”
I don’t need to get over him. I don’t want to get over him. Still, her conviction aggravated me. “So, you’re trying to tell me that you don’t have anyone that fits my criteria?”
She shook her head, and I pleaded, “I mean, it’s just a date.”
“People are searching for spouses. One thousand dollars a month is a pretty penny if you’re just looking for a date.”
I said, “Money is not an issue. I’m just looking for quality guys to date. If there’s nothing you can do for me…”
When I stood, she motioned for me to sit. “This is against the rules, but I’ll let you view a few profiles and we’ll charge you one hundred dollars per date.”
With both thumbs up, I said, “Okay, let’s do this.”
“Don’t tell anyone I did this for you.”
“You’ve got my word.”
We moved back to the conference room and she selected a few profiles. She said, “You like the bad boy, huh?”
“No. I like the professional with an edge.”
She laughed. “Most women these days do.”
After searching through about eleven profiles, I selected two: One guy was a thirty-year-old business owner; the other was a twenty-nine-year-old banker.
The next step was to contact them and let them see my profile. If they were interested, she would make the connection.
Scene 2
FATIMA
In less than twenty-four hours, Gertrude called to say that one of the guys was interested. When I called Mya to tell her about my probable date, she teased, “Tima’s going to talk to a guy! That’s so funny.”
I chuckled. “It has been a long time.”
“It’s been an eternity. Do you even know what to say?”
“Girl. Hopefully, he can lead the conversation, ’cause I don’t know what to say to a guy.”
“Tima, that is messed up. Personally, I don’t like to talk a lot before I go out with a guy. If you talk too much and you meet him and don’t like him, you feel obligated to explain. If you just briefly discuss the details of the date, you don’t owe him anything if you don’t like him. Trust me. You remember all the times I had to tell a guy after the first date that me and my old boyfriend got back together.”
“Why did you lie?”
“’Cause I had sat up on the phone with the person, telling him that I was ready for a relationship. When I met him and didn’t like him, I had to say something.” She giggled. “For the record, do not tell anyone that you haven’t dated since your husband died. You should always have a recent old boyfriend or have a friend that you see off and on.”
As I was schooled on the rules of the modern world, I laughed. “That is ridiculous.”
“Play or be played.”
“That’s a shame.”
“Love is a game, baby girl.”
My cell phone rang as I jotted down mental notes. When I didn’t recognize the number, I said, “Mya, I think that’s him.”
She shouted, “Don’t answer!”
“Why?”
“Because you want to hear his voice first. Then, you call him back. I can tell from a guy’s voice if he’s someone I want to talk to. What if he sounds like Steve Urkel?”
“Mya, you are making this way too complicated.”
“Whatever—I’m just looking out for my girl.”
“So, when do I call him back?”
“After we listen to the message.”
“We?”
“Yeah. We’re in this together. You aren’t skilled enough in the screening process yet.”
I called my voicemail and linked it with Mya. As I waited for the new message to play, I twiddled with my wedding ring. There was a short pause before he spoke:
“Hey, Fatima. This is Damien. Looking forward to talking to you. You can hit me back on…”
Mya said, “Well, at least
he sounds sexy.”
“Yeah, that’s a plus. So, when am I allowed to call him back?”
“In ten minutes, but remember, get the details of when and where you’ll meet and get the hell off the phone.”
“This is so silly.”
“Trust me. You’ll thank me in the end.”
“One last question.”
“I’m listening.”
“Do I really have to take my ring off?”
“Is Derrick still wearing his?”
I laughed. “You know what? I need to find better friends.”
“Sike, I’m just playing, but it’s time to take it off. Your husband is gone. He can live in your heart forever, but no man will ever take you serious with another man’s ring on your finger.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Baby, it’s your world. You can do what you want, but would you want to hang out with a man still wearing his wedding band?”
“You’re right. Let me get ready to call this guy back.”
Before I called him back, I went into my bedroom and searched for my ring box. When I sat the solitaire and the wedding band in the box, I felt naked. To appease myself, I slipped the diamond band on my right hand and tucked the solitaire away in my special drawer that contained a bunch of sentimental gifts from Derrick.
When I returned Damien’s call, butterflies floated in my stomach. A piece of me prayed for his voicemail, but as I prepared my message, he answered.
“Hello.”
I stuttered, “H-hi. Ah. Damien?”
“Yes. Fatima?”
“Hey, how’s it going?”
“Everything’s good. How are you?”
“I’m fine.”
“That’s good.”
“So…”
I searched for something, anything to say, but he relieved me. “So, when would you like to hook up?”
Boy, did he get to the point fast. This divide-and-conquer method to dating is no fun. When Derrick first called me, we chatted for nearly four hours. Do people do that anymore?
I said, “Uh, whenever.”
“Maybe we could catch a movie on Saturday.”
“That’s cool.”