And So She Waited
Page 6
Matt managed to find the damn locket after two straight hours of searching. Hell, he had hidden it from himself. It ended up being in the damn attic with his old record collection. Why the hell had he put it there? Whatever, it didn't matter. He had it now. He jumped in the shower and scrubbed himself extra good, all the while repeating the speech in his head. He washed the soap off and got out of the shower. He walked to his room, naked, to air dry—he hated the fluff from the towels that stuck to his body. He ran a towel through his hair though, and went about blow drying and styling the medium brown locks in that just-got-out-of-bed look. Chicks dug that look.
After another hour or so of messing around with his hair, he pulled on a well-worn pair of jeans and a graphic tee. He splashed a bit of cologne on for shits and giggles and was ready to paint the town. Before he left, he repeated the speech one more time in the mirror, then got in his car and headed to campus. It was karaoke night and he was debating on if he should sing Raven a song. She used to love it when he would sing to her. Maybe she still loved it. There was only one way to find out.
Matt made it to campus in no time and found a decent enough parking space. It was still early and people were only just now starting to trickle into the Lounge. He found an empty table close to the back corner and grabbed it. Raven wasn't here yet but he knew she would find him as soon as she was. All he had to do was sit back and wait. She would come to him, eventually. It was his time to shine, and he planned to do so like a fucking diamond.
Chapter 10
Raven was prepared to fight with everything she had to get Remy to come back to her. All day at school she wanted to go find him but she refrained. Besides, he didn't have classes on Tuesdays anyway. She knew where he would be tonight—the Lyrical Muse Lounge. It was karaoke night tonight and she had something to say. She had been working on her song for years but wasn't sure if she would ever share it with the world. She now knew that it was time to wear her feelings where the world could see them. She wouldn't hide anymore. It was go big or go home time. This was for her future—the one she wanted with Remy. She went to her closet and took her time picking out the perfect, heart-stopping outfit. She settled on some kitten heels, matched up with a blood-red camisole, and black lace leggings.
She laid her clothes out on the bed and paraded to the bathroom in her underwear. She took out her makeup kit and went to work making herself presentable. She pulled out all the stops: foundation, mascara, eye shadow, liner, blush, and lip-gloss. She was putting on her war paint. She had to move quickly before some other girl thought she could move in on what was hers. Once her eyes resembled that of an Egyptian princess and her lips where a bright cherry red, she took out the curlers and got to work taming her hair. She put in beautiful ringlets and sprayed it down with hairspray so it would hold. Now it was time for her outfit. Raven went back into her bedroom and donned her clothing. She gave herself a few sprays of the Curve Connect for Men that she adored, grabbed her purse and keys, and headed out the door.
Luckily she made it to the bus stop right on time and was on her way. Time seemed to blur and before she knew it she was on campus. She made her way to the Lounge and spotted Remy right away. That bitch Stacey was already hanging all over him. Fucking cunt! Raven made her way to the karaoke signups and put her name down. She was after Casey. Good thing she could sing just as well, if not better than that puta or she might have chickened out. As it was, she was nervous enough and it would have sucked to go after someone who could out-sing her. She might be majoring in Dance but she was multi-talented.
She found Matt in the back corner and went over to sit with him. It's not that she really wanted to but the only other person she knew at this thing was Remy and she wasn't ready to go over there just yet. She took the seat next to Matt and waited for her name to be called. The crowd went crazy when Casey's name was called and Raven just rolled her eyes. These people wouldn't know real music if it introduced itself to them. She sat back and half-assed listened as Casey sang whatever was popular with everyone. She was so fucking original. How many times could one sing Mariah Carey or Whitney Houston? Seriously, Casey was a Music major and that was all she could do? She couldn't write her own damn music? Or maybe Raven was just being extra catty because she knew Remy had been fucking her.
After about four minutes of Casey's screeching it was finally Raven's turn. Matt turned and looked at her in surprise at the sound of her name.
"You're going to sing?” he asked, incredulous. “The girl who hates for anyone to hear her voice is going to sing in front of the whole school? This should be interesting."
"Suck it Matt, you don't know my life," Raven retorted with a snort.
Raven walked up to the stage and told the band that she wouldn't need any music tonight. She was doing this all a capella. The other students looked at her like she was crazy, but she had this. Raven cleared her throat and took a deep breath. Well, here goes nothing. No turning back now, Raven said to herself.
"This song's for Remy Peters."
You could hear a fucking pin drop. The entire Lounge had gone quiet at her announcement. Whatever. Fuck them.
"It's called I Just Want to Run Away, written by me."
Raven cleared her throat again and listened to the music in her head.
Look into the mirror, don’t like what I see
Why is it that people seem to always count on me
One foot out the doorway, I just want to run away
From the hurt
From the lies
From the tears I’ve cried inside
From all the pain
If it’s all the same
I’ll never love again
I just want to run away
I don’t want to fight today
This pain inside
I just want to hide away
I just want to run away
I want all this hurt to wash away
My tears
Time to face my deepest fears
Look into my heart, do you see the scars
Nothing you can do or say would make them go away
Picking up the pieces, wanting to start brand new
From the hurt
From the lies
From the screaming of my soul
Loud and clear
I just want you near
How do I make you hear?
I just want to run away
I don’t want to fight today
This pain inside
I just want to hide away
I just want to run away
I want all this hurt to wash away
My tears
Time to face my deepest fears
But when it’s all said and done
The damage has been done
All the loneliness has stolen my breath away
How to make you stay?
Still you walk away
From me
Never to return
The damage has been done
I just want to run away
I don’t want to fight today
This pain inside
I just want to hide away
I just want to run away
I want all this hurt to wash away
My tears
Time to face my deepest fears
I just want to run away
I don’t want to fight today
This pain inside
I just want to hide away
I just want to run away
I want all this hurt to wash away
My tears
Time to face my deepest fears
Raven was met with complete silence for five heartbeats before the room shook with applause. Holy fucking shit! She was not expecting for the audience to react that way. She looked out at Remy and his face was indecipherable. She didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing.
"Thank you," Raven said curtly, then made her way back to the corner where Matt was sitting. Once she approached the table she could tell that
he was furious. Too fucking bad, it wasn't about him. She would never be what he wanted her to be. The sooner he realized it, the sooner their relationship could go back to what it was: simply friends.
"What the fuck was that, Raven?" Matt thundered.
"I sang a song, Matt. What did you think it was?" Raven asked, bored.
She was tired of his fucking attitude. He needed to get over his shit. She had enough problems of her own; she didn't need or want his as well.
"I thought we talked about this."
"No, you talked about this."
"Raven—" Matt's reply was cut off by the timber of Remy's voice.
"Raven, can we talk? Privately," Remy asked.
"Of course, you want to step outside?" Raven asked.
"Actually, I was thinking somewhere even more private. Can I drive you home?"
"Um, sure. I'm ready when you are."
Raven grabbed her things and followed Remy. She could hear Matt calling her name but she wouldn't let him ruin this for her. This was why she had come out tonight, to see Remy, not Matthew.
Chapter 11
He couldn’t believe it. It was like seeing her for the first time again. He was confused and he didn’t understand what was going on with him. He had excused himself from the table so he could find Raven and speak with her. He had some loose ends to tie, that was all. He had no intention of getting back into anything with her. Remy just needed to know what that song was about and why she had written it for him. His mind was all over the place. As he led Raven to his car a million things ran through his mind. Why would she get up on stage and potentially embarrass herself? Why couldn't he stop thinking about her? What made this chick so special? He still had no intention of a relationship of any kind and he held firm to the belief that Raven was indeed seven shades of crazy.
But for some reason he just couldn't seem to get her out of his head. This was his last chance to sever all ties between them. Maybe they just needed a goodbye roll in the sack. Put everything out in the open in one last see-you-later fuck. That he could and would do. He opened the car door and helped Raven climb inside, then ran around to the driver's side and got in. He started up the car and made his way to Raven's place.
"I'm really glad you asked to talk, Remy,” Raven said. “I didn't like the way we ended things yesterday."
"This changes nothing, Ray. I just need to clear a few things up, okay? Don't read too much into this," Remy said.
"But I don't understand," Raven whispered. "Why can't we just be together?"
"Let's just talk about this when we get to your place. I don’t want to have this conversation in the car."
"Sure, whatever you say."
Remy drove the rest of the way in silence. He needed to think. What the fuck was he going to say and why the fuck was he even doing this to begin with? He had ended things yesterday; there was no point in this. He needed a drink. Remy made a shrieking U-turn when he found the closest gas station that sold alcohol. No way could he do whatever the hell this was sober.
"What the hell, Remy?" Raven yelled. "Are you trying to kill us both?"
"Sorry, just remembered something is all. Need to pick up a few things at the store. Do you want something? Chips? Candy? Anything?"
"What is going on with you? No, I don't want anything. You wanted to talk, so let's talk. Why are you stopping here?"
"I just want to pick up a few beers."
"You're not old enough to buy or drink alcohol."
Remy just smirked. He'd slept with the chick working the counter. She would give him what he wanted without any problems. No need in telling that to Raven, though.
"It's not a problem. I'll be right back. You sure you don't want anything?"
"Just get me a water or something."
"Be right back."
Remy jogged to the store entrance and went straight to the register. Becky was working just as he knew she would. Good, she was the only one he knew who would sell him beer without carding him.
"Hey Becky, I'm just going to grab a 12-pack and some water. That cool?"
"Sure, Remy. No problem, I got ya covered," Becky said while loudly popping her gum.
God, Remy hated when she did that shit. It was the reason he had only slept with her once. He couldn't stand all the gum chewing. It was like she was fucking five and not 25. Luckily, she wasn't the clingy type and she let him get free beer. It was the only reason he made any kind of effort at all with her. All he had to do was flirt a bit and make out with her every once in a while and his endless supply of refreshments was forever on tap. It didn't hurt that her father owned the store, either. Probably the only reason she wasn't fired for giving away free shit to her friends.
"Thanks, Becky! Call you later," Remy yelled on his way out the door.
He heard Becky call back with a “sure” of her own and he made his way back to the car.
"You get what you needed?" Raven asked.
"Yeah, I'm good to go now. Let's get to your place before it gets any later. I want to get up early tomorrow and get a few laps in, so I can't stay all night. We can talk and clear the air, unlike at the coffee shop."
"Sounds good," Raven murmured.
Remy put the car back on the road and in no time they were pulling up to Raven's apartment complex. Remy found a visitor parking spot and grabbed the beer and water out of the car. He followed Raven as she opened the door to the building and they both took the elevator to her floor. Once they were outside her door, Remy waited impatiently for her to find her key and unlock the door. He wanted to get this final goodbye over with. He could still hear the words she had sung as if they were playing right now.
But when it’s all said and done
The damage has been done
All the loneliness has stolen my breath away
How to make you stay?
Still you walk away
From me
Never to return
The damage has been done
Shit! He needed to snap the fuck out of it. They needed to finish this thing they had once and for all. Remy needed to make her realize that he had meant what he'd said about them being over. He took one of the beers out and put the rest in Raven's fridge. The place was different from the last time he'd been here. Cleaner. Not as cluttered. Had she moved things around? How long had it been since he last set foot in her place? A week? Two? Three? Over a month? Remy had no idea which way was what anymore. Things no longer made sense. That fucking song was messing with his head. He needed to get a grip. He was going to say what he needed to say and leave. But damned if he didn't know where to start, so he drank down his beer and went to the kitchen to get another one.
He downed three more and had a nice little buzz going on before he was finally ready to talk about what the hell just happened at The Lyrical Muse Lounge with Raven and that fucking song.
"What the fuck was that, Raven?" Remy asked.
"I thought you said we were going to talk. We aren't talking, you're yelling and you're on your way to being drunk," Raven frowned.
"I'm not in the mood right now. Tell me what your deal is? What the hell is going through your head to sing that in front of at least half the damn school? Then you dedicate it to me, why? Help me understand the way your mind works. What about me made you think that shit was okay?"
"Remy, I—"
"Stop stuttering and just fucking tell me!"
"I LOVE YOU! I won't ever stop loving you. Why can't you just love me too?" Raven sobbed.
Remy watched as she fell to the floor in uncontrollable tears. He felt nothing. Well, that wasn't true—he was hard as nails. All he could think about was ripping the clothes off her back and fucking her like a wild animal.
"Come here," Remy whispered.
Raven hadn't moved and he really didn't relish repeating himself. Nevertheless, he tried one more time before he got pissed.
"I said come here, Raven."
"Just leave me alone. Why did you even bother saying anyth
ing at all? Ripping out my heart wasn't enough for you? Just…just go. Get out, Remy. I don't want to see you right now."
Remy stalked over to where Raven had curled herself up into a ball in the middle of the floor. He picked her up by her arm and dragged her to the bedroom.
"What are you doing?" Raven asked, anxiety now creeping into her voice.
Remy could feel her trying to pull away from him. He wasn't having it so he gripped her arm tighter. He pulled her up close to him, so close he could feel her breath on his neck. She was twisting and turning, trying to free herself from his grasp but he wasn't done with her. She had disobeyed him and that didn't sit well with him.
"I told you to do something and you didn't. Do you know how that makes me feel?"
"Cut the shit, Remy. Let go of my arm. You're hurting me."
"I haven't begun to hurt you, little girl."
Remy placed his hand atop Raven’s breasts and yanked her shirt down hard. The tearing was like music to his ears.
"The next time I tell you to come here, you come the fuck here. Do I make myself clear, Raven?"
"Remy, have you lost your mind?!"
Remy cut off her words by wrapping his hands around her throat and lightly squeezing.
"Wrong answer, sweetheart. Don't worry, before I leave here you'll tell me exactly what I want to hear."
Remy wasn't sure what had gotten into him but that song had seriously fucked with his head. Made him feel shit, and he hated to feel. He didn't like it and now he needed to make Raven feel. He needed to cause her pain because he couldn't understand what he felt when it came to her. He didn’t do feelings. All he knew how to do was fuck and since he couldn't put into words what was happening, he was just going to do what he did best. He was going to fuck Raven, then leave. After this she would be out of his system and if she ever sang that fucking song to him again he would kill her.
Chapter 12
That was fucking it! Matt had all he could take of this shit. He picked up the chair closest to him and tossed it across the room. His give-a-fuck meter was on none. What. In. The. Fuck. Was. That. Shit. How could Raven leave with Remy after what happened the day before? Not even a day ago, she was on the floor, bruised and broken, and now it was like nothing had happened. It was like he hadn't found her wallowing in her own filth. What in the fuck was wrong with her? Matt looked up as the security guards approached him. He didn't have time for their shit right now. He needed to get out of here before he picked up a table and tossed it at their heads. Matt ducked out the side door of the Lounge and ran to his car. He needed to get to Raven's.