"Thanks, Daddy."
Raven looked into the tiny face of her son and knew love in a way that she'd never known before. She was convinced that she was doing the right thing. She was damaged goods but she was sure her son would have more love than he knew what to do with. She would hold him for just a little while longer and then let him go.
"I love you more than I've ever loved anyone before in my life. Even your father."
"Raven, we need to take him for a while but we will bring him back," the nurse said.
"Of course. Thank you. Dad, can you take a picture first?"
"Sure honey, when you’re ready."
Raven posed for the camera while her father captured a few shots. Then Raven kissed little Evan's head and said goodbye to her son. It was time but first she needed to write some letters, one to Evan, Remy, Matthew, and her parents. She started with Remy's.
Dear Remy,
Words will never express how I feel for you. Never was I happier than when I was with you. At least in the beginning of our relationship. I thought what we had was a one of a kind love but it was all a lie. You are the best and worst thing that's ever happened to me. I hope one day that you will find the person you are looking for and know love. I wished it could have been with me but sadly it wasn't ever meant to be. But I do thank you for the gift you helped me create.
Love, always and forever…
Raven
Dear Matty,
Don't be mad at me. I wished I could have loved you as much as you loved me but the heart wants what the heart wants and it will not be denied. The only thing I can do now is say I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't who you wanted me to be. I’m sorry I hurt you. And most of all I'm sorry that I can't stay. I love you. You're the bestest friend I've ever had and for that I've entrusted you with the best part of me.
Love you!
Raven
Dear Mom and Dad,
I hope this doesn't hurt you too much but I just couldn't do it anymore. The pretending. It was too much for me. The pain became too much and I didn't know what else to do. All I ask is that you love Evan as much as I do and respect my decision when it comes to his welfare.
Love, your daughter,
Raven
Dear Evan,
Mommy loves you more than anything. I'm sorry I won't be here to watch you grow but it's for the best. I would have only caused you pain and I've suffered enough for the both of us. Matt will love you enough for the both of us. He knows me best and will fill in the pieces when you want to hear them. You did nothing wrong, sweet boy. Mommy just isn't as strong as she should be. It's nothing you did, baby. It's me. I'm the one who's messed up. My soul is weary and it's my time to go. I will love you always. You are my world.
Love,
Mom
Raven dried the tears from her face and sealed the letters in envelopes and wrote the names on the outsides. She then placed them all next to her table. She got out of bed and made her way to the nurses' station. She stopped the first nurse she saw.
"Excuse me. I would like to pick the name for my baby's birth certificate and name the father please."
"Of course, dear. What will it be?"
"Evan Michile Masterson. The father's name is Matthew Masterson."
"Okay, I have it all down. Will that be all?"
"Yes, thank you. I'm going to go for a little walk."
"Okay dear, but don't overdo it. You just gave birth to another human being."
Raven gave the nurse a smile and made her way to the stairs. She went out the door and started the climb up to the roof. Once she was there she inched her way to the edge, lifted her head to the sky, and leaped.
Chapter 25
Ring. Ring. Ring.
Remy looked at the caller ID and tossed the phone back onto his bed. It was his mother and he didn't want to talk to her. She was still pissed at him for messing up her perfect plan of marrying him off like some prized horse. He had finally put his foot down and flat out refused. He'd screamed that he didn't give a fuck if they took all his money. He wasn't marrying her. It also helped that he told Raven in no uncertain terms that he'd kill himself before he waited as she walked down the aisle. What tipped the scales in his favor was his grandparents stepping in on his behalf and threatening to freeze his parents' trust funds. His mother still hadn't forgiven him for that one. He didn't care and he was tired of her leaving him hateful voice messages. She would get over it. Eventually.
Remy frowned when his phone went off again. It was his mother. She usually didn't call back to back. Maybe it was a new tactic. He set the phone down again but as soon as it stopped, it started again.
"What do you want Mother?"
Remy was met with silence for several seconds before he heard his mother's sharp intake of breath at his harsh tone.
"Is that anyway to talk to me?"
"I'm not in the mood for this game with you today. What do you want?"
"Fine, Raven went into labor. The baby's coming."
"And."
"And? What do you mean ‘and’? The baby is yours. Don't you think you should be there when he's born?"
"Nope. I made my position perfectly clear."
"Who are you? I don’t even recognize you anymore."
"You don't recognize anything but the color of money nowadays."
"I am still your mother!"
"More's the pity for me," Remy muttered.
"What did you say?"
"Nothing. I have to go. Do what you want but I don't give a damn about Raven going into labor."
Remy heard the click and chuckled. He didn't know what she expected. He had made his feelings about having a kid perfectly clear. He didn't care about it at all. So what, he was having a son. It didn't matter and he wasn't going to the hospital. He had no reason to. He was just going to stay home and enjoy a nice quiet night inside. Watch a few movies, stuff his face, and jack off. It was every man's dream night.
Ding.
You are such a little shit, Remington!
"Love you too, Mom, and stop calling me that. No one calls me that anymore," Remy said out loud.
Ding.
I can't believe you aren't going to at least come see your son. Your first born. You're such a little asshole.
Remy sighed. She was going to keep texting him the entire night. He might as well get it over with. He didn't want to deal with her shit.
Fine! I'll come but I'm not staying over five fucking minutes and I don't want to see Raven.
Douche!
Love you too Ma… Way to keep it classy.
Remy saw the flashing lights before he saw the cars. There were so many police cars. What the hell was going on around here? He barely managed to find a parking spot and when he finally made it to the entrance of the hospital, a crowd was being ushered around as quickly as possible. Remy managed to sneak a peek and saw a sheet draped over a body. Damn, some idiot had jumped! Who in the hell would do such a thing? Remy made his way into the hospital and asked to be directed to the nursery. A nurse gave him directions and he made his way there. He saw his parents and Raven's.
"Mom, what the hell is going on outside? The cops are everywhere," Remy said.
"It looks like they had a jumper. They haven't identified the body yet or released any information. It's so sad. Poor soul. I can't believe it."
"Yeah, that sucks. So let's get this over with so I can go."
"Remington!"
"Dammit, Mom! I told you not to call me that anymore. Just show me the kid so I can go home or do you want me to just turn around and leave now?"
"Fine, come here. He's the third baby on the right."
"Raven's fine by the way," Mrs. Sinclair said.
Remy just gave her a tight-lipped smile. He didn't care. He looked into the glass and followed where his mother was pointing her finger. He saw the nurse pick up a baby wrapped in a blue blanket and bring him closer to the glass. Holy fucking shit! He had his eyes and Raven's black hair. Remy watched in awe as th
e nurse rocked the baby gently in her arms. He was speechless and his heart beat faster and faster. He placed his hand on the glass and wished he could hold him. Remy closed his eyes and focused on making his lungs work. He shouldn't have come here. The child was a perfect blend of him and Raven.
"What…what's his name?" Remy asked softly.
"Evan Michile," Mrs. Sinclair said.
"Can I…can I hold him?"
"Sure—"
Remy looked over to see why Mrs. Sinclair had stopped talking. He watched as an officer and nurse came their way. Their faces were grim and the nurse looked like she'd been crying. What the hell was going on?
"Mr. and Mrs. Sinclair, could you please come with us?" the officer asked.
"What? What's happened? What's going on?" Mr. Sinclair asked.
"Sir, could you and your wife just please come with me," the officer repeated.
"No, not until you tell us what the hell is going on. Do I need to call my lawyer? ADA Masterson and I are great friends!"
"Sir, no need for that," the nurse said. "It's…it's Raven."
"What about her? She's resting in her bed. She just gave birth!"
"Sir, I'm sorry but it seems your daughter has jumped off the roof of the hospital. Her room is empty and there are four letters on her table. They are addressed to Matt, Remy, Evan, and her parents. We're so sorry but we need you to identify the body," the officer said.
"NO!" Mrs. Sinclair screamed.
Remy watched as she collapsed on the ground, crying and screaming hysterically. Raven was dead. It couldn't be. He couldn't think. They were mistaken. She was just wondering around the hospital somewhere.
"No, it's not true. She just went for a walk or something. So what, she wrote some letters. That doesn't prove shit," Remy said.
"And who are you?" the officer asked.
"Remy Peters, who the hell are you?"
Remy watched the officer shift uncomfortably before he spoke again.
"Sorry, but some of the nurses recognized some of her."
"Some of her…"
Oh my god, it wasn't real. She wasn't gone. What about the baby? Who was going to take care of his son? He couldn't breathe.
"What about the baby?" Remy whispered.
"Someone is preparing to take the baby to the father now," the officer said.
"Excuse me?" Remy screamed.
"Matthew Masterson was named the baby’s father. The nurses said she gave them the child’s name and the father's. Is something wrong?"
"Yes," Mrs. Peters started.
"No… nothing is wrong,” Remy said calmly. “They are doing the right thing. Can I get my letter please?"
"Ah, sure, Mr. Peters. Let me go talk with my supervisor and I'll get you that letter right away. Mr. and Mrs. Sinclair, please follow me."
Remy watched them retreat down the hall. She had left his son to Matt. She'd planned this. Why would she do this? He didn't understand.
"Remy, what are you doing? That's your son," his mother hissed.
"I told you already. This way is best. Now leave it alone. If you cause any problems I will make you regret them."
Remy took one last look at his son and walked away. It was for the best. He needed to read that letter. Remy stopped the first officer he found and waited as they brought him his letter. He thanked them and went home. Once there, he opened it with shaky hands. He quietly read Raven's words and for the first time in his life Remington Peters cried over a girl.
Chapter 26
Ding. Dong. Ding. Dong.
"Matt, can you please get the door! I'm trying to get all the baby stuff together to take to the hospital."
Matt rolled his eyes. He didn't understand why his mother was stressing out. It's not like they needed all that shit at the hospital. Raven and the baby would be sent home in a day or two. His mother was losing her mind.
"Yeah, no problem. I'll get it."
Matt opened the door and frowned at the woman, officer, and baby at his door. What the hell was going on around here?
"Hello, may I help you?" Matt asked.
"Are you Matthew Masterson?"
"Yes…"
"Can we please come in, sir?" the officer asked.
"Um, sure."
Matt let them in and closed the door behind them. He then led them to the sitting room.
"What's going on? Why do you have a baby?"
Matt noticed they both looked uncomfortable. He was getting annoyed.
"Sir, I'm sorry to say this but Raven Sinclair killed herself tonight. She named you the father of her baby. This is your son, Evan Michile Masterson. She also left you this letter. I'm sorry for your loss."
What? Did they just say Raven had killed herself? This was some sort of sick joke. And where the fuck did they get that baby from? No, this wasn't happening. Raven was at the hospital and they were on their way to go see her and the baby.
"You're lying," Matt spat.
"Sir, I'm sorry to say that we aren't. Her parents have identified her remains. It wasn't a pretty sight either. She jumped off the roof of the hospital."
"I think I'm going to be sick," Matt said.
He ran past his shocked mother and barely made it to the bathroom. He tossed up everything he'd had for breakfast and lunch. She was fucking dead! She'd left him her baby? He didn't understand what was going on. Matt sat on the bathroom floor, dry heaving for minutes. He distantly heard talking but couldn't make out any of the words. She'd committed suicide, but why? She seemed fine, even with the final blow out with Remy three months prior. It wasn't true. He wouldn’t accept it. He picked himself up off the floor and washed his mouth out. He needed answers. He went back into the sitting room to see his mother and father holding the baby. The lady and officer were gone.
"Where did they go?"
"Back to their jobs," his mother said.
"Why is that baby still here?"
"It's Raven's baby. She left him to you and we didn't say otherwise. Obviously the Sinclairs didn't object either."
"I can't raise a baby!"
"Before you do anything rash, read this letter first."
Matt walked over and took the letter out of his mother's hand. He went upstairs to his room and shut the door. He sat on his bed, carefully opened the letter and read every word. He read it two more times for good measure. That fucking bitch! How could she? Matt balled up the letter and threw it across the room, then balled himself up and cried like a baby. She was gone, she was really fucking gone.
Matt didn't want to do this. He was still numb a week later. Today was the funeral and he didn't want to go. He still couldn't look at Evan without breaking down and crying. He didn't understand why she'd picked him out of all people. He'd read her letter hundreds of times since that night and he still didn't know what she'd been thinking. He would have given anything to be able to talk to her once more or to see her face. He wasn't going to be able to make it without her. He'd comforted himself with that fact that she would be in his life forever a few months ago and she'd taken that away from him, too. She was such a selfish bitch. Why couldn't she have taken him with her? He would have gone.
He heard Evan crying through the baby monitor and sighed. He didn't know if he'd ever get used to this whole being a father thing, especially to Remy Peters's son. It was weird but every day he fell a little more in love with that little tyke. He was the only thing keeping him in this world at the moment. Every day he'd wanted to stick a shotgun in his mouth and pull the trigger, but for Evan he stayed around a little longer.
"What's wrong, little guy? You hungry? You need a diaper change?" Matt smiled.
He got a little sloppy grin in return, followed by a heavy amount of baby gibberish.
"Is that right? You want to be picked up, is that it? You want some cuddles?"
Matt picked Evan up and willed himself not to cry. He needed to be strong, if not for himself, then for Evan. He rocked Evan from side to side with one hand and checked his diaper with another
. Still dry thankfully. He took the boy downstairs to heat up a bottle. His parents were already down and dressed.
"Matt, you haven't finished getting ready yet? We're going to be late," his father said.
"I just gotta feed Evan and then we'll be ready to go."
"You don't even have your shoes on. Here, let me see him. Your mother and I will take care of Evan. You get dressed and grab his bag."
"Okay."
Matt kissed Evan's forehead and handed him to his father. He went back upstairs, finished dressing, and grabbed Evan's bag. He was back downstairs in about 15 minutes and was met with the high-pitched squeals of a happy baby. He couldn't help but smile. It was the only reason he did anymore and today he would need all the happiness he could get. He didn’t want to go. Going would make it real and he wanted to pretend for just a little while longer. But his time had run out. He carried Evan to the car, strapped him in the car seat, and made his way to the other side of the car. Today was not a good day to bury anyone, especially not his best friend.
"Before we get started, Remy and Casey would like to sing a song to start us off," the pastor said.
Were they fucking serious? Matt thought. They wanted to sing a song to Raven? These assholes? Matt was furious. He heard Remy say they were going to sing Seasons of Love from the Rent soundtrack. As the music started he thought he was going to explode. He couldn't believe the nerve of these assholes.
Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty five thousand journeys to plan
Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?
In truths that she learned
Or in times that he cried
In bridges he burned or the way that she died
Were they fucking serious? What did either of them know about love? Matt was disgusted. It should have been Remy who died. For the thousandth time, Matt wished he'd have been able to squeeze the life out of that dirt bag. He couldn't believe either of them had the nerve to get up and pretend to be heartbroken over Raven's suicide. He wasn't going to sit here and listen to this bullshit from these fake people. Matt got up and took Evan outside. He was mad as hell and if he stayed inside the church one more minute he was going to lose his mind. He couldn't believe the balls on these people. Matt walked back and forth with Evan trying to soothe his own rage. He still couldn't believe it. It was bad enough that Raven was gone but to have Remy and Casey get up and sing her a song like either of them had ever given a damn about her was deplorable.
And So She Waited Page 13