“I loved hearing you scream my name, little one.”
Her trembling had lessened as he released the rest of the ropes, then scooped her up in his arms and carried her over to the loveseat where he grabbed a blanket from the basket on the floor and wrapped her in it. He stroked her hair, loving the feel of her body curled against him.
“I didn’t know I would be so loud, Sir.”
He chuckled. “Most men enjoy hearing a woman in the throes of passion. I know I do.”
Her hand reached up and stroked his leather vest, then ventured inside to his pec. “Sir?”
“Yes, kitten?”
“If I do something wrong as your slave, you’ll tell me, won’t you?”
“Yes. It’s my responsibility to make you aware of those things so you can correct them.”
“Am I in trouble for forgetting to call you Sir or forgetting to get the signal to eat, Sir?”
He tilted her head back into the crook of his arm and stroked her cheek, smiling down at her. “Karla, this is just your first day. You’re still in training. I don’t expect perfection. I also won’t punish unless you willfully disobey me. That would be true, whether you are my slave or my sub. I’m just pleased to see you trying so hard to be a good slave for me.”
Even if I don’t want you being my slave.
Why was he having such a hard time accepting her as a slave if she wanted to be one? He’d tolerated the arrangement to make Joni happy. It was just that being a Dom came more naturally to him. Regardless, he missed having her challenge him, talk back to him, even engage in conversation about things not related to BDSM and sex. Why had she shut down that part of herself? Because she was his slave.
Because you effectively killed it.
“Sir?”
“Yes, kitten?”
“Don’t you want to come, too?”
He smiled, pleased that she was concerned about him. “No, hon. The experience of restraining you with ropes and giving you that screaming orgasm is all I need to satisfy me right now. A lot of BDSM play doesn’t involve sex.”
“But I thought…”
He waited, and when she didn’t continue, he prompted, “You thought what?”
“Never mind, Sir.”
“Kitten.” He felt her body stiffen at his tone.
“Well, I just thought…that was the goal. Why do BDSM if you don’t have sex?”
“For me, BDSM is about control. When I had you swinging from those ropes, I had total control over your body. You couldn’t escape. I manipulated you any way I wanted and there was nothing you could do to stop me—well, except safeword.”
“No, I didn’t even think about safewording. Even in the pain, there was…”
“Finish the thought.”
“Pleasure. And I was so relaxed. But when you suspended me in the air, I felt like I could fly. Then you tilted me upside down after I came and…all I could think about was falling at first, but…”
“Kitten, stop making me coax the words out of you.”
“I’m sorry. I…I just trusted you not to harm me.”
Yeah, I know you did. Those words should make him feel elated. She trusted him not to do physical harm, but there also was emotional harm. He could inflict great damage there, as he’d done with Joni, hadn't he? Joni hadn't said so in so many words but…
He needed to get Karla to fucking safeword before it was too late.
“Karla, tomorrow I want you to take Cassie home.”
“Slaves can drive, Sir?”
“Slaves do anything their Masters tell them to do. Many of them hold jobs, some of them in pretty high-powered management and executive positions.”
Really? She had no idea.
“You’ll take Cassie home and be back here in six and a half hours from when you leave. Stop for a quick lunch before you head home. Nothing else.”
He was putting her on a time limit? She’d always enjoyed visiting with Cassie at the cabin for hours, but he was only giving her a thirty-minute window outside driving time, which included time to stop and eat? Well, she could skip lunch and drive a little faster…
“You will obey the speed limit, and you will eat because if you disobey me, kitten, you will suffer the consequences when you get home.” Had he just read her mind, or had he just come to know her so well—finally? She shivered.
Why did his telling her what to do outside the house bother her so much? She’d been independent since college. Maybe his hiring her, giving her a place to live, and taking care of most of her living expenses had given him the idea he owned her. However, she’d loved submitting to him a short while ago. He had commanded her every move and she had never had such an emotional and physical connection to anyone before.
But that was different. Could she really let him control everything about her, the way he wanted to? Could she even think about saying no, when he was holding her like this, focusing on her alone? Of course not.
“Yes, Sir.”
Karla heard footsteps behind her but was too tired to lift her head to see who had arrived. She wished she could have Master Adam all to herself.
“Sorry, sir.” Damián. He sounded drained. “I didn’t see you here. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’ll come back later.”
Adam’s arms around her grew tense. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Bad day. I just stopped by to work out some...tension.”
“Wait for me in the kitchen.”
Karla began to sit up, but Master Adam held her firmly in his arms. “This is our special time, kitten. Aftercare. Damián will wait.”
Our special time.
For him to choose her needs over Damián’s was sweet, but Damián didn’t sound very good. He needed Master Adam, too. Karla hated to let go, because she felt a little fragile right now, but Adam needed to be with his son.
“I’m fine, Sir.” She pulled away from him and, this time, he let her go. He took her chin and turned her toward him, searching each eye in turn. She smiled.
“You’re sure?”
She nodded, unable to speak past the knot in her throat. He helped her up and walked across the room to retrieve her clothing, helping her dress. She felt cherished and nurtured. If only they could have more special time together. She liked that.
* * *
As the hour approached midnight, Karla started down the hall to Cassie’s door. She was naked under Master Adam’s terry-cloth robe, which nearly came to her ankles. She should have asked his permission to use the hot tub, but most likely, he wouldn’t even know they’d been out there.
When they had gone into the kitchen earlier this evening, Damián had looked as if the demons of hell were on his heels. He’d headed home without talking, but her Master had insisted on following him to check on Damián. He told her that, on nights like these, the two of them usually talked things over for hours on end. She assumed it was about the war, which he wouldn’t talk with her about. He’d told her not to wait up for him, so he probably wouldn’t be back for hours.
Karla blushed to think Damián might have been in the house when she was screaming as Master Adam brought her to the most explosive orgasm of her life. There was no privacy in this house, but he’d told her she had free run of the house when she’d first arrived. She’d just avoided his bedroom, until after he’d returned home from the hospital over a week ago. Surely Master Adam wouldn’t object to her wanting to make use of his hot tub.
Cassie would be going home soon. Realizing this might be their only opportunity this year to have their cleansing ceremony—something she’d been looking forward to as a means of releasing some of her anger and grief—she’d asked Cassie if they could do it tonight. Angie had also been on the disastrous Mount Evans camping trip earlier this month. They’d planned originally to have their ritual around the campfire, before all the drama had happened. So, Karla had invited Angie, too, and she was on her way over. The three of them all had things from the past they needed to heal, and Cassie said this ceremony wou
ld help.
“Sorry it took so long,” Angie said, out of breath as she reached the top of the stairs. She carried her bathrobe over her forearm and a covered tray in her hand. “Got here as soon as I could. Had to stop downstairs and get…something. I’m so glad we’re going to get to do this. I think I’m more focused now than I would have been two weeks ago. Where should I change?”
Angie’s high-energy and enthusiasm made Karla chuckle. Master Marc must be getting her to verbally express herself.
“Just go in there,” she said, pointing to the master bedroom. “Bathroom’s on the right. Just don’t leave anything behind for Mas…for Adam to find.”
“How about the food tray?”
“Here, I’ll take it.” Karla took the tray of the items Cassie had requested—something green and something sweet to eat after the ceremony.
Angie hurried away just as Cassie opened her door, dressed in a robe as well. Karla saw she had her own tray of items—candles, dried and twisted sage, matches. “You’re sure Adam’s okay with this?”
“Oh, sure.” More or less. “We’ll be finished long before he gets home.”
They padded on slippered feet across the hall and into Adam’s room. Karla held the French patio door for Cassie to precede her onto the deck. The scent of Adam’s oak-scented body wash filled the air. Karla thought it provided the perfect ambiance and replaced the woodsy scents they were missing this year. She’d been careful to only use a bit, not wanting a bubble bath fiasco in his hot tub. Master Adam might not appreciate that.
The mall’s bed-and-bath store chain seemed the last place she’d expect Adam to buy his shampoo and body wash. Who had bought it for him? She tamped down the jealous thoughts that ran through her head.
Angie came outside dressed in her robe, and the three of them looked at each other. Karla and Angie giggled. Cassie set about preparing for the ceremony. The night was dark—no visible moon—but the hot tub lights cast a greenish light over them. Karla just hoped the lack of moonlight would give them even more privacy from the prying eyes of neighbors, especially later, when they got stark naked in the middle of downtown Denver. She didn’t want to give any of Master Adam’s neighbors fits if they looked out or up and saw them performing what looked like some kind of pagan ritual.
Okay, it was a pagan ritual. But every year since Karla had been visiting Cassie out here, she’d derived such peace from it that she didn’t want to miss it this year. Especially not this year. Karla’s family had never been religious and she hadn’t really gone to church much, except with friends like Cassie in college. Cassie had a mixture of Peruvian Indian and Catholic backgrounds, which gave her all kinds of ideas for ritualistic ceremonies. The woman was a bit of a mystic, too. The drawing she made of Master Luke’s dead wife and baby at the hospital two weeks—neither of whom she’d ever met—still gave Karla chills.
Angie had been raised Catholic, too, and had been enthusiastic about participating when Karla had told her about it before the fateful camping trip.
“The hot tub is perfect for the cleansing stage in the ceremony,” Cassie said.
Karla smiled. “Definitely warmer than some of the streams we’ve cleansed in.”
Cassie nodded, then stood taller and more confident, deep in her element now. Of course, there were no men around, which helped. “Did everyone bring a symbol of what they want to release?”
Karla and Angie nodded and pulled the objects from their robe pockets. For Karla, it was a miniature motorcycle. For Angie, the mask Marc wore at the club—did he know Angie had it? That must have been what she’d stopped downstairs to retrieve. For Cassie, it was an airline-sized bottle of rum.
Cassie cast the circle around them and invoked the spirit watchers. She instructed the women to close their eyes. “Now, imagine a circle within the circle, like a chain-link fence with posts. This will keep the negativity from escaping our circle. We don’t want to send it out into the universe. But any negativity we express or that comes at us will be deflected by those fence posts into the ground, like lightning rods. Don’t absorb any of the negativity into yourselves either. When one of us is expressing our hurt, just ask for blessings to heal those negative thoughts as they swirl around in the circle, and then send them on their way to a fiery hell. Don’t let it stay within our circle, or within us.”
Cassie asked them to take a deep cleansing breath and to keep their eyes closed. “Now, we will take turns expressing the hurt we want to release. I’ll go first, so you’ll see what to do, Angie.”
With her eyes closed, Karla heard her take a deep breath and slowly release it. For the longest time, there was silence. They waited. Then Cassie released a keening cry that bordered on pain, expressing and releasing her anguish and sorrow over what was taken from her in that Peruvian bar four and a half years ago. She spoke in a mixture of Spanish and English. This wasn’t the first time Cassie had been working on releasing this hurt. God, Karla hoped and prayed she would succeed this time. Her friend needed to heal and move on with her life without all the fear and anger.
Tears burned Karla’s eyes as she absorbed some of Cassie’s pain, then she remembered not to let that negativity remain inside her. She asked for blessings and sent it to the grounding poles and away from them. The air among them grew warmer, lighter.
Breathing heavily, Cassie paused. “Please open your eyes.” Karla looked across the small circle at her friend, who had tears shimmering on her cheeks from the shine of a distant street light. “I denounce the pigs who raped me,” she gritted out between her teeth. “I denounce the alcohol they drank that kept them from choosing right over wrong. I denounce the bar where such attacks on women are condoned as male sport. And I denounce my homeland that allows such things to happen to its women in the name of machismo.”
She held up the bottle of rum. “This bottle is a symbol of my attack and my attackers. I denounce it as well.” She threw the bottle outside the circle, and Karla heard it roll to the edge of the deck and over the side, falling to the shrubbery below. Cassie’s chest rose and fell as she breathed rapidly. Gradually it slowed, as she relaxed.
With what Karla was learning about BDSM now, she wondered if there was anything in the lifestyle that might help Cassie regain control of her life, but this wasn’t the time or place to discuss it.
Cassie dashed the tears from her cheeks and turned to Angie. “Would you like to go next?”
“Not until I give you a hug, if that’s okay.”
Cassie nodded and opened her arms; Angie wrapped her arms around her. Karla joined in, surprised Cassie was letting someone she barely knew hold her. That was progress, at least. After a moment, Cassie stiffened, signaling that it was time to pull away.
“Please, Angelina, just get in touch with the feelings, especially the anger, then let it go.”
“This is silly, really, compared to yours.”
“No! Don’t downgrade the emotions you feel, Angelina. I’m glad it’s not like mine, but the pain you feel is just as real as mine—just as valid.”
Angie blinked and looked down at the wolf’s mask she held in her hands. She brushed her fingers over the fur on the mask. “I’m falling in love with someone who…lied to me about who he was. At first, he just didn’t share that we’d met before, because he didn’t expect that he’d ever see me again. But things happened, and now we’re exploring the possibility of a long-term relationship. It was a silly lie really, and I don’t know why it bothers me so much…”
“Angelina, how did the lie make you feel?”
“Like I can’t fully trust him. But I want to trust him. And he’s never done anything that’s made me question giving him my trust, except for this one lie of omission. He also brought other people into it with him—Karla, Adam, Damián, Luke.”
“Oh, Angie. You don’t know how much I hated that I was a part of that. Please forgive me.”
“I have, Karla. And I’ve forgiven everyone else, even Marc. He’s apologized. I know he’s since
re, but I just can’t forget. If he did it again, it would be over.”
Karla reached out to stroke Angie’s sleeve. “What do you want to say to him, Angie, that you haven’t been able to say yet?”
Angie took a deep breath, staring at the mask again. “Marc, I want you as my Dom, maybe in more than just the bedroom and the club. But how can I trust you not to lie to me about something else? How can I let you put me in even more vulnerable situations, where I have to totally rely on you for my well-being, and know you won’t let me down again? I guess I still don’t understand why he perpetuated it so long.”
Silence fell between them as Angie’s words drifted away on a breeze, and Karla realized for the first time how cold it was out here. Her heart ached for Angie, because she and Marc really were so good for each other. Karla had thought everything was going well with them, but apparently Marc’s his lies had caused some damage to their budding relationship.
“Angie, maybe it’s because you're so new as a couple. When he has a better track record over time with no more lies, it won’t seem as monumental.”
Angie nodded, but she didn’t say anything more. Just stared down at the wolf’s mask. After a pause, Cassie cleared her throat. “Tell us about the mask, Angelina.”
“He continues to hide behind a mask.” Angie looked down at it again and a tear slid down her cheek and into the soft fur on the edges. Karla realized there was more going on here than Marc’s lie.
After a moment, Angie continued. “Family is everything to me, and I know Marc’s close to his parents and siblings, too, although not quite as close as I am to my Mom and brothers. He’s asked me to go home with him for New Year’s dinner, because he knows I need to be with my Mom at Christmas. I’ve never missed a Christmas at home.”
Angie’s father had been killed in an avalanche a number of years ago, a SAR worker trying to rescue Luke’s pregnant wife, who also died in the tragic accident. Karla had met Angie’s mother and four brothers while Adam was in the hospital.
“Here at the club, Marc hides behind this mask because his Mama is afraid he’ll run into someone from her Aspen social circle here, which would embarrass her.” Suddenly, Angie crushed the mask in her fist. “But if they’re embarrassed about Marc’s connection to the club, then will they be embarrassed about me, since Marc and I first met here at the club?”
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