“Yes, Sir.”
Fuck, woman, why won’t you call this off? He already regretted how he’d just used her body. He’d lost control. What the fuck was wrong with him? He pulled out of her, reaching down to pull off the condom. God damn it, no! His dick was bare. He’d fucked her without protection. Again.
“This shower is over. Get dressed.” Before I go back on my word.
“Sir, I haven’t washed your back.”
“You aren’t going to, either.” She stood her ground, raising her chin, and they locked eyes. He shivered at her sudden power over him. “Go get dressed, Karla. Now!”
Shit. He could have sworn he saw tears in her eyes before she turned away and opened the shower door to leave. He felt like ten kinds of a jerk for raising his voice and treating her that way. Only a poor excuse for a Dom or Master raised his voice to command attention, which obviously made him one. He’d totally screwed up with Karla and didn’t see how to undo the damage without getting himself more attached emotionally. That wasn’t going to happen.
But at least she wasn’t standing in front of him with her sexy tits, hot pussy, and those big blue, soulful eyes. He reached over to the faucet and turned the hot water off. The cold spray washed over him full force. He needed to regain control of his overactive libido before he set foot outside this shower and came anywhere near Karla again today. He should have called her back, told her she’s doing a fine job as his slave, that she’s so young and inexperienced, and that he’s…he’s what? A complete dickwad for taking advantage of her surrender to him, of her complete trust in him, of emotions that a jerk like him didn’t deserve.
* * *
“You okay, Karla?” Cassie asked.
Karla kept her eyes on the road, not sure what to say. Adam had told her not to say anything to Cassie about their Master/slave arrangement—and she didn’t really want to share that anyway. But he didn’t say she couldn’t talk about their relationship in general.
“Adam and I had sex.” She couldn’t really call it making love. It was raw, rough, and rugged sex, no doubt about it. “It was pretty intense.” And frightening. I feel so empty now. The feeling of melancholy she’d woken with this morning hadn’t left her. But she wouldn’t give in to tears.
“I guess he’s doing better then, Kitty.”
Karla couldn’t resist a glance at her friend, who smiled at her, but with sadness in her eyes. Unable to look at her friend’s pain-filled eyes, she returned her attention to the road ahead.
“I’m just glad your first time was better than mine.”
Oh, Cassie. Karla reached across the seat and squeezed her friend’s hand. “Those bastards should have been strung up by their balls.”
“Well, I’m afraid that would never happen,” Cassie said. “Not in Latin America. They just won bragging rights for life.”
Karla ached for her friend. When Cassie had come back to New York to start their senior year, Karla had known at first glance something awful had happened to her roommate and friend. Dealing with the devastating aftermath of her friend’s horrific gang rape had gotten both of them placed on probation as their grades tanked that fall semester. But Cassie was so strong and fought her way back. Well, up to a point. She’d never be the fun-loving, carefree Cassie again, especially not around men.
“Adam scared me last night. I thought he was going to hit you.”
“No, he’d never take his anger out on me. He’d heard me screaming at Ian during our cleansing ceremony and was just concerned about me.”
“Well, he has a funny way of showing it.”
Actually, he has a wonderful way of showing it, when he lets his guard down. She remembered how he’d held her after the Shibari session and how he’d cuddled her in his lap in his office before they came upstairs.
“So, what happens next, Kitty? Have you convinced him he can’t live without you?”
Her black mood descended again. “No. I’m not sure what will happen next. I don’t think he wants me with him anymore.” She remembered being kicked out of the shower this morning and her eyes blurred. She found a pull off and parked.
Cassie reached out to her. “Want me to drive?”
Karla shook her head. “Just give me a minute. I’m having a really pissy day.”
Cassie released her seatbelt and leaned over to give her a hug. More tears fell. “I can’t make him love me, Cassie. I’ve tried to be what he wants, but it’s never enough.”
Cassie pushed her away and reached into her bag to hand her a tissue. “Karla Paxton, you don’t need to change who you are for any man. If that’s not good enough for him, then kick him to the curb. You’re awesome and if he can’t see that, then he’s not the man for you.”
Karla had been so focused and determined on getting him to eventually want her that she didn’t see she’d been closing her emotions off from herself. Maybe that’s why she’d been feeling so numb and lost. Whatever was happening to her, she just wanted it to end. Maybe she needed to stop chasing Adam. Three months and she really wasn’t any closer to him emotionally than when they started. Sex wasn’t enough.
“Thanks, Cassie. I think I know what I need to do.” But she didn’t want to do it.
Taking a deep breath, she got the SUV back on the road and drove on. Soon after they’d come through the pass, Karla turned onto the gravel road leading down to Cassie’s cabin. The blue spruce trees closed in around them on the narrow, rutted drive. Thank goodness Adam’s SUV was high enough not to hit bottom. After bouncing along for nearly a quarter-mile, they came out of the woods into a clearing where Cassie’s cabin sat nestled among aspens and evergreens.
Beautiful. Lonely. Detached.
Just like Cassie.
And Adam.
“Come inside for a cup of tea.”
“Um, I can’t really stay long. I promised Adam I’d get right back.”
“You always visit awhile. He’ll understand.”
Karla hated not being able to tell her friend why she couldn’t stay, but she was still his slave until they had a serious talk about where they were going, if anywhere. Still, talking with Cassie on the drive up here had helped lift the wet blanket that had been over her since Adam left her last night after their fight. They really hadn’t had a lot of time together this visit, what with all that had been happening since the last two weeks. Karla had about thirty minutes before she really had to get back on the road. “One cup of tea, then I need to head back to Denver.”
Cassie smiled. “You’ve got it bad, Karla. Can’t even stand to be apart for a few hours. I hope it works out. I hope he’s good to you.”
You and me both, Cassie.
* * *
Adam closed the lid to the laptop and looked at his watch again. Forty minutes late. Was she testing him already? He’d told her he’d have to punish her if she willfully disobeyed? Damn it, why was she putting him in this position? Hell, they were only finishing the second day of their TPE arrangement.
What had ever possessed him to propose this damned Master/slave arrangement? He’d tested Karla’s limits, thinking each time he’d gone further than she’d ever agree to go, but god damn it, she just accepted whatever he dished out and asked for more. She’d changed, too. She wasn’t the Karla who’d fucking made him insane for the past three months. This morning, she’d seemed a little lost. He’d never wanted to alter her personality, but that’s what happened with Joni, too.
He missed the feisty Karla who would stand up to him, tell him to his face he was full of shit, fucking declare war on him, even. How could he get her back? Did she even want to come back? She seemed to be enjoying the role of slave. She sure enjoyed rough sex—but she didn’t need to be a slave to get that from him.
Not that he should be having any kind of sex with her. She was twenty-five years younger than he was. She needed to find someone closer to her own age, get married, raise babies, and share a nice long life together with him.
He looked at his watch again. Forty-seve
n minutes late. He should call her and read her the riot act. Why had he given her a deadline for returning anyway? Oh, how could he fucking forget? He was her Master and needed to exert his will over her. In addition, because he was trying to get her to put an end to this arrangement, he’d also tried to make her life miserable.
He rubbed his hand over his face and rolled his chair away from the desk. The sore muscles and tendons in his back pulled as he stood up, but he wasn’t going to take another damned pill. He’d need his full faculties if he was going to navigate these waters with Karla. Besides, he needed to set things up for their Shibari rope suspension session tonight. He’d planned to videotape her tonight.
Now it looked as if there would need to be a punishment session, as well. How should he discipline her? She’d enjoyed being paddled last night. Maybe some other impact play? Orgasm torture? Deprivation? Well, he could call off the Shibari session. He knew she enjoyed that. She’d gone into subspace during their Shibari session last night. Maybe that would be the best way to punish her.
Except he’d been looking forward to it all day and wasn’t interested in punishing himself.
On his way to the suspension theme room he wanted to use, he heard a squeal coming from the kitchen. Maybe Karla was home. Although he’d never heard her squeal like that before, she sounded like she had more life in her than the slave-Karla he’d created. Walking into the room, he found Angelina over Marc’s lap, getting her ass spanked.
“Can’t you two wait for the club to open tonight?”
Marc looked up and grinned. Angelina kept her gaze on the floor, her hair hiding what he was sure was a very red face at the moment. Adam was happy Marc had finally find a woman he was so evenly matched with, after such a long spell of being so miserable. Before either could respond to his question, Adam’s cell phone began playing the tune “This Girl is a Woman Now,” one of Joni’s favorite songs. How the hell did that ringtone get on his phone and who was calling? He looked at the caller ID. Karla?
About god-damned time.
Adam’s heartbeat picked up and he turned away from Marc and Angelina and he pressed the accept button, putting the phone to his ear. “Where are you?” He knew his barked question sounded harsh, but he didn’t appreciate her making him worry about her like this.
Silence.
He held his breath. “Karla? What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry, Sir.” She was crying.
His throat closed in fear. “Karla, tell me what’s wrong. Now.”
He could hear her draw a ragged breath. “I wrecked your SUV.”
Adam had to remind himself to breathe again. Images of Karla’s battered and bloodied body flashed across his mind and he had to lean against the doorjamb to keep himself upright.
“Are you okay?” This question barely came out in a whisper.
She choked on a sob. “Oh, Master, I’m so sorry. I was tired and driving too fast. It was snowing. I didn’t see it.”
“See what?”
“Oh, God, she’s dead.” She began sobbing even harder.
“Who, Karla? Talk to me.” Had Cassie been killed? Jesus Christ, no. What the fuck had happened? She should have gotten Cassie home more than five hours ago. How long ago had she had the wreck?
“She just jumped out in front of me, Adam.”
“Cassie?”
“Cassie? No, she’s home.”
“Who jumped out in front of you?”
“The doe, Adam. I didn’t have time to swerve.”
She’d called him Adam. Even though he hated that she was so upset, he liked hearing her call him by his given name again. But he knew it was only because she wasn’t thinking clearly right now.
He expelled his pent-up breath, relieved Cassie hadn’t been hurt. Karla wouldn’t have survived that. Thank God she’d hit the deer, rather than swerve off the road. Picturing her plunging down the side of a mountain or plowing into a tree made him even weaker in the knees. “Tell me where you are. I’ll come get you.”
“They brought me to the ER in Littleton.”
Oh, God, no. She was hurt. Adam felt as if he’d just been roundhouse kicked in the gut.
“How badly are you hurt, kitten?”
“Bruises, mostly from the seatbelt and airbag. The doctor said I may have some neck and shoulder strain tomorrow. No concussion, though. They gave me something for pain, but it’s not working.”
Her plaintive voice pulled at his heart. Adam needed to get to her, to hold her, to make sure she was okay.
“I’m on my way, hon.” He walked over to the mug rack where he hung his keys and retrieved the set for his truck. “Just take deep breaths and hang on.”
“Sir?”
“Yes, kitten?”
“Please don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you, hon.”
“But I disobeyed you, Sir.”
His command that she return home within a certain time rewound and played again in his head. What had he done? This damned TPE arrangement could have gotten her killed. “Kitten, stop worrying.” He cleared the gravel from his throat. “I’m leaving right now. I’ll be there within thirty minutes. Are they taking good care of you?”
A pause, then a meek, “Yes, Sir.”
“Just do whatever they tell you. Everything’s going to be fine, kitten.”
Another long silence. She said they’d given her something, maybe a sedative. “Yes, Sir. Please hurry. I need you.”
Her plea broke his heart and left him feeling so helpless. “I’m coming, baby.”
Adam disconnected the phone and turned to find Marc and Angelina looking at him with worried expressions on their faces.
“What happened?” they asked in unison.
“Karla hit a deer. She’s a little banged up, but I think she’ll be okay. I’m going to go get her in Littleton.”
Marc took the keys from Adam before he had time to react. His damned reaction times were slowed down by his recovery. “When’s the last time you took a pain pill?”
“Two nights ago. I’m fine. Give me my fucking keys.”
“Why don’t you let me drive so you can hold her on the way back? She’ll probably be shaken up.”
Well, fuck. Of course, Marc was right. Adam wasn’t thinking clearly. It would be better if he could focus on Karla on the way back and not the road. He took the keys from Marc again, though. “You can drive on the way back. Let’s go.”
“I’ll call Damián and Grant and ask them to get some others in to help cover for you all at the club tonight,” Angelina said, putting her hand on Marc’s forearm. Marc nodded. “Just be careful yourselves. It was snowing when we headed over here this evening. The roads may be slick now.”
Marc leaned down and kissed her cheek. “We’ll be fine, cara. Maybe you can prepare something light for tonight, in case Karla’s hungry. I doubt anyone’s going to have much of an appetite.”
“I know just the thing.” She paused and added, “I love you.” She brushed a kiss across Marc’s lips, then Adam and Marc headed out the back door.
Kitten, I hope you know I love you, too.
I just can’t love you the way you need to be loved.
Chapter Ten
Karla lay curled on her side in the narrow hospital bed. The pain in her chest and shoulders radiated into her neck. Her head had begun to throb in the last quarter hour, matching the beat of her heart. Why hadn’t she listened to her Master and come straight home? When Cassie had wanted to show her the painting she was working on, Karla hadn’t realized how much time had passed until she was already half an hour late. She’d only sped a little before the snow started and she decided it would be better to slow down and be a little late than to get hurt. But she’d gotten hurt anyway, killed a deer, and probably totaled Adam’s SUV. She had only had an hour’s sleep last night and her uncharacteristic downer hadn’t helped. Why did the deer have to…
“Just a minute, Sir! Only family members are allowed back here with patients!�
�
“Karla, where are you?”
Sir! “Here!” Tears sprung to her eyes as she tried to rise, keeping her gaze riveted on the opening between the curtains and feeling the strain of already stiff muscles. Please hurry, Sir. I need you. She struggled to push herself upright and winced.
“Lie still.” Adam’s tall, broad frame filled the entrance to her cubicle, relief barely edging out worry in his eyes. She’d caused him to worry; he didn’t need that right now. Oh, dear Lord, he was the most beautiful sight in the world.
She choked on a sob. “Hold me, Sir.”
He hurried the few feet to get to her and scooped her into his arms, then sat on the edge of the narrow bed. “Oh, baby. I’m so glad to see you’re okay.”
“I am now. I’m sorry.”
“I’ve got you, kitten. Don’t worry about anything.”
Safe.
Karla’s body began shaking. Another sob broke deep within her. She’d been on the verge of crying all day, only now she had a reason to cry. What was wrong with her? Everything was okay now. Adam was here, holding her.
He held her tighter against his chest. “Shhh, baby. Everything’s going to be okay.”
“I made a mess of everything. I didn’t mean to be so late.”
“We’ll talk about it later, hon. Just rest now. Slow deep breaths.”
“I stayed at Cassie’s too long…”
“I said we’d talk about it later.”
Sir was angry. Wanting to please him again, she took a shaky breath, then another a little deeper and the shaking lessened. “Please, Sir. Don’t send me away.”
“Who said anything about sending you away?”
“I haven’t been a very good slave.”
Adam picked up the thermal blanket from the bed and wrapped it around her. He tilted her head back and her mind grew fuzzy. The pain pill they’d given her must finally be having an effect on her, now that she didn’t have to hold herself together, wound tighter than a snare drum. “So sleepy.”
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