by J O'Keith
“We humans are not meant to live this way and I find it so disgusting that you’re made to live this way, I think a lot of people above ground know the A.P.D. have gone too far, but they’re too scared to do anything about it.”
“Why did you join them?”
“I didn’t...they now conscript all men and women between the ages of fifteen and twenty five. They’ve finally got their hands on every major government on the Earth, so they’ve launched this global initiative, a final eradication of all the religious people remaining. You folk are among the last one’s standing.
“But, and I hope this doesn’t upset you too much, if they really wanted they could flood these tunnels with hundreds of thousands of soldier’s of A.P.D. agents and be done with you. They are drawing out the process because I don’t think they have a clue what they’ll do once they’ve wiped you all out.
“The entire driving force behind their ideology has been that religion has been the cause of all evil and warfare, blah blah blah, and once it is wiped off the face of the Earth we can start again in some sort of utopia. But those in charge are too drunk on power and ruling by fear that I just can’t see that ever happening. They’ll just find a new enemy.”
“Do a lot of people feel that way above ground? If we spread the word of Christ...”
“You may be among the smarter people down here but you still don’t get it. Just cos some of us are disgusted by the actions of those who claim to be Atheists rather than Fascists doesn’t mean we’re going to turn to God. I am certain that when I meet my death there will be nothing for me on the other side, but those who are claiming to be representing my beliefs are perverting the means of their ideology just like every sadistic ruler who went before them, but they are infinitely worse because their nihilism means that they think the only people they have to answer to is themselves.”
“Exactly – that’s the problem with being Godless, sorry, I mean being an atheist. If there is no greater power to answer, then what’s the point of being good?”
“We should be good because it is the right thing to do, not cos we are being guilted into doing so by a God. In fact, if there is a God I am certain he would say the same thing.”
“Jesus Christ is the most forgiving...”
“Look, I don’t mean to be rude but can we try and discuss this without you sounding like you’re trying to convert me?”
“That’s not what I’m trying to do – promise.”
“In fact, I’m surprised that living down here, knowing of the cruelty that lies above, hasn’t led to any dissenters in your group. Surely the sickening genocidal impulses of those in power, the unspoken consent of people like myself who never stood up to their heinous actions, the fact that your God has not intervened and stood by and allowed them to kill the majority of your people, surely that makes you question how a benevolent God would allow such atrocities to occur?”
“We were all given free will by God. I never got a chance to read any of the Bible, but I’ve been told many of its stories and one of them involves God wiping out almost all of the world’s population because of how much sin had entered into it.”
“But these are Godless men committing these acts, they’re not his people!”
“All men are God’s people. And these folk - they are the ultimate sinners, unparalleled sinners and they will have to pay for their crimes in hell, in fact, there’s a good chance that the Lord will appear to smite them on Earth itself, that’s how angry he is.”
“But what if he doesn’t? And what if when you pass away, it turns out there is no God and there is in fact nothing beyond this life. Won’t you feel ridiculous for wasting all this energy, allowing your loved ones to perish for no good reason?”
“As a child of Christ I could never think in such a way, I can’t even entertain such a notion, you...”
“But you should! I’m not saying you should believe it, but entertain the notion for a brief second, allow that element of doubt to enter into your belief system. I have always been willing to entertain the notion that there is a God and that by choosing to accept science over faith I may end up in a lot of trouble once I die. I had to allow this doubt to enter into my thoughts, because the only way to confirm your beliefs is to test them.
“So I’m not asking you to reject God, just to imagine that he doesn’t, and how you would feel if you died and realised there was nothing beyond this life.”
“OK, I’ll try your experiment.
“Uh, hold on, I just can’t do it, I’m sorry.”
“It’s never going to work with me breathing down your neck. Give it till we’re next on watch together, then get back to me and let me know what this new thought process does for you.”
“What effect did briefly accepting there is a God do to your beliefs?
“I’ll tell you when we meet next.”
So when we were next on watch together, after exchanging niceties, our conversation continued.
“So?”
“Thank you.”
“What. Why?”
“I love this community more than anything in the entire world, but your question was the first time my faith has been actively challenged and tested. Sure, I’ve seen some horrendous things that no human being should be subjected to, but I’ve always had my parents on hand to re-assure me that it is just another one of the Lord’s tests, and that as we pass each test our faith grows continuously until it is unbreakable.
“And this may surprise you, but that has always been enough. Even after we lost our leader Robert and for a brief afterwards while we lost our way.
“So when you asked me to imagine an alternative to the only concept of the afterlife I have ever known, it seemed impossible, like asking me to fly or something. But I tried to focus on the abstract of the concept, of their being nothing, nothing at all.
“And as my brain finally accepted your hypothetical scenario of there being nothing after we died, all these questions started to twirl in my mind. The one that kept recurring was if I would ever know that there was nothing.
“What I mean to say is, would there be a brief moment as I died where I realised that there was nothing after this life or would I just pass into nothingness oblivious of the fact that my beliefs had been in vain? It may seem like a silly point to focus on, but it really mattered to me, because if I wasn’t aware that there was no form of consciousness beyond death, then I would have no way of knowing if I was wrong. But if it became clear to me, even if it was only for a nanosecond that God did not exist, how would I react?
“Would I be bitter for devoting so much of my life to something that wasn’t there? Would I regret being part of this community that sacrificed everything for Jesus Christ?
“I would not. Because my faith was not induced by fear, ignorance or laziness; no, it is built around the concepts of grace, humility, forgiveness, compassion and above all love. And if initially there was nothing after my death, in that brief nanosecond I would thank God for providing me with the foundations for all those strengths and see death as another test of my faith, I’d believe that perhaps I was trapped in purgatory or some sort of celestial waiting room.”
“OK.”
“I feel like that now I’ve answered that question my faith is stronger than ever, so thank you. Now can you tell me what your conclusions were?”
“Pretty much identical, except they came from the opposite perspective.
“Returning to your original question, what it’s like to live up there. It’s a hell of a lot more comfortable up there, I’ll tell you that much. There’s nice food but most importantly, and this is something I only appreciate in retrospect, you get to sleep on a mattress which is so much better for your back than the uneven rocky floors we sleep on each night. Thank God you guys had some sleeping pills cos without them I’d never of got used to sleeping here!
“But it’s all a bit too clean up there. Advertisements and propaganda at every corner, A.P.D. agents like me working undercover
everywhere so that everyone lives in a perpetual state of paranoia. And the reason the A.P.D. have found it so easy to spread their nonsense like a global virus is because our communities are so fragmented without you believers.
“Without a Church, a synagogue or a mosque there is no communal gathering where people come together for altruistic reasons. Instead, temples of worship have been replaced by shopping malls devoted to consumerism that get people into greater and greater debt. You get thousands of people in the same building, but we could not be more distant from one another.
“That’s part of the reason why I believe suicides are at an all-time high - combine the guilt of the ensuing genocide with the sense of purposelessness and loneliness and you can see why people are topping themselves. But they’d never let the public know that, they just blame the deaths on a virus spread by your people.
“You see, for all the discomfort I’ve experienced down here the thing that makes me wake up each morning with a smile on my face, despite my ideological differences with your community, is that I feel a part of something greater than myself. And it has nothing to do with God but everything to do with how close you are, how you move as a single entity, never leaving a single man or woman behind who is still alive, no matter how much it may cost you. And even though I’m on the fringes of your group because of my beliefs it is a hell of a lot better than anything I’ve experienced above.
“The thing we atheists are missing is a common purpose that is not divine. For me, this should be helping the vulnerable in society and making sure every human being has the chance of living a prosperous life, but the one time I suggested this in a meeting everyone looked at me as if I had some sort of contagious disease.”
Yes, I am sure that Joan did not betray us. Not only did she die on the ship with everyone else, but she genuinely disliked the A.P.D. and the so-called Atheists. Lord, I hope you have forgiven her for sins and non-believing and spared her the fires of hell. She is as good a person as I have known and I will always cherish our friendship together.
As I said earlier, one of the key components to our survival in the tunnels was our ability to block phone and internet usage. But now that my father had decided he wanted to call his friend who scrapped the metal from old ships, we would have no way of contacting him until we reached the surface.
This led to several members questioning the validity of the plan because given the potential radiation there was in New Jersey as well as our fears that the A.P.D. would have some sort of presence there, it could take up to a week to get my father’s friend to help us out, if he was going to help us out at all.
My father pointed out that if this was the case then we could simply try and escape by some other means if Benedict failed to agree to meet us or if he took too long, but he felt his option was the only option that would keep our entire community together. Not even the most cynical among us considered that the A.P.D. would use this against us in an attempt to wipe out the entire community, so when my father called for a vote his plan was ratified unanimously.
But before I recall the events in the build up to the destruction of everyone I had known and loved up until that point, I’d like to tell you a little more about my parents.
As I mentioned earlier, my mum taught all the children in our group as she had been a teacher before we entered the tunnels. It still brings a tear to my eye when I recall her teaching us about the basic principles of Christianity as she walked backwards, always retaining her grace and poise. Trevor, the class rebel, would always try to disrupt the lessons with snarky remarks, but my mother tamed his anger with compassion and kindness. She succeeded to such an extent with him that he planned to teach the next generation of children in our community.
She is the primary source of my Christian strength. In the days after Robert’s death I revealed my fears to her before she was putting me to bed one evening:
“I’m scared mother.”
“We all are honey. That’s why I’m glad you’re coming to talk to me. If we share our fears, we lighten their load, if we share our burdens and pray to the Almighty they’ll eventually disappear.”
“Are we, am I, am I going to die?”
“Eventually we all die, but you have a long and prosperous life to live. You will know a time beyond these troubling times, I promise you that with all my heart.”
“But without Robert...”
“Robert is still with us sweetheart, more so than ever before. He is sitting with Jesus Christ up in heaven and will guide us away from all the evil that lies above us.”
“I don’t believe you mom...I’ve never known a life outside these tunnels and I think I’ll die before I ever see the sun rise.”
“Look at me Mary, straight in my eyes. I wanna tell you one of those great Christian stories that I’ve kept from you for a day like this.
“The disciples were on a small boat, making their way to a town which Jesus had sent them too. But on that particular evening, the sky filled with thunder as the clouds poured thick rain upon their shelter-less heads, they were afraid.
“As their boat rocked from side to side they were certain they saw a ghost walking upon the water, approaching them. But this was no ghost; no, it was our saviour Jesus Christ gliding across the water as if he had ground beneath his feet. They were joyously terrified, to see the man that they believed so passionately in, walking on water, and Jesus could sense their fear so he told them to abandon their fear and come to him.
“Peter was not sure if what stood before their eyes was an illusion, what they wanted to see, or in fact the real thing. So he asked the Messiah to ask him to come out on the water and walk with him if Jesus really did stand before him.
“At this point Jesus could have told Peter that as the Son of God he alone had the ability to walk on water, he had every right to disappear into the night and challenge the faith of his disciples by seeing who truly believed in what they had seen on the sea that night.
“But he did none of these things. Instead, he said just the one word to Peter, ‘come’.
“Peter summoned all his faith, arose and pressed his left foot against the tempestuous waters in front of him and within seconds he was walking on water! So that he could go to Jesus he abandoned his fear, he challenged himself and channelled all his faith into those brief footsteps and did what should have been impossible.
“But as the wind’s force increased he lost his focus, the power of his faith diminished, so he began to sink into the water. Peter then cried, ‘Lord save me’ and immediately our good Lord lent him his hand and told Peter, ‘Why did you doubt?’, before helping him back onto the boat.
“You see, Peter was able to achieve the impossible through the power of his faith, the purity of his faith and it is the latter that is most important in these dark times we are experiencing sweetheart.
“When he took that first step on to the water it was without fear or doubt, all his love and faith allowed him to do something beyond the laws of physics. And the reason, the reason I keep coming back to that point my dear, is that we are in Peter’s shoes at this very moment. We have been so for the longest time, but there are many of us, and if any of us allow our faith to waver than we will be lost and our great religion will pass into the history books.
“Let me tell you something darling, a day will come when you will walk on water and help defeat the Godless that stand above us. I have seen it in my dreams, your father too.
“Do you love Jesus Christ honey?”
“More than anything, more than even you. But...”
“No buts. There is so much I wanted, we wanted for you Mary. Each day we spend...”
“Please don’t cry mom!”
“These are the last tears I will cry over this, I promise. But now we are here, because this is the only life you have ever known I need you to know that there will come a day when you will wake up to glorious sunlight every morning and have the most beautiful family.
“And if for whatever r
eason that day does not come, if you are taken from Earth during these days of sin, know that you will be granted eternal happiness with the ones you love and sit next to our Good Lord himself.
“It may not seem like it, but in the grand scheme of things this life is a fleeting moment, a solitary second in an existence that will long outlast this once beloved planet of ours.
“So while you are in this brief moment, do not be like Peter, you cannot afford to be like Peter. Keep your eyes on the Lord, with each passing day build your faith into an indestructible temple that can withstand any physical or mental pain they may try to inflict upon you.
“God is with you, always and forever.”
For the next few months, my mother would spend half an hour before bedtime, fortifying my faith until she was certain that it could never be broken. But it was this tale of Christ walking on water that made the greatest impression upon me, both the idea that this life is but a brief moment and more importantly that I need to make sure that my faith should remain unbreakable. I am certain it was what helped me pass Joan’s test and the trial I have endured over these last few days.
After Robert’s death, my poor father was forced into a position he was not meant for. But our small numbers meant he was one of our elders, so reluctantly he agreed to become one of our leaders. This meant he was far too busy to spend much time with me, which I know he hated because he had always been a hands-on father.
He taught me how to use my first gun, taught me the Lord’s prayer and once saved my doll Mindy from a gutter. In hindsight, that last moment was so important to me because after I lost everyone Mindy became my final connection with my family and community.
I loved seeing my parent’s together. The love that they shared so often transformed our rot-infested tunnels into a brief insight into what heaven will feel like. My father’s whole body would radiate pure happiness whenever he saw her and she in turn would beam with joy as he approached her.
When I was younger, I would ask my parent’s why they would sleep in a small tent once a week far away from the rest of us. They would always blush when this came up and ask me to keep my voice down and would explain that it was very important that when a man and woman were both married and in love they got to spend some time alone as it strengthened their bond.