Luke had plans to leave? To leave her and live…where? And everyone knew about it? Everyone except her. Nikki could barely register what the others were saying. Her mind just kept turning this new information over and over, trying to decipher it.
Here she was, believing they’d connected, that there was actually something there, and he’d been planning to leave all along? And sharing those plans with Jackie? Her cousin? No, she had to be lying. It was just like her. She always looked for ways to steal Nikki’s joy. For such a beautiful woman, she sure was ugly inside.
Nikki didn’t want to play her game. “Get up out of that chair and go fuck with someone else.”
“You heard her,” Robyn said. “Get—”
“Okay, okay. You ladies are touchy this morning. It’s time for me to head out anyway.”
Nikki exhaled deeply, trying to control her temper. Her father always reminded her to set a good example for the clan, but all she wanted to do was knock the bitch on her ass. Fortunately, she seemed to have the good sense to leave before Nikki lost it.
Jackie stood up and smoothed her black pencil skirt, shooting her another one of her model-perfect smiles. “Be sure and tell Luke to look me up whenever he passes through Silver Spring, okay? My door is always open for family. Mason, too…”
The look on Jackie’s face said she considered Mason and Luke anything but family, and Nikki was out of her chair before she knew it, a growl building in her throat as she lunged at Jackie, prepared to shift right there in the dining room.
She registered Jackie’s shocked face, heard shouting, and in the next instant, she was lifted off her feet and away from her target. Luke had shown up just in time to set the record straight.
* * * *
“Why are you so pissed? You knew how I felt when we met. And I keep telling you that’s all changed, anyway.” Luke worked hard to keep his voice low and even, despite the fact that Nikki kept yelling at him. His calm would diffuse her anger—he hoped.
“Why am I so fucking pissed? You’re not serious, are you? You’ve had me parading around here like some sort of lovesick fool, believing we were going to be together—the three of us.”
Luke had half-carried, half-dragged her back to their suite, listening to her rant that Jackie was a liar, but then he’d had to tell her the truth. He’d admitted that he’d planned to leave as soon as the hydan was over but had eventually changed his mind. He swore he hadn’t told anyone, especially Jackie, but that didn’t seem to make Nikki feel any better.
“I’m sorry. We were just having fun…enjoying each other at first. That’s how it’s supposed to be, and knowing how I felt, I didn’t think you’d care all that much if I didn’t stick around. But then, I started to care about you and I realized I couldn’t leave. “
It was like he hadn’t spoken. She just kept talking. She was cute when she was pissed, and he tried to hold her, but she pushed him away. “If I had known you found me so repulsive that you couldn’t stand to even live in the same territory as me, I would never have opened my legs for you a second time. In fact, I wouldn’t have fucked you a first time. Fuck the clan, fuck merging. Fuck everybody. But especially fuck you for using me this way.”
“Fuck me? For using you? Are you going to say you loved me? That you were sure you wanted me around for anything other than sex? You couldn’t wait to fuck me, even when you were busy calling me a bastard. You didn’t care whether I was in love with you or not. All you wanted was my dick. You were panting for it.”
Crack. Nikki slapped him across the face—hard.
“What the fuck was that for?” he roared. He hadn’t wanted to get angry and feed her emotions by shouting back, but he couldn’t believe she’d hit him.
“That’s for making me sound like a horny dog.”
The Luke who didn’t want a mate would have jumped all over the chance to tell her that’s exactly what she’d been—a bitch. But Luke did want her. He wanted her more than anything, in his bed, in his life, as his mate in every way. There was no way he’d risk pissing her off more by letting his mouth get ahead of him, especially not when he was so clearly in the wrong.
“Nikki, look, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, dammit! What do you want from me?” He said that with more force than he’d meant to and he saw the anger flare up in her eyes. She reared back as if to slap him again, but he caught both of her arms and pulled her against him.
“Don’t hit me again,” he ground out as she struggled, hot to do just that. He gave her a little shake, trying to get her to stop clawing at him and listen. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I didn’t want a mate, but that’s all changed. I know how stupid I was in the beginning, but I want nothing more than to live with you and take care of you and be your mate in every way. Are you listening to me?”
She pulled against his hold, clearly not ready to calm down. “Oh, I’m listening, all right. That’s all I’ve been doing. First, I listened to you tell me all about how much you didn’t want a mate and couldn’t stand the thought of settling down. Then I listened to my father tell me that I had to join with you to strengthen our clan. I stupidly listened to my body, which wanted nothing more than to be under you at all times, and somehow I got it into my head that we could be happy and maybe one day you’d be able to love me. But the worst of all was fooling myself that you at least planned to make a life with me, and then having to listen to that bitch tell me what everyone else apparently knows—that you’re trying to get as far away from me as possible.”
“I keep telling you that was before. I don’t feel that way now!”
Nikki pushed against him harder this time and managed to break free. “You let everyone watch me walking around on cloud nine while everyone knew you were leaving after the hydan—everyone knew, except me. Everyone!”
“Are you embarrassed? Is that what’s bothering you so much? “
She shook her head. “Of course it bothers me! Of course it does! Don’t you think I have any pride? I did what my father told me to do because I felt it was my duty. And God help me, I wanted you. From the moment I saw you, I wanted you, but I do have some pride.”
Luke tried to take her in his arms, but she shrugged him away. “Hell yes, my pride is hurt. But even more than that, I’m upset with myself for starting to…for ever believing I could…”
Her voice was losing steam, and she couldn’t seem to push the words out, but he thought he knew what she was going to say. He heard her voice in his head. Mine. “Fall in love with me?”
Luke thought he had it right, but he knew instantly it was the wrong thing to say. Her beautiful eyes hardened, and he thought she might attack him again. “Stay away from me. I. Never. Want. To. See. You. Again.”
“Shit, don’t say that. How many times can I say I’m sorry? I’d already decided to stay before we even went to the party. That night, in the hot tub, remember? We were talking about our future home? I made my mind up then.”
Apparently, she was through listening to his apologies and explanations. She turned and stormed out of the room.
“Nikki! Wait!” Luke rushed after her. He’d plead his case until she forgave him, but as he crossed the threshold, he slammed into a living wall created by Adam and Levi. His day just kept getting worse and worse.
* * * *
Nikki narrowly avoided her brothers and their questions. She stormed past them, too embarrassed to let them see her like that. They’d comfort her. They’d always been there to support her when she needed them, but she couldn’t bear to see the looks on their faces when they found out she’d actually fallen for the bastard. She couldn’t stand to have them watch her tears fall over him.
It all made sense now. The times she’d talked about the future and he’s become tense and evasive. She’d ignored it, let him distract her. Maybe because she didn’t want to admit to herself that nothing between them had changed. They’d had amazing sex and that was it. She’d been the fool who’d convinced herself that something more was developin
g between them.
Nikki quickly shifted, not even caring to shed her clothes this time. She just wanted to get away, far away. Leaving her torn clothes behind, she ran hard, not planning what to do once she stopped, not thinking about where to go, just needing to get away from him, away from everything.
She didn’t stop until she reached the very edge of Raven territory. Only then did she allow herself to sit back on her haunches and think. It was a long time before she caught her breath, and even longer before she felt like shifting back and going in search of a blanket. When she finally opened one of the clan’s boxes and pulled out a thin, scratchy blanket, she was no closer to having a plan than she’d been when she’d started running.
This wasn’t her. She didn’t run from trouble. She was stronger than that. Nikki was a stand-and-fight kind of girl, but she didn’t know if she could face this. And she had to admit to herself why. She’d fallen in love with him, but he didn’t love her. He’d stuck around because the sex was good, but they’d never have more than the most basic of mate bonds.
Wrapping the blanket lightly around herself, she sat in the grass and smoothed her hair out of her face. She should be grateful. Mason was every girl’s dream mate. She was sure he’d fallen for her, and she was head over heels in love with him. The problem was, she wanted both of them. As much as she wished she didn’t, she wanted a happy life with both of her mates.
* * * *
It hadn’t been hard to track her, but Mason had hung back to prevent her from scenting him, sensing that she needed some time alone. He hadn’t been present for the confrontation with Jackie, or for the fight she’d had with Luke, but he’d heard plenty about it. Mason couldn’t believe how badly things had gone, and he’d wanted to hit Luke himself, but he couldn’t deny his role in things. He’d known about Luke’s indecision and he should have told her. Now, he had to hope she wasn’t as angry with him as she was with Luke.
He approached quietly, trying to figure out what to say. Her brothers had wanted to come after her, but he’d convinced them it was his job, as her mate. Luke had argued to come, too, but after a lot of shouting and a scuffle, they’d all managed to convince him that he’d just make things worse.
“I know you’re here,” she said suddenly, lifting her head. Her eyes were red from crying.
“Nikki, I—”
She hadn’t turned to look at him, so he couldn’t see the expression on her face, but he could hear the hurt in her voice. “Don’t say it. Please don’t say you’re sorry.”
“Okay…” That was exactly what he was going to say. “I won’t say that if you don’t want me to.”
“I don’t want anyone’s pity. It’s bad enough that everyone knows.”
Mason walked over and sat down beside her, saying nothing. After a few minutes of just listening to her breathe, he took a chance and put his arm around her, drawing her against him. “Is that what you think? That everyone knows?”
“That’s what Jackie said.”
“Well, I won’t lie. A few people do know, but they are mostly the people who are closest to you, and they love you anyway.”
She didn’t respond, so he went on. “From what your brothers said, Jackie has made many enemies for herself, and few people listen to what she says.”
“People love good gossip.”
“Well, everyone in the lodge heard Luke begging you to forgive him, if that’s any consolation. Any gossipers will definitely spread that around. Then there was all the yelling he and your brothers did. Anyone within earshot now knows how much he wants to be with you.”
Nikki laughed, a bitter, humorless sound. “If only that were true.”
Mason tipped her chin up with his free hand and stared into her eyes. “That’s what this is about, isn’t it?” She tried to look away, but he wouldn’t let her. It was time for honesty. “You’re embarrassed, but more than that, you’re upset because you love him.”
Mason wanted to punch Luke for the way she broke in his arms, sobbing. He pulled her onto his lap and held her, not talking, just stroking her hair and letting her take strength from his touch. When her tears slowed and he thought she might be ready to listen, he told her what he’d only suspected before, but what he now knew for sure. “He loves you, too, you know.” His fatheaded brother didn’t deserve his help, not after making their mate cry, but it was the truth, and she needed to hear it.
Nikki stiffened in his arms and roughly pulled her face away. She was stubborn. He was learning that about her. “No, he doesn’t. He agreed to the joining because his clan needed it, and he only wants to stay with me now because we are so well matched in bed.” She locked her jaw shut as if she couldn’t bear to say any more.
“I know you don’t want to hear that I’m sorry, but I am. For two things. First, that I didn’t tell you what Luke was considering. I don’t have a good excuse for that. He asked me not to, and when it became clear that he was confused about leaving—that maybe he didn’t want to, I thought it was best not to say anything.”
She finally met his eyes, and Mason figured that was a good sign. “And the second?” she asked.
“The second is that I didn’t tell you he was in love with you. I’m not sure my brother fully recognized it until today. He can be stubborn. You two have that in common. But I know him better than anyone else does, and he’s fallen for you, Nikki. He’s just as much in love with you as I am.”
Stroking her face, he stared into her eyes, his heart lurching at the emotion he saw there. He knew she was in love with him. It was obvious and he’d never questioned it, but he was glad to see she wasn’t putting a wall up to block him out because of the damage his brother had done. Mason kissed her, putting everything he felt into the pressure of his lips against hers, telling her with his lips and his touch how much she meant to him.
* * * *
Nikki wanted to scream at Mason. She’d wanted to send him on his way, but she’d already been calming down by the time he caught up with her, and she’d found it hard to be angry with him. Though she still felt he should have told her, none of this was his fault and she didn’t want to fight with him. Besides, she needed him and his love to do what she had to do next.
Mason insisted that Luke was in love with her, and Luke had said he wanted her now, but it was too late. She didn’t trust him or his motives. He’d deceived her, and she didn’t want him in her bed or in her heart. It would take some time to get over him, but she wouldn’t let him touch her again. He’d wanted a mate in name only? He’d wanted his freedom? Well, that was exactly what she planned to give him.
Chapter 10
It had been weeks since the big blow-up with Nikki, and Luke had tried each day to get her to talk to him. That first day, he’d been thrown out of their suite, and the next day, she and Mason had moved into one of the Raven territory’s vacant cabins without him. Normally, the mated would stay in one of the cabins until they decided where they wanted to live. Then, they would either buy or build a home. Luke had gone to their cabin prepared to beg to be let in, only to have his words about not wanting a mate thrown back at him and the door shut in his face. He’d been back every day since, telling her each time what a fool he’d been and how much he loved her.
It was ironic that she’d been embarrassed over the whole Jackie fiasco, because he was the one humiliating himself every day in the hopes that she’d give him another chance. Instead, she turned a deaf ear to his explanations, and sooner or later, someone always came along to tell him she didn’t want to talk to him. As if he didn’t know that. He’d even come to blows with Adam over it. They’d had a couple of beers together and laughed about it later, but Luke had been crazy with rage at the time. He no longer just wanted Nikki. He needed her, and at that moment, he’d seen Adam as the enemy.
Mason kept telling him to just give it time, but that was very easy for him to say. He was holding her every night. Luke hadn’t slept well in weeks, and he was convinced he wouldn’t until she took him back. H
e couldn’t believe how stupid or how blind he’d been. His freedom? All he wanted was her.
In fact, every day without her felt like his own personal hell, his own personal prison. Luke loved her, and he wasn’t sure when it had happened or why, but he did. He wished she would listen to him, let him explain that it wasn’t about lust, or even about the mating bond, though both were still there. He loved her.
The first time he told Nikki he loved her, he saw a light in her eyes that gave him hope. Unfortunately, it disappeared just as quickly and she walked away from him as if he hadn’t said a word. Each time after that, she only half listened and was just as quick to shut him down.
Sighing, Luke looked out the window of the small cabin he’d been given as a temporary home and decided it was time to move on. If she wouldn’t listen to him, it was time to show her he was serious.
* * * *
The gathering to decide the name of the new clan didn’t go well. Before the vote even started, the meeting devolved into arguments about the vote. The former Lycans argued that with so many Ravens in the new clan, it was pointless to vote. And the Ravens agreed, many of them arguing that the smaller clans should just accept being absorbed by the larger one, and the Raven name should stand.
Nikki wasn’t surprised by the argument nor was she shocked when some of the most vocal came to blows. Fighting wasn’t unusual among testosterone-heavy wolves who felt the only way to make their opponents see sense was to pound it into them. She was just relieved her father wasn’t part of the fighting.
Mason pressed his lips to her ear. “If only they knew what Grey has planned.”
“What’s that?”
Nikki's Fated [Wolves of River's Bend 1] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) Page 15