by Gerri Hill
“No, that’s fine.”
“Patrice Kane called to remind you of the luncheon at the crisis center next Tuesday. She said to tell you that it will be a media event, with Deb Fisher scheduled to make an appearance.”
Great. Deb Fisher. Nicole rubbed her forehead, wishing she could find some enthusiasm for these events that used to be so rou-tine for her. A routine she used to be content with, but now it only seemed arduous and taxing. And depressing. She could find little joy in it all. In fact, it was very disheartening. Because now that the case was over, now that she could resume her practice, her life, there was really no place for Jake. Despite the fact that they both knew this would happen, even though they never discussed it, didn’t make it any easier to accept. The reality was, Jake was out of her life. She could prolong it by going to the hospital, staying with her. But it didn’t change the fact that Jake didn’t fit in her life.
“And it hurts,” she murmured.
“What?”
Nicole opened her eyes, meeting Catherine’s frown head on. “Nothing. I was just… nothing.” Nicole cleared her throat. “Is that it?”
Catherine tidied her file and placed it in her lap, finally looking up at Nicole. “So, how is she today?”
Nicole didn’t have to ask who Catherine referred to. “She still wasn’t awake this morning. Rick and Steven were there.”
Catherine shook her head disapprovingly. “You should be there when she wakes up.”
Nicole leaned forward. “Yes, I would love to. Except someone scheduled appointments for me.”
“Well, someone told me to get on the ball.”
Nicole nodded. “Catherine, I think perhaps I wanted to jump back in full force, because if I didn’t, I’d just put it off and want to stay…”
“With Jake?” Catherine guessed.
“I thought it would be easier to break away now, while she’s… out of it,” Nicole confessed a bit guiltily.
“Why do you need to break away?”
Nicole stood and paced behind her desk, absently noting the snow flurries hitting her eighth-floor window. How did she tell Catherine that she was in danger of falling hopelessly in love with the woman? And the longer she stayed with her, the harder it would be to leave, the harder it would be to get back to her life.
“Nicole?”
Nicole stopped her pacing, her eyes sad as she looked at Catherine. “We had a good time together, Catherine. But we both knew it was temporary.” She waved her hand at her office. “This is my life. Appointments, group sessions, arranged dinners and luncheons.” She sighed. “And blind dates and outings with Dorothy’s powerful group of women.” She shrugged. “It’s my life, but it could never be Jake’s.”
Catherine stared, shaking her head disapprovingly. “This has nothing to do with your so-called life. You’re in love with her, and you’re running from it.”
“No. I’m not in love with her,” Nicole said forcefully, and she wondered if she was trying to convince Catherine or herself. “This is best. There’s no need to prolong it.”
“She’s been shot, and she’s in the hospital.” Catherine stood and clutched the file to her chest. “I just can’t believe you.”
She turned and left, leaving Nicole staring after her.
———
When Nicole quietly opened the door to Jake’s room, she was surprised to find the bed empty. She had a moment of panic and rushed back out. She grabbed the first nurse she could find.
“Detective McCoy? In room 1288?”
“Yes ma’am?”
“She’s not in there.”
“No. I believe she’s in surgery.”
“What happened?” Nicole demanded.
The nurse smiled reassuringly. “I’m sorry. You’ll have to be in touch with her doctor or a family member.”
“Where’s Detective Chase?”
“He’s been here all day. I would assume he’s in the third floor waiting room.”
Nicole nodded and hurried off, chastising herself. She should have been here. She should never have scheduled appointments this week until she was sure Jake was going to be fine. My God, she’d acted as if Jake meant nothing to her, as if the woman hadn’t saved her life. As if… as if she didn’t love her. Damn.
She hurried off the elevators on the third floor and walked down the familiar hallway. Rick sat alone, slumped down in the corner of the sofa. His eyes opened when she approached.
“What’s going on, Rick?” she asked, not bothering with pleasantries.
He sat up and rubbed his eyes. “I’m not really sure. They wouldn’t tell me much.” He smirked. “Not family, you know.”
“What did they tell you?”
“She had a lot of swelling in her thigh. Something about her artery not being clear.”
“Blood clot?”
He shrugged.
“What about her parents? Has anyone tried to contact them?”
“No. For one thing, who knows where they are? I think Jake said they were going to Florida this winter.” Rick sat up and stretched his back. “Anyway, she never called them this summer when she was laid up, either.”
Nicole shook her head. “That makes no sense.”
“She didn’t want to worry them, didn’t want them to feel like they had to come and stay with her.”
“Are they just not very close?”
“I don’t know. She doesn’t talk about them much. I know they call and check in every once in awhile.”
Nicole knew Jake was a loner and wasn’t surprised that she didn’t want anyone hovering over her while she was recuperating. She and Cheyenne had managed just fine. And no doubt, they would do it again. So, she sunk down on the worn sofa next to Rick and crossed her legs, wishing she’d taken the time to change into some comfortable clothes.
“I heard someone say it was snowing,” Rick said.
“Just flurries. But it’s quite cold.”
“I feel bad. I left Cheyenne outside this morning.”
“I’m going to stay, Rick. Why don’t you run to Jake’s and check on her?”
“No, I don’t want to leave.”
“I’m sure you’ll be back long before they even bring her out again.”
Rick hesitated, knowing how much that dog meant to Jake, but not wanting to leave in case something happened. He finally nodded. “You’re right. It won’t take me long. You’ve got my cell?”
“Yes. I wrote it on the back of Jake’s card.”
“Okay. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“Be careful.”
Nicole watched the elevator doors close then glanced around her, noting the handful of people who waited for loved ones. Again, she felt a pang of guilt that she hadn’t been with Jake the whole time. Sunday night, she’d feared for her life, and Jake had come busting in the front door to save her. Now, Wednesday night, and she’d still not talked to Jake, not looked into her eyes. Not said… thank you.
She sighed heavily and closed her eyes, wondering when her life had become so complex. And wondering why she dreaded going back to the life she had before Jake walked into it.
CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO
“About damn time, McCoy,” Rick said. “I’m tired of seeing you flat on your back.” Jake grinned, shifting her shoulders higher on the bed. “I’ll be lucky if I don’t have bed sores.”
“You need a haircut.” Jake lifted her left arm and raked her fingers through her hair, hair that was in desperate need of a wash. “Ricky, I’ll pay you fifty bucks if you’ll shampoo my hair.”
“And how do you propose I do that? You’re not allowed out of the bed.” Jake arched an eyebrow. “Grab an empty bedpan and a pitcher of water. How hard can it be?”
“You’re trying to get me kicked out of here, aren’t you?”
“You’re my only visitor. Why would I want you kicked out?”
“Hardly your only visitor. You’re just not awake when she comes by.”
“Funny how that is, isn’t it?”
“She’s got her practice going again, Jake. She’s busy.”
Jake nodded. “Yeah, I know. I know.”
“She’s been here every day.”
Jake touched her injured right shoulder and rubbed it lightly, eyes closed. She tried to push away the hurt feelings and not dwell on it. The case was over, and Nicole had every right to resume the life she had before Jake became a part of it. And by all accounts, she had resumed it. And, eventually, Jake would resume hers as well.
“How’s Cheyenne?” Jake asked, changing the subject.
“She’s spoiled rotten, that’s how she is. I can’t make her go out-side when I leave, so I assume she spends her days on the couch. She’s there when I leave and there when I get home.”
“Do you think she misses me?” Jake asked quietly.
“Yes, she asks about you every night.”
Jake laughed, then grabbed her shoulder from the pain. “Damn, Ricky.”
“Not my fault.” Rick slid his chair closer. “By the way, Steven got a promotion.”
“No kidding?”
“Yeah. They moved him over to Internal Affairs.”
“Internal Affairs? Good God, you call that a promotion?”
“Apparently, his hacking skills were needed over there. I think they were quite impressed with him.”
“He’s a good guy,” Jake said.
“Yeah. And what’s with this James Bond shit?”
Jake smiled. “It’s… private.”
“Private? Well, he’s got a bad case of hero worship going on.”
Jake met his eyes. “I thought I was dead, Ricky. Gregory had his weapon pointed right at me. When I heard the shot, I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t hit. Then Gregory fell to the floor, and Steven stood behind him, eyes wide open. He started shaking and the last thing I remember is his gun falling from his hands.”
“Yeah. He was pretty shook up. I think he and Nicole have had a couple of talks about it, and that’s helped. He was having a pretty hard time with the shooting.”
“Yeah, I can imagine. I’m glad she talked with him. She was there, she knew the situation.”
Rick cleared his throat. “And when are the two of you going to talk?”
“Not much to talk about, is there?” Jake absently rubbed her injured shoulder again. “The case is over, time to get back to real life.”
“I think you should tell her how you feel, Jake.”
“What would that accomplish? It would just make her feel uncomfortable. Hell, it’d make me feel uncomfortable.” She shook her head. “No, it’s over, whatever it was.”
“You don’t know that.”
Jake waved at the empty room. “It’s been a week, Ricky. We’ve yet to see each other.”
“You know good and well she’s been here.”
“So it’s a coincidence that she comes when I’m in PT? Or sleeping?”
“Yeah.”
Jake lifted an eyebrow. “I don’t believe in coincidences.”
“Whatever. I swear, you’re so stubborn,” he said, grabbing his coat.
“Where are you going? It’s Sunday. You don’t have to be anywhere.”
“It’s one hour to kickoff and we have no munchies, not to men-tion beer. I’m going on a run.”
“Ricky, you can’t bring beer in here.”
He grinned mischievously. “Watch me.”
———
Nicole stuck her head in, actually surprised to find Jake sitting up in the bed. Every time she’d come, the room was either empty, or Jake was asleep. Of course, there had been nothing preventing her waking Jake up, but she’d found it easier to just sit with her for a few moments and slip quietly from the room.
Today, however, Jake was sitting on the edge of her bed, her face etched with pain. Nicole could see perspiration on her forehead.
“What’s wrong?” she said, moving into the room.
Jake looked up, surprised.
“Hey, stranger,” she said.
“Are you okay?”
Jake nodded. “Just got back from PT. I swear, the bastard is trying to kill me.”
Nicole smiled, then couldn’t stop herself from reaching out and lightly grasping Jake’s arm. “Every time I’ve come, you’ve been asleep or gone.”
Jake nodded. “He’s had me doing PT twice a day since Friday.”
“So when’s the jail break?”
Jake smiled. “Tomorrow. I can’t wait to see Cheyenne.”
Nicole nodded. “I bet.”
Jake picked up the towel and wiped her forehead, her eyes moving from Nicole’s power suit to her face. “So, everything okay with you?”
Nicole took a step backward, feeling as if they were strangers and never lovers. She felt the pain immediately. “I’m doing… good. Catherine’s got the office running at full steam again. Surprisingly, the publicity of the case has brought more inquiries, not less.”
Jake gave a humorless smile. “Great. I’m really glad your practice didn’t suffer.”
Nicole nodded and clutched her hands together. “So, how long will you be off?”
“For awhile.”
Their eyes met, and Nicole resisted the urge to go to Jake, to hold her. Apparently, Jake had moved past what they had. So she squared her shoulders, hoping desperately to keep her tears at bay.
“Well, I should run. I’ve got a… dinner date,” she said.
Jake felt as if her heart would burst in her chest, but she simply nodded, hoping her facial expression didn’t give her away. “I understand. Thanks for coming by.”
“I’ll… I’ll see you later.”
Jake nodded, but kept quiet as she watched Nicole flee from the room. With a heavy heart, she closed her eyes, falling blindly back onto the bed. A dinner date? Damn, that didn’t take long.
CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE
“Jake, you can’t just up and leave,” Rick said for the fourth time.
“Why not?”
“What the hell are you going to do at your cabin? It’s fucking winter.”
Using her cane, Jake eased down onto the sofa, handing Rick her drink to hold. The pain in her shoulder was nearly gone, only bothering her when she overdid walking, which caused her to rely too heavily on the cane and her right arm.
“I know it’s winter, Ricky. But I’d rather be stuck inside at my cabin than stuck inside here.”
“You’ve got to do your physical therapy. How are you going to do it up there?”
“Gunnison has a hospital, you know. It’s not like it’s just a dot on the map.”
“You’d be by yourself. Anything could happen, Jake.”
Jake laughed and took her drink from Rick. “You said the same thing last summer, if you recall. Besides, if I stay here, you’ll come over every night and want to drink bourbon and watch ESPN. Where’s that going to get us?”
“Well, what else is there to do in the winter?”
Jake lowered her voice. “I need some time, Ricky. I need some alone time. I’m beat up, I’m tired.” She cleared her throat. “And my heart hurts. The cabin is my… my solace.”
“I’m afraid you won’t come back this time,” Rick said, his voice equally as quiet.
Jake nodded. “I may not. My leg is shot to hell,” she admitted. “I’ll never pass a physical. Taking disability and retiring is the logical choice.”
“You came back before, Jake.”
“Yeah. And if it was the other leg, I’d do it again. But it’s nearly the same damn spot, Rick. The muscle is practically shredded.”
“What are you going to do up there, Jake?”
Jake smiled as Cheyenne moved closer to her, laying on the floor, her body pressed flush against Jake’s good leg. The dog knew, Jake realized. She knew what was going on, knew Jake was injured again. Knew they were going to head to the mountains again.
“We’re going to sit and watch the snow fall,” she said quietly. “We’re going to strap on snowshoes and try to walk to the clearing to catch th
e sunrise. We’re going to drive down to Mirror Lake to watch the sun reflect off its surface as it sinks over the mountains. Hell, we’re going to listen to John Denver music until we’re sick of it.” Jake turned and affectionately grasped Rick’s hand. “We’re going to catch up on some reading, and we’re going to drive to Gunnison twice a week for PT.” She squeezed Rick’s hand. “And we’re going to be just fine.”
CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
Catherine looked up as the door opened, her eyes brightening as Jake walked through the door, still leaning heavily on her cane. In her left hand, she carried a potted plant.
“Jake! What are you doing here?” Catherine said, getting up quickly to take the plant from Jake.
“How are you, Catherine?”
“I’m good, thanks. You seem to be getting around okay.”
“Managing.” Jake pointed at the plant. “Thanks for that. It was a pleasure to look at when I was stuck in the hospital.” Jake shifted, then leaned against Catherine’s desk. “I want you to have it. I’m heading up to my cabin for awhile, and I didn’t think it’d make the trip.”
“Of course, Jake. When will you be back?”
Jake shook her head. “Don’t know yet. Depends.” She motioned to Nicole’s door. “The doc in?”
“Yes. She and Dr. Peterson are in conference.”
Jake nodded. “I see. Well, tell her I stopped by, will you?”
“No! It’s just Dr. Peterson. I can interrupt.” Catherine quickly picked up the phone, waiting until Nicole answered. “Nicole, Jake is here. Do you have a minute?” Catherine smiled and nodded, looking up at Jake. “She said for you to go right in.”
“Thanks.”
Jake moved steadily across the carpet, fear more than pain slowing her pace. She’d almost driven out of town without seeing Nicole but at the last second, she turned, heading to downtown, wanting to at least say good-bye. In the last three weeks, they’d talked a couple of times on the phone. That was all.
As soon as she reached for the door, it jerked open, and Nicole stood there, a smile on her face.
“Jake! What a surprise,” she said, holding the door open.
“I hope I’m not interrupting.”
“Of course not. Come in.” She pointed to the older woman sitting on her sofa. “Jake, this is Dr. Peterson, a colleague.” She looked at Dorothy. “This is Detective McCoy.”