I pick up my pace as I pass Mitchell Hall, which was my residence for a few weeks after the shooting. My feet pound the pavement as I think about the “what ifs” of my life. What if my father had told me about my mother? What would be different? Would I be different?
When I almost get hit by a car crossing an intersection, I head toward the quad and slow my pace. Eventually, I’m walking. I pull my phone out of the strap that holds it to my bicep and look for my newest contact. She answers on the first ring.
“Hello?”
I don’t know what to say. Her voice is little, like mine. I hang up and text her.
Is it okay if we text? It’s Amelia.
Her response comes immediately.
Yes! Thank you for contacting me.
I write back:
Thank you for contacting me.
She types:
I’d love to see you.
Penelope, who wants me to call her “Penny,” says she’ll come to the university and meet me whenever I want. I suggest lunch any day during the week, and she asks if Monday will do. I tell her Monday will be great and give her directions to the diner on campus.
Since my father won’t tell me and I’m not sure I can trust him anyway, maybe she can answer some of the questions consuming me since I learned of her existence.
Chapter Nineteen
Ben
Inside room three, Meg peels off her sweaty running clothes and wraps herself in her bathrobe. “I’m going to meet my mom.”
I sit up on her bed. “Where? When?”
She faces her mirror and combs out her hair. “She’s going to meet me at the diner on Monday.”
I say the first thing that comes to mind. “I’d like to go with you. She’s a stranger, Meg.”
She turns to me and grimaces. “She’s my mother, Ben.”
I stutter, “I… I mean…what if she takes advantage of you?” I can’t tell her that I’ve talked to her dad and promised to keep her safe.
“I want to do this on my own. Can you respect that?”
There’s nothing I can do. I can tell by the way her eyes set on mine that she’s determined to do this. Even if I can talk her out of it, now isn’t the right time. The last thing I want is to fight after she’s come so far with trusting me with her secrets. “All right, sweetheart. Will you stay with me tonight?”
“Of course. I’m not going anywhere. Except for a shower.” Her body relaxes, and she walks to me, planting a kiss on my cheek. “Thanks for being supportive.”
I don’t respond. When she grabs her shower things and leaves me in her room, I debate calling her dad. I don’t want to go behind her back, but at the same time, I wouldn’t be able to live if something happened to her. I spend enough time debating whether to call that I run out of time to make the choice.
Megan returns in her little white robe, engulfed in a soapy scent and glistening with moisture, and my mind wanders to things other than her dad. I prop my hands under my head and watch her putter around. When she notices me looking, she stops and raises her eyebrows.
“Take off your robe,” I say.
When she smirks, I expect her to fake object. Instead, she stays quiet and unties the belt around her waist. She lifts her hands in a “what next?” gesture. I stand and walk to Megan and let her unbutton my shirt. When we’re finally both naked, we don’t fuck. Not like we have been.
We make love.
It’s slow and complete, and I spend a lot of time on her body, all of it. I don’t think my mouth misses a square inch of her. She tries to rush me, but I don’t let her. Once I slow down, she slows down too. She stares up at me, her eyes pools of blue and tears. Maybe our touch, maybe knowing that we have each other, no matter what, will ease her fears about her changing life. We don’t talk, don’t laugh. We study each other as if we’ve never been together, as if this was our first and last time.
Sunday morning, I wake up with her in my arms. I squeeze her, not believing she’s still there with me in morning light. She rustles and whispers, “Thanks for being you, for being with me.” I kiss her forehead and hold her until her breath evens and she falls back to sleep.
Later when she leaves for the library, I kiss her goodbye in the hallway and hold her hand until she’s far enough from me that I have to let go. She spins, catches me watching her, and waves again.
As she disappears up the stairwell, Rocco exits room four and jumps when he sees me.
“Riley, geez. It’s like musical chairs down here. I never know who’s going to appear out of which door.”
I snort. He’s not wrong. “You heading to the gym?”
“I’m gonna see if I can pick up a game or something. You interested?”
I think about Coach Linden and the ugly truth about the shape I’m in. “Give me a minute?”
Rocco nods, and I dart into room six and throw on gym shorts, a T-shirt, and a hoodie. As we walk past the library, I think about Megan inside.
“Did you solve your problem with Meg and her parents?” Rocco asks.
I have no idea how to answer the question. “I’m figuring it out.”
He grunts. “Aren’t we all, Riley?”
Time to change the topic. “How are things with Pooja?”
“Good.”
“Just good?”
He doesn’t answer. Getting him to talk about himself lately is like pulling teeth. “Are you going to do any competitions this year?”
Rocco shrugs but again, doesn’t respond.
“You know you can talk to me, right Roc?” I’m kind of hoping he does. “I can help you train.”
Rocco digs his hands into the pockets of his sweatshirt. “I’m all fucked up, man,” he says. “Since Frank.” Thank God I’m not the only one. “I don’t know what to do with myself. I mean, I miss him in every aspect of my life, you know. He was my best friend. My roommate. My trainer. My body’s changing since he’s gone. I don’t know how to live my own life. I can’t replace him.”
“There’s no replacing him. Things are going to change. It’s the new normal.” I use Jules’s words.
“Pooja’s great and all, but she’s not him. I wasn’t in love with him or anything like that, but in a way, he was closer to me than anyone.”
“I wish I knew what to tell you, man,” I say. “I miss him too. I can’t imagine how it hit you.”
“Sometimes I want to run away.” He stares ahead as he talks. “Just get away from here. From the memories. From the basement. Even from Pooja.”
His words hit me in the heart. I know how he feels. “I thought about running too. I went home this week and debated not coming back. But I don’t think running is the answer. It never seems to solve anything. Shit just follows you wherever you run to.”
He grunts in response. “What are you gonna do about football?”
“Coach is on me to stay a part of the team, but I don’t know if I can do it. Maybe I’ll try coaching kids or something.”
“You’d be good at that. What’s the status on the arm?”
I tell Rocco about my latest escapades in physical therapy without mentioning Mr. Smith’s offer to see the Mustang doctors.
His black eyes pierce mine. “I’m sorry you got shot, Ben.” He never calls me “Ben.” It’s always “Riley.”
I stop walking and face him. “You know, I never got to tell you how sorry I am.”
“Sorry for what?”
I press my lips together, and my eyes burn with tears. I fight them off. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save him. I should have—”
Rocco grabs my good shoulder. “You don’t have to apologize. If it weren’t for you, I don’t know what would have happened to Pooja. Or Juliet. You did everything right, Riley.” Roc grips my shoulder tighter. “I should have told you that months ago. I’m sorry about Frank, but I’m thankful for you. You did the right thing.”
His hand clamps down on my shoulder, and the guilt I’ve been carrying lifts a little when he says those words. He pulls me int
o an embrace and hits me solidly on the back. “Now let’s go play.”
Megan
Sunday night’s dinner, hosted by Poppy and Darcy, is made of entirely vegan, organic, and natural ingredients. Afterward, Ben, Maggie, Chase, Juliet, and I squeeze into the Buick, and Ben drives us to the restaurant we like in Hoboken. All five of us order hamburgers.
“God, I’m starving,” Juliet says as she bites into her burger.
“What the heck was that dinner?” Maggie asks. “That grassy looking stuff?”
“I think it was seaweed,” Chase says. “Yuck.”
I smile at Chase. “You look like a little kid when you do that.”
“You look like a little kid all the time, Smith,” Chase teases.
“Not all the time,” Ben murmurs and grabs my leg under the table.
Maggie hears him and groans. “You two are getting as bad as Chase and Juliet.”
Juliet and Chase sit across the table from us, nose to nose, deep in conversation. At the mention of her name, Juliet snaps to attention. “Huh?”
Ben shakes his head. “You two want your own table?”
“Sorry,” Chase says. “We were remembering the weekend we spent in Providence.”
“Championship weekend,” Ben says. “You all abandoned me.” He looks at me and winks. Maybe he’ll come to the next Championship with me.
“Um, I have a house in Providence,” I blurt out. Once I’ve said it, they all stop and stare at me, and I can’t take it back. “Well, my dad does. That’s my second favorite house.” I guess now is as good a time as any to open up.
Maggie speaks first. “You have houses? Like plural?”
I nod. “You know my family has money, Mags.”
“Not plural houses money,” she says.
“What do they do?” Chase asks. “Your parents?”
They all stare at me and wait for the answer. I look to Ben.
Ben interprets my silence as hesitation. “Top secret.” It’s nice to know he has my back. Always sweet.
I take a deep breath and look to Ben and smile. “Well, my dad, actually, is a former football player.” Ben puts his arm around my shoulders and kisses my head.
“What?” Chase asks.
“How do I not know this?” Maggie asks, buttering a roll.
Juliet is the only one who doesn’t seem shocked. I wonder if Ben told her.
“Anyone we’d know?” Chase takes a bite of his burger, and Ben smacks his arm.
“Um, Smith, genius,” Ben says. His eyes light up when he talks about my dad.
Chase chokes on his burger, and Juliet pats his back. “The Smith? Big Joe?” he asks me.
“Yeah, that’s him.” Then comes my usual next line. “Go ahead, you can do it.”
Chase pipes up first. “Smith to Pisko, for the CHAMP-ionship!”
Maggie adds the hissing of the crowd. “Holy moly, Megan. You are full of surprises,” she says. “So tell me about these houses.”
“Big Joe first,” Chase requests.
I ignore Chase and turn to Maggie. “There’s the penthouse in the city. Providence. But we also have a cabin in Maine, a condo in Pebble Beach, and my favorite—the Miami house.”
They all stare at me, wide-eyed. Even Ben. “Um, my dad likes to live where his mood takes him. When he’s feeling outdoorsy, he goes to Maine. Beach-y, Miami. Golfing, Pebble Beach. You know?”
“Wow,” Maggie says.
“Please don’t get all ‘wow’ on me. Actually, I was hoping maybe to invite the floor to the Miami house for spring break.”
Chase makes a weird squealing noise and bangs the table.
Ben’s jaw drops. “Really?” he asks.
I smile. “I have to clear it with my dad first, but don’t you think it would be fun?”
They all stare so I continue. “I mean, I don’t want to flaunt anything, but it’s all part of who I am. I’m not going to be scared to show you all that anymore.” I lean over and kiss Ben on the cheek. “We’ll have to fly commercial or drive though, because the private plane is only supposed to be for dad’s business and stuff…” My face heats at their goofy grins.
“Oh the horrors. Commercial?” Juliet teases. “I’m in and ready to pack. The beach sounds so awesome.”
“Nice,” Chase says. “Girls in bikinis, heat, sun, water.” When Juliet grimaces at him, he adds, “My girl in a bikini.”
Ben whispers in my ear. “Nice job, Sweet Meg.”
I smile at the group around the table and hold Ben’s hand on my lap. Not being scared feels good.
Chapter Twenty
Ben
I don’t tell Mr. Smith about Megan meeting Penny on Monday. I want Megan to feel good about her decision. After all, I think I’m part of the reason why she wants to meet her mom. She’s trying to be open and brave. If I call her dad and he does something crazy, she’ll lose all that confidence I’ve worked so hard to gain. Still, I can’t help but be worried.
Although she asks me not to join them, on Monday, I hide out at the pharmacy across the street from the diner and watch first Megan, then Penelope, enter. When they are inside, I sneak into the other side of the restaurant and sit at the counter. If I lean all the way back, I can see them sitting in the booth.
What I see doesn’t make me think Megan’s in danger. After an awkward looking greeting, Meg’s smiling and laughing. Her mother is too. It takes them forever to order because they’re talking the whole time. Megan’s bright red at some points, but so is her mother. It’s almost freakish how physically similar they are.
I jump at a woman’s voice. “Can I get you anything else?” The waitress catches me stalking my girlfriend. I’ve been milking a Coke for more than an hour.
I tell her no and leave her a five-dollar bill. I’m confident that Megan’s safe, so in an effort to respect her privacy, and not piss off the waitress further, I leave. I text her though.
Thinking of you. Call if you need me.
She texts me back a smiley face and a heart.
I wander to the Student Center to wait for Megan and check out the job postings. If I get kicked off the team and lose the scholarship, I’m going to need money to pay tuition. Two fliers catch my eye. One to teach football to special needs kids, and another for candidates for student government. Not exactly paying jobs, but fulfilling. In high school, I’d always wanted to do student government but couldn’t commit because of football. Can’t hurt to look into it. I fold the fliers and stick them in the pocket of my jeans.
In the lounge, the televisions are turned to the weather. A blizzard is expected to hit this weekend, and the whole state is in a frenzy. I don’t care as long as the weather doesn’t disrupt the wedding. George would shrug it off, but my parents may lose their minds in an effort to rearrange things and accommodate our new Chinese in-laws. Thank God Megan will be there with me for the craziness.
It’s close to three when she tracks me down at the Student Center. When I spot her from across the lounge, her eyes are wide, her cheeks red. She’s smiling a big, beautiful smile. I love the way her hair peeks from under her hat as she bounces to me.
When she reaches me, she springs into my arms. I’m happy to grab her and swing her around. “I guess it went well?”
“She’s so nice. You know how I have this little voice, right?”
I nod.
“She has the same voice. I mean, it’s almost like looking into the future.”
“So she’s beautiful, like you.” Meg’s grin widens, and she kisses me on the cheek. “What else did she say?”
She takes off her gloves and starts telling me everything. Every detail. I listen, but I’m more excited about her excitement than anything she tells me about her mother. With Big Joe’s warning, I can’t quite get on board with Meg’s fandom of her newfound mom yet. I fake enthusiasm for her sake. When she’s done relaying their conversation, I say, “I’m happy for you.”
“And my brother? His name is Brendan, and he’s four. She showed
me pictures. I didn’t tell her that I saw him already.”
“That’s great, sweetheart. When can I meet her?” Of course, my ulterior motive is to check out this Penelope lady and make sure Meg isn’t misconstruing their budding relationship.
“I told her all about you.”
“Did you tell her about the sex contract?” I tease and squish her nose.
“I did!”
I laugh at her response, and she sighs. “I feel so good about everything right now. What you said to me the past few days, calling me out about being scared, encouraging me to open up, even just…us, you know. Trusting us. It has really changed my life. I…”
I wait for her next words, enjoying that she’s finally sharing her feelings. But she cuts herself off. “Listen to me babble. What have you been up to?”
I tell her about the two fliers I picked up. “Student government? You would be perfect for that! You’re made for that sort of thing, helping people, getting things done. You’d be great with the administration, representing the students. And you’re well-known.”
I cringe. “Would it look like I was trying to exploit November? Like using it to get votes?”
She pauses for a moment. “No. I mean, I guess people would know you from November. Maybe you can think of it as a way to honor Frank, not exploit him. It’s part of who we are, right? We can’t go back and change it.”
“I tell you not to be ashamed of your past, so I guess that applies to the good and the bad about mine too.”
She holds up the other flier. “I also think you’d make an excellent coach. Do you like kids?” She scrunches her face, and I realize we are still getting to know each other. She’s not Jules, who knows everything about me already. It’s nice to have someone to start fresh with. I tell Megan how I coached Special Olympics baseball in Evander.
“Baseball and football? Any other sports you’ve been involved in?”
We sit in the lounge and talk about our pasts, our stories, and each minute that goes by, I fall for her more and more. Sitting with her, talking with her, getting to know her feels right. Comfortable.
She Runs Away (The Sheridan Hall Series Book 2) Page 20