“What if I did?” Her hands were on my chest, but she didn't push me away.
“Then I’m right here. Finish it yourself, you’ve got your knife back.”
Her fingers bunched up my sweater. I thought for a moment with her hesitation that she might actually be contemplating it.
The snow that collected on us slowly melted, our breath came in wispy puffs as we stared at each other. I couldn't take it anymore and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her up to my height. If this is the last one I would ever get, I wanted it to be like it used to be.
She hooked her legs around my waist to support herself as she met my eyes straight on. I buried my free hand into her hair but before I could make the next move, her lips were on mine. She whimpered against my mouth, her fingers twisting in my hair, but it didn’t last. She pushed me away just as quickly.
“No, we can't.”
Setting her on her feet, I let her walk away this time. I rested my head on the wall as I let out a heavy breath.
A chunk of wet snow hit me in the back of the head and slipped down into my sweater. Another connected with my shoulder, but when I turned towards her, she hit me square in the face.
I blindly grabbed for her, my eyes still covered in snow. She started to flail out at me but gave up and let me pull her against my chest. She buried her head in my sweater as she started to tremble.
“I thought I was over you.” Her words were barely a whisper through her sobs. “But I’m not. I can't do this. Why are you here? No lies.”
“Your brother asked me to. It was only for the summer, but I’m done. I'm leaving.”
She stiffened at the words, pulling back far enough to search my face.
“What? Then why come here?”
I’d never heard her voice so hollow, and it hurt that I caused that. Again.
“Because someone reminded me that you deserved better than what I left you with last time. You deserve to know what happened and say what you need to say, no matter what that is. Not like last time.”
Her head was back on my chest, body wracked with tears.
“Come on, Koda. Let's go somewhere and talk. You will freeze out here if you're crying.”
She shook her head no.
“Kodabear, please.”
I scooped her up. She didn't fight me. I didn't need her to freeze because I kept screwing up her life. She tucked herself against my chest, one of her hands touched my neck as I walked her to my Suburban. The smell of lavender wafted up to me and I sniffed her hair. I hadn’t forgotten what she smelled like, that was a small comfort.
Tucking her in the passenger side of my SUV, I snuck a quick glance through the windows of Broken Tusk as I shut the door for her. They were still watching and thumbs upping me. They had a lot to learn.
There was a crack of thunder in the distance. That was not me for once.
“Fish and gold, huh? Pretty slick. Guess you fish and mine now. Would have been funnier had it said Orca Bait, sealboy.”
Did I know that voice? It sounded eerily similar to Dez, but he was out of town.
I turned and caught a full on whiff of ozone. That scent was too pure to be a shifter. He leaned against the lapboard siding of Broken Tusk near the door, boot propped against the wall. I blinked a few times in my confusion. Red flannel, tattered denim, rough beard, short military haircut. Hell if it hasn't been for the hazel eyes it could have been Dez. I did know him.
“Michael?” The whispered name felt like a curse on my lips. I hadn't said it in so long.
“Sorry you still have that scar. Keep her safe for me, will you? She needs you both,” he sighed heavily as he fished in his pocket for something. I caught a whiff of clove as he lit a cigarette. How had I forgotten from whom Ken had picked up the habit?
I tripped over my word. He laughed.
“Yes, both.”
What did he mean both?
“You're alive?” I managed.
“What's alive?” he said with a shrug. “We share blood, keep them both safe.”
I nodded and took a quick glance toward the water. When I looked back he was gone. Damn it. As much as I had admired that man, and missed him like his children did, I never expected to be seeing the ghost of Michael Sesi.
I paused as I opened the driver's door. I touched the “x” that was scratched into the paint. Was that why those jackasses in the bar were giving me a thumbs up? Because they keyed my door? I wanted to go after the merman for it, but I had more pressing things to worry about. At least it matched the marks the guys had put on the back of my vehicle. I hadn’t noticed the bent bumper earlier either. Hell, even my FSH N AU license plate was dented. Just another thing to add to this messed up day.
She fumbled with her phone as I closed my door behind me.
“Oh shit. Answer it for me. If he hears my voice right now- just- Dezi.”
With a heavy sigh I took the phone. I prayed Ken hadn’t told him I walked out yet.
“Ravenwhite.” I said as evenly as I could manage as I reached to wipe her tears away with my thumb.
“Rhen? Sorry, I thought I dialed Koda. I didn't mean to wake you -”
“You did dial Koda.”
There was silence on the other end of the line. I could hear his heavy breathing. I should have just let him think he had dialed the wrong number. The only thing worse than a daddy with a shotgun, was a big brother with a skinning knife. I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger as I counted the empty seconds. I knew Valdez Sesi. I had just officially put myself on his radar.
“Dez, she's ok. Do you need to talk to her?”
“No, no. I just need her to go up to the family cabin. The latest attack happened in that area. I just got word of another. I want her up there to get a head start on tracking this menace. It's time to hunt.”
Hunt. As in kill an Other. Fuck.
“Since you two are on speaking terms, go with her. I need her on this as soon as possible. I’ll get Connor to take Czar to my place.”
I paused for a brief moment and glanced at her. She was going to hate this.
“Yeah. We’ll go.”
“Goes without saying Rhen, watch yourself.”
I heard the metallic thunk from of a knife being buried into a piece of wooden furniture. I had hoped to be out of Alaska before Dez got back and learned I had walked out. By his choice of words, I assumed he still didn’t know I had walked off Ordeneige. I had a small window of time before he got back to Cordova. And I needed to be gone before he was back.
“Loud and clear.”
He hung up the phone.
“I heard. I just need supplies from my truck before we head up.” There was still a tremble to her voice. I didn't like that.
I sat in silence turning her phone over in my hand, the last few hours playing through in my head on rewind. The scratches on the SUV. Caleb. The photo. Mr. Romans. The boys at camp scratching up the trailer.
“Koda, that photo of us, who took it?”
“I don’t know.” She hugged herself in the passenger seat. “No one had access to that apartment but us and our siblings.”
“Your brothers, my sister.” I reached behind her seat for my coat for her to use as a blanket to cuddle up in. “There’s a great list of crazies.”
“Willow couldn’t be bothered with me when she and I were not fighting, I couldn’t imagine her having a use for photos of us. She’s not that twisted.”
“No, Will’s not. If Ken had done it as a prank, I would have known about it long before now. Dez would never have let me leave Alaska the first time if he’d seen that.”
She chuckled at the truth of it.
“Be honest with me, Kodabear, are you being threatened?”
With a deep sigh she sunk down in the seat further, as if hiding would make the question go away. Both our phones rang at the same time. Koda was already reading her message as I fished mine phone out of my pocket.
“I think we both are.”
The message on my phone was the same.
Blood & ice. Ravens shouldn’t steal. -Snow W.
I was almost relieved when the photo opened to reveal a glacier cavern. I don’t know if I could have kept it together had it been a picture of Koda in the hospital bed from that day.
“Whoever has these photos certainly knows our history,” I bit, the plastic casing of my phone popping as I squeezed it in frustration. Only Koda and I knew what had really happened that day on the glacier. Everyone including her brothers thought she just had bad footing and slipped.
“Could be anyone. Everyone knows everyone's business.” There was disbelief in her voice. She was already in denial.
I rested my head on the top of the steering wheel. I was exhausted from the raging emotions. I needed to shift. Koda was within arms’ reach. What I thought had been too much liquor, turned out to be not enough. I never failed to get into these situations with her.
“Do you know where Mr. Romans lives? I saw him tonight outside the bar. He told me to watch out for the snow. I'm thinking that crazy old man might know something.”
When she didn’t answer I raised my head to look at her. I didn’t know she could lose so much color.
“What's wrong?”
“Mr. Romans was murdered shortly after you left. They found him on the beach. His skull had been crushed, throat torn out, weird bite marks on his hands and arms. No one knew what happened.”
“You want me to believe that I was talking to two ghosts tonight?”
“I don't know what your oxygen-starved brain was hallucinating. Maybe it's like the time you hallucinated I was a blonde.”
I started the SUV without another word. I was going crazy.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Kodiak
The road looked just like it had in my dream from this morning. White, crunchy, but there were no dancing lights. That sick feeling was back as the hair on my neck stood on end from the thought of my world being enclosed in that blue glass. That blue was the same translucent blue that had surrounded me as I hung over the edge of the glacier. I shook myself as if I could shake the two memories.
The driver’s side door slamming shut brought me back to reality.
“Never too early for snow in the mountains,” I sighed. We had to stop so he could put the snow chains on the tires. Rhen wouldn’t let me help him, so I remained huddled under his coat that he refused to wear. “Aren't you cold?”
He huffed out a breath and blinked at me. “When did you become this forgetful?”
I tried not to chuckle as he squinted at me, wrinkling his nose. I’d always found it adorable. I didn't remember him ever being cold if I really thought about it.
“Auroras should be out there tonight, my hair is standing on end, but the sky is black and empty now that the snow has stopped.”
I shivered as he started the Suburban. He assumed it was the cold as he cranked the heat on full blast, but the dream tiptoed back. Legend or not, at least I was with someone else and an Amaroq would have no reason to take me.
“It will warm back up in a minute. “He rubbed the back of his neck, a gesture I knew meant he was exhausted. The poor lighting in the cabin of the SUV making the thick dark circles more stark, complimenting his black eye and bruised jaw. “This thing that Dez is sending us up here for, what is actually going on? I’ve been so focused on finding gold for him-”
“And avoiding coming to town.”
“That’s not fair, Koda.”
“Neither is all of you lying to me.”
He was silent. At least he wasn’t lying to me.
The alcohol had worn off and now I was questioning why I had put myself in this position. It had been seven years. The alley should have been enough to prove to myself that it was a bad idea to be around him alone.
One moment I wanted to strangle him, the next I wanted to make him pull the vehicle over so I could climb on his lap. Love is a strange thing. You just pick another person and go for it. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it ruins you. Right now my brain couldn't decide if I was happier to have some time beside him even if it was fleeting, or if I should stab him.
I stared out the window. I didn't want to memorize his profile again. He'd be gone soon enough, it wasn’t worth it. I absently twisted my hand in the lining of his jacket. I wanted something to hold, I wanted to run my hands through Czar’s fur to calm myself.
But he’d asked a question, and I owed him an answer.
“I’m not really sure what this thing is that Dez is sending us after. I've heard everything from werewolf to aliens. All I know is it's leaving behind a mess in its wake. Rumor has it that the victims are all shifters but we haven't been able to get the dogs out to confirm it. Scenes have already been cleaned up by the time we get there.”
He cleared his throat and I couldn’t help but look his way.
“Shifters?”
“Yes, Rhen. Shifters. Things that can change form. How did you forget these things are real?”
The corner of his mouth turned up in that same tired, sarcastic smile he would have when he came home from a long day of repair diving and I’d say something stupid but cute. “I've no reason to remember, none at all. Maybe your brothers can refresh my memory.”
I backhanded him across the chest.
“You think you’re so damn funny. This is serious. If it is going after shifters, how long before it moves from Others to humans like you and I? Caleb lost one of his guys at the mine to this thing. Shifter maybe, but he still had family.”
I watched as a wave of confusion spread over his face, his brows furrowing as his amber eyes darkened in the glow of the cabin light. “So Caleb losing someone makes you ok with helping Others?”
“He’s a friend. Despite what you or my brothers think, not all Others are bad.” His look of confusion slid to anger in the space of a breath. “What?”
“Koda, I’ve never said that.”
I shook my head. “I’m not getting into this with you, not right now. I’m tired. I want to sleep. How about you just drive, please.”
We drove the last forty-five minutes or so in silence. I wished I had brought my dog with us.
The snow had settled in a thick coating everywhere. I hoped it would stop soon. It had been stupid to come up here with very little supplies.
“Do you remember the first time we came up here, Koda? Just me and you?” he said softly as the headlights illuminated the porch of the cabin.
How could I forget? We'd come up here to fish in the river that ran beside the cabin about a month before my father went missing.
“No.” So I lied. I didn’t want to remember anymore tonight.
He parked the SUV but let the motor run. Eyes closed, he took a few deep breaths.
“Your brothers were too busy, so Ken bugged me to bring you fishing so someone could watch over you. Sixteen and headstrong, a mess even then-”
“Hey!”
I hadn't been that bad, had I?
He chuckled. I missed his laugh.
“Don’t deny it, Koda. You were something else, a force of nature. Then and still are now. Kenai didn't want you wandering by yourself and getting hurt. So I begrudgingly came along, telling him he owed me a favor for baby sitting you. That first day, gods, I wanted to string you up by your ankles and leave you for a grizzly.”
“Thanks. Makes me feel really good about myself.” I adjusted my position in the seat and glared at him. Had he really felt that way about me? No wonder he had gone after Rory if I was that much of a problem.
“Just listen.” He shook his head. “Day two was different. You were already gone when I woke up. I freaked out. Ken was going to kill me if anything happened to you, but when I got outside you were already fishing. I saw the sunrise lighting the sky on fire and making you glow in those damn waders, you were the most gorgeous thing I’d ever seen. I realized then I was freaking out because I cared for you and I didn’t want anything to happen to you. That’s when I realized I
loved you. But with you being my best friend’s little sister, and sixteen, I couldn’t really act on it.”
“That the left over alcohol talking? Cause you sure didn’t care about me the day you left.” I snapped as I reached for the door handle.
“Koda-”
“You keep trying and no, I don't want to hear it. We’ve got at least an hours’ worth of work to get the cabin open and get a fire going. I want to sleep sometime tonight. We’ll talk about this after we’re done with what Dez sent us up here to do. You didn't care all this time, another day or two won't matter.”
He opened his mouth to speak and my phone rang. It was my office number from Broken Tusk. Could only be my bar manager this late at night.
“What's going on, Cash?” I said putting him on speaker phone.
“Its two a.m., Sugah, wondering if you wanted me to close up?”
“Shit, yeah, please.” Storming out like I had was not the most brilliant idea I had ever had.
“Will do, Sugah. And there are more rumors from the miners after you left.”
Rhen eyes glittered with dark flecks as our gaze met.
“What are you hearing?” This couldn’t be good.
“Koda, Sugah, everyone is claiming werewolves, but I'm telling you right now, werewolf ain't got this power.”
I watched as Rhen crossed his arms over his chest, the sweater pulling tight and outlining his muscles. I had to look away to focus on the conversation with Cash.
“How would you know?” I managed as I scanned the tree line.
The silence from the other end of the line was too long.
“Cash?”
“The place I worked in Louisiana, a she-devil faerie ran it. Emma could piss off a pope and was only fond of having relations with werewolves. She’d gone through a string of them while I was there. Last one didn’t like me, and bless his heart, ended up missing an ear cause he done pissed me off. No werewolf is causing the ruckus this thing is. I’m fixin’ to guess this a loup garou or something of the same feather. Pups ain’t got it in them, they ain’t near strong enough or smart enough in dawgie form to keep the kilt from shifting back human.”
Steal the Sun: (Book 1) Page 9