My Vocabulary Did This to Me

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My Vocabulary Did This to Me Page 24

by Jack Spicer


  Death is not final. Only parking lots.

  The whorship of beauty

  Or beautiful things take a long time getting used to.

  There is no past in beauty. The car going at 97.5 miles an hour.

  The time changes

  As you cross each border.

  Daffodils, ceremonies of spring, sprang, sprung

  And it is August

  Another century.

  Take each past, combine it with its present. Death

  Is a tooth among

  Strangers.

  It comes May and the summers renew themselves

  (39 of them) Baseball seasons

  Utter logic

  Where a man is faced with a high curve.

  No telling what happened in this game. Except one didn’t strike out. One feels they fielded it badly at second base.

  Oceans of wildflowers. Utter logic of the form and color.

  Thanatos, the death-plant in the skull

  Grows wings and grows enormous.

  The herb of the whole system.

  Systematically blotting out the anise weed and the trap-door spider of the vacant lot.

  Worse than static or crabgrass.

  Thanatos, bone at the bottom, Saint

  Francis, that botanist in Santa Rosa

  (Bless me now, for I am a plant and an animal)

  Called him Brother Death.

  1st SF Home Rainout Since. Bounce Tabby-Cat Giants. Newspapers

  Left in my house.

  My house is Aquarius. I don’t believe

  The water-bearer

  Has equal weight on his shoulders.

  The lines never do.

  We give equal

  Space to everything in our lives. Eich- Mann

  proved that false in killing like you raise wildflowers.

  Witlessly

  I

  Can-

  not

  accord

  sympathy

  to

  those

  who

  do

  not

  recognize

  The human crisis.

  The country is not very well defined.

  Whether they are bat-people or real people. The sea-Coast of Bohemia. The in-Visible world.

  A man counts his fingers in these situations. Whether there are five or ten of them or udders as we might go sea-bathing in dream.

  But dream is not enough. We waking hear the call of the

  In-Visible world

  Not seen. Hinted at only. By some vorpals, some sea-lions, some scraggs.

  Almost too big to get used to, its dimensions amaze us, who are blind to Whatever

  Is rising and falling with us.

  I squint my eyes to cry

  (No tears, a barren salt-mine) and then take two sniffles through my nose

  This means emotion. Chaplinesque

  As the fellow says.

  We pantomime every action of our bodies

  Do not wait

  On one sad hill

  For one sad turn. I’ve had it

  Principly because you’re young.

  The metallurgical analysis of the stone that was my heart shows an alarming percentage of silicon.

  Silicon, as George would be the first to tell you, is not a metal. It is present in glass, glue and since glue is made from horses—living substance.

  I love you. But as the iron clangs, the glass, the glue, the living substance (which, God knows, has been to as many glue factories as it can remember) muffles what the rest of the heart says.

  I see you cowering in the corner and the metal in my heart bangs. Too personal

  The glass and glue in my heart reply. And they are living substance.

  You cannot bake glass in a pie or fry glue in an omelette

  “If I speak in the tongue of men and angels . . .”

  The sounding brass of my heart says

  “Love.”

  LOVE POEMS

  1.

  Do the flowers change as I touch your skin?

  They are merely buttercups. No sign of death in them. They die and you know by their death that it is no longer summer. Baseball season.

  Actually

  I don’t remember ever touching your back when there were flowers (buttercups and dandelions there) waiting to die. The end of summer

  The baseball season finished. The

  Bumble-bee there cruising over a few poor flowers.

  They have cut the ground from under us. The touch

  Of your hands on my back. The Giants

  Winning 93 games

  Is as impossible

  In spirit

  As the grass we might walk on.

  2.

  For you I would build a whole new universe around myself.

  This isn’t shit it is poetry. Shit

  Enters into it only as an image. The shit the ghostes feasted on in the Odyssey. When Odysseus gave them one dry fly and made them come up for something important Food.

  “For you I would build a whole new universe,” the ghosts all cried, starving.

  3.

  “ ‘Arf,’ says Sandy”

  “To come to the moment of never come back to the moment of hope. Too many buses that are late” Hugh O’Neill in our Canto for Ezra Pound.

  The ground still squirming. The ground still not fixed as I thought it would be in an adult world.

  Sandy growls like a wolf. The space between him and his image is greater than the space between me and my image.

  Throw him a honey-cake. Hell has been proved to be a series of image.

  Death is a dog and Little Orphan Annie

  My own Eurydice. Going into hell so many times tears it

  Which explains poetry.

  4.

  “If you don’t believe in a god, don’t quote him,” Valery once said when he was about ready to give up poetry. The purposefull suspension of disbelief has about the chance of a snowball in hell.

  Lamias maybe, or succubi but they are about as real in California as night-crawlers

  Gods or stars or totems are not game-animals. Snark-hunting is not like discussing baseball.

  Against wisdom as such. Such

  Tired wisdoms as the game-hunters develop

  Shooting Zeus, Alpha Centauri, wolf with the same toy gun.

  It is deadly hard to worship god, star, and totem. Deadly easy

  To use them like worn-out condoms spattered by your own gleeful, crass, and unworshiping

  Wisdom

  5.

  Which explains poetry. Distances

  Impossible to be measured or walked over. A band of faggots (fasces) cannot be built into a log-cabin in which all Western Civilization can cower. And look at stars, and books, and other people’s magic diligently.

  Distance, Einstein said, goes around in circles. This

  Is the opposite of a party or a social gathering.

  It does not give much distance to go on.

  As

  In the beaches of California

  It does not give me much to go on.

  The tidal swell

  Particle and wave

  Wave and particle

  Distances.

  6.

  Sable arrested a fine comb.

  It is not for the ears. Hearing

  Merely prevents progress. Take a step back and view the sentence.

  Sable arrested a fine comb. On the road to Big Sur (1945) the fuses blew every time we braked. Lights out, every kind of action. A deer

  Hit us once (1945) and walked sulkily into the bushes as we braked into silence.

  No big white, lightless automobiles for him. If he’s hit, let them show him.

  Sable arrested a last stop . . . I think it was in Watsonville (1945 sable arrested fine comb a)

  Past danger into the fog we

  Used the last fuse.

  7.

  The howling dog in my mind says “Surrender” at eight points of the compass. North, So
uth, East, West, combinations.

  Whether

  He means me or you to me I am not certain. A color-blind person can read signals because red is always at the top and green at the bottom. Or is it the reverse? I forget, not being color-blind. The dog

  In my heart howls continuously at you, at me. “Surrender.”

  I do not know where my heart is.

  My heart’s in the highlands

  My heart is not here

  My heart’s in the highlands

  A-chasing the deer. Dog

  Of my heart groans, howls

  Blind to guesses. The deer

  Your heart and guesses, blandly seek water.

  8.

  There is real pain in not having you just as there is real pain in not having poetry

  Not totally in either case as solace, solution, end to all the minor tragedies

  But, in either case (poetry or you)

  As a bed-partner.

  Against the drift of rhododendrons and other images we have not seen together

  I have seen your locked lips and come home sweating.

  9.

  For you I would build a whole new universe but you obviously find it cheaper to rent one. Eurydice did too. She went back to hell unsure of what kind of other house Orpheus would build. “I call it death-in-life and life-in-death.” Shot

  In the back by an arrow, President Kennedy seemed to stiffen for a moment before he assumed his place in history. Eros

  Do that.

  I gave you my imaginary hand and you give me your imaginary hand and we walk together (in imagination) over the earthly ground.

  INTERMISSIONS

  Intermission I

  “The movement of the earth brings harmes and fears.

  Men wonder what it is and what it meant.”

  Donne

  In the next line

  Contrasts this with “the celestial movement of the spheres.”

  Rhyme soothes. And in a book I read in college fifteen years ago it said that this was an attack on the Copernican theory and a spidery hand had penciled in the margin “Earthquake.”

  Where is the poet? A-keeping the sheep

  A-keeping the celestial movement of the spheres in a long, boring procession

  A-center of gravity

  A-(while the earthquakes of happiness go on inside and outside his body and the stars in their courses stop to notice)

  Sleep.

  Intermission II

  The Wizards of Oz have all gone kook

  There are no unidentified flying objects. The

  Moon may not be made of green cheese but my heart is. Across the Deadly Desert We found a champion. The poem

  Which does not last as long as a single hand touches.

  Morning comes. And the signs of life

  (My morning had a telegraph key at here)

  Are less vivid. There is a long trail in the back country. Choose

  Carefully your victim.

  Around the campsite we argued who would choose the fire

  I left in a huff with your hand

  Naked.

  Intermission III

  Stay there on the edge of no cliff. With no conceivable future but progress—long, flat mesa-country. A few sheep you will hold for the rest of your life. Rimbaud’s lover

  Who had tears fall on his heart or some sweet message.

  Dare he

  Write poetry

  Who has no taste of acid on his tongue

  Who carrys his dreams on his back like a packet?

  Ghosts of other poets send him shame

  He will be alive (as they are dead)

  At the final picking.

  TRANSFORMATIONS

  Transformations I

  They say “he need (present) enemy (plural)”

  I am not them. This is the first transformation.

  They say “we need (present) no enemy (singular)” No enemy in the universe is theirs worth having. We is an intimate pronoun which shifts its context almost as the I blinks at it. Those

  Swans we saw in the garden coming out of the water we hated them. “Out of place,” you said in passing. Those swans and I (a blink in context), all out of place we hated you.

  He need (present) enemy (plural) and now it is the swans and me against you

  Everything out of place

  (And now another blink of moment) the last swan back in place. We

  Hated them.

  Transformations II

  “In Scarlet Town where I was born

  There was a fair maid dwelling.”

  We make up a different language for poetry

  And for the heart—ungrammatical.

  It is not that the name of the town changes

  (Scarlet becomes Charlotte or even in Gold City I once heard a good Western singer make it Tonapah. We don’t have towns here)

  (That sort of thing would please the Jungian astronauts)

  But that the syntax changes. This is older than towns.

  Troy was a baby when Greek sentence structure emerged. This was the real Trojan Horse.

  The order changes. The Trojans

  Having no idea of true or false syntax and having no recorded language

  Never knew what hit them.

  Transformations III

  This is the melancholy Dane

  That built all the houses that lived in the lane

  Across from the house that Jack built.

  This is the maiden all forlorn, a crumpled cow with a crumpled horn Who lived in the house that Jack built.

  This is the crab-god shiny and bright who sunned by day and wrote by night and lived in the house that Jack built.

  This is the end of it, very dear friend, this is the end of us.

  MORPHEMICS

  1.

  Morphemes in section

  Lew, you and I know how love and death matter

  Matter as wave and particle—twins

  At the same business.

  No excuse for them. Lew, thanatos and agape have no business being there.

  What is needed is hill country. Dry in August. Dead grass leading to mountains you can climb onto

  Or stop

  Morphemes in section

  Dead grass. The total excuse for love and death

  2.

  The faded-blond out beauty

  Let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth if I forget you Zion.

  There we wept

  He gave me a turn. Re-

  Membering his body. By the waters of Babylon

  In a small boat the prince of all the was to come

  Floating peacefully. Us exiles dancing on the banks of their fucking river.

  They asked us to sing a sad song How

  Motherfucker can I sing a sad song

  When I remember Zion? Alone

  Like the stone they say Osiris was when he came up dancing.

  How can I sing my Lord’s song in a strange land?

  3.

  Moon,

  cantilever of sylabbles

  If it were spelled “mune” it would not cause madness.

  Un-Worldly. Put

  Your feet on the ground. Mon-Ey doesn’t grow on trees. Great

  Knocker of the present shape of things. A tide goes past like wind.

  No normal growth like a tree the moon stays there

  And its there is our where

  “Where are you going, pretty maid?”

  “I’m going milking, sir,” she said.

  Our image shrinks to a morpheme, an -ing word. Death

  Is an image of sylables.

  4.

  The loss of innocence, Andy,

  The morpheme—cence is regular as to Rule IIc, IIa and IIb [cents] and [sense] being more regular. The [inn-]

  With its geminated consonant

  Is not the inn in which the Christ Child was born. The root is nocere and innocence, I guess, means not hurtful. Innocents

  The beasts would talk to them (Alice in the
woods with the faun). While to Orpheus

  They would only listen. Innocuous

  Comes from the same root. The trees

  Of some dark forest where we wander amazed at the selves of ourselves. Stumbling. Roots

  Stay. You cannot lose your innocence, Andy

  Nor could Alice. Nor could anyone

  Given the right woods.

  PHONEMICS

  No love deserves the death it has. An archipelago

  Rocks cropping out of ocean. Seabirds shit on it. Live out their lives on it.

  What was once a mountain.

  Or was it once a mountain? Did Lemuria, Atlantis, Mu ever exist except in the minds of old men fevered by the distances and the rocks they saw?

  Was it true? Can the ocean of time claim to own us now adrift

  Over that land. In that land. If memory serves

  There (that rock out there)

  Is more to it.

  Wake up one warm morning. See the sea in the distance.

  Die Ferne, water

  Because mainly it is not land. A hot day too

  The shreads of fog have already vaporized

  Have gone back where they came from. There may be a whale in this ocean.

  Empty fragments, like the shards of pots found in some Mesopotamian expedition. Found but not put together. The unstable

  Universe has distance but not much else.

  No one’s weather or room to breathe in.

  On the tele-phone (distant sound) you sounded no distant than if you were talking to me in San Francisco on the telephone or in a bar or in a room. Long

  Distance calls. They break sound

  Into electrical impulses and put it back again. Like the long telesexual route to the brain or the even longer teleerotic route to the heart. The numbers dialed badly, the connection faint.

 

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