His head snapped up. She put her palms out in surrender.
“Wait, I’m not trying to start a fight. I guess it’s my roundabout way of asking are you ready to admit that you’re in love with her?”
He didn’t see the point in lying to her now, “Yeah I am.”
“Does she know?”
“I haven’t told her yet if that’s what you’re asking?”
“Why not?”
Defensively he asked, “Why do you care?”
She sighed.
“I’m sorry, I guess I’m just feeling a little smug that I was right,” she smiled.
He relaxed a little and decided to get this over with.
“Amber, I am so sorry for all the pain and heartache I caused you. I want you to know I never set out to purposely hurt you. I really didn’t know that I was in love with Jasmine. I wasn’t trying to play you. Nothing has ever happened between us. I never cheated on you.”
“When did you realize it?”
“It hit me the night of her anniversary dinner when she hacked off all her curls.”
She laughed.
“Don’t tell her I said this but I like her new haircut.”
He laughed too.
“Actually I think it looks nice, but I still prefer the curls. It was such a dramatic change that it just got my attention and caught me way off guard.”
“So the night we went to the charity ball you knew?”
He wanted to squirm but he resisted.
“I knew I was attracted to her. The realization of being in love with her came later.”
She rolled her eyes, “Well that explains a lot.”
He felt horrible.
“I never meant to hurt you Amber. You were the first woman I felt a real connection with after my break up way back in high school. You’re the only person since my first love that I even wanted to let in. I honestly thought you were it for me, but that day at the barbecue I realized that it didn’t matter who I was with. They would have a problem with Jasmine. The truth is Jaz has had my heart since we were nine years old. You forcing me to give her up made me realize how much she meant to me. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Honestly, I started to resent you for it.”
She frowned.
He continued, “I’m not saying I was right because I was dead wrong. Your instincts were right on the money. I just couldn’t see it because I was blinded by my own BS.”
Amber said, “I would love to blame you and say this was all your fault but I can’t. I played my part too. I should have gotten out when I first realized you two had something that I just couldn’t compete with. That was pretty early on. I was just arrogant and thought if given enough time I’d win your heart.”
He asked, “Are you going to be okay?”
She waved him off.
“Yeah I’m gonna be fine. I’ve cursed you and Jasmine to hell and back a few times. Now I’ve moved on to more grown-up ways of coping.”
He laughed.
She smiled, “I know this is going to shock you but I think you should tell her how you feel. I’m 99 percent sure she’s going to tell you she feels the same way.”
He eyed her suspiciously.
“So now me and Jasmine have your blessing?”
“I know right. It’s hard to believe, but to be honest you two have something I didn’t even know existed. You have this total and complete intimacy that’s not even marred by anything physical. You’re like the perfect team. It used to drive me insane because even when she wasn’t around her presence was there. In the last few months my pride kept me in the relationship not my heart. I wanted to win. Now that I’ve had some time to be honest with myself I’ve realized that. What you guys have has given me hope that I can find it too. The next guy I date, however, is absolutely, positively not allowed to have any close female friends that are not blood relatives.”
He smiled. All the things that Amber thought they had no longer existed. It hurt so bad to know it. He had to get Jasmine back. He just had to.
He grabbed her hand, “Thanks for this. I feel better.”
She said, “Me too,” and stood.
He stood also as she walked around the table to give him a hug.
She smiled up at him, “Good luck with everything.”
He kissed her cheek, “You too.”
Before she turned to leave she asked, “Hey, I need clarification on something Jasmine said the night of the charity dinner.”
With a puzzled look Blake said, “Okay.”
“What does don’t make me act my color mean?”
Blake threw his head back and laughed.
“That just means don’t make her play into the stereotype that would have been appropriate to display at the time.”
“Oh. Ha!”
She headed back inside and passed Damon on his way out.
Blake looked up to see Damon heading towards him with a couple of beers.
He walked up and said, “Here, I thought you could use one of these when Lucy said Amber had you cornered out here.”
Blake accepted the beer and laughed, “You guys are priceless.”
Damon took a seat, Blake followed his lead.
Blake asked, “So you needed some fresh air too?”
“Nah, I really just came to check on you.”
“Me? Why?”
“Because I know you man and I know you came out here to sulk. So what are you going to do about Jasmine? You two have been walking around on eggshells for a week trying to avoid each other and for what? If we can learn anything from Ahmed it’s that you never know when your time is up.”
Blake took a sip of his beer.
“I hear you. I want her so bad my balls are perpetually blue.”
Damon choked on his beer.
“That’s TMI man, TMI! Man you can hang that up. Jasmine ain’t gon give you none until you jump that broom homie.”
Blake sighed, “Yeah you’re right about that, but that’s not a problem. I would marry Jasmine in a heartbeat if I knew she felt the same way or if I could get her to speak to me.”
Damon paused mid sip, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute now, you’re ready to pop the question?”
“You said life is too short and you know better than anyone how much time me and Jasmine have wasted. I’m tired of being mad. The two of us really have no reason to drag out a relationship. We’ve practically been dating since we were two.”
“True, but I guess your other relationships wouldn’t have been as entertaining had you guys hooked up back in high school.”
Blake laughed.
“So what do I do Damon? This is big. It’s going to change everything for everybody.”
“Man don’t worry about everybody else. After all this time you and Jasmine deserve to snatch your little piece of happiness. Jazzy’s a strong black woman. You’re gonna have to put your foot down and be like…Woman,” Damon said, in a faux macho voice. “Look here, we need to talk and I don’t want no lip. I’m taking you away this weekend. We got some stuff to deal with it so be ready when I call! And then just walk off.”
Blake laughed hard.
“Dude, you’re an idiot. How about I translate that to say, we should take a trip, get away from everybody and finally have a heart to heart about all of this.”
“Okay fine, if you wanna do it the soft way. I think my way would be more entertaining for me, Carmen and Lucy though.”
Blake just shook his head.
Damon continued, “Now remember, Jasmine is still pretty wounded. She can be a beast when she’s like that. Don’t take no for an answer. You’re going to have to force her to deal with this because she’s avoiding it.”
“Why do you say she’s avoiding it?”
“Man come on, why do you think Ahmed made Jazzy his power of attorney? Because she is always cool, calm and collected and she’s smart. She makes good decisions.”
Blake nodded in agreement.
“For the last two weeks she’s be
en a mess and so unlike herself. Only love or fear can fluster somebody like Jasmine into being this off her game. It might be a little of both.”
There it was again, that word, fear. He remembered Jasmine’s dream and Nurse Ashley’s warning. Could that be it? Was she warning them of their fear all along?
“Do you really think she’s in love with me?”
Damon just shook his head in exasperation.
“Okay, let me ask you this. Do you think she is attracted to me because Jasmine has always been adamant about her non-attraction to white men? I’ve never flat out ruled out dating black women, I just don’t do it.”
Damon put down his beer.
“Look man, if she’s in love with you then she’s attracted to you. I’m not the one you should be asking. You should be asking her all of this.”
“I know man but she’s so annoyed with me right now I keep thinking it’s just going to blow up in my face.”
“Man you know Jasmine better than anyone else in this world. If you can’t figure out how to get through to her then it simply can’t be done.”
Blake changed the subject. He was sick of thinking about it.
“So how are you doing?”
Damon responded, “I’m dealing man, though I have been doing some strange things lately.”
Interest piqued, Blake asked, “Like what?”
“Like I slept with Carmen.”
Blake spit out his beer.
“You what? When?”
“The night Ahmed died. It was crazy man.”
Blake simply stared waiting for an explanation.
“We were the last to go to bed that night, or should I say that morning. After I went to my room she knocked on my door about five minutes later.”
“Just like that, she just came and offered it on a platter?”
Damon laughed, “No fool. She just said she wasn’t ready to be alone. Lucy wasn’t there and you and Jasmine had your own issues to contend with that night.”
Blake nodded, “So how did it happen?”
“It was pretty innocent we were just lying in my bed and she asked me to hold her. Being the gentlemen that I am you know I wrapped her in these big strong arms for safekeeping.”
Blake snorted, “You’re an idiot.”
Damon smiled, “You know Carmen, she’s all hard and stuff. She won’t cry under any circumstances but that night I saw a different side of her. She was all soft and feminine instead of her usual ball busting self.”
Blake laughed.
He continued, “So you know I’m wiping her tears and comforting her and what not then she kissed me.”
“Whaaaattttt?”
“I know right! At first I pulled away and was like, girl, stop, what you doing? She said being comforted by a friend. You know me Blake, I was like bet dat up. Carmen is sexy as hell.”
Blake nodded, “Yeah she is sexy. I think it’s the hair.”
Damon nodded, “Nol, it’s not like that dude. The terrifying part is I’m really feeling Ms. Carmen. Truth be told we’ve been sneaking around every night since then.”
“Wow. So if you’re feeling her why are you guys sneaking around?”
“Man it’s too much going on in the house right now for us to add in our mess to the mix. You and Jasmine are at war so everyone else has to be Switzerland and not add to the drama.”
Blake laughed, “Okay now you know I have to get all big brother on you because I really care about Carmen and Lucy.”
“Don’t even go there man I would never hurt her like that. Besides I’m not even fooled up with anybody right now. I’ve been chillin’ for the last couple of months. Trust me when I say, Ms. Carmen done put something on ya boy. She’s definitely got my undivided attention.”
Blake shook his head, “You’re whipped after a week. Man come on, that’s just sad.”
“Hold up playa, at least I got some before I was whipped. Jazzy got your nose wide open and you ain’t even kissed her yet.”
Blake laughed, “True. I am so gone over Jaz man I’m bout to go insane.”
“So bite the bullet man, tell her.”
“You’re right. I’ll talk to her tonight about going away. I’ll make plans.”
“That’s my boy.”
They clinked bottles.
∞∞∞
Jasmine was sitting in the front yard in their gazebo. She was enjoying the balmy breeze trying to sort through everything in her life, a life that no longer made any sense. The fact that she knew Ahmed was okay was giving her peace but she missed him so much. She didn’t know if it would ever not hurt. She put her feet up on the wooden bench, leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She could sense the light around her go dark. A familiar scent wafted near her nose.
She felt the wood give way under his body weight as he sat.
Without opening her eyes she said, “Hi Derrick.”
“Hi Jasmine.”
“Thanks for coming to the funeral.”
“No problem. Ahmed was cool people. He wasn’t the one in the house I didn’t like.”
Jasmine opened her eyes only to roll them as she stared at him.
“Derrick, please don’t go there.”
“You’re right I didn’t come for all of that. Seeing you today made me realize how much I’ve missed you. I know we had a lot of issues to work through, but you’re obviously not with Blake so maybe I was wrong about you two.”
She wanted to crawl under the gazebo and bury herself.
“Derrick, you weren’t wrong about me and Blake. I have very strong feelings for him but I doubt I’ll ever do anything about them because I don’t want to lose my friend. Relationships are messy and full of the unexpected. I can’t risk losing him the way I lost you. With that being said I know it’s not wise for me to be with anyone right now as long as I have these unresolved feelings for Blake. I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
“I knew it was a long shot but thanks for being honest about it. When did you realize your feelings for him? Never mind. I don’t really wanna know.”
Jasmine reached for his hand.
“From the bottom of my heart I truly apologize for any pain or embarrassment I caused you. I honestly didn’t know what I really felt for Blake until it was too late. I would have never willingly led you down that path.”
“It’s water under the bridge now. There is nothing to do but move on. I will say this though, you’ve never been afraid of anything. That’s one of the things I loved most about you. Don’t start now. It’s not the Jasmine everyone knows and loves.”
It hit her hard, Nurse Ashley’s words. She realized now they had been a warning. She also thought about when Blake said that God was trying to get both of their attention. Could this be God getting them to finally realize what was between them? If that was the case, why was this union divinely ordered?
Jasmine leaned in to hug Derrick.
“Thank you so much. I wish you nothing but the best in life. You deserve it and you deserve a woman who can be totally devoted to you. I was so wrong. I am so sorry.”
“You’re forgiven.”
Derrick indulged himself one last gentle kiss. She smiled as he stood up to leave.
“Take care of yourself Jasmine.”
“You too Derrick.”
Chapter 37: The Hard Truth
Everyone had gone home. The house was all cleaned up. Ahmed’s parents had been taken to the airport. They were trying to find their new normal. Carmen, Lucy and Jasmine were in Jasmine’s room hanging out. They were in their pajamas and eating huge bowls of ice cream on Jasmine’s bed.
Carmen said, “Anybody want to hear something that’s totally gonna take our minds off Ahmed?”
They both raised their hands. Carmen had been dying to tell them about her and Damon.
“I slept with Damon, and more than once.”
Jasmine choked on her ice cream and Lucy screamed.
Lucy said, “Okay, start from the beginning right now!”
>
Carmen grinned.
“Okay so the night Ahmed died I was feeling really vulnerable. I didn’t want to be alone. Luce, you were gone and Jasmine you had your hands full with your own stuff so I went to Damon. I told him I didn’t want to be alone.”
Jasmine said, “You slut! You just went in there and offered him the goodies like that?”
Carmen and Lucy laughed.
“No I didn’t. I asked him to hold me then I broke down and cried.” They just stared at her. “I know. I know I never cry but you know I adored Ahmed. We all did. It was just so random and unexpected. I just couldn’t deal.”
“So then what happened,” Lucy asked.
“So I’m lying there with him and he has these huge arms that made me feel so safe. You know Damon is a very nice looking young man. My goodness, the man smelled delicious.”
Jasmine smirked, “He sure is. I think it’s the green eyes against his skin tone, but I reiterate, you slut!”
Lucy laughed, “Well I ain’t mad at you. Who made the first move?”
Carmen sheepishly confessed, “I did. He tried to do the noble thing and back off but I wasn’t having it.”
“So you guys have just been humping like bunnies for a week,” Jasmine asked.
“Pretty much.”
Lucy gave her a high five.
Jasmine said, “Please do not encourage her. So Carmen, are you two just being nasty or do you guys really like each other?”
“Well to be honest I really am feeling him. I think it could be something, but you guys know Damon. He’s a ho. He is not the settling kind.”
“Yeah he’s been that way since we were in high school. I refuse to believe that he would play you like that though he loves you.”
“As a friend,” Carmen protested.
Lucy chimed in, “I have to agree with Jasmine on that. Damon wouldn’t use you like that. He hasn’t really been dating that much lately. On to more important things, how was it?”
Jasmine laughed and said, “I’m with Lucy. Spill it!”
Carmen blushed, “I think I’m sprung.”
They all fell out laughing.
Lucy said, “While you’re playing Jasmine you need to start bouncing like bunnies with Blake. You guys are so overdue. That’s why you’re being so mean to each other.”
Color Me Blind (A Divine Love Story Book 1) Page 23