by Dee J. Adams
Alone.
Something about the word scared her to death.
Some days on the set flew by and others crawled so slowly they hurt. Today was a slow day, multiplying her misery. Quinn had been on the phone most of the morning, dealing with some kind of fire at work and he’d told her he was meeting Mac at one, which meant she couldn’t have lunch with him.
She had tonight to look forward to. If she didn’t cry her eyes out.
Ellie powered down a quick lunch and roamed the trailers, sticking close by in case Quinn finished early and she could spend time with him. The longer she strolled, the more she considered telling him her secret.
Knowing he’d been a tutor somehow made her believe that he might understand. Memories of her first serious boyfriend came to mind. His look of horror when she’d told him about her illiteracy would’ve been funny, if it hadn’t been for real. He’d been on his way to law school and didn’t want anything to do with a “stupid girl.” Her next serious boyfriend had played a different card. He’d belittled her, patronized her. Made her feel that if she couldn’t read, she obviously had no brain at all. Eventually, he’d faded away…when she’d left him.
But Quinn had specifically said he’d helped lower classmen who needed refresher courses. Wasn’t she just one giant refresher course waiting to happen?
“Hey, Elle, wait up.” Trace jogged up from behind her. “It looks like we’re doing the same laps,” she said, taking off her shades and cleaning the lenses on the bottom of her cropped shirt. “I figured we might as well do them together.”
“Did the guys take over your trailer?” Ellie asked.
Nodding, Trace put the sunglasses back on. “I don’t want to be near them when the fists start flying again.”
Not very reassuring words. “You don’t think it will come to that, do you?”
She shook her head and flashed a grin. “No. I’m kidding. Mac’s seen the light. He just needed to know this was really important to Quinn and trust me, he knows now. It’s just a matter of hashing out the deal. I didn’t want to be in the middle of everything so I left.”
Relief swept through Ellie as both women started walking again. The fact that Quinn would finally be free set her own heart flying. His happiness had become her happiness.
“Just so you know…” Trace said. “Mac’s always felt an inordinate amount of responsibility when it comes to Quinn. He might not have acted or reacted the best way, but he loves his little brother. He’s so proud of him, but he’s also stubborn and not good at sharing his feelings.” Trace lifted an arched brow. “I don’t know what Quinn’s said about Mac. Probably nothing too flattering, but I just thought you should know.”
Maybe, deep down, Quinn knew this too. But Ellie planned to tell him anyway.
“One other thing, and it’s changing the subject,” Trace added, “I wanted to tell you how much I admire you.”
Ellie stopped in her tracks and placed her hand over her heart. She must have misunderstood. One of the world’s most elite athletes admired her? “Me?”
Trace smiled. “Yeah, you. All the stunts you’ve been doing.” She lowered her head, looked over the rim of the sunglasses and hit Ellie with intense blue eyes. “That includes stunts that happened when cameras weren’t rolling. Quinn told me about the incident in Barstow. It took a mountain of guts to do that.” Trace glanced at her. “I’ve done some spur of the moment things over the years, but that takes the prize.”
“I didn’t see that I had another choice.”
“Yeah…I know what you mean. Quinn told me you handled the car like a pro before you finally got out. I can’t imagine how scary that was with the road so wet.”
“Yeah, you can,” Ellie countered. “You’re the one who slid through an oil slick going two hundred miles an hour. I never went through a crash like you did.”
“On the bright side, I don’t remember any of it,” Trace kidded with a smile. They walked a few more steps in silence. “Quinn tells me you really love driving.”
She nodded. Just because she’d planned to wait to ask Trace about her race school didn’t mean she had to deny it. “I do.”
Kicking a rock out of her path, Trace stuck her hands in her pockets. “Ever considered driving a race car? Because I see a lot of people come to my school, but very few have the focus you have. Mac told me that anyone who watched you behind the wheel of the Arrow car before we started filming saw that you loved it. He said he saw fire in your eyes. I don’t want this to sound weird or anything, but I kind of see myself in your eyes.”
Adrenaline powered through Ellie’s veins, but she hid her excitement. Her conversation with Quinn on the ride to Barstow flashed through her head. “Did Quinn talk to you about this?”
“No, why? Was he supposed to?”
“No, forget it.” If Quinn hadn’t spilled her secret then she wasn’t about to either. They turned at the end of the row of trailers and headed back. “I did love being in that car. I never realized that sitting behind the wheel could feel so good. So invigorating.”
A smile curved Trace’s lips. “It’s a cool feeling, isn’t it? That’s why I’m not ready to retire. I’m close, but not there yet.” Trace stopped and faced her. “Look, I’d love to see more women in the sport. I can’t promise anything, but you’re the kind of person that could make it. You’re smart. Focused. You have a great look, which helps with sponsors. With a couple years of work and practice, I think you might be a great replacement for me. If you’re interested.”
Ellie felt the blood drain from her face. She couldn’t have heard her right. “What?”
“I’m serious. In a year or two, I think you could take my spot at Grayling Racing. You’d have to prove yourself on the track, but Ed, the owner, would consider someone I recommend.”
“That’s…that’s…I mean…oh my God.” She couldn’t even process the thought.
“I know,” Trace said. “It’s out of the blue and you probably weren’t even thinking about it. You must love doing stunts and working with different people in different situations all the time. Racing is racing. Adjust the car to the track and go around in circles for three or four hours. It might sound monotonous, but—”
“Are you kidding? I’d love that!”
“Would you be willing to move to Claremont? We could put you up in the guesthouse in the back of our place.”
This had to be some kind of dream. Or fantasy. Real life didn’t happen this way. Dreams weren’t handed over on a silver platter. “Are you serious?”
“Totally. And it wouldn’t have to be right away,” Trace said. “I know you want to wait until you know more about your roommate’s situation. And like I said, I don’t plan to retire for another year or two. I think you’re a natural, but you still need the time to get adjusted to the feel of a car.”
“Why retire at all? You’re only twenty-five,” Ellie said.
“Unfortunately, the accident did a number on my body. I’m not what I used to be.”
Ellie wanted to smack herself for bringing it up. She knew all this from the script. It just seemed as if it was a movie and not based on true events. This was probably one of the most factually based films she’d ever worked on.
“So I’m not on a clock with my decision?” Ellie asked. Without Ashley, she didn’t know if she could swing racing school.
“No clock. Just let me know when you decide. I’ll have a place at the school and a room in the guesthouse waiting for you.”
Shit like this didn’t happen to Ellie. Her plan had been to approach Trace toward the end of the shoot, when they’d struck up more of a relationship. This offer floored her completely.
They reached Trace’s trailer at the end of the row and heard raised voices as they neared.
Mac’s voice boomed out of the trailer walls. “I told you I’d sell, Quinn. Why do you have to be such a pain in the ass about making this deal?”
“You’ve got the proposals in front of you, Mac. It’s about a
better contract in the long run.”
“If we’re talking the long run, then I’m better off taking as much money as I can up front and investing it the way I want instead of—”
“Did you even read these papers, Mac?”
“Of course I did, did you?”
“What am I to you? Some illiterate idiot?” Quinn roared. “You think I can’t understand a fucking contract when it’s in front of me. I’m not a moron who can’t read.”
Quinn’s words hit Ellie so hard she took a step back as if she’d been punched. Her stomach dropped. Every hope of telling Quinn her secret vanished. Illiterate idiot. Moron. The words flashed in her brain with devastating effect. All the years she’d spent getting over the feeling that she wasn’t good enough or smart enough evaporated with those three hated words. Time to kiss it all goodbye. Quinn and her dream of racing. She couldn’t spend time with Trace when Quinn was a family member. She couldn’t attend any kind of school, much less a race school, without someone helping her.
How could she ever face him again?
“I have to go,” she mumbled, backing toward her own trailer. “I just remembered I have to do something.” She stopped and faced Trace. Had to nip this whole race thing in the bud. “Thanks for your offer, but I can’t do it. It’s really tempting, but I can’t just pick up and move. Ashley will need me, and Al and Mark rely on me…” She sounded stupid and inane, so she forced a smile. “Do me a favor and tell Quinn that I forgot I had plans tonight and I won’t be able to see him.” Tomorrow, there was still tomorrow and she didn’t know how she could go to work and not see him. Unless she called in sick. “Tell him, it was nice meeting him and I hope…” She was on the verge of tears, but kept them back. “I hope he finds what he wants.”
She turned and nearly sprinted to her trailer to get her things. She’d never skipped out of a day’s work, but she was doing it now. There weren’t any stunts today. Just planning. She didn’t care about her time card. She threw her pack over her shoulder and started the long walk to the structure and her car.
The tears she’d been holding back ran unheeded down her cheeks. She kept her head down and concentrated on her feet, on each step that took her farther from Quinn. She wouldn’t answer her phone or her door. She’d wait until he was gone and…
Her chest felt so tight she couldn’t breathe. How could this hurt as much as thinking Ashley was dead? A knot of emotion constricted her throat. She blamed herself. She’d known from the beginning that this thing with Quinn would end. How could she have fooled herself into thinking otherwise?
“Elle! Elle, wait!” Quinn shouted from behind her.
She couldn’t face him. Couldn’t imagine what he’d think of her if he ever found out. Instead of turning around, she picked up her pace. Seconds later he caught up to her.
“Hey,” he said, taking her arm. “What’s wrong? Trace said something hit you like a ton of bricks and…” He saw her face. “Jesus. What’s wrong? Is it Ashley?” He pulled her close and Ellie immediately shoved out of his grasp.
“No. Don’t. Okay, don’t. I can’t…we can’t…” She couldn’t look at him. “This is goodbye, Quinn.” She had no idea what to say that wouldn’t come out sounding stupid. His dark brows pulled together. A thousand questions waited in his eyes. “I have to go.” She took a step, but he blocked her path.
“The hell you do. What’s going on? What the hell was that cryptic message you gave Trace? ‘You can’t see me tonight? It was nice meeting me?’ What kind of crap is that?”
“No crap.” Ellie took a step back, away from his heat. “I wish you all the best. I thank you for everything you’ve done—” She swallowed back the lump in her throat. “You helped me through a really tough time.” In another second, her heart was going to shatter completely. “I have to go.” She started moving again, tears blurring her vision.
“Bullshit!” Quinn roared behind her. Then he was in front of her again. “What the hell happened? Something happened in the last five minutes and I want to know why you’re running away.”
Anger blindsided Ellie. Fury, frustration and desolation hit her so hard she wanted to be sick. “Me!” she shouted. “It’s me, okay! You think you know me, but you don’t. And you don’t want to really know me, Quinn. I’m not who you think I am.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean? Quit talking in riddles and just tell me the problem.”
An engine roared thirty yards away at the end of the street lining the stages. A big 4x4 with tinted windows raced down the road. Ellie stepped between a large trash bin and a trailer, grabbed Quinn’s shirt and pulled him next to her before the massive truck hit him. “Slow down, jerk!” she yelled after the disappearing Ford. Some idiot always drove too fast between the stages.
Quinn didn’t seem to care about the close call. He dipped his head and kissed her. Ellie couldn’t help but melt into him. A last kiss, a last touch. She was such an idiot to think she could make something work with him. “Don’t tell me we don’t have something special,” he said against her lips. “I can taste it.” He dove in for more, but Ellie backed away.
“No. Just because we set the sheets on the fire doesn’t mean anything.” She started moving again, taking longer strides, trying her damnedest to get away from him.
Quinn kept up with her. “I’m not leaving until you tell me, Elle.”
“Fine!” She spun around and faced him. “I’m a liar. You don’t know me and if you did, you wouldn’t want to be with me.” There. In a nutshell. All the truth he ever wanted and some he didn’t.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Telling him could mean the end of her career. If he told Trace and she told the director and he told Mark…her whole life could disappear in an instant. Her stomach roiled at the idea, but she got in his face anyway. After everything he’d done for her, she’d owed him the truth. “I’m an ‘illiterate idiot.’ A ‘moron who can’t read.’ Is that simple enough to understand? I can’t read a menu or an invitation to a wedding or a script. I can’t read. So be a good boy and go back to your brother and discuss your company. We’re done.”
Quinn stood completely still as Ellie stalked toward the parking structure. The words he’d said to Mac came back at him with crystal clarity. All the little things that had happened in the past two weeks added up and finally made sense. At any meal, Ellie only ordered from specials or from a suggestion he made. He’d read her the note from her next-door neighbor. He’d opened and read the wedding invitation from her coworker. She didn’t own a computer.
Ellie was illiterate. The knowledge staggered him.
His phone rang as he ran after her. “Elle, wait,” he called. Quickly, he checked the screen and recognized Mills’s number. Shit. Bad, bad timing. He took the call as he continued after Ellie. “Now’s not a good time.”
“Hank never made his flight. Thought you might want to know,” Mills said.
From bad to worse. “Thanks. I’ll get back to you.”
He had to run to catch Ellie at the parking structure stairs. “Elle, wait.” But she wouldn’t stop. Wouldn’t give him the benefit of the doubt, and that hurt more than anything. She didn’t trust him. He caught her at the top of the fourth level. They were both panting. “Dammit, wait!” Quinn wrapped his fingers around her arm for the second time and stopped her. “Why? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You don’t seriously believe you and I have a future together, do you?” Her words ripped him apart. “Look how hard you’ve worked for a life of your own. Look how much I’ve had to lie and cheat. See a difference anywhere, Quinn? See how we don’t really mesh? Look…” She exhaled a deep breath. “I’m not a bad person. But I’m not the person for you.”
She headed toward her car, once again leaving him cold.
No way. He strode after her. “You’ve got it all figured out, don’t you? You know me so well…exactly how I feel and what I think about everything, huh?”
Her green eyes fill
ed with tears. “I know you deserve someone…smarter, more educated,” she whispered.
“So all of a sudden because you can’t read, you’re not smart? Your mind is like a fucking computer. You remember everything.” That was how she did it, he realized. How she got by. She remembered everything she ever heard. “You’re one of the smartest people I know and you’ve got more common sense than anyone I’ve ever met.”
“That’ll get me real far when it comes to cracking open a book, won’t it,” she shot back.
“How the hell did this happen? How could your parents let it happen?”
“It’s easy when you barely talk.” She adjusted the pack over her shoulder. “I told you they checked out after Phil died.”
Quinn’s heart twisted. That her parents could leave her so emotionally stranded made him ache inside. The way she stared up at him, daring him to ask another question, daring him to care. “How could they do that to you?”
“I’m dyslexic.” She threw her shoulders back and stood taller. “I figured it out in high school. By then I was going to graduate and I had the stunt thing ready to fall into.” She swiped at a tear rolling down her cheek. “Happy now? Why don’t you just leave me alone and set your sights on another California blonde. I hear there’s thousands of us.”
He took a step forward, crowded her. “I don’t want another California blonde. I want you. I love you.”
“Right. For your last night in town. Look, it’s not hard to find an easy screw, Quinn. I’m sure there are plenty of women willing to keep your bed warm on your last night.”