by Sean Covey
“We walked around in the city, went to a museum, then he took me on a tour of the fire station where his dad worked. Most of all, he just took me to places that I would enjoy and was respectful.” —Shannon
You don’t need to have a lot of money to plan fun dates. Here’s a list of 20 cheap but fun dating ideas you can do in pairs or groups:
Fun ’n’ cheap Dating Ideas*
1. Bake cookies together and deliver them to another friend.
2. Go to your niece’s or nephew’s soccer or baseball game.
3. Play board games with a group of friends or family.
4. Attend a community youth activity together.
5. Get together as a group and take turns watching everyone’s favorite funny movie clip.
6. Make popcorn and watch a movie at home.
7. Have a picnic.
8. Go for a hike or rock climbing.
9. Attend a school play, then go for ice cream.
10. Play miniature golf.
11. Visit an art, science, or historical museum.
12. Go listen to a local band.
13. Play bigger and better. Start off with a pencil and go door-to-door in a neighborhood you know exchanging the item for something bigger and better. Meet up to see who wound up with the biggest and best item.
14. Go water-skiing or snow skiing.
15. Attend a free community event (look online to see what’s going on).
16. Have a karaoke party.
17. As a group, go to the beach or the mountains and roast marshmallows.
18. Divide into teams and have each team make a short movie using their phones. Get back together and watch each one. The best movie wins a prize.
19. Go to a golf driving range and hit a bucket of balls.
20. Borrow a telescope and look at the stars.
To guys out there who are never really comfortable with the whole dating thing, just remember the classic words of Alex “Hitch” Hitchens from the movie Hitch:
The Four Great Sex Myths
Myths are beliefs that are widely held, but just because everyone believes something, that doesn’t make it true. Here are a few common myths.
Myth: Eating chocolate causes acne breakouts.
Fact: Contrary to popular belief, there is no link between eating chocolate and acne breakouts.
Myth: Daddy longlegs are the most poisonous of all spiders but their mouths are too small to bite you.
Fact: There are several spiders that have been branded with this nickname—the harvestman, the crane fly, and the pholcid house spider. The first two aren’t poisonous, and there is no scientific evidence to suggest the pholcid spider has particularly potent venom.
Myth: Swallowed chewing gum takes seven years to digest and pass through your system.
Fact: Chewing gum, though largely indigestible, will make its way through your digestive system at the same rate as anything else you eat.
So it is with the subject of sex. Lots of myths exist—popular beliefs that are false and unsupported by facts. Let me introduce you to four of the great ones. Before going there, however, take this quiz to see how much you know about the topic. I’ll give you the answers to the questions as we go.
Some teens have sex before marriage because they think everyone is doing it and they just want to be normal. Well, guess what? About half your fellow teens aren’t having sex. This number varies by country. In the United States, it’s about half, in Europe it’s higher, in Asia it’s lower. It may be higher or lower in your school.
So, if you’ve decided to wait to have sex (or if you’ve had it but choose not to going forward) and you’re feeling like you’re not normal—take heart. You’ve got lots of company.
Question 1 Answer: False
The majority of teens aren’t having sex. About half are.
You might be thinking, “Well, the only people that aren’t doing it are those who can’t.” Not true. There are lots of scholars, dancers, cheerleaders, athletes, popular kids, and normal teens that have decided to wait. And the number who are waiting is on the rise. Why? I think teens are beginning to see that teenage sex is not all that it’s cracked up to be. And then there are all those diseases you can pick up.
Remember the Gamma Girls we spoke about on page 98? These are the girls who are involved in a variety of activities, are self-confident, and think popularity is overrated. If there is one thing about them that stands out, it’s that they have decided to wait until marriage to have sex.
Question 2 Answer: False
Having sex as a teen is becoming less common, not more.
Another person who waited was NBA star A. C. Green, who holds the NBA record for most consecutive games played. After playing in the NBA for 16 seasons, he married his wife as a virgin at the age of 38. Do you find that hard to believe? A. C. stayed true to his goal of waiting until marriage by following a few key rules he set for himself:
• I control what I see and hear. I don’t watch television and movies that show people having sex, or listen to music that tells me to have sex.
• I stay away from pressure situations. I don’t invite a woman to my house after midnight to hang out or to watch a movie.
• I use the buddy system. I often bring a friend with me instead of being alone with a woman. It’s easier to control myself when someone is there with me, making me accountable.
Humans are amazing creatures! We splice genes, build skyscrapers 100 stories high, and fit a thousand million transistors on a silicon chip the size of a fingernail.
I have a friend, Erik Weihenmayer, who climbed Mount Everest—blind! I’ve read about Joan of Arc, the courageous 14-year-old French girl turned warrior, who saved France from its enemies and was later burned at the stake. I remember watching the TV news coverage of a plane crash in an icy river, and seeing a man pass the lifeline again and again to others until, exhausted and freezing, he sank below the surface, giving his life for people he didn’t know. These are examples of the triumph of the human spirit.
So, when I hear someone say, “Teens are going to have sex because they can’t control their hormones,” I want to throw up. I mean, c’mon. It’s not like we’re a bunch of dogs in heat. Teenage guys, especially, get a bad rap for having no control of their bodily functions.
Most responsible adults will not tell you that having sex as a teen is a good thing. But many will say, “You can’t stop teens from having sex, so teach them to be safe about it.”
That’s why they teach you about protecting yourself from disease and pregnancy in school. It’s done with good intentions. The assumption is you aren’t capable of controlling your urges.
That’s where I differ. If we can split the atom, we can control our urges. We’re human beings, not animals, after all. And we have the freedom to choose. Consider these stories shared by two teen boys from a website called greattowait.com.
Craig: Would a guy ever turn down sex? I did. My ex-girlfriend wanted to have sex, but I refused. She kept pressuring me. I don’t know whether she thought I would stay with her if she did it or what. At the time, it really confused me. I liked her, but I wasn’t ready to be tied down or get more involved. I guess she got what she wanted with her next boyfriend, although they’re not together anymore. Last month, she came over to me and told me that I was the only boy she’d ever dated who respected girls and didn’t try to use them. She said, “I wish I was still going with you.”
Ray: I have been dating my girlfriend about six months. When we first started dating I told her that I had made the decision not to have sex now. She respects that. But I must admit it gets hard sometimes…When I get feelings that tempt me to go all the way, I make myself pull back and get those urges under control. I tell myself: “I can wait. I can wait.” Believe me, I spend a lot of time saying those three words to myself—but it’s working.
You see, between what happens to us (the stimulus) and what we do about it (our response) is a space, and in that space lies our freedo
m to choose. This is what it means to be proactive.
Craig and Ray were able to keep their commitments by using their power tools, also known as self-awareness, conscience, imagination, and willpower.
SELF-AWARENESS: I can stand apart from myself and observe my thoughts and actions. (Craig and Ray knew it would take a lot of character strength to wait.)
CONSClENCE: I can listen to my inner voice and know what’s right or wrong for me. (Craig and Ray felt that waiting was the right thing to do.)
LMAGLNATLON: I can imagine the future and the consequences of my actions. (Craig and Ray could visualize that having sex now would tie them down and change the nature of their relationships.)
WLLLPOWER: I am free to choose and act in the face of strong influences. (Craig and Ray chose to wait in the face of their urges.)
Controlling Your Impulses
There are three notable things about our sex drive. First, it is strong. Second, it is constant. And third, it is good. Without it, no one would want to settle down and have children and the world would soon run out of people. It just needs to be used at the right time and with the right person, and it needs to be controlled, just like any other impulse.
I mean, what kind of world would we have if we responded to every passing urge? If you got angry with someone, you’d simply punch ’em. If you felt like sleeping in, you’d skip school or whatever and sleep in. Heck, if I gave free rein to my urges I’d weigh 420 pounds, because my instinct is to eat everything I see. At the movies I always get the urge to buy popcorn, a hot dog, a 36-ounce soda, licorice, and nachos for dessert. But I have to control myself because I don’t want to weigh 420. Shouldn’t we apply the same logic to our sex urges?
It takes a little discipline, but it’s well worth it. As business philosopher Jim Rohn puts it, “We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”
I just don’t buy the idea that waiting to have sex is unrealistic. It’s not unrealistic. Millions of teens worldwide have waited and are waiting and so can you. Self-control is stronger than hormones.
Yes, your sexuality is an important part of your life. But it’s not the be-all and end-all of your existence, as our culture may lead you to believe. There are more important aspects to little ol’ you than your sexuality, like your intellect, your personality, your hopes and dreams. As one teenage girl put it, “We are so much more than our urges.”
My greatest fear in life is being mauled by a bear. Every summer since I was little, my family has gone to my grandparents’ cabin near Yellowstone Park, which happens to have lots of bears. Now, I’ve never actually seen one, but I’ve always had this premonition that I’m going to be mauled by one. I’ve even bought several books on how to survive a bear attack. My family thinks I’m weird, but at least I’m ready.
Now that I’ve shared my secret fear, what are you most afraid of? A shark attack? Being struck by lightning? An airplane crash?
Well, it’s always helpful to put your fears in perspective, which is exactly what David Ropeik did for the Harvard Center for Risk Analysis as presented in Prevention magazine.
Big Fears versus Real-World Risks
THE FEAR
THE REAL RISK
Deadly shark attack
1 in 280 million
Deadly anthrax attack
1 in 57 million
Deadly airplane accident
1 in 3 million
Shot by a sniper
1 in 517,000
Losing your job
1 in 252
Home burglary at night
1 in 181
Developing cancer
1 in 7
Catching a food-borne illness this year
1 in 4
Catching a sexually transmitted disease
1 in 4
Developing heart disease
1 in 4
Dying five to ten years early if you’re overweight
1 in 4
Death from tobacco-related illnesses (smokers)
1 in 2
What struck me most about this chart is that it didn’t include bear maulings, and that…
Is that unbelievable or what?
Question 3 Answer
STD stands for sexually transmitted disease.
Now, before you start thinking, “Oh no, another old person trying to scare me out of sex,” let me finish. Sex in itself is not bad or wrong. In fact, it’s a wonderful thing, at the right time and with the right person, like with the person you’re going to make a long-term commitment with, but it’s very risky at the wrong time and with the wrong person.
Even more shocking is a report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention that estimates half of all sexually active young Americans will get an STD by the age of 25. That’s one out of every two! After what I’ve learned about STDs, believe me, you don’t want one.
Question 4 Answer
Each year, one in four sexually active teens gets an STD.
GROSS ME OUT!
In 1950 there were two well-known types of STDs. Today there are more than 25. In the U.S. alone, over three million teens pick up an STD annually. Given that there are only about 28 million teenagers, that’s a bunch! The effects of these STDs are as ugly as their names: gonorrhea, syphilis, crabs, warts, chancroid, chlamydia, pelvic inflammatory disease, human papilloma virus, herpes. Eeeeuuuw! STDs can cause cervical cancer, genital warts, sterility, infertility, and diseases that can be passed on to unborn and newborn babies. They are a source of pain and depression, and can ultimately kill you! The younger you are, the more susceptible your body is to picking something up, because teens have a lower level of antibodies, which fight infection, than adults.
Question 5 Answer: True
The younger you are, the more susceptible you are to sexually transmitted diseases.
Sounds extreme, doesn’t it? Well, I was stunned, too. Some of this stuff may gross you out, but you need to know the facts. Here’s a little info on four common STDs. Much of this information comes from reliable public information sources as well as from Dr. Meg Meeker’s excellent book called Epidemic: How Teen Sex Is Killing Our Kids.
Herpes: The Incurable STD. Herpes is INCURABLE. It’s also gross. Although the painful symptoms may come and go, the virus stays in your body for life. This virus is particularly nasty because it never disappears; it just goes underground, hiding in some of your nerve cells. It may lie dormant for months or years until something, like stress, causes an outbreak and then the virus causes ulcerated, painful lesions or blisters around your genitals or mouth. Is that a disgusting image or what? Even when herpes is inactive for eight or more years, you can still pass it on to a sexual partner.
Question 6 Answer: False
Sexually transmitted diseases can often lie dormant for years without signs or symptoms.
Herpes is extraordinarily painful. Infected mothers may give birth to babies who suffer brain damage or have become physically malformed because of the disease. Carriers report feeling like lepers and damaged goods; they never realized having casual sex would affect them for life.
“I thought she had sex with me right away because she liked me,” said Allen. “But she just wanted to tell people she’d done it with me. Even though I’d like to forget her, I never will. Why? Because, for the rest of my life, every time I’m involved in a relationship, I’m going to have to tell the person that I have one of the worst kind of STDs, Herpes Simplex 2. It has no cure. I get rashes and blisters on my private areas and everything itches. I need to rest a lot—when I get stressed out, the blisters appear. I wonder if someone will ever want to be with me knowing that I have this and could pass it on to them. I am so angry at the girl who didn’t warn me and gave me this disease. Having sex was supposed to mean I would feel really good. But I feel ashamed of myself. It wasn’t that she was easy, I was easy.”
Human Papilloma Virus (HPV): T
he Most Common STD. HPV is the most prevalent STD. An estimated 79 million Americans are infected with HPV. Dr. Meeker, who specializes in treating teens with STDs, describes asking a group of teens: “Can sex give you cancer?” She was almost laughed off the stage. “Cancer? You can’t get cancer from having sex!” students hooted. How she wished they were right.
Approximately 6,000 women die each year from cancers caused by HPV. The virus works by infecting mucous membranes in the body, and young girls are especially vulnerable.
While HPV causes silent damage to internal organs you may never know about for years, it’s also responsible for genital warts on young men and women. These venereal warts can become quite large and painful, and must be treated with either medication or surgery. Sick! Although treatable, HPV, like herpes, is INCURABLE. You have it for life.
HIV and AIDS: The Deadliest STD. Mark writes: “You hear about AIDS all the time but I thought it wouldn’t ever happen to anyone I know. Then my sister’s best friend got AIDS. This girl was a cheerleader, she got good grades, she had a great personality. Now she gets all these infections…I asked her how she got AIDS, and you know what she said? ‘I trusted someone.’ Who knows, maybe the guy didn’t know he had it…We all know she’s going to die.”
Why does AIDS get all the press? Because thousands of people still die of HIV and AIDS each year. While expensive but lifesaving treatments are available, they come with serious, long-term side effects. You can become infected with HIV if you come into contact with it in blood, semen, vaginal secretions, or breast milk. You can get it through heterosexual activity, not just homosexual activity, and it’s spreading among women also. Like herpes, you may test negative for HIV and still have the virus.