by Maddie James
Brad’s face was close. Hell’s bells, she loved those dark eyes.
“You do good bacon, sweetheart.”
“I do good lots of things,” she countered, still chewing.
That bad-boy grin returned and he pulled her in tight. “Yes, my love. You do.”
Love.
About the time she swallowed the bacon, he captured her lips with his in a gentle caress. Leaning into him, for the first time in nearly two weeks, Suzie let herself enjoy the sensual play of his lips on hers. They broke the kiss after a second and she laid her head on his shoulder. His arms came around her and he held her close.
“I’ve missed you,” he whispered in her hair.
Squeezing her eyes tight, she once more fought back tears. “I’ve missed you, too.”
Talk to him, Suzie. This is the time. The door is open. Now or never.
Brad pulled back and pointed his thumb toward the dining room. “You’ve got a hungry crowd gathering out there. Want me to help you get the meal out this morning?”
Suzie looked at his face, studied the ever-present, slightly crooked smile, and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was a goner. She smiled back. “I would like that very much.”
****
“Sure is quicker getting things cleaned with you around.”
Brad glanced up from his dishwashing to the kitchen island where Suzie bagged leftover muffins and croissants. “I bet. We always were a good team.”
She nodded, averting her gaze to her task. “I think everyone ate a full breakfast this morning, so I shouldn’t have to put out too much on the buffet for the stragglers.” She popped another muffin into the bag. “Could be enough bread here to make a nice bread pudding tomorrow.”
Brad flung excess water from his hands into the sink then dried them on a nearby towel. They did work together well, didn’t they? But why was she avoiding the subject? Turning, he rested against the sink and crossed his arms across his chest, watching her.
Waiting her out was one thing. But she, too, had to participate in this game.
“We’re good for each other, Suzie-Q.”
“What do you think of the blueberry ones? Have you tasted them yet? It’s a new recipe and I think I have it perfected for the cookbook, and—”
Brad stepped forward and reached for her hands. “Suzie, stop. Look at me.”
Gradually, she stopped stuffing the bread in the bag and looked up. One look in her eyes told him loads. She was scared. Dammit! Why was she scared?
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
She plopped on a bar stool behind the kitchen island, keeping her hands in his. “We are good together, Brad. I know that.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
She jumped up and jerked her hands away. “What’s wrong? Can’t you see? We don’t have any of this worked out, we’re both avoiding it, and…and, hell’s bells mostly it’s because I…” She turned her back on him.
Shit. Don’t clam up on me again.
Brad rounded the kitchen island. “Suzie, dammit, talk to me. I need to know what you are thinking, what you are feeling. This is driving me freakin’ nuts. I can’t go on much longer wondering what in the hell you want. Whether you are going to allow me into your life or not.”
She whirled back around. “Okay! All right. I don’t want to be your sous chef!”
He stared at her, hands on hips. What? “Then why didn’t you tell me that?”
Her shoulders fell and one hand went to her tummy, rubbing it. “I don’t want to be your sous chef and I don’t want to have anything to do with the hotel and I don’t want to give up my bed and breakfast.”
She went pale. All at once Brad noticed the dark circles under her eyes. This was wearing on her a lot more than he’d realized. “Suzie, it’s okay. I know you are upset about the lodge. But do we have to let that come between us? And who said you’d have to give up the B&B?”
“No one said it, Brad,” she bit out. “But if you have this big monster hotel across the lake, who is going to want to stay here in my humble little house?”
“Lots of people! You will provide them an entirely different experience!”
She shook her head and then leaned against the kitchen island, rubbing her forehead. “Yeah, right.”
“Are you okay?”
“Fine.”
“It’s all just fine, Suzie, isn’t it?” He paced sharply around the kitchen island and spun on his heel back to her. His voice rose. “The hotel is as important to me as your damn B&B is to you. So get over it. It’s going to happen.”
Oh, that was likely not the best comeback.
“The damn B&B?” She shot off her chair. “This damn little B&B is my life. It’s all I have. I need it to survive!”
He gripped her upper arms. “Hold it. Is that all you need to survive? This old clapboard house on the lake? I sure was hoping you needed a helluva lot more than that, Suzie. I was hoping you needed me.”
She opened her mouth to say something then evidently thought better of it. All of a sudden, like the wind being yanked out of her sails, she sank onto a bar stool. He released her arms.
He cupped her chin in his hand. “Suzie, that’s all I need to know…do you want me in your life?”
Immediately, her eyes grew misty. “Brad, I…yeah, but….”
The rapid-fire crescendo ring of his cell phone suddenly split the air about the same time big fat tears rolled down her face. A deep throated sob echoed across the kitchen.
He ignored the phone.
“Talk to me, Suzie. Let’s get this all out.”
“There is just…so much…to sort out!” she blubbered.
“We’ll do it, sweetheart.”
The ringing again cut through their argument.
She turned away, sobbing. “Oh, hell, answer it!”
At a loss, he didn’t know what to do. He’d never seen her in this kind of emotional state before. What was going on?
He snapped open the phone and barked into it. “Yeah?”
Suzie took the moment to gather her wits about her. What the hell was going on with her? Why was she crying like a whimpering idiot? This wasn’t like her. She could usually handle this kind of stuff pretty easily. Why was she such a freaking mess?
“Sure,” Brad said into the phone. “If they can get the heavy equipment in there this weekend, we can start razing the lodge on Monday.”
Razing the lodge? On Monday!
Abruptly, something more than sobbing confusion welled up in her. It was more like anger. Rage even.
She whirled back about the same time Brad snapped his cell phone shut.
“You’re razing the lodge on Monday? Monday! That’s three days away.”
Brad took a step. “Suzie, look. It has to….”
She put her palms out. “No, Brad. I don’t want to hear it. This all makes me really, really sick. I don’t know….”
Suddenly, her tummy was making all kinds of lurching motions. Oh, God….
“Suzie, it has to happen sometime.”
“Well I don’t want it to happen at all, Brad! Oh….”
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t. I don’t feel so well….”
“Suzie?”
Turning, she took a couple of steps toward her bedroom, faltered with her hand over her mouth, then raced toward her master bathroom.
Brad followed. “Suzie, sweetheart. Are you okay? What’s….”
She slammed the door in his face, wanting to preserve some shred of dignity while she puked her guts out.
Chapter Ten
On Sunday, Suzie felt a lot more alive than she had on Friday and Saturday. Convinced she had the flu, even though she believed she was sick at heart with all the stress, she stayed in bed for two days while Brad graciously took over in the kitchen. Why he would do that, she had no clue. Obviously the man was nuts or something. Or he loved her. Maybe it was one in the same.
He never gave up. He came in here with a plan a
nd be damned if he’d stick to it.
Whether she liked it or not.
The smell of her cinnamon-hazelnut coffee blend brought her out of her bedroom and into the kitchen. The way Brad looked standing in a white t-shirt and jeans, reading the Sunday paper over the center island, made her want to melt onto the floor in a lukewarm puddle. God, what a body. That was a scene she wanted to preserve, forever. Waking up to Brad in her kitchen. Looking like home.
“Morning,” she squeaked.
Brad’s smile widened when he looked up. “Hi. How are you feeling?”
“Much better.”
“Good. Coffee?”
“Please.”
He moved to the coffee maker and poured her a cup. She settled onto a bar stool. “Here you go. Black with a little creamer and one package of sweetener. Just how you like it.”
She smiled. “Thank you.”
They stayed silent for a few minutes while she sipped her coffee and he continued reading. All this time, everything she’d put him through, and he’d never faltered. Not once. He was so steadfast, so determined to have her in his life. Would he still be once he knew her secret?
“Brad?”
“Hm?”
“Will you take me to the lodge today?”
He rose and looked at her. “If you want.”
She nodded. “I do. I want to look at it one last time. I’ve not been there in years, but I want to take one last walk through. For closure.”
She’d told herself a million times that this was the right thing to do, so she was trying very hard to hold back the tears. She’d thought it all through laying in bed the past couple of days. If she got through this, accepting that the lodge would be gone forever, then she could get through the next thing she had to tell him—that she couldn’t give him a baby. Then after that, the chips would lay were they would lie.
Perhaps, if she could give, he could too. Time would tell.
He moved around the bar toward her and took her into his arms. “I’ll do whatever makes you happy,” he whispered.
Funny, she thought. That was exactly what she wanted, too. But to make them both happy.
****
They took the bike up to the lodge. Snuggled behind him, Suzie loved the powerful feeling of him being in control as she held on tight. He felt so good as she pressed up against him.
Strong. Solid. Her rock.
She hoped so. Certainly didn’t want to see him come crumbling down when she broke the news to him.
The wind in her face, blowing through her hair was refreshing after being cooped in her bedroom for the past couple of days. They’d gone without helmets for the slow, lazy drive around the lake and up to the lodge. There was a hint of coolness in the air as they moved a little higher into the mountain, umbrellas of oak, pine and maple covering their trail.
Suzie cringed when they turned into the lodge property and saw the heavy equipment scattered about the lawn. Swallowing hard, she suppressed edgy emotion as he parked. She swung her leg over the bike and Brad followed. This was a good thing, to find closure today. To move on.
Brad took her in his arms, facing her fully. “Thank you for doing this.” Brushing a few stray hairs out of her face, he added, “This means a lot to me.”
Smiling weakly, she nodded. “It means a lot to me, too.” He went to turn away and she pulled him back. “Brad?”
“Yes?”
“I’m behind you. I want you to know that.”
Grinning from ear to ear, he took her hand and they mounted the steps toward the old lodge wrap-around porch.
Suzie soaked in every detail, preserving it in her mind for all time. She ran her hands along the silky and time-worn weathered log posts that made up the rail around the porch. She breathed in a lingering scent of pine and cedar. The old wood, dark, rich and well-aged stood solid.
“I wonder if there is anything here we can preserve, to use in the hotel. Or at the B&B?”
She looked at Brad and he glanced around him. “Not a bad idea. We’ll have to check inside.”
“There used to be a magnificent stained-glass window on the second floor landing.”
He nodded. “It’s still there. I already thought about that. I wondered if you could find a place for it in your house. Might have to retrofit, maybe upstairs, or in your bedroom, but….”
She smiled and put two fingers on his lips. “You do think about me, don’t you?”
Placing his hands firmly on her hips he drew her closer to him. “I think of you all the time.” He moved both hands to her face, threaded his fingers in her long hair, playfully tugging at the ends. He let them go and then cradled her face in his big palms. He looked longingly in her eyes and Suzie felt so loved, wanted. A stiff, warm breeze enveloped them both, his lips gently brushed across hers. Warmth and heady excitement welled inside her as she returned Brad’s kiss, softly mingling her mouth and tongue with his.
He broke away and she sighed. She did love this man.
They moved toward the side of the lodge. “I can’t believe this thing is really falling apart,” she whispered, glancing around the corner toward the lake.
His arm draped around her, still holding her close, he replied, “I know. It doesn’t seem that way, does it?”
She turned to him. “Who told you the foundation was bad?”
He studied her for a moment. “The bank who took possession after the bankruptcy. They had it checked out.”
That bankruptcy was over thirty years ago. And it’s still standing. Suzie pulled away. “Let’s go inside.” She rushed back for the door. “Is it unlocked?”
“Should be.”
She fumbled only momentarily with the large oak door, then pushed inward and hurried inside. She sensed Brad close behind her. Suddenly, her heart beat a mile a minute. Maybe, just maybe this place could be saved? It looked so intact. Should she risk one last ditch effort to save it? Even at the expense of losing Brad? The thought niggled in the back of her brain but she pushed it away. Brad loved her. She wouldn’t lose him because of this. Would she?
The lobby was as she’d remembered. “Brad, look! It’s still beautiful.”
She ran from one thing to another. The huge reception desk. Massive. Solid. “Look at this wood. It’s gorgeous!”
She twirled toward the large, floor-to-ceiling windows, partly sheathed with years old tapestry drapes. “What a wonderful view. The windows are still good.” She ran her hand along the well-worn window casing. “They’re not rotted or anything.” She flew to the next one. “This one either.”
She loped toward the stairway, looked longingly up, and ran her hand along the bottom baluster. Twisting back and grabbing Brad’s hand, she pulled him toward the stair. “Let’s go look at the window.” Excited, she grinned at him.
“Slow down, girl.” He raced to try to keep up with her. “How do you move so fast on those short legs of yours?”
She ignored him. Suzie could see the window as they grew closer. Sunbeams streaked through dirty colored glass, bouncing off dust motes floating a few feet off the floor. Abruptly, she stopped. “Oh my. It’s beautiful.”
Brad wrapped his arms around her from behind and nuzzled her ear. “It will look great on your landing, too.”
Slowly, assuredly, she shook her head. “No,” she breathed. “Not my landing. It’s much better suited somewhere else.”
In a flash she ran down the stairs, leaving Brad behind. She raced through to the dining room. A vision of the past flew through her mind. Small and scattered square tables, white linens, crystal glasses, sparkling flatware.
Her heart beat strong against her chest. She could feel its pulse in her ear. They could fix this. They could! She and Brad. Together! She could work here. Not in the new hotel, but here.
Would he listen?
The kitchen. She flung open the hinged doors that separated the dining area and the kitchen. Large. Open and airy. Old, but could be renovated. Functional. Spacious. She could envision a modern gas r
ange and grill against the west wall. Prep station over by the window.
Yes.
She didn’t know if it was her hope or if it really was possible. How could he tear this down? How could they make this a reality?
Brad watched Suzie run like a child from room to room. Oh boy, this was either a mistake or a blessing. He wasn’t quite sure yet. Looking at the lodge through her child-like eyes, however, he was seeing something different about the old place.
No. He had a plan. Saving the lodge wasn’t in the plan. No way he could change things now.
In the dining room, Suzie fumbled with a lock and opened a large set of French doors that led to the lakeside deck. The doors swung easily open and lay flat against the walls, opening the dining area with a breeze and a flurry of dust. A breathtaking view of a sparkling lake peeking between low-hanging pine boughs gave way over the deck.
In a flash, Suzie was gone.
When the dust settled, Brad could see the room was magnificent. He imagined another place, another time. The dining hall filled with people—laughing, eating, and enjoying themselves. Spending money.
Suddenly things seemed off kilter. Had she really come here for closure, or to convince him to change his mind?
It didn’t matter. Already he saw why she loved this place. And he was going to be hard-pressed to make her let it go, but he had to. Coming up here was a mistake.
Within seconds, she burst through the French doors. “Brad.” Her breathing was labored. “Come out here. You have to see this. We could put an outside eating area here on the deck. It’s a fabulous view over the lake. A cozy canopy of trees and shade. I know you are going to love it.”
Reaching for him, she took his hand and tugged him toward the door.
He stood fast.
She jerked again then glanced back. “Brad?”
“Suzie, stop. Just stop what you’re doing. We can’t keep the lodge.”
“But….”
God, he hated the look on her face. “The lodge is going. We can’t keep it.”
She paused. “Haven’t you been listening to me?” She thrust her arms out. “Look at all this. It’s wonderful. The kitchen. Did you see the kitchen?” She pulled his hand again. “Come, Brad, if you see the kitchen you’ll understand. We can renovate. It’s perfect, and….