by Deanna Chase
Despite the distance, I knew he was troubled. Maybe it was the way he was slightly hunched or maybe the fact that he wasn’t smiling. I couldn’t remember a time he’d looked at me and not smiled in greeting. Just as I was about to pull away from Mom to run outside, he gave me a jerky wave and climbed in his truck.
“Dad!” I cried and ran to the window. The tires squealed as a puff of smoke spewed behind the retreating truck. I spun back to my mother, hands on my hips. Tears spilled down my cheeks and I sucked in a gasp, my chest aching. “What did you say to him? Why’d he leave?”
The next thing I knew, Mom jumped from the couch and engulfed me in her arms, holding me. “I don’t know, sweetie.” She pulled me down into a nearby chair and rocked me as we both cried.
“He’s never coming back,” I said. “Is he?”
Mom shook her head, silent tears flowing from her jade green eyes. “I don’t think so.”
“Why?” I asked over and over, not accepting that she didn’t have the answer. I hadn’t seen him in two years. He hadn’t even called or sent a card. And somehow my ten-year-old self knew he was gone for good.
I didn’t know how long Mom and I stayed locked together in that chair. I could only remember her tugging me off to my bed much later and tucking me in. “Tomorrow, we’ll plant a birch tree.”
Clutching a stuffed dog, I stared up at her.
“The birch symbolizes a new beginning. We’ll have ours, just you and me, shortcake.”
I smiled. “Will there be strawberries and whipped cream after we’re done?”
She laughed and cupped her palm to my cheek. “Of course. And melted chocolate, too. Now get some sleep. We have a big day tomorrow.”
Just as I’d suspected, I never saw or heard from my father again. And after the birch tree was planted, we never spoke of him, either. Looking back, I was pretty sure my empath ability was picking up on whatever Mom must have known but not told me. She’d known without a doubt Dad was leaving for good, but she’d never told me why.
Now she’d have to tell me.
“Mom, I think you need to tell me what was in that letter.”
She frowned. “What letter?”
Pain sluiced through me from the unwelcome memory. How could a father walk out on his kid? I’d never understood it. My fingers flexed, wanting to smash something. He’d walked out on me not once, but twice, and hadn’t bothered to say goodbye either time. Angry tears burned the back of my eyes. I forced them back and took a deep breath, afraid I’d snap if I didn’t get control of my rampant emotions. “The one Dad gave you the day before we planted the birch tree.”
Mom’s face went white, and I could’ve sworn something close to terror must have been running through her veins, though I couldn’t feel it anymore. And frankly, I was glad. I had enough of my own emotional bullshit to deal with. All I wanted at that moment was the truth.
“There wasn’t a letter,” Mom said, her voice shaking.
I stood abruptly, knocking my spiked coffee over in the process. The creamy liquid seeped into the placemat, leaving a large, dark brown stain. I stared at the enlarging area, my fists clutched tight. “Stop lying. I saw the envelope that day. I know Dad gave it to you. What did it say?”
“Hope?” Meri asked, confusion ringing in her voice.
Mom’s chair screeched against the tile floor as she pushed it back and rose to her feet.
I snapped out of my coffee-spill trance and glared at Mom. “Where are you going?”
Her hand came up and clutched at her neck as if someone was trying to choke her. “I need a minute.” She backed up slowly then ran out the back door, slamming it behind her.
Through the floor-to-ceiling windows at the back of Kane’s kitchen, I watched her pace, mumbling to herself. She kicked at the decorative rocks, scattering them across his patio.
“Any idea what that’s about?” I asked Meri without turning to look at her.
“No.” From the corner of my eye, I saw movement as Meri crossed the kitchen. Dishes clattered in the sink before she returned to the table and yanked up the soiled mats.
I tore my eyes away from my mother, who was clearly arguing with herself, and took the linen from Meri. “Thanks.” A minute later, armed with a clean cloth, I laid it over the pristine wood table Meri had wiped down. I met her gray eyes with a piercing stare. “You know something, though. You said you wanted to beat him for the way he’d left us.”
She met my stare with a hard one of her own. “Yeah, I do. But it’s your mother’s story to tell, not mine.”
My chest constricted, and not because Meri wouldn’t tell me. I understood this was between me and my parents. But Mom used to be my best friend. I’d always trusted her to tell me the truth, and up until today, I’d never doubted that bond. Now, she seemed to be holding everything back. Had being trapped in Purgatory for all those years changed that part of her?
Couldn’t she see my existence was being threatened? What could be so bad that she couldn’t bring herself to tell me the truth?
“She needs time to work it out,” Meri said, standing next to me as we watched Mom throw stones at Kane’s shed. What was she doing? Having a nervous breakdown?
One after another the rocks ricocheted off the metal siding, the loud commotion filtering through the window. One flew and crashed against a small window, making me wince. The next one sailed right through the window, shattering the glass.
“Shit,” I said under my breath.
“Don’t worry about it,” Kane said from behind me, making me jump.
“Where’d you come from?” I asked, leaning my back against his chest as he ran gentle fingers through my long hair.
“I was in the guest room, changing the bedding.”
Jesus, I really was marrying the perfect man. While I’d been demanding my mother talk to me about my father, he was playing house maid, freshening up the guest room for Meri. “Thank you.” I turned my head and kissed the back of his hand.
I felt him shrug behind me. “Not a big deal.” He leaned in. “Maybe you should go outside and talk to her.”
“Probably,” I said wearily and eyed Meri. “Care to join me in the backyard so we can try to calm the crazy lady?”
She held out a slender hand. “After you.”
I turned and gave Kane a quick kiss. “There’s dessert and coffee if you’re hungry.”
He pressed his lips to my ear and whispered, “I think I’ll wait for a private moment with you.”
I couldn’t help the smile tugging at my lips. Losing myself in him sounded like the perfect ending to the incredibly craptastic day I’d had. But it would have to wait.
“That had better be a promise.” Reluctantly, I stepped away from him. The back door was maybe five feet away, but with each step, my limbs felt heavier, less willing to go where I commanded. I slowed, causing Meri to bump into me.
“Go on.” Meri’s hands wrapped around my shoulders, gently guiding me to the door. “The longer she stays out there, the harder it’ll be to get her to talk.”
“How did you…?” I didn’t finish the question. I knew they’d known each other, but I hadn’t realized Meri knew Mom that well. Of course she had. Mom wouldn’t have risked her life or the possibility of losing me for just anyone. It dawned on me Meri and Mom had to have been best friends at some point. The kind of friends Kat and I were.
“You’re right.” I opened the back door, and with resolve, I squared my shoulders, ready for whatever secret Mom was keeping.
Chapter 13
The door closed behind us with a soft click. Mom froze, and the rocks in her hand fell unceremoniously back to the ground. She didn’t turn to face us, though.
I glanced once at Meri. She waved me off the deck in Mom’s direction. The gravel crunched in the silence under my boots. I came to a stop beside Mom, inspecting the shattered shed window in the pale moonlight.
“I’ll get it replaced.” Her voice sounded tired, distant.
�
�What’s going on?” I asked.
“I failed you,” she said quietly. “You were an empath. Do you know how hard it was to keep all my fears hidden from you? I learned to lock them all away in a tiny box in my heart.” She made a face and turned away from me when she spoke again. “I was the queen of denial. I realize I really have no idea how you feel about your childhood.”
It hit me dead center in the heart. She was terrified she’d messed up the time we’d had together. I stepped around her and met her unsteady gaze. “Mom, you did fine.”
“I wanted to do right by you. Prayed I was doing enough to keep you safe and normal. You felt everything so deeply. I couldn’t tell you. It would’ve torn you apart.”
My brain stalled on her last confession. It would’ve torn you apart. “Tell me.”
Tears gathered in her eyes and she shook her head, unable to speak. My heart broke with her obvious pain. I wrapped an arm around her waist and turned us so we were facing Meri.
Mom stared at her feet.
I nudged her gently. “I remember planting daisies and picking strawberries from the neighbor’s fields in the moonlight so we could have a midnight snack. I remember feeling safe and warm, even during the worst winter storms.” I shook my head. “Not a day went by that I ever felt like I was missing something in my life.”
Mom’s hand curled around mine and she squeezed so hard I almost winced. Her tears flowed faster, spilling down her cheeks even as her lips broke into the tiniest of smiles. “I’d have done anything for you.”
“I know,” I said quietly. “And you still would.”
She tried to take her hand from mine, but I kept it in my grasp.
“I don’t know what it’s like to have a daughter of my own, but I do know how you felt about me. No one understands what it’s like to be an empath. The sheer depth of your love for me was overwhelming, stifling even, but in the best possible way.” I paused and pointedly met her gaze. “I never, for one moment, ever felt unloved. Not once. Not when I was with you. It’s what I hope Kane and I share with a child of our own. So I know you never wanted to leave me. I know, Mom. Understand?”
Her eyes went wide with wonder, the tears finally slowing to a stop. “I knew you could sense what I was feeling.” She frowned. “That sounds ridiculous. Of course you could. I just never realized you felt so much, saw so deeply into someone’s soul.”
This time I pulled my hand back, and she let me, probably realizing I needed some space to talk about this part of me. I’d never been all that comfortable with my gift, and for good reason. People don’t like me invading their private emotions. And Mom had been with me through my early years when I hadn’t been able to handle it.
“I don’t feel that deeply with everyone. I mean, I didn’t before I lost the ability. Only with you, because we always had a bond.” I smiled. “Though you obviously learned somewhere along the line to hide some of the things you didn’t want me to feel. But that overwhelming sense of loving me and keeping me safe no matter the consequences was always there.”
Mom nodded, studying me. “You never told me any of this before.”
I shrugged. “I didn’t know how to verbalize what it was then. It was just the way things were. Until you left.”
Mom’s eyes misted again from emotions I could no longer feel.
“It’s all right,” I said quickly. “I already told you, I understand why you did what you did.” I took a deep breath, willing myself to force out what I had to say next. “But now you have to stop protecting me. Tell me whatever you know about Dad. My soul depends on it.”
She raised her head and gave me a pained look. “I already told you I don’t know where he is. You should drop this, honey. He isn’t coming back. Nothing we do can force him to come here.”
I let that sink in for a minute, positive she was wrong. We were connected by DNA. A finding spell would do the trick. She had to know that. Maybe she was in denial? I let out a frustrated sigh. “You’re not listening to me.”
Her green eyes flashed with irritation. “And you’re not listening to me.”
“That’s because you’re not making sense. Look,” I moved to sit in one of Kane’s patio chairs. “I need both of you here. Camille has found a way to invade my body when Meri isn’t around because my soul is too weak to keep her out. When we’re together, I suspect we’re both stronger, but we can’t live our lives attached at the hip.”
“What does your father have to do with that?” she asked stubbornly as she headed toward the backdoor. “I can do whatever you need.”
“Mom!” I threw my hands up. “It’s not a spell I need from just you. I need a tiny piece of both your souls to help mine heal. Both you and Dad. I was created by both of you, and it will take both of you to help regenerate my soul enough that I won’t be susceptible to possession.”
She clutched the doorknob and stood with her head bent, not saying anything.
Why was this so hard for her? He’d left seventeen years ago. Hadn’t time healed anything for her? People changed. She’d changed. He must’ve. “You really haven’t had any contact with him since that last day I saw him?”
She shook her head, appearing defeated.
“And you have no idea where he is?”
“No.” She forced the word out.
Frustrated, I stood. “Well, unless you know any of his family, I think the best thing to do is a finding spell. I bet Bea will know one that can at least give us a general idea of where he is. Then we can go from there.”
“It won’t work.” Mom raised her head and stood straight with her shoulders back. “There are things about him you don’t know. He’s powerful, sweetheart. A finding spell is just not enough.”
“What things? Why can’t you tell me what you know?” I dug my fingernails into my palms in total frustration.
“It’s…” She glanced in Meri’s direction, a plea of help in her eyes.
Meri sighed. “Jade, can we go inside? I need to have a private word with your mom.”
I glanced between them, noting Mom’s lips pressed together in a thin line. Shit. I’d lost her. “Fine.” I met Mom’s eyes. “But I’m not waiting much longer. Either find a way to tell me what you know, or I’ll ask Bea for help.” I was tired of fighting with her. If she didn’t want to tell me why she was so bothered by seeing him, that was her business. But he was my father, and after seventeen years of not needing him, I did now. He owed me a couple of days of his time.
Mom nodded reluctantly. The three of us entered the house, and Meri tugged Mom off to the guest room. I poured another cup of Irish cream and added a dash of coffee just for flavor and then pulled out my phone. I went to punch in Bea’s number and stopped when I saw the time. It was way too late to check on Kat, and surely Bea would’ve called if anything had gone wrong. I tucked my phone in my pocket and went to find Gwen.
In the living room, Kane and Gwen sat together on the couch, their heads bent together as they spoke softly. I smiled. On the table sat untouched slices of five different kinds of cake. Our wedding cake samples. Had the caterers really brought those today?
“There you are.” Kane took my cup and set it on the end table and then tugged me down onto his lap. “We were waiting for you.”
I smiled. “Looks to me like you two were plotting something.”
“We were.” Gwen grabbed a couple of plates and handed one to me. “We’re trying to figure out how we’re going to con you into choosing the mocha mousse cake instead of the cream cheese tiramisu.”
I inspected the strawberry-swirled yellow cake on the plate now resting on my knee. “Mocha moose and cream cheese tiramisu are available options, and you handed me some crappy strawberry swirl cake? Have you lost your mind?”
Kane chuckled. “I told you.”
Gwen smirked and shoved a generous piece of the offending cake in her mouth. Her eyes closed and she moaned in obvious pleasure. “Oh my Goddess, you have no idea what you’re missing.”
Du
bious, I reluctantly picked up my fork. It couldn’t be that good. Fruit-filled cakes never were. Unsure, I held the cake-filled fork up to Kane’s mouth.
He grinned and turned to Gwen. “That’s two for two. Nice try, but you lose.” Then he shifted and wrapped his beautiful lips around the fork. My breath caught in my throat. How I wished I was the fork right then. If anything could clear my head of what had happened over the last sixteen hours, it was Kane and his expert lips.
Gwen cleared her throat. “I should probably get going.”
“What?” I twisted and grabbed her arm to keep her seated. “We still have four types of cake to sample.”
She shook her head, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “We all know which one you’re going to pick.” She bent down and kissed my cheek. “Have a good night. I’m going to grab your mother and head over to your apartment. Get some rest. We’ll be back for brunch.”
Gwen disappeared into the hall. A moment later, the door squeaked as she opened the guest room.
Kane placed the strawberry swirl cake back on the coffee table and pulled me against his chest, gently rubbing his hands down my arms. “How are you, pretty witch?”
“Honestly?”
He kissed my temple, his warm breath sending a shiver down my spine. “Honestly,” he echoed.
I turned to gaze into his intense, toffee-flecked eyes, finding all the love I so desperately needed right then. “Exhausted, frustrated, wide awake, and frightened.”
He took my face in his hands, cradling me with his palms. “I am all those things too, and all I can think about is carrying you away from this mess, from everyone, and locking us away for a month.”
I shook my head. “That won’t help if Camille decides to possess me again.”
“No,” he whispered as he brought his lips to mine. He tasted faintly of coffee and sugar. “That’s the only reason I haven’t kidnapped you. But I am going to carry you off to bed, where I can tuck you in beside me and keep you wrapped safely in my arms all night.”
“That sounds perfect.” I relaxed into him and clasped my hands around his neck, content to stay on the couch all night if it meant he never had to let me go.