by Talty, Jen
“The moment I laid eyes on Delilah, I was gone. Head over heels in love with her. I had only been working on the farm a few weeks. Summer job before college. Your grandfather said he saw my love and respect for the land immediately, but it was when I helped him with the breeding the second summer that he realized he wanted me to run this farm. He practically pushed his daughter on me. He didn't know we’d been secretly dating for over a month.”
“Did you know about her being bi-polar?” Faint memories of her moods tickled the back of Jake’s brain, but he had always squelched them. Always wanting to remember the woman who read him stories before bed, or would build forts with him in the middle of the family room.
“Not at first. But it wouldn’t have changed how much I loved her. I loved her even after she had the affair. I thought I’d eventually forgive her and it would all be right.”
“You don’t forgive easily,” Jake muttered
“I use to.”
“What happened right before she killed herself?”
“I don’t know,” his father said. “That day has haunted me for years. Your grandfather and I had been in Saratoga all day. Things with your mother weren’t getting any better, and honestly, I was drinking a lot. When we got home, you were playing on the porch, Elsie at your side. She told us that Delilah had ransacked the bedroom in a rage then took off. We found her twenty minutes later. Her car was wrapped around a tree, but as you know, that’s only part of what killed her.”
“She downed a bottle of Xanax,” Jake said. “So, Elsie knew mom was bi-polar and that she killed herself. But why were you and Elsie talking about it years later when Kenzie overheard you?”
“Elsie knew you were poking around. Asking questions. She thought I should tell you the truth before the truth found you.”
“She was right,” Jake said. “Is there anything else?”
“Unfortunately, there is more,” his father said. “Since everyone on the farm knew she was pregnant we decided to tell everyone she had a stillbirth.”
“Mom went along with that?”
“She kept hoping she’d be able to talk me into keeping the baby. That I’d see him and want him for my own, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. I was worried she’d tell people what we’d done, but when I went to the hospital the next day, she honestly believed she’d had a stillbirth.”
“The next day?”
“My wife…the woman of my dreams was giving birth to another man’s baby. I was distraught. I went to the pub and got drunk. Passed out in my truck. I told people I’d been away on business and that’s why I wasn’t there.”
“How did she come to believe the baby died?”
“We’d planned on telling everyone she lost the child,” his father said.
“So, she knew the child lived?” Jake asked.
“The doctor told me it had been a difficult birth and Delilah had been medicated, so he put it in her head and it just stuck.”
“That is about the cruelest thing I have ever heard,” Jake said softly.
“I was wrong. So very wrong. If I could go back in time and change what I did, I would.” His father reached out and grabbed his hand. “I will do whatever it takes to make this right. Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”
“Might land you in prison.” Jake stared at his father’s frail, trembling hand before yanking his own hand away. “You’ve messed with a lot of lives and hurt a lot of people.”
His father nodded. “I wanted to protect you.”
Jake ignored his desire to scream at his father. “Who was the attorney who handled the adoption?”
“Lattimore.”
“He’s dead,” Jake said. “But you still use the same firm, so there has to be records.”
“It wasn’t done legally,” his father said. Shame laced in his words. “We didn’t sell the baby. We just gave him to a family, along with a nice sum of money to help. Lattimore said he’d take care of it. Made sure the boy was given to a good family.”
Jake stood, turning his back to his father, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. “I have a half-brother that you gave away and you’re telling me there is no paper trail. No records. What about the birth? The hospital?”
“She gave birth right here in this house. The doctor induced labor. Lattimore took care of everything else.”
“There’d have to be a death record if mom was eight months when she gave birth. Something would have to be done with the stillborn baby.”
“Money can buy a lot of things,” his father said. “I dished out a lot that day, but I honestly don’t know how the doctor or Lattimore took care of the details of fooling the people at the hospital.”
“Fuck, Dad. That’s one hell of a serious crime. Is the doctor still around?”
“I don’t know. His name was Harvey Dickerson.”
“I have a hard time believing you have no idea who mom had the affair with?” Jake did his best to control his breathing and keep his anger in check. He appreciated his father’s honesty, but his stubbornness, or maybe it was pride, regarding not knowing who or where the baby went created an entire different set of problems. One that affected Kenzie and her baby.
“Thatcher always flirted with mom.”
“You ever confront him?” Jake stared at the image of the farm that hung on the wall. He and his father were on their horses, riding up from the pen to the main barn. They looked at each other in the photo, both smiling.
“No,” his father said.
“Had we known this, perhaps you wouldn’t be sitting in that bed.” He turned and faced his father. “That poison was meant to kill Kenzie and our baby and it is possible the culprit is the child you gave away, considering they’d have a valid claim to this farm. I get why you lied about the other things and I get you didn’t want me to know. And I can sort of accept that you did it to protect me. But the moment you were poisoned this should have been the first thing you confessed.”
“Perhaps. But I have no information to give you. Like you said. No paper trail. No records. And the people who knew are either dead, or dying. Lattimore said he’d make sure the boy and his parents couldn’t trace anything back to us.”
Jake closed his eyes for a moment, sucking in a deep breath. “You need to compile a list of anyone that mom could have an affair with.”
“But how would finding the father help? Delilah said she never told him. That everyone believed I was the father and even if she did tell him, he wouldn’t even know where the baby went.”
“Yeah, well, maybe she lied, too,” Jake said. “And this child you gave away is a direct blood descendent of a Cavanaugh. He has a stake in this farm and my guess is they want it all for themselves and are even willing to kill for it.”
“I don’t even know where to begin to look.”
“Better start figuring that out,” Jake said. “I need to go find Kenzie.”
Softly, he closed the door, forcing himself to remain calm when he wanted to slam it shut and put his fist through a wall.
As he walked the long corridor, he realized his old bedroom door was open. Since he’d been home, it had always been shut and he hadn’t even thought to take a look. He stood in the doorway, surprised to see Kenzie curled up on the bed, hugging a pillow, her back to him. What was more shocking was that the room had turned into a shrine. The walls were decorated with childhood pictures. All his team sports photos. High school graduation. College. He ran his fingers across the dresser. Four large trophies from when he competed in bull riding were displayed prominently in front of a picture of him and his bull, Daisy. He let out a small chuckle.
“Jake?” Kenzie rolled over, wiping the hair from her face. “How long I have been sleeping?”
“I don’t know.” He climbed on the bed, fluffing a few pillows behind him, before resting his hand on her stomach, rubbing her small protruding belly. “I think I successfully just made my dad feel like crap.”
“Make you feel any better?”
�
��No,” he admitted. “What he said…confessed, it’s shocking and I don’t know how to deal with it all.”
“I can’t believe Ethan let everyone believe Delilah had a stillbirth, when he just gave the baby away and waited so long to tell you after he’d been poisoned.”
“I don’t believe he thinks the two events are related. I can’t be positive they are related, but I can’t rule it out. We have no idea who this person is, or who the father is, or where to look and from what my father told me, it seems Lattimore wrapped things up nice and tight.”
“But if we knew, or anyone else knew about the baby, he could have made provisions. We would have least understood the threat. Maybe even been prepared for it.”
“I agree,” he said. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you. Our baby. My dad. Or this farm. I will make sure it belongs to you and our child.”
“At the end of the day, the farm really doesn’t matter.” She placed her hand over his. “This little person changes the way I think and feel about the world.”
“Me, too,” he said. “Tell me something. When did you find out it was my mother who had the affair?”
“I don’t want to fight with you right now.”
“I don’t either,” he said. Her rich dark chocolate eyes filled with a profound sadness. Something that shouldn't be on a pregnant woman’s face. Something that Kenzie should never have to feel. “I just want to know.”
“When I found out I was pregnant.”
“So, just a couple of weeks ago?”
She nodded. “I always assumed the rumors that he’d had an affair were true and all you ever asked was for him to tell the truth. I begged him because I wanted…needed you in our baby’s life. That’s when he told me about Delilah and his cancer.”
“He put you in a difficult spot.”
“I really didn’t know what to do, but I couldn’t stand keeping this secret from you. I kept the other one for years and that was the hardest thing I ever had to do.”
“The night you found out about how my mom died was the first night we ever slept together.”
“I didn’t know your father and Elsie were in the kitchen when I decided to sneak some food. It wasn’t even five in the morning yet. Not only did I hear how Delilah died, but I was standing there in your boxers and T-shirt with my clothes in one hand, bra hanging out.”
“I got an earful from both Elsie and my dad about that. My father was hounding me about how long we’d been dating and that you were four years younger and getting ready to go to college.”
“Did you tell him that was our first date?” she asked.
“Hell no. I told him we’d been seeing each other since Christmas break. He didn’t believe me though.”
“God, I had just graduated high school. You’d been in Europe most of June. I remember seeing you down at the barn with Boots and I offered to help you unpack.”
“Funny you thought I’d want to unpack at midnight. Scared the shit out of me when I heard the door close. I was nearly asleep.”
“You did dare me.”
“I sure did.” Rolling to his side, he propped himself up with one elbow, keeping a firm hand over their baby, waiting for it to move. “I didn’t think you’d have the nerve to sneak in, especially since I could have just gone to the trailer.”
“You rejected me at first.”
“Not even close. If you recall, I babbled on, getting tongue tied trying to express some concerns. I told you how much I liked you, but felt like I was taking advantage of you when you were hurting over your mother’s death, but then you grabbed me and put your hot mouth on me... Christ. Where did you learn how to do that?”
“Instinct I guess, since that was the first blow job I ever gave.”
“You’ve got to be kidding.” Memories of her looking up at him in a way no woman ever had flooded his brain. It wasn’t just how good it felt physically, but the way she could reach inside him and touch his soul. Make him never want another woman again. Only her. It had always been only her.
“I would not kid about that,” she said. “It was also my first time having sex.”
“I have always wished you had told me. I hurt you.” Another memory of entering her for the first time, a little too harshly, hearing her gasp, and feeling her body jerk, and not in a good way.
“You have heard the saying, ‘hurt so good’, right?”
“So not the point,” he said. “Had I known, I would have been gentler. Tried to make it better for you.”
“It was as good as it gets.” Her warm fingers spread across his shoulder as she leaned in and kissed his lips. “I wanted you to treat me like a woman. I needed to know that you wanted me. Besides, had I told you, it would have freaked you out.”
“Probably,” he whispered. “What happened to us?”
“I think we both could come up with a list of grievances, including your father’s lies, but the bottom line was we hurt each other and then hung on to it, never dealing with it.”
He pressed his body against hers, his fingers tangled in her long thick hair. He stared at her for a moment. He never stopped caring about her. He probably still loved her, but he desperately needed to explore what was happening outside the confines of chaos.
And this farm.
“We’ve got a lot going on. All of our lives have been flipped upside down. Once we figure out who is behind this and we’re all safe, I want us to spend some time together.”
“I’d like that.”
“Good,” he said as his phone vibrated. He glanced at the screen. “It’s the vet. Hello?”
“I’ve got some good news,” the vet said. “Boots will recover. His burns were superficial and the bullet came out easily. Considering his temperament, I want to keep here with me for a few days.”
“That’s fine,” Jake said as he moved to the end of the bed and helping Kenzie to her feet. “I’d like to come see him.”
“He’s sedated now, so I’d wait. Come down in the morning.”
“We’ll do. Thanks, Doc. See you tomorrow.”
“Boots is going to be okay?” Kenzie asked.
“He is. Now let’s go get you some food and fatten up my baby.”
“Oddly, I’m starving and craving a big juicy cheeseburger with bacon and all the fixings.”
“I think I can handle that.” He took her by the hand and led her down the long hallway toward the staircase. He glanced once over his shoulder. His father’s door still closed. “Wonder if we should ask him to come down and join us.”
“I haven’t been this mad at him since the day he told you never to come back. I’m not sure I want to see him right now, especially after what he told you.”
“I’m upset too,” Jake said. “But I’m not going to do the silent treatment anymore either. Doesn’t do any good and doesn’t make you feel any better. The only thing it accomplishes is closing you off from everyone.”
She stopped walking. “This coming from a man who spent a few weeks avoiding my phone calls.”
He shrugged. “I learn from my mistakes.”
She laughed, sending a comforting warmth across his skin. “You’ve been really throwing me for a loop these last couple weeks.”
“I’ve surprised myself.” He tugged at her hand, guiding her toward the kitchen. The only thing he knew for sure was that he wanted to spend time with her alone. With no outside influences or intrusions from the past. Just the two of them in the moment, getting to know each other.
Chapter 10
“JAKE SAYS TO PULL OUT ANYTHING that might give us a clue as to who the father might be,” Kenzie said. “This is going to take forever.” She piled a box of Delilah’s belongings in front of Stacey, amazed by how much crap Ethan had kept over the years.
“I’ve got what seems like forever time,” Stacey said. “I’ve only been off work for a couple of days, but I’m going stir crazy. I’m actually worried I’m going to be a shit mother.”
“I doubt that. You’re just ant
sy. I think that’s normal.” Kenzie poured the contents of another box on the table and sat down. Both women had opted for the air-conditioning over the nice view of pasture and mountains in ninety plus degree weather. Besides, it would have been a pain in the ass to haul this shit in and out of the cabin.
“I hope you're right,” Stacey said. “I’m taking three months off, then going to swing shifts and I’m afraid I’ll be bored with cutting my hours basically in half.”
“I think once the baby comes, you’ll be anything but bored.”
“Both my dad and Doug say that,” Stacey said as she flipped through a notebook.
Kenzie appreciated Stacey’s open and honest approach to life. She had very few female friends yet she found herself wanting to spend more and more time with Stacey. “How far along where you when Doug felt the baby kick?”
“Right around 18 weeks. But everyone is different.”
“I’m starting to show and Jake is frustrated he can’t feel the baby.”
“It will happen,” Stacey said. “So, how are things between you and Jake? What’s going on, exactly?”
“I was warned you are direct.”
“You don’t have to answer. Just the look on his face when you walked into the station that first day was priceless.”
“His eyes did practically bug right out of his head.” Kenzie’s lips curled upward. “Things are okay. It’s hard to tell with everything that is going on, but he wants to have an active role. Be a hands-on father. I just don’t know what that means.”
“What do you want it to mean?”
Kenzie had been having wild dreams of her and Jake riding off into the sunset together and there were moments she thought that could happen. But then the reality of the farm, his job, and all other reasons it couldn’t work long-term came crashing down. “Ten years ago I wanted the world with him,” Kenzie said. “But I don’t know him like I used to. He’s changed. So have I.”