I was so lost I could hardly think. "What?"
"You don't." His arms grew rigid around my back. "Not here."
That's what he thought. With both hands, I reached out and pulled his hips tighter against mine. "You're wrong," I told him.
As if unable to stop himself, he surged forward, capturing me tighter against my car. Our bodies were pressed so perfectly close that I could feel almost everything that I'd been missing – the defined muscles of his chest, the tight hardness of his abs, and lower, the telltale proof that I wasn't the only one who wanted this.
I heard his breath in my ear and felt his heart beating, too fast and too hard, just like mine. His grip tightened, and his hardness surged. For one breathless moment, I thought he'd take me right then and there, in spite of his earlier refusal.
But he didn't.
To my infinite frustration, he held himself in check, as if he didn't know whether to move forward or back away. As for me, I knew exactly what I wanted. I pressed my hips tight against his pelvis and almost smiled when he gave a low, muffled moan just before lowering his head and murmuring into my hair, "No fucking way."
His words said one thing, but his body said another.
As for myself, every inch of me – inside and out – coalesced into one raw, aching need. I felt like if I didn't have him, like now, I'd be lost and alone forever.
In a silent plea, I pressed myself tighter against him. At the feel of his hardness, ready, if not yet willing, I caught my breath. Already, I could feel the slick warmth of my own readiness, deep inside me, like an ache that had to be answered by him, and only him.
More desperate now, I pulled him tighter against me. I was wet. He was hard. And I'd missed him more than simple words could express. When I ground against him, his voice became a ragged whisper, "Baby, you've gotta stop."
I was almost too breathless to speak. "Why?"
"Because you're making me too dumb to say no."
"So don't."
Again, I pressed my hips forward, begging him with my body, if not with my words. All my life, I'd played it safe. I'd been the good girl, the kind of person who never broke any rules or heaven forbid, risked a public spectacle.
But out here, we were utterly alone and hidden, not only by darkness, but by a vehicle on either side. Both of us were ready, and the thought of parting in any way, without consummating whatever this was, well, it was impossible to consider. The last two weeks had driven me crazy, and finally, I knew that I wasn't the only one. I heard myself say, "I know you want me."
"You think I'm gonna deny it?"
"No." I lifted my face and brushed my lips softly against his ear. In a low whisper, I said, "What I think is you're gonna lift up my skirt, move aside my panties, and take me, hard, right here, right now."
His hardness surged, and a muffled moan escaped his lips. His reaction told me all I needed to know. I didn't need to stop, and I wasn't going to stop. Whether he'd admit it or not, he wanted me just as badly as I wanted him.
I ran my hands along the side of his waist, and then up underneath the back of his shirt. I felt the muscles of his lower back, warm and hard, shifting against my trembling fingers. My touch, at least so far, had been innocent enough, and yet, I heard his breath hitch and felt his hardness respond, surging against my pelvis.
I slid my hands down to his hips and paused only a moment before zeroing in on what I desperately wanted. Savoring the feel of his rock-hard abs, I slid my fingertips into the waistband of his jeans. When my fingers brushed the tip of his erection, he gave another muffled moan. "Baby, seriously, you're killing me."
That's what he said, but I couldn’t help but notice that he wasn't pulling away, so with both hands, I frantically worked at the button of his jeans, and finally managed to pop it open. And then, I went for the zipper.
I almost couldn't believe I was doing this. This wasn't me. But maybe that was a good thing. Maybe if I'd been more daring all along, I would've spent less time worrying, and more time living life to its fullest. The last two weeks had taught me something – a lesson I'd never forget. In the big scheme of things, a public spectacle was nothing compared to giving up the guy I loved.
And besides, no one could see us, not really, so with eager hands, I stroked his length, loving the feel of his erection surging warm and ready in my loving grip.
He felt amazing, just like I remembered, but it wasn't enough. I wanted to grip him with more than my hands. I wanted him inside me. Desperately, I shoved down his jeans, pushing them down past his hips.
Finally, as if he couldn’t resist any longer, he reached out and tore open my coat. I heard a button pop and roll somewhere along the pavement, but I couldn't bring myself to care.
With both hands, he hiked up my skirt and moved aside the crotch of my panties. His fingers found my wetness, and he sucked in a breath.
I was breathing harder now, too. I had to have him. Desperately, I guided his hardness toward the intersection of my thighs. He said my name, low and ragged. And then, reached behind me and gripped my ass with both hands, lifting me tight against the car as he finally gave me exactly what I wanted – every inch of him, surging hard into my hot wetness.
I moaned into his shoulder. It was everything I'd wanted and then some. I tried to be quiet, and from what I could tell, so did he, even as he claimed me right there, in the darkened parking lot. I wrapped my legs around his hips, wanting to be closer in every possible way. As he moved, he kissed me, hard and hungry, like he, too, couldn’t get enough.
And then, almost before I knew it, I was convulsing against him, wrapping my arms tighter, my legs tighter, and even my insides tighter, wanting to hold onto him, to hold onto this moment, for as long as humanly possible. And then, he was shuddering against me, driving into me harder and faster, until with a final shudder, he buried his face in my hair and whispered, "God, I missed you."
I smiled against his shoulder. "I missed you, too."
After a long, intense moment, he pulled back just far enough to give me one final kiss, this one more tender than the ones before. When the kiss ended, he rested his forehead against mine and whispered a curse so low, I could hardly hear it.
I almost wanted to giggle. Smiling, I pulled back to tease, "That's one way to put it."
He was still holding me, like I weighed nearly nothing. I leaned my head on his shoulder for a long blissful moment before pulling back and unwrapping my legs from his waist. Gently, he set me back down and leaned over me just enough to whisper in my ear, "You're my drug. You know that?"
Feeling flirtatious now, I said, "Is that a bad thing?"
He gave a rueful laugh. "Probably." He pulled back and looked at my coat. He frowned. "I ruined it."
I looked down. He was right. The buttons hadn't just popped off. They'd popped off and taken some of the fabric with them – or maybe he'd torn it. I didn't know, and I couldn’t bring myself to care.
Maybe I should've. It was, after all, the only long coat I had. But suddenly, winter wasn't looming endless and cold. Who needed a coat when I had Joel, the guy who warmed my heart and soul like nobody else?
Together, we managed to reassemble ourselves into something that wasn't quite so X-rated. My panties were soaked, so slid them off and wadded them into a tight ball that laughingly, I tucked into the pocket of my now-ruined coat.
As for Joel, he finished zipping his jeans and fastening the button. And then, he moved forward and gathered me in his arms. We stood like that, pressed against my car, for a long, quiet moment. I wasn't sure where we went from here, but I knew that things were a million times better than they had been this time yesterday.
I pulled back to gaze up at him through the darkness. "See? Aren't you glad you didn't say no?"
He gave me the ghost of a smile. "I did say no."
"Yeah, but you didn't mean it."
"The hell I didn't." He gave our surroundings a long look. "Shit, if something had happened…"
I smiled up
at him. "But it didn't."
I waited for him to smile back. But he didn't. Instead, he flicked his head toward the other parking lot and said, "You wanna talk? We can sit in my car."
I did want to talk. But from the look in his eyes, I wasn't quite sure that he and I wanted to discuss the same thing. As for me, I wanted to discuss patching things up. But what he wanted, I suddenly wasn't so sure.
And yet, I nodded anyway, because after all, how bad could it be?
Unfortunately, it didn't take long for me to find out.
Chapter 10
Sitting in Joel's car, I told him everything that had happened. I began with Derek's threat to have Joel thrown in jail for violating the terms of his suspended sentence, and I ended with me coming out here tonight, not only to warn Joel, but to tell him all of the other things that I couldn’t two weeks earlier.
All of it, I explained, was just one big, crazy mess. Even as I talked, I considered all of the damage that had been done, mostly on the day of Joel's heart-wrenching departure.
He'd gotten that terrible letter, claiming that he had no talent. He'd had movers show up to transport all of his stuff to who-knows-where. He'd gone from having the world at his fingertips to losing almost everything in an instant – including me.
As I spoke, he said nearly nothing. Mostly, he watched me from the driver's seat, listening with an expression that I couldn’t quite decipher. Long before I finished, I started to wonder if his unnatural silence was a good sign or a sign of something more ominous. Either way, it was making me uneasy.
"So anyway," I concluded, "when I learned that Derek wasn't going to leave you alone regardless, I thought, 'Forget waiting six months. I've got to find him now.'" I gave a shaky laugh. "So here I am."
In the driver's seat, Joel wasn't laughing, not even a little. Abruptly, he said, "How'd you find me?"
I gave him a perplexed look. Of all the things to say, why'd he pick that? Still, I replied, "You remember Chester, right?"
"Yeah." Joel frowned. "The shirtless guy."
"Well, he's not always shirtless," I said. "But anyway, you remember his friend, Mike? I got ahold of him, and he pointed me in the right direction. He's a huge fan, by the way." I couldn't help but smile. "To help me find you, guess what he wanted."
"What?"
"Your autograph."
"Yeah? Well, tell him to shove it."
I felt my eyebrows furrow. "Why?"
Ignoring my question, he said, "Or, if you don't wanna tell him, I will."
From the look on Joel's face, the conversation wouldn’t be a friendly one. Obviously, I was missing something. "But he's the reason I found you."
Joel's expression darkened. "If I wanted to be found, I would've answered my phone."
I drew back. I almost didn't know what to say. "So you knew I was calling?"
"What do you think?"
At this point, I didn't know what to think. Even at the time, I realized that he was probably giving me the silent treatment, but to have him toss it in my face like this, well, it wasn't what I'd expected. "I left a bunch of messages," I said. "Did you get them?"
"Yeah. I got them."
"And did you listen?"
When Joel gave a tight nod, I asked, "So why didn't you call me back?"
"Because I figured you'd get the hint."
I was staring at him now. "What are you saying?"
With every passing moment, that queasy feeling was growing again. Ever since we'd gotten into Joel's car, he'd been acting like a different person. Where was the guy who'd been kissing me – and more – not too long ago?
When Joel said nothing, I persisted, "Are you still angry? Is that it?"
He turned to stare silently out the front windshield. More confused than ever, I turned my head to follow his gaze. Outside, there was nothing to see, just my car and the van parked beside it, with all those flyers tucked under the windshield wipers. As I watched, a sudden gust of wind carried one of the flyers away, sending it fluttering across the dark pavement.
In my seat, I gave a little shiver. Even with the car running, I felt a slow chill, creeping up my spine. In the driver's seat, Joel still hadn't answered my question.
I turned to study his face, well, the half I could see, anyway. Bracing myself, I said, "Just tell me."
He didn't even look. "Tell you what?"
"Well for starters, why you're acting so funny."
He gave a humorless laugh. "Funny, huh?"
If there was a joke in all this, I sure as heck wasn't getting it.
Finally, he turned to face me. "I heard about your trip."
I gave him a perplexed look. "What trip?"
"To my dad's place."
Oh. That. It wasn't so much a trip as a daylong effort in futility. Joel's hometown was a four-hour drive from mine, which meant I'd spent eight hours on the road for absolutely nothing.
His dad hadn't even answered the door. But he had been home. I'd been almost sure of it, thanks to a blaring television and the sounds of movement behind the front door.
I said, "I was hoping to find you there." I tried to think. "Is that why you're mad?"
He gave a tight shrug. "I'm not mad."
"Oh, come on," I said. "Obviously, something's wrong. What is it?"
Once again, he ignored my question. "And you called Jake."
"Well, yeah. Because I was worried."
"About what?"
"You, actually."
"Yeah? Well, don't."
"Don't what? Worry? You did hear everything I just told you, right? About Derek? And his threats to get you thrown in jail?"
"I heard."
"So, you could see where I'd be concerned, especially when you didn't return my calls." My voice was calm, but beneath the surface, a storm was brewing. Trying not to show it, I continued. "I mean, look at it from my point of view. Derek shows up, he tells me about the suspended sentence – something you never mentioned, by the way – and I'm stuck dealing with it all by myself."
"That was your choice," Joel said. "Not mine."
"Yeah," I said. "Like it was your choice to not tell me you were in some sort of trouble."
"I wasn't worried. Why should you be?"
He was totally missing the point. I tried again. "You should've told me." I gave him a pleading look. "Seriously Joel, all those nights we spent together? All those days? And you never thought to mention it? Not even once?"
He gave another shrug, but said nothing.
I made a sound of frustration. "Okay, I get it. You're mad at me for not telling you earlier. But in my own defense, I had just a few short hours to figure things out. You had weeks, almost months, to tell me what was going on. Why didn't you?"
"Because it wasn't a big deal."
I felt my gaze narrow. "I don't believe you."
"Alright."
Alright? That's it?
With a weary sigh, I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes. This was going nowhere, or maybe it was going somewhere, and I didn't want to accept it.
Joel's voice, softer now, broke into my thoughts. "Lemme ask you something."
I turned to look. "What?"
"What's changed?"
I gave a confused shake of my head. "What do you mean?"
"I left what, two weeks ago?"
Yes, but it felt like longer. The day of Joel's departure had been one of the worst days of my adult life. Within just a few hours, I'd gone from hearing Derek's threat to watching in shock as an unexpected moving truck rumbled into my driveway, causing Joel to assume the worst. From start to finish, it had been a total nightmare.
I gave a silent nod.
"Between then and now," Joel said, "what's different?"
The question caught me off-guard, and I wasn't sure how to answer. Still, I gave it my best shot. "Well, two weeks ago, I thought that if we gave each other up for six months, everything would be okay. But now that I know that Derek isn't going to let up regardless, I figure we might as well fa
ce the problem together."
"What you mean," Joel said, "is you're gonna let me drag you down in the mud."
"No." I gave a decisive shake of my head. "That's not it at all."
He gave me a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Isn't it?"
I felt a sudden twinge of panic. "No. Definitely not."
Abruptly, Joel said, "Wanna know why I won't give that fucker an autograph?"
Startled, I said, "Uh, sure. Why?"
"Because the dumb-ass sent you here." His jaw tightened. "Alone."
I didn't want to talk about Mike. I wanted to talk about Joel. Hoping to move past this, I said, "He didn't send me. I came on my own. He did me a favor, remember?"
"You think so, huh?"
"I know so. I had to beg him, actually. He acted like it was all a big secret or something."
"Yeah? You wanna hear another secret?"
From the tone of his voice, I wasn't so sure. Still, I nodded.
"He's lucky I don't track him down and kick his ass."
I didn't like the sounds of that. "Why?"
"Because begging or not, he should've said no." Joel did a quick scan of our surroundings. "Take a good look. You're in a shitty part of town. And you had to drive through a shittier part to get here."
I knew which part he meant – a stretch of burnt-out buildings, covered in graffiti. It made this desolate parking lot look like a fine slice of heaven. Still, I said, "It wasn't so bad."
"Right." He turned and gave my car a quick glance. "And that thing? Fucker breaks down every two weeks."
I wasn't used to him swearing so much. And I loved my car, even if it was mostly for sentimental reasons. It had, after all, been my mom's. I said, "It's not that often."
Ignoring me, Joel kept on going. "And you end up here. In a place you don't know, with the worst kind of people."
"That's not true," I said. "At least not now." My voice softened. "I'm with you."
Joel made a scoffing sound. "Yeah. You're with me. A royal fuckup."
"You are not a fuckup."
"Uh-huh. But forget me for a minute. Let's get back to your dumb-ass friend. I don't care if you were begging on your knees, he should've said no. Or shit, if he couldn’t do that, the fucker should've manned up and brought you here himself."
Something True (Joel Bishop Book 2) Page 4