“I need something to make me forget.” I dot his face with my fingertips, as if memorizing his features by touch. “Don't you wanna forget? Just go somewhere else, be someone else for a little while? An escape?”
He stares at me, confusion coloring his eyes an icy gray. Worry floods my heart that he'll pick up and leave, run from me. Leaving me once again alone.
“Of course I do. I wish I could take it all back. I wish it had never happened. I wish so many things, Katy. More than you'll ever know.” His iced over eyes crack.
I shake my head, choking on hyperventilating tears. “One kiss. Just give me one kiss and if you feel nothing then you can leave.”
His lips purse, pressing together until they turn white. Fingertips curl into the back of my head, gripping me as if I'll slip from them. “I can't.”
Short bursts of air puff in and out of my mouth as I give him a nod. “Then go.” Fighting my shivering limbs I force myself off his lap, but his hands clamp back against my cheeks, pulling me back to him.
“I won't be able to stop at just one kiss.” He shakes his head. “Fuck, Katy. Why now?”
“Because I need something to make me forget this pain.” I trace his lips with a trembling finger. “And only you can do it. You don't have to worry. I know it'll be just one night, to fill this hollow in our hearts. I don't expect anything from you.”
His glassy eyes pierce my soul. “That's all you want from me?”
No. I want a lifetime with him. But I can never say it. The fact that he's even considering having sex with me, Roger's little sister, divulges how deep his pain is. How far he's willing to go to drown himself, just like me. I know it would be nothing more than a fuck. And right now, that's all I can handle myself. If I let myself fall back in love with him and he comes home in a box like my brother, I would shatter.
“Yes,” I whisper. “Please, I need you, Jason.”
Tremors attack his hands on my face. I grip his jacket and yank him to me, crushing my lips over his before he can say no. A growl bubbles up from his throat as he slams his tongue into my mouth. His fingers curl against my cheek as he punishes my tongue with his own. My nails drag along the exposed flesh on his neck, and he bucks underneath me. His hardening cock fills his pants, and I rock my thin panties over him.
Trembling hands roam my body, scratching and pulling at my dress, unable to get it off me fast enough. His kisses ignite me, sending a fiery ache between my legs. I need more of his tongue, for it to find its way over the rest of my body. His kisses are better than I ever imagined, filling the hole, stripping the numbness hardening inside me. They melt me, pooling a desire for him I've hidden for so long.
He pulls away from me, and I whimper. With a gentle shake of his head he reassures me it’s only for a moment. Stripping his gloves from his hands, he finds his way to my back, and the sound of my zipper lowering sends a jolt of adrenaline through my heart.
“You really want me to fuck you, Katy?” Desire burns like heated flames in his eyes.
“Yes,” I gasp as his hands rake down my breasts pulling my dress with them. My breasts flop out of my bra still hooked at my back. One hand twirls a nipple, and it pebbles in his fingertips.
With a firm hand, he yanks me by the back of my neck to his mouth. “How bad?”
“Make it hurt,” I moan against his lips. “Make me feel something other than hollow.”
With desperation, I fumble along the clasps on his battalion jacket working it free of his chest. I yank at the buttons on the shirt underneath until I grip his t-shirt and tug at it. How many layers does this man have on?
I force his jacket and shirt over his shoulders, and he eases himself out of it. Pulling his undershirt over his head, I run my hands over his bare chest. His heart races beneath my fingertips, sending a smile to my face for the first time in two weeks. Once icy eyes melt into a deeper blue as a smile curls over his own lips.
For a moment I ache to tell him how I really feel. To have him tell me in return this moment will last forever and that he loves me. Reality hits me with an icy slap, and I try to free myself from the circle of what ifs running through my mind..
“Katy?” he whispers, looking into my eyes. “You still with me?”
Before I can talk myself out of it I answer. “Fuck me, Jason. Take me, right now.”
He stills beneath me. I rake my nails across his skin and dive against his neck, pulling his flesh over my lips and teeth. A rumble makes its way from his chest to his lips releasing in a groan. His hands work my bra free, and he yanks the material from between us. My bare breasts press into his flesh, and he cups them in his hands.
I lose myself in the moment realizing Jason's hands are roaming my body. The man I've been in love with all my life is letting me use him for a one night stand. A tear slides over my cheek, and his lips kiss it away. This one isn't for Roger—it's a tear for him.
“Stand up,” he commands, startling me from my thoughts as he shoves me from his lap.
My eyes widen, and a pang of fear twinges my heart. Is he having second thoughts?
“Take off your panties,” he demands, narrowing his eyes.
A shudder ransacks my body at the tone of his voice, forceful and lacking emotion. He just turned Marine on me. Excitement floods my limbs like a venomous poison, and I lose control over them, fumbling to get my panties off.
“You're taking too long,” he says. I stare at the muscles flexing in his arms as he grips them in his hands and rips them to shreds, yanking the remnants from my body.
A gasp escapes my lips as my mouth pops open, staring at his hardening face where only moments ago tenderness filled his eyes. I stand naked before him, and his eyes rake my body filled with hunger and desire. Yet behind all that they're shrouded in pain.
Both hands grip my breasts, and he shoves me backward until I hit the wall. Kneading them with his fingers, his mouth lunges for mine. Fierce strokes of his tongue send waves of ecstasy through me. Rough hands drag across my body, pressing into my skin.
Jerking back he breaks our kiss and leans to my ear. “Are you wet for me?”
“Dripping,” I moan as the thought of his fingers inside me send tremors to my core. Arching my hips to his, I desperately want his pants to be gone. My fingers fumble with his belt.
He knocks them away. “Not yet,” he demands.
“Too bad.” I attack his belt again.
“I said not yet,” he growls and slams me back against the wall.
“Fuck you,” I say as I rip open his pants and shove them down his hips, releasing him. Heat floods my limbs, sending an exhilarating high through my veins that I have Jason's cock against me, and I'm the one who made him hard.
He growls with a shake of his head, our eyes locking in a heated glare. “You don't play nice.”
“I don't want nice.” My fingers grip his thick shaft and stroke it, spreading the bubble of pre-cum over his length.
A terse laugh pops from his throat as his large hand cups my mound. “Tell me what you want, Katy.”
I rock my hips in his hand, needing his fingers to slip in me. “I want you inside me. I want you to make me scream.”
“My dick or my fingers.” He grips my wrists in his hands and slams them above my head, pinning me to the wall.
“Both,” I gasp.
Arching his hips, he presses his hard cock against my pussy sliding it back and forth along my skin. It slinks between my lower lips, and he drags it over my throbbing clit. A guttural groan rips from my mouth carrying the last bit of air from my lungs.
I drop to my knees as my legs turn to Jell-O. His glistening cock stares me in the face. More stunning than I ever imagined, the veins running along it twitch through its thickness. Desire pools between my legs even more thinking about how it will feel when he slams it inside me. I study it covered in my arousal.
With a flick of my tongue, I circle the tip of it before plunging my mouth over the length of him in surprise. His hips jut forward in
shock, and he slams his hands against the wall to steady himself.
“God damn, Katy!” he huffs through terse breaths. “Fuck.”
I slide him through my hollowed cheeks, pressing my tongue along his length as he pumps in and out of my mouth. Cupping his balls in my hands, I work them through my fingertips as I continue my assault on his cock with my mouth.
“Stop, Katy,” he says between pants. “Fuck, you're so good at that. You're gonna make me come.”
A smile encircles my lips as I ease off him. He lifts me to stand and deadlocks my gaze. Those ice-blue eyes melt, no longer of the soldier, but of Jason. My Jason, whom I've secretly loved for years. Filled with pain and lust he dives back against my mouth, exploring its depths with his tongue.
Wild roaming fingertips curl into my hair before yanking on the back of it in a firm hold. His other hand slams against my pussy, slipping two fingers inside. My moan breaks our kiss, but with quick movements he reclaims my lips, sucking and biting at them as his long fingers find their way into my slick depths. His fingers fuck me in powerful strokes, plunging in and out of my channel. Dizziness assails me as I fight to bring much needed breath to my lungs between kisses.
“How does that feel, Katy?” he growls as he deepens his finger thrusts. “Tell me how it feels.”
“So good.” I moan, closing my eyes wondering if the words even left my lips as bliss swallows me whole.
“Look at me,” he demands, forcing my head forward with his free hand still gripping my hair. “I want you to look into my eyes as I fuck you.”
They deepen in their blue hue, swimming with so many emotions I can't pick a single one out. His thrusts stop, and I gasp. Emptiness devours me as he removes his fingers. They slide along my cleft, running back and forth over my throbbing clit. He swipes a moan from my lips, and I can't stop my eyes from closing as the pleasure consumes my body.
“Look me in the eyes, Katy,” he roars once again.
My eyes dart open and lock onto his gaze as he continues to rub my clit with fierce strokes. The ecstasy builds, and my legs wobble with each stroke. I lose the ability to stand, and he cradles my back with his free hand holding me against the wall and his broad body. A breathy gasp parts my lips as we drink each other in with our eyes.
“You're so fucking beautiful. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes as I watch you come.”
His fingers quicken, and a wave of pleasure rattles my body, sending shudder after shudder through my limbs, and I reply only in gasping screams. Muscles tighten around me, holding me up as the last of my orgasm rips through me.
“I need you inside me, Jason,” I beg, still locked onto his eyes.
They soften as he cradles me in his arms and carries me to my bed. Easing me into the softness, he crawls over me, hovering above my lips.
“I don't have any condoms with me,” he whispers.
I swallow hard as I take a moment to catch my breath. “I'm on the pill, and I'm clean.”
He traces a finger over my cheek. “Me, too. You're okay with me being unsheathed?”
I nod. He drinks me in with his eyes, training the length of my face before he crashes against my lips and his hard cock plunges into my depths. There's no tenderness, there's no sweetness to it. There is only desire, drive, and need. My legs part as I arch my hips, aching to take him deeper. He fills me with long, forceful thrusts, slamming his balls against my ass.
My fingers claw at his back, raking his skin under my nails, which releases a growl from his lips. He breaks our kiss, gasping for air as he quickens his pace. Strong thrusts rock my body, and my breasts bounce up and down my chest. They catch his eyes, and he stares at them like they're the most amazing thing in this world. His girth fills me, hammering tight against my walls as ripples of pleasure set me on fire, and I scream his name.
One night with Jason will never be enough.
“Fuck, I love you, Katy,” he gasps as shudders rumble through him, his seed exploding inside me.
I still under him as he collapses on top of me. A lump lodges itself in my throat, and I force a hard swallow. My heart plunges, riding the fear pitching and rolling in my stomach that makes me think I misheard him. I replay what he said over and over in my head. Words leave me, and I ache to say something back to him.
“What?” I manage to force out over my own gasping breaths.
With a slow, methodical movement, he lifts his head from my breasts. Sweat slicks his brow. “I'm in love with you.”
Time stops. So does my heart. Tears slip from my eyes. All thoughts leave me as I try to process the words I've longed to hear from his lips for years.
He looks deep into my eyes, straight to the bottom of my soul. “Roger would never forgive me that I just fucked his sister. But dammit, I've been in love with you since I was ten.” His heaving chest crushes against mine.
I give his shoulder a forceful shove, narrowing my eyes. “I've been in love with you for fifteen years, Jason. Fifteen fucking years. Not even a hint you liked me back.”
A beaming smile brims over his lips. “Well Jesus, Katy, you crushed me when you threw that fucking strawberry back at me. What was I supposed to think?”
“I was eight years old, you jerk!” I glare at him as he slips out of me and rolls onto a pillow. “And you know I don't like chocolate. I didn't want the strawberry. I wanted you.”
He turns and looks back into my eyes. “A part of me knew that. But out of respect for Roger, I couldn't go after you.”
A sigh squeezes from my chest. “I understand,” I whisper.
“Do you still want only one night with me?” he asks, tracing a finger along my breasts.
My eyes widen as hope fills a part of the hole in my heart. “Are you offering more?”
“One night will never be enough, Katy.” He grips my hand in his and kisses each pad of my fingertips. “But I know you don't want to be attached to a military man. I have to go back overseas in a couple days.”
“I know.” The words tumble from my lips, pulling tears down with them. “But I'd rather have one night with you, knowing the feel of your lips on mine, the fulfillment of you inside me, than a lifetime of regret wondering what if.”
“Are you willing to give it a shot?” He swallows hard as his eyes glaze over. “I promise I'll come back to you, Katy.” His fingers lace with mine, tugging them tight to his chest.
More tears drip down my cheeks, plunking onto the pillow under me. “Please don't make promises you can't keep. Just promise you'll try.”
“Okay, I promise I'll try,” he whispers, lowering his lips to mine. “I've only got four more months left on my deployment, and then I'll be back in the States. But I'll be stationed at Miramar.”
My heart dives to my stomach at the thought of him going back to enemy territory. Four months. I can handle four months. I've handled him being gone four years. “It'll still be long distance when you get back, but it'll be better knowing you're on U.S. soil.”
“It doesn't have to be long distance,” he says, tracing my fingers with one of his own.
My mind races with thoughts of what he could possibly mean. I brush lingering tears from my eyes and sit up facing him. “What?”
“Well, you're a teacher.” He glances down to his finger tracing lines along my hand. “If I could find you a teaching job in the Miramar area....”
My lashes flutter, blinking back tears. “Are you asking me to live with you?” The words ransack my tongue and whoosh from my lips before I can stop them.
He swallows hard, and his gaze returns to mine. “We've known each other all our lives, Katy. It's not like we just met. But if you don't wanna rush things, I understand.”
His words suck the air from my lungs even more than his kisses. I go from soul-sucking grief to insane, intense pleasure to complete and utter shock in the span of thirty minutes. Air thins around me, and I pull my knees to my chest.
“I've freaked you out, haven't I?” He sits up, tugging a blanket aro
und him. “It's just, Roger's death has me doing a lot of thinking. Life's so short, Katy. Look how much time we've wasted being afraid of what Roger thought. He was my best friend, and I want to honor his memory. But dammit, I love you. I always have. And I don't want to waste any more time trying to forget you, when I know I never will.”
I shake my head, cupping the side of his face with my hand. “I don't think he'd be mad we got together, Jason. I think he's laughing at us right now wondering why we hadn't done it sooner, too.”
“No, he'd kick my ass for the things I did to your body and the things I still want to do,” he says, lunging over me, forcing my knees back to the bed. “God, I hope I didn't bruise you.”
“Just means you'll have to kiss them better.” I lick my lips and pull him to me.
He dives against my neck, sucking my flesh between his teeth as his hands rake over my breasts. “So, does that mean you'll at least think about my offer? You've got four months to decide.”
“But my mother...” Panic throws darts at my heart. “She'll be all alone.”
“It's not like you live with her. But fuck, we'll move her, too.” He pulls back from my neck, straddling me. “But isn't she dating someone?”
“Yeah, she's been with Henry for almost a year now. It took her a long time to date after Daddy passed.” My hand curls against the back of Jason's head, his buzz-cut hair prickling the pads of my fingertips.
His lips find a breast, nuzzling and biting my nipple, sucking a gasp from my lungs. Pleasure and pain swirl in tingles through me. “It's not like you're leaving tomorrow. You've got four months to prep her and we'll come back and visit.”
“Okay,” I whisper.
He darts up and locks onto my eyes. “Yes?” he asks, as if he can't believe his ears. Deep pools of blue in his eyes shimmer in the dusk filling the room, the last light of day sinking into the dark clouds.
I bite my bottom lip and nod. “Yes.”
He sweeps me into a kiss, putting into action what words cannot say. No longer a lust-filled, hungry kiss, his tongue presses against mine in a dance to claim me. Make me his. Mark his territory.
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