My heart hurts for whoever in the world is hurting. I know many are. I scream out of the feelings in my soul and say, “Wait a minute, World! Wait a minute!”
And, for some reason, I wanted to tell somebody. So I told you.
The Party
This is not going to be no long story cause I do not like talking bout this stuff. It was just such a blockbuster, I can’t help tellin it! My name ain’t important cause you never gonna hear from me again, but my cousin’s name is Lucilla. We call her “Lucy” for short.
It was early this summer and I was going to the city to visit my relatives. That was going to be my vacation. Well, working vacation. I started college, sociology major, two years ago and you know I needed a vacation. I’m also working at a city medical clinic, for a few credits while I am here. Still, I was hapPY! Glad to be gettin away from home. Cause I always have fun here with my cool cousins.
This is what I’m going to tell you. The Sunday it happened started on a brilliant, sun-filled morning. Perfect for going to church in the fine clothes you had selected on Friday or Saturday evening. Smiles, handshakes, light laughter, and the proper respect for the minister who beamed over all the people at his church. The few new, and the many old faithful.
The sermon gave everyone a bright, optimistic perspective for the day. Most of the people thought the minister had done his job well. They tried to prove it in the collection basket.
Several of the ladies and gentlemen were planning a full and busy day. A baby shower, a football game, a movie theatre among other things. Many of them knew they would meet each other later at the Come In nightclub to dance to a combo of musicians that could really get down with the beat. I danced so much I was totally exhausted.
But, I’m getting ahead of myself.
My cousin Lucy is a very attractive thirty-four-year-old woman. Single and looking for her next husband. She is not desperate, just wanted a man in her life. She thinks you are not complete without a man by your side.
Her friend Delores went to church with us. After church, she was just moving around the people, talking to her friends. Especially one new person, Delbert, and some friend of his, making plans for later that night. They didn’t look too cool to me, kind’a like they might rip off the collection plate if they had a chance. But God s’posed to love everybody, so who am I to judge?
A lot of people were going to the club that night. They were from twenty to forty-five years or so, old. I wasn’t interested in any of the men unless they could dance. I knew Wilcox, a friend of mine, was going to be there. That Wilcox sure can dance and never gets tired!
So the day began clean, innocent, and safe. Time passed swiftly; everyone had things to do for that day. A baby shower, a movie theatre, a football game, or a visit to see somebody sick. Throughout the day on the telephone and all, people kept talking about going to the dance club that night. The world was moving on its merry way! For good or evil. “No one can halt it,” my mama says.
Well, to skip all the rest of the things that won’t interest you, we got to the club about eleven o’clock. Two cars full of my cousins and friends. You could hear the horns and drums from the club a block away! Some folks boogied all the way to the entrance from their cars. Inside the smoke looked like it could smother the loud voices trying to talk through it and the music.
Dancers were swinging on the floor! Arms and legs flying. Colors of the dancers’ clothes seemed to mesh in a kaleidoscope of design. I knew some of them: Wilma, Delbert, Delores and Richard, Kisha, Nisha, Romo, Domo, Nono, and Nomo were all out there with the others. Swinging away. Most didn’t even come off the floor when the music stopped for a minute. Those that did just took a few sips of their drinks, snatched a few quick conversations, and ran back to catch the next beat! Looked good to me. The world rocking on its merry way. I wasn’t in church now!
Now, some things I know about, I don’t do. But, I don’t care what you do. Do it if you want to. I have my own plans for myself.
Some people went outside to smoke a little pot. Some grabbed a quick puff in the restroom. Some other people were sniffing a little coke. I listen, so I know things. A few dealers were there; they came to hear the music too. They look just like everybody else, maybe a little better. They didn’t look as dirty as their usual life is.
A few pimps were there. Well, social life is social life. They were alone; I guess their working women were on some corner or other. The pimps circulated around, whispering sweet somethings in somebody’s ears. I saw their eyes flash as they looked over some women’s shoulders, checking around for the next woman they would talk to. After all, according to my mama, they had a car note due or needed a new suit and had a loan made at the gambling house they had to pay back. So, they were playing, but they were working too.
But it did look like everybody was having big fun. I danced until I dropped. I was already tired; we had been running all day, and it was after one o’clock in the morning! My cousin is invited to just about everything and I get to go! So I found an empty seat in one of the booths way in the back. Where I could just look at people enjoying themselves, like a theatre of real life.
“The world is moving on its merry way! No one can halt it!” I smiled at the thought of my mama always saying that.
I watched the owner of the club, Shadow. He is a nice-looking macho man. I watched him listen to the cash register ringing to the music. I could see he was pleased. He had told everybody it was his birthday too! I wondered was it, or was it just to make somebody spend some money on a drink for him. I heard my cousin say he was always pulling that stuff cause it made some people buy a bottle of champagne for him.
At the moment, he was concentrating, looking over the pretty fly girls, to see which one he wanted to give him his special present tonight. His woman was at his house taking care of their two illegitimate children. He wouldn’t marry her.
I listen, chile. My mama always tellin me to “shut my mouth and listen”!
I had danced so much I was just about exhausted. So I leaned back a little, resting my head, and curled my legs up under me. Suddenly I heard Shadow announce he had an unusual idea. I opened my eyes as he said, “A after-party! We are going to party hardy!” He looked around the rooms as he moved through the crowd, telling his closer friends to “stick around” after the club closed. For the after-party. Then he must’a found his “man,” a dealer; he led some fellow over near the booth I was laying in. I heard him order some cocaine, on credit. He said, “I think I had a good night at the cash register.”
The dealer asked him how much pot he wanted. Shadow said, “Not too much cause that shit just put some people to sleep.” I had to smile to myself, cause I was already sleepy. Then he told him, “It better be good, man!”
The man answered, “It always is!” Then Shadow went back to listen to his cash register ring. And you could tell by the expression of glee on his face he was eagerly looking forward to the end of this part of the night.
I searched the crowd with my eyes, to see how my cousin was doing, cause I know it’s about time for us to leave. We both have to go to work in the morning. She still having a good time and it’s not two o’clock yet, so I don’t bother her. I lean back on the seat and close my eyes. To listen to the music, you know?
Chile, even with all that noise, I fell asleep.
I woke up, slowly, to soft, steady noises. I must have slept a long time because the musicians were gone and the jukebox was playing. The lights were even lower than they were when the club was open. But in the shadows of light there were twenty or twenty-five people scattered randomly through the room.
Shadow still had a man serving drinks, much stronger drinks than they had served earlier in the night. He kept watch over a dish of something near him that he and two or three other people were dipping into.
Everyone seemed to be relaxed, laughing, and some of them were talking and pulling on each other. Shadow shouted to his guests, “Drink up! Let’s really have a party!” T
hen he snapped his fingers at some girl that was sitting behind the bar near him. She got up and began to take her clothes off. He came from behind the bar, reached out for another woman, and swung her out for a slow step or two. Other people started to dance, close and slow. Others just kept getting high. Or whatever they were doing.
Shadow had a girl-friend or friend-girl, watching him closely. (Not his main woman, who was not there.) This girl was very young, she hadn’t been there when the club was open. Shadow signaled to her, with a flick of his wrist, to dance or get out on the dance floor. She did what he told her; started dancing and even taking her clothes off! (I found out later, from my cousin, that these girls always did what he told them to do, for the drugs.)
Some men settled in a little closer to watch and began goading the other women to compete with her. “Show your fine body, baby! Awww, you ain’t bashful, are you? Get on out there and show your own movie-star stuff! You look good to me with your clothes on, so I know you look good with your clothes off! Go on, girl!” Some women took another drink and, laughing, did what the men asked.
Soon, the floor was full of naked bodies! I was mesmerized. I hadn’t made any noise and I was way back in the dark. I tried to see if I could find my cousin, but I couldn’t see good enough.
Shadow was walking around with his little saucer and a something, maybe a little spoon or something, feeding the noses of the women. The bartender was pouring drinks aplenty and the jukebox didn’t need any money put into it, it just kept playing real low bluesy music.
In another half hour most all the women were naked or down to their drawers, or thongs. Men were saying nice things about their bodies, persuading them to go even further. I knew I needed to go, get out of there, but I couldn’t close my mouth or move my feet.
Then Shadow dared a fellow to have sex with his girlfriend who lay on the dance floor on her back, dancing, spread-eagled! I know she must’a been high on drugs.
Wasn’t long to wait; a macho-man took the dare and removed the last few pieces of his clothes, gladly, and went to work on the stretched-out lady. She knew how to moan, and soon there were other moans in corners of the room: in booths, under tables, and everywhere. Shadow among them. He had chosen his targets early because, when I had been dancing I had seen him staring at this woman, shoving drinks at her.
After a short time, Shadow called out, “Switch! Next! Oh, Lawd, this woman got me going!” He didn’t change his partner, though. But almost everybody else did.
Most people didn’t seem to question the command, they just took on the next partner. Some women got up and looked for somebody they wanted. A few women tried to say no, one was enough, but they were talked down or someone crawled up their legs with a tongue. People were even sucking on toes and fingers! They were licking and poking, sucking and (I could make a rhyme). It looked like a big pot of stewed, boiling oxtails. Have mercy! I have never seen, nor dreamed I’d see, anything like that. And I am not a virgin. I know a little about life. I thought.
I am a listener, but I am a watcher, too.
I figured it was time for me to get out of there before someone discovered me back up there in the dark. I hadn’t seen my cousin, but I had seen a lady and a couple of fellows who had been at church this morning. I looked around for a place or way to get out. But I would have to go through the crowd! Lordy!
I didn’t see the drugs being passed around anymore and the bartender was no longer behind the bar. It was empty back there. Some people were even looking for their clothes: a slip here, a brassiere there, some boxer shorts over somewhere else. Clothes all mixed together in a pile with sweatshirts and things. I can see!
It looked like some people were avoiding looking at other people. There was less laughter now, but still, some. I knelt down to the floor. I could still see them, but I crawled, slowly, toward what must be Shadow’s office, cause I knew there must be an exit door around there somewhere. There was! It was locked, but the key was in it. I turned it and fairly flew through that door.
Outside there was a woman trying to start her car. Two men, who musta been in her most intimate business a few minutes ago, said they didn’t have time right then to help her. They had to get home because their old ladies, etc., etc.
Other people were straggling out the front of the club and I could hear Shadow calling after them, “You bastards sucked up all my coke!” But he wasn’t sounding really mad. I guess that’s what he bought it for, and he had gotten his hands on, at least, two of the women he wanted. I observe, honey!
But, right then, I needed a ride. I called my cousin Lucy from the outside telephone booth. She answered the phone sleepily. I told her I needed a ride. She said, “Ain’t you here? At home? I thought you musta got in the other car and they had dropped you off here.”
“Well, I ain’t, I didn’t, and I’m not! Will someone please come get me? I have to get up in three hours to get to the clinic for my job.” She came and I rode home telling her everything that I had seen.
I listen. I watch. And I talk.
I rushed to bed, but I couldn’t fall asleep. I showered and went to my job.
The events of the party were roiling around in my brain that morning as I consulted with the patients who needed psychiatric referrals and gave a few shots and brochures out. Then one of the men who had been at the party came in. I recognized him! He talked to one of the nurses.
He had had a bout with his guilty conscience and had come in to tell about the party he had attended. Because he had an STD, gonorrhea, and had been pretty busy at the party, AND didn’t want the people, his friends (?), to not know what they probably had, and spread it around. Now! Soon there was a lot of “to do” in the clinic, which ended with two of the social workers leaving. Then . . . I’ll tell you what I think happened.
The party people went home, showered, and were sleeping it all off. At about ten o’clock that morning someone rang bells, or knocked on doors, awakening the sleepers and their spouses or whatever. The caller was someone from the city’s health department to explain to them what had happened. They were to report, immediately, to the clinic for examination and treatment and report.
They had to get up and go report in. Right now! My, my.
Everyone at the orgy, whose address the health department could find right away, met again. Far sooner than they would have wanted. They had thought their night was over, but that night was going to last a long time, chile.
One man and one woman had even gone home and “made love” (?) to their spouses, or whatever. Perhaps because the orgy had not satisfied them? It was a chaotic mess.
Well . . . the party really was over. Even a few church members had to come in. I reflected that their minister did not really preach good enough. He tickled their ears; he didn’t slap their minds with the truth. And some self-respect. Sometimes you don’t have to wait to go to hell to pay for your sins. You can pay for some right here on earth!
They skulked in, heads lowered into the collars of their coats.
They all sat on the bare wooden benches against the army green walls, and looked up, looked down, looked across, looked just anywhere, but in someone’s face and eyes. They were ashamed, disgusted, and embarrassed. Everyone was remembering when somebody’s legs were back over their shoulders; when somebody’s head had bobbed between their thighs, male and female, and where their own head had been. I would bet they all wondered who had had the disease and cursed the person, soundly, in their minds.
And! With all the blood tests and slides, three people in the group had herpes, one had gonorrhea, and one had syphilis!! And they still had to wait for the results of the HIV tests. They sure couldn’t be taking care of themselves! And they didn’t even look like the kind of people you would think had all these problems! But, what kind of people go to such a party anyway?
I may stay celibate the rest of my life. But, I hope not; I want a husband. My own man.
Finally they were through with the whole process and were leaving w
ith their next appointments made already. They left the clinic, rushing swiftly to their cars, and drove away. Hurrying someplace where there were no eyes to see them. Some to sleep. Some to argue and fight, I bet.
Yeah, the party was over. Some friendships were gone. My cousin Lucy said it took a long, long time for some of them to go back to the club again.
But those are not all the important things. Even now, some people did not think of the party as a cunning, ruthless, hypocritical, lying thing to do. I think there were a few young, and yeah, innocent women and men there, that hadn’t come there with nothing on their minds but dancing. There are still some innocent people in this world. Very few. But that party, a kind of drugged-up mess, is one of the reasons why I’m proud my cousin did not stay for the “after-party.”
That “Soul” people love to say they have can get messed up if you don’t think about which world you want to live in, and who rules it. You can degrade your own dignity, and respect may be gone. Forever. You get one life. Whose hands you put your life in and how you use it up is important. God said so. Satan is alive and well! And if your minister ain’t tellin you something real, they ain’t tellin you nothing!
Anyway the party is over.
I know you want me to hush. I will.
But my mama told me I better always try to know what is going on in my life. I told you, I listen to my mama.
I watch, I listen. And I talk. I tell it all, chile!
Catch a Falling Heart
When anybody is born, at that minute, that’s the last step you get in life that was known and expected. No one ever knows what the next step is going to be. You can hope, but you can’t know. Things start happening to some people before they are even able to think and make choices for theirself. Later, when they’re older, some people don’t even know they have choices so they just go any which way life casts them. Takes thinking, and it don’t look like there is too much thinking around. I feel dumb myself, sometimes; a lot.
Wild Stars Seeking Midnight Suns Page 15