by Mav Skye
“I thought... I was just going to ask if you…” He let go of Donny’s arm and pointed at his bag of donuts.
At the sound of his voice, Donny recognized the man immediately. It was the old parole officer Chloe was in the process of replacing. “Damn it, Wallop, I think you broke my ribs.”
Donny tried to stand, using the car grill to pull himself up. He scanned the alley. The bunny-eared clown was gone.
The line of clowns had begun to break up as the Firefighters and cops worked together. Hoses were out, spraying at the fire, but it was obviously a hopeless cause at this point.
Donny turned back to Wallop. “I was this close to catching the clown that tried to abduct Officer Jackson’s child earlier, you moron.”
Wallop’s face bloomed red. “I-I-I was trying to keep up morale.” He held up his bag of donuts and opened it, offering one to Donny.
Donny groaned, clutching his ribs with both hands now, and sank back to the pavement. “Seriously? Get the ambulance over here!”
“Right! I’m on it.” Wallop turned on his heel and waddled into the chaos.
“Did one of those clowns getcha, Trooper Hanks?” The slim-bodied rookie kneeled by Donny, touching him on the shoulder, concern in his eyes.
Donny closed his eyes. “Nope, just Officer Wallop offering me a doughnut.”
“Gee whiz, that guy is a tank. The fire department should use him as a trampoline for stranded people jumping from buildings.”
Pain throbbed through Donny’s abdomen, despite this he half-grinned at the rookie. “I think you’re on to something. What’s your name, kid?”
“Janks, sir. Spindler PD just hired me.” An ambulance flashed its lights as it moved through the traffic, crowd, police, firefighters and clowns. “I’ve already called you a meat wagon.”
Moments later, EMTs had loaded Donny onto a stretcher and raced the sirening machine toward the hospital. After a few minutes, the driver flipped the sirens off. The medics cracked clown jokes as they checked Donny’s pulse, and offered him oxygen.
One of the men had blonde, wavy hair—as if he had gone surfing before work. He even talked like a beach bum as he examined Donny’s swollen ribcage. “I got another one. Why was the clown sad?”
The other medic was Hispanic. He was middle-aged with a jolliness about him that could have made Scrooge smile. He grinned as he typed Donny’s stats into a laptop. “Tell me why. Tell me why.”
Beach Bum said, “Dude! She broke her funny bone!”
The jolly medic broke out into a loud howl and slapped his thigh. “Her funny bone!”
Beach bum medic said, “I know, right?” He jabbed Donny hard in the ribs.
Donny yelped.
Beach Bum patted Donny on the shoulder. “Sorry, man. Just have to check, you know?”
Donny nodded. “Maybe warn me next time?”
“No way. You wouldn’t have let me do it, man.”
Donny had to agree.
“Broken?” Jolly slapped a blood pressure cuff on Donny’s arm and pushed a button.
Beach Bum said, “Don’t think so. Seems intact to me. He’ll need x-rays just to make sure there isn’t a slight fracture though.”
“Right.” Jolly turned backed toward the laptop as the blood cuff released.
Beach Bum huffed on a stethoscope. Before placing it on Donny’s chest, he pointed at Jolly. “Now it’s your turn for a clown joke. I know you got one in you.” He placed the stethoscope right below Donny’s ribs, and gently pressed.
“Ouch!”
Beach Bum laughed. “That’s what she said.”
Jolly slapped his thigh again, and Beach Bum held his finger up, indicating silence while he listened to Donny’s heart.
Donny tried not to hold his breath as the medic pressed.
“Breathe, dude.”
Donny let out his breath, and the medic removed the stethoscope. “Good news. I think you’ll live.” He lifted his lips in a silly grin at Donny.
Donny said, “Don’t tell my wife. She was counting on life insurance money.”
“Ha ha!” Beach Bum nestled a blanket over Donny’s ribs. “Yo, Nicolás, give us that clown joke.”
Jolly put his hand on his forehead and closed his eyes. “I’m trying to think, think, think…I’ve got the greatest joke, bro. It just isn’t coming to me. Tell me another.”
After reporting Donny’s pulse, Beach Bum spread his fingers. “Okay. Okay. What is the gooey red stuff between elephant’s toes?”
Jolly pointed at him. “Oh! Oh! I know it!”
“Tell me, then!”
Jolly yelled out, “Slow clowns!”
“Yes!” Beach Bum pumped his fist in the air.
Beach Bum turned back to Donny. “You’re all good for now, man. Can I get you anything?”
Donny thought a moment. “Could you hand me my cell? It’s in my jacket.”
“Sure thing, dude.” Beach Bum retrieved it for him, while Jolly chuckled about slow clowns.
Jolly turned away from the laptop. “What about you, Officer? Got any jokes?”
Donny winced at the pain in his ribs. “Uhhh…”
Beach Bum said, “Leave the man alone. He’s in pain.”
“No, no, I got one.”
Jolly high-fived with Beach Bum. “Oh, bro, spit it out. We gotta hear it.”
Donny clutched his ribs but was thankful for the distraction. “Okay. So, a trooper pulls a clown over for speeding.
“As the trooper is writing the speeding ticket, she notices several machetes in the back of this clown’s car.”
“Oh, dang!” Jolly slapped his thigh.
“‘What are those for?’ the cop asks suspiciously. ‘I’m a juggler,’ the clown replies. ‘I use those in my act.’ She says, ‘Oh yeah? Prove it, buster.’
“Oh, she’s sassy. I like it,” said Beach Bum.
Jolly waved his hands at Beach Bum. “Shhh! Let him finish it.”
Donny said, “The clown says, ‘On the side of the road?’ ‘Impress me,’ the trooper demands. So, the juggler gets out all his machetes and starts juggling them. First three, then four, five, etc… Finally, he’s doing all seven at the same time. He’s juggling them overhand, underhand, behind his back. He’s putting on this crazy show. And the trooper is totally amazed.”
“Totally,” confirmed Beach Bum.
“While the clown is performing his circus act, a car passes by. The driver does a double take and says, ‘My golly, I’ve got to give up drinking! Look at the sobriety tests they’re giving now!’”
“Oh!” Beach Bum patted Donny on the sleeve. “Oh! The tests. Ha!”
Jolly pounded his thigh, doubled over laughing.
Donny chortled with them, setting off a coughing spell.
Jolly waved at Beach Bum. “Frankie, bro, better hand over that oxygen mask. We’re gonna make this cop pass out.”
The coughing eased, and Donny held up his hand. “I’m fine. Fine. I think I’ll just rest a moment.”
Jolly patted him on the sleeve. “Sure, man. Sure.” He pushed a button and the blood pressure cuff on Donny’s arm tighten again. Jolly turned to Beach Bum. “Oh, hey, I remember that joke now.”
“Excellent, dude, no holding back.”
Beach Bum slapped his forehead. “Wait a minute, I better radio into the hospital.”
“Oh dang. They’d be pissed if we forgot again.”
Donny droned out the cheerful elves, and checked his cell for messages from Kara Leigh. Zip. He typed,
You okay?
A minute later she texted back.
Mckayla just had a blowout.
It’s all over the carpet.
Her poo is spinach green.
Do you think that’s normal?
The thought grossed him out to the point that he temporarily forgot the pain in his ribs. It also gave Donny a strange taste in the back of his mouth at the thought of the baby covering herself and the carpet in spinach green. But it was his family, and they were s
afe. He typed back,
Stay home if you can tonight.
She replied,
I’m not going anywhere with your daughter’s
snot and diarrhea covering everything in sight.
Donny’s stomach lurched, this time bringing attention to the pain instead of redirecting it, causing another coughing fit, but her answer made him laugh.
Jolly paused and said, “Okay, bro, maybe it’s time to put the cell down.”
Donny held up a finger to Jolly. One minute.
He wrote,
I’ll be over to check on you later.
She texted back,
Bring cheeseburgers, k? And fries.
How she could eat greasy hamburgers after wiping snot and spinach diarrhea off the carpet, Donny would never know.
He wrote,
K
Then,
Love you
He waited a moment and checked his phone. Kara Leigh didn’t text him back.
The medics rolled him through the emergency doors of the hospital. Two nurses directed them down the hall to a room.
Beach Bum told another clown joke, and the nurses giggled politely.
The rookie cop—Janks—sat planted on a chair in the hall. He saluted Donny as the nurses and medics rushed him in, and Donny saluted back.
Beach Bum and Jolly wished him well and exited with one of the nurses.
As the door closed then opened again, a doctor strode in. Donny checked his cell again hoping Kara Leigh had texted back.
She hadn’t.
25
Clown with a Chainsaw
AFTER TANYA AND DIANA HAD LEFT together to go grocery shopping for the Thursday night group dinner, Chloe and Wes sat both kids down at the table and drilled them about the clowns from earlier that day.
Shayla’s statement pretty much summing up how everyone felt about the clowns in town. “This is dumb.”
Wes said, “Thanks for sharing that. Can you tell me about the clown earlier?”
Shayla stared at the table, twirling her hair through her fingers. The mug of hot cocoa Chloe had given her went untouched. “How about: I hate this family. I hate you. And I hate that she brought these stupid clowns into our lives.”
Chloe opened her mouth, then closed it. The kid had a point.
Wes said, “Don’t talk to your mother that way. She’s been through enough today, Shayla.”
“So have I, Dad!”
Chloe touched Shayla’s hand. “You’re right Shayla. I’m sorry that clown scared you so badly today and I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you.”
Shayla let Chloe’s hand linger on hers. Chloe could see her expression softening. She opened her mouth to speak again when Chev interrupted.
“There were clowns in your closet way before they were chasing Mom.”
Shayla said, “That’s not true, slime ball.”
Chev said, “Fat cow.”
Shayla tossed her hand in the air. “Dad!”
Wes sighed. “Chev, watch it.”
Chev ignored them all. “It is so true. You told me, you told me you’d seen that scary ol’ clown as long as you can remember.”
Shayla shrieked. “I did not.”
Chloe put a hand over her eyes. She was exhausted. Maybe tonight wasn’t the best for this conversation. She glanced at Wes who was staring at the clock on the wall behind her, zoned out. He was tired, too.
Chev said, “Maybe that makes you crazy.”
Shayla pointed at Chloe. “I’m not crazy like her.”
Chev scratched his nose. “Mom isn’t crazy.”
“This woman is not my mother.”
Chloe knew Shayla didn’t mean it, that she was as tired and scared as Chloe was, but Shayla’s words stung nonetheless. “Shayla, honey—”
“No!” Shayla stood and slapped the table. “I didn’t see clowns in my closet until we met you. And now they are chasing me just like they chase you. I don’t want to be you. I don’t want to live like this. I don’t want to be scared my entire life.”
Chloe swallowed hard and bit her lip. She let her hands fall back into her lap.
Wes sighed. “Shayla, please skip all the hate remarks. Sit down and just tell us what the clown you saw today looked like.”
She folded her arms and glared at Wes.
He held out his hand. “Sit down and talk or you can hand me your cell.”
Shayla sighed, texted someone on her phone, and sat down. “I’ll talk.”
“Good.”
Shayla ran her fingers through her hair. “Okay. I don’t know when he started following me. I went to pick up Chev at school, but he told me he wanted to walk home with his friend. Aunt Tanya lets him all the time, so I left.”
Chloe and Wes exchanged glances.
She said, “I had my earbuds in and was listening to, like, IAMX. At a crosswalk, I noticed my shoe was untied, so I stopped to tie it before I crossed the street, and when I stood up there was a clown leaning against the stop sign.”
“What did he look like?” asked Chloe.
Chev said, “Was he the clown you used to see in your closet?”
Shayla visibly shivered. She glanced at Chev, then back down to the table. Her voice quieted, “His hair was neon pink and green, and he wore a small top hat, you know, like steampunk? But not steampunk. It didn’t look steampunk on him. It was creepy, especially with that plastic flower sticking out of the brim. He had a red grin and white face paint, the red nose. but what I remember most is his eyes. It wasn’t because he had black triangles painted over the lids, but the look in his eyes? It was predatory.
“He wiggled his eyebrows and wolf whistled at me. I ignored him, waiting for a break in traffic, but it was busy that time of day. He waved at me and said, ‘Hey, baby, look at me when I talk to you.’ But I didn’t speak to him. I didn’t even look at him. Then he started talking to me.”
Chloe leaned forward. “What did he say?”
Shayla glanced at Chev, then Wes. “I…I don’t want to say. Not with him around.” She glared at Chev.
“Come on, Shays, I wanna hear,” whined Chev.
Chloe stood, snatched Shayla’s earbuds off the counter.
“Hey, those are my—”
Chloe popped them into Chev’s ears and plugged it into her cell. She tapped on the screen and pulled up The Ramones.
Chev started bopping his head, and started looking for a game.
“Ew…” sighed Shayla. “Do you know how much earwax he has in his ears?”
Chloe said, “You’ll live. Tell me what the clown said.”
Shayla’s face grew dark, and she looked down at the table. “He said something about the clowns causing an… apocalypse at the parade on Saturday. But he wasn’t going to be there.”
Chloe touched Shayla’s shoulder. “Go on.”
Tears came to her eyes. “He said he was going to be hiding in my closet waiting ‘til I’m alone so he could… So he can—” Shayla burst out crying. Chloe opened her arms, and Shayla fell into them like a little girl. She whispered, “What did you do? How did you get away?”
The blue-haired teen said, “I told him to leave me alone, but he wouldn’t so I—”
“What?” asked Chloe.
Shayla glanced up at her father, then back down to the table. She burst out laughing. “I kicked him in the balls.”
Chloe couldn’t help but snort with surprise.
Wes placed a hand on Shayla’s shoulder. “Good girl. That’s exactly what you do.”
Shayla sobered. “I thought he’d bend over and fall or something, but instead he lunged for me. I was so scared that I ran out into the street with all the traffic coming toward me. I lost it and just ran. One of the cars almost hit me, and I could hear the clown laughing from the sidewalk.
“I kept running, but every time I looked behind me, he was there. Not running, but walking, it was so eerie. I kept trying to call Dad, but it kept going to voicemail. Travis lived close by, so I went to his ho
use. That’s when I called you.” Shayla looked up at Chloe with frightened, doe eyes. She retreated into her chair. Chloe slipped her hand over the teen’s and squeezed.
Shayla let her, but after a moment, withdrew her hand, picked up her cell and started texting.
Wes and Chloe’s eyes met. Wes jutted his chin toward Chev and Chloe popped the earbuds out.
“Hey! I wanna keep listening.”
Wes folded his hands on the table. He stared at them, his expression impossible to read.
“Your turn to talk.” Chloe turned to Chev. “Let’s hear it.”
He moped with his shoulders drooping. “Hear what?”
Chloe hated to say its name. No, hate wasn’t a strong enough word. She spit it out, “Mr. Jingles.”
Chev shrugged. “I was so excited to tell you about him, and you don’t like him before you even met him. I don’t want to tell you anymore.”
“How long have you been friends?”
“I don’t know a few weeks or months or something. Maybe a year.”
“We haven’t lived here a year.”
“Oh.”
Chloe frowned, she knew it was hard for kids to keep track of time. “What kind of things did you guys do when you hung out?”
“Oh, he read me books. We’d jump rope, sing, and dance,” this sent shivers down Chloe’s spine, “and he was teaching me to juggle.”
“What kind of songs would you sing and dance to?”
“Um…” Chev stuck his finger up his nose and scratched, bringing Chloe’s attention to a glob of jelly on his Spiderman shirt. She’d need to put OxiClean on that before throwing it in the wash.
When Chev took his finger out of his nose, he was surprised there was a booger on it.
“Gross,” said Shayla, causing Wes to look up, shake his head and look back down at his folded hands.
Chloe handed Chev a tissue, and he wiped the booger on it, then remembered he was supposed to answer a question. “Like the hokey pokey?”
She glanced at Shayla. “Did you ever see Chev’s friend?”
Shayla rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Nope. He’d just come running in and tell Aunt Tanya he was going to his friend’s house and run back out.”
Chloe said, “What about the jewelry box?”