by JN Lenz
“Old Lady Preston, I don’t know who the hell she is.”
“You know the one I’m talking about; she has been to the Funeral Home a few times since we have been here. The Nursing Home brought her over to attend the services for a fellow inmate at the old age home. I already juiced Fred about some info on her and she has no family in town and not much family living period. The old girl is in her nineties and has dementia and she signed off on a very expensive service years ago according. To top it off she’s right here in town, just down the street at the Crestwood Manor Nursing Home.
“So what are you going to walk in the front door and just kill her?”
“Think about it Jack, we’ve both been in there lots of times taking our excess flowers. We both go in and do just that.”
“Do what”
“We pay the Nursing Home a visit and take them a couple of floral arrangements. The first one I will leave at the front desk, the other I will take down to the Main Lounge. The old girls love that shit down there. I’ve walked down those halls a number of times already and no one has ever said a thing to me, besides hello. It’s perfect.”
“Perfect, what the hell do you mean perfect? How are you planning on murdering her? Besides doesn’t that place the pair of us at the scene of the crime?”
“The plan is that there will be no crime scene. Do we still have those couple of floral arrangements upstairs from the weekend service?
Yaa, I believe we do.”
“The two of us will take them to the Nursing Home at nine thirty tonight; first we drop by the coffee shop and on the way and pick up six coffees and a half dozen donuts for the on duty staff. That will give you something to distract them with. While you are at the front with the staff, I’ll take the arrangements back thru to the main sitting room at the rear of the building. According to the room number listed on Fred’s file of her, the main lounge is only three doors down from her room.”
“What if there is any staff down there?
“You use the coffees and the donuts to keep the ladies occupied at the front desk. Tell the front desk to ring everyone that is working in the building; have them come down for a break with fresh coffee and donuts. Just stay at the front desk and keep them all occupied. With everyone at the front desk, I slide into her room and take care of her real simple like, with her own pillow. I’ll straighten everything up in the room and meet you back up front; they won’t even notice her until the morning.”
“What about an autopsy, I’m sure they will perform one, won’t they?”
“Since we arrived here many autopsies have you seen Doc Burrows perform?”
“I don’t have a clue.”
“Well I do, the number is zero. I was talking to Fred about it as well, and he said the Doc basically never performs autopsies. The guy is too lazy, according to Fred.”
“That is one bit of good news here I guess, I sure hope you know what you are doing Clyde. I guess I always said you were a Natural Born Killer.”
“Guess this is my chance to prove you were correct.”
“Trust me; I can live without the knowledge.”
“No problem I won’t mention a word of killing after it’s done.”
“I still want details; my ass is on the line for all of this too. When it comes to the murder itself, I can stay at the front and I just keep the girls occupied? If they are anything like the middle aged women that work there in the day time it should not be an issue, by the look of them they like their treats.”
“That’s the spirit buddy, you just keep everyone busy up at the front desk. Make them stay up there until I return whatever you do. You’re still a new boy in town and they haven’t heard all your bullshit stories, like the men in their lives. How simple is that for you, that’s all you need to do is keep them occupied for fifteen to twenty minutes tops.
“Good, I’m no trigger guy, the fact that the old girl has next to no relatives is good news right?”
“Should mean fewer questions about her death I guess.”
“True and there will be no one to question some additional up charges to the estate from the Funeral. Let me see her file I would like to check the details of her service for myself.”
“Sounds like I have a convert, here take the file I am done with this one anyway. I want to do this thing tonight Jack so be ready to go by nine tonight.
“We’re sure than Clyde, are we really going to do this? You know there is no turning back the clock once we carry this out, unlike the pot this is going to be out there forever.”
“I set aside sixteen files in that stack, they are all in their late eighties or nineties and they think that Teddy Roosevelt is the fucking president in America still. I honestly don’t think the other six billion people on the plant are going to miss them that much. They’re already on another planet so who’s to say they’ll even know they are dead?” Yes this will never really go away but if we do it right no one will be the wiser and few will give a shit regardless, I’ll still be able to sleep at night.”
“OK, shut the hell up with the, they won’t know they’re dead shit. I’ve never been dead but I have a pretty good idea it’s gonna be decidedly different than being alive. You might be on to something with the Doc, we picked up a body the other day from Nursing Home and I remember Doc Burrows just wrote up the death certificates and dropped it off. He never did take a look at the body that day; he was more concerned with his Bass fishing than doing his job. Maybe fishing is on the top of his mind, and not determining any cause of death.
“I already asked Fred how often the doc performs autopsies, Fred said next to never and in particular if they were old it was certainly a never.”
Clyde replied clearly trying to demonstrate to me that he had already covered all the angles and had placed some of his past tactical hunting skills behind landing this latest prey. Clyde did after all have a past history of circumvented the law in hunting illegally not that killing an animal in the bush illegally could truly be compared to murder, a far more dangerous game he was about to play with the law than hunting deer out of season.
“Was a topic like that something you think was best to bring up to Fred, what if he is smarter than you think?” I replied being a little concerned that he was discussing autopsies with Fred and at his overtly confident manner when discussing the planned murder
“It was part of a discussion we had while we were cleaning the embalming room this morning, we talked about a bunch of process and regulation shit, and the autopsy question wouldn’t stand out at all. You think Freddie is gonna think we are going start murdering pre arrangement customers? Come on why he would think we would or could be killers, stoners maybe killers never.” Clyde raised his eyebrow as he spoke as if to say “give me a fucking break “in this case I’m sure Clyde is right most people don’t suspect anyone they know of being a murderer I guess
“OK, OK that’s good news right, no autopsy, right” I muttered back to Clyde I was really searching for that signal from deep inside me that would say yaa go for it. This is a slam dunk, or conversely having my stomach churn in some gut wrenching fashion begging me to call this crazy plan off. I should be telling Clyde that he had gone completely fucking nuts! But I did not.
While I was throwing the idea around in my head, I was still waiting for some kind of sign from within to provide me with a clear signal. Something strong enough to sicken me with the whole prospect of what the two of us were about to undertake. Clyde would make mention of his mole that was located under his chin, the one located on his face, slightly towards his ear.
The mole had delivered a sharp pain early this morning, precisely when Clyde was planning how he would accomplish the first of the killings. I have to admit that was a positive sign leaning towards our success, but there was no way I was going to give into Clyde that easy. After all he was talking about murder and I was about to be an accomplice, an active partner in it all. Even if he did all the killing, I would still be an accessory to first degr
ee murder.
The both of us would be facing a pile of years behind bars, if we ever get caught. The moles had proven to be accurate precursors of the future for Clyde for as many years as either of us could remember, he had told me at a young age that he had six moles on various parts of his body, all of which acted like forbearers to the future.
There was one mole on the back of his neck which would give him a quick sharp pain
“Like getting bit by a deer fly but when you slap at it there is nothing there”
Was the way Clyde would describe it when we were both kids. That mole on the back of his neck would give him a pain if someone was sneaking up or getting ready to confront him, Clyde would claim when we were growing up that the mole on his neck would always give him a sharp pinch moments before his father would enter his room to beat or burn him during his drunken violent rages.
There was the mole on his face that he would rely on when making important decisions in life like the pain he felt in that mole after walking out the front door of his family home at the age of seventeen free at last, or the pain he got on his facial mole before laying down the winning hand when he won the Funeral Home on that fateful Tuesday night on his twentieth birthday, there was the mole on his back that he depended on when he hunted. That mole would give his a sharp shot of pain seconds before a Buck would appear for a clear shot as Clyde waited silently with his riffle or cross bow.
The number four mole was located right behind his nuts which he said always gave him a pinch before he got laid, which in Clyde’s case was usually with a hooker so I’m not so sure he can list that mole as a crystal ball into his future sex life.
Number five was on the back of his leg down by his ankle; whenever he got a sharp pain in that mole he said he knew he was going to hurt himself. Like the first time Clyde felt the pain on that mole, when at the age of seven he was climbing into one of those big blow up bounce rooms that the kids would jump wildly around on the cushion of air below moments after feeling a twisting pain on the leg mole the fattest kid in town landed on Clyde’s outstretched arm promptly snapping it in two places.
Then there was the sixth mole that sat behind his left ear, Clyde would claim it would give him a sharp jab of pain that he could feel deep inside his ear when someone is plotting something against him, he claimed that mole had given him a jab several minutes before the mole on his neck pinched him the night his father entered his room and burnt the end of his penis.
There was a past proven track record with moles that I had heard so much of in the past I had come to believe him explicitly when he referred to their warnings , we had spent so much time together growing up he had proven it to me on more than one occasion. I remember once at school when a group of us had snuck back into the back trees to smoke some cigarettes one of the guys had stolen from home, I think we were in like grade six.
Halfway between getting green from the smokes that we all had in our mouths Clyde told me he just got a bite on the mole on the back of his neck, I told him it was a mosquito. Five minutes later the principal had us by the cuff of our shirt leading us to his office where all of us received the leather strap three times on each hand. To be fair he did lean over to me on that night when he won the Funeral Home on a poker hand and said that the mole on his face just gave him a tweak after that hand had been dealt. Financially it was a no brainer more money coming in was exactly what we needed to put these debts permanently behind us, the crazy interest rate could not be left to compound or we too would lose the place or everyone’s fingers! Fuck it I thought
“Just tell me what you need me to do” was my final response to Clyde.
“Just keep them all occupied, let’s get going” he replied.
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Chapter 4
The Crestwood Nursing Home is a short drive from the Shackles Funeral Home and is set among a large ravine lot on the edge of a large conservation tract full of mature maples and birch trees. The parking lot directly adjacent to the south side of the nursing home was almost vacant when we pulled through the lot and up to the front doors of the nursing home.
“Just keep fucking talking, that’s all you need to do” Clyde’s reminded me as I pulled the service van directly in front of the main front doors of the Nursing Home his tone was direct you could almost smell his focus. I gathered the coffees and muffins we had just purchased along the way as Clyde walked to the back of the van and removed the two floral arrangements from the back of the van.
The front doors were locked but there was a key pad directly beside the door which released the lock, the number sequence required to unlock the set of doors was listed on the key pad. Fred had mentioned to us when we had visited the Nursing Home for the first time to drop off flowers that many homes used this type of system which was meant more in an attempt in stopping the dementia patients from walking out the front door than security in keeping people out.
The front desk was just beyond the front doors where they always had someone stationed and they would monitor who came and went, the ward clerks and care workers could shut the key pad off completely from a switch at the desk which kept the front door locked which they usually did between eleven pm and six am Fred would go on to tell both Clyde and I.
As I opened the front door after entering the code on the pad I immediately began to talk in a upbeat friendly tone.
“Good evening ladies we are bringing you flowers, fresh coffee and treats. Anyone here interested in a break? I hope there’s more than just the two of you I brought six coffees along with a half dozen muffins” I proudly announced as both Clyde and I made our way through the entrance and down the short hallway towards the front desk, the larger of the two ladies behind the front desk was the first to notice us approaching and welcomed us with a big smile.
“How about a nice arrangement for the front desk here, I’ll take the rest of the flowers down to the main Hall for the residents” Clyde added quickly with a big smile as he set down one of the smaller arrangements on the front desk’s counter top and then turned and walked briskly towards the left hall which led toward the main gathering room and old lady Preston’s room.
“Oh my, what a wonderful treat.”
Chirped the smaller of the two ladies who looked first towards the exiting Clyde before turning and beginning to thank me.
” That’s for sure, I could get used to this treatment. Isn’t this nice of you boys” added the larger lady with graying hair eyeing the box of muffins as I slipped them across the top of the front counter so I had a free hand to steady the coffees onto the counter.
“It’s always nice to have a break, why don’t you give the other girls a call to come on up and have a break. You know what they say you have to take time to smell the flowers. Now the small paper bag on top of the coffee has the cream and sugar and some stir sticks, the coffees are all just black because I don’t know what you take in them yet” it started to just flow out of me, I thought the yet part might be a little over the top but the two old girls at the counter were eating it up. Clyde was so right these middle aged ladies working the night shift were quite happy to stop everything and shoot the shit with a late twenties guy who just brought them flowers and a treat and was even making a fuss over them. How often would a twenty something year old guy make a fuss over these two I thought as the three of use continued to make friendly small talk with me complimenting and flattering them at every opportunity.
Clyde met one of the ladies walking along the end of the first aisle and warmly invited her to the front desk where a fresh coffee and choice of muffin awaited her, she would be much younger than the pair at the front desk at somewhere in her mid to late thirties. Clyde turned to watch the care worker as she continued walking towards the front counter, she had a nice ass Clyde would later comment when we discussed the events of the night later back in the apartment kitchen, I agreed having noticed that fact for myself while she stood at the front counter drinking her coffee. The hall Cly
de was now walking down would lead him to old lady Preston’s room which was located just before the Main Lounge where the residents spent the bulk of their time when awake.
While the larger lady continued talking having barely come up for air after Clyde had walked away the smaller lady who was with her behind the front desk picked up the phone dialing a three digit extension
” Hey Lilly, it’s Jane at the front desk, we’ve got a treat for you and Joan. time for a break come on up to the front desk before the fresh coffee from the bakery gets cold”. The small lady placed the receiver back in its cradle and cut in on the still talking larger lady who was still talking
“They are going to be straight up” the small older lady stated as she pushed up slightly against her hair with her left hand while producing a big smile, my name is Wendy by the way.
“I’ve seen you in her a couple of times I believe, but I don’t think that I have caught either of your names” I replied as the lady with the nice ass that Clyde had already met appeared from down the hall. I noticed then that Clyde had already disappeared down the first hall.
I had turned from the ladies at the counter and was looking straight at the attractive lady as I asked about their names” I’m Julie thank you so much for the unexpected surprise, I can sure use this coffee to help wake me up” replied the attractive lady who looked even younger than her years, I noticed the age in her hands while I quickly looked down searching for the presence of a ring on her left hand. There was defiantly a rock on there and not a bad sized one that is when I noticed her hands which looked ten years older than her youthful good looks. Of course an attractive woman like this in her mid-thirties would be married in a small town like Largo, she was probably the best catch in town in her teens and twenties, for that matter she still would be had she not married.