AJ: I’m free.
Jessica: When are you coming back to Seattle? I need you, babe.
Sky: Porter, stop fucking around. When are you coming to LA?
I pushed myself off the floor and handed him the phone and the flowers I assumed were for me. My face grew hot and probably several shades of crimson, between reading his personal texts and making assumptions that he brought me something.
“We can talk another day.” I cleared my throat as I almost choked on whatever was stuck in my throat—another wave of tears? “Text me whenever and we can try to… whatever.”
With a deep crease on his forehead, he looked at me and then at his phone. Then back at me, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes briefly.
“She’s a friend,” he said using that determined, forceful tone I learned not to question. I raised an eyebrow, not believing a word.
“Those are several women at the same time, Porter.” I walked into the kitchen, picked up the paper bag and handed it to him. Then headed to the door, opened it, and tilted my headed outside.
“Never again, Porter.” I pushed him out. “Never again.”
“We were going to talk,” he continued using that commanding voice that used to make me want to jump hoops for him, to make him smile, keep him happy.
“I believe we already did.” My favorite flowers stared at me.
My favorite flowers that were now dead, like me.
I didn’t like cut flowers… he knew that.
Didn’t he?
I didn’t like cheaters, lies, pain, and now him.
His jaw set, his eyes brewed one of those silent storms he won’t let out, and he shook his head. My reasoning was fighting with my heart; I hate when he’s unhappy and as default, I wanted him to smile.
But smile for what?
Because for the first time, I wasn’t taking his word as my gospel as I used to?
“You’re right, we’re done talking,” he raised his voice as he walked toward me. He pinned me down with his dark stare, but this time it didn’t intimidate me—much. I bit the inside of my cheeks and held tight to my sleeves. “That obnoxious jealousy isn’t good for me. No matter how many times I tell you there’s no one else, you don’t believe me. Groupies, that girl from the award ceremony, the model in your video. Your insecurity is pressing me toward the edge. Maybe you’re fucking pushing me to a cliff where I’ll die. Goodbye, AJ.”
2015
“Get the fuck out of our house,” Christian yells as Ainsley finishes her story and crumbles to the floor.
“She twisted my words,” Porter claims.
My hands are clenched tightly into fists. I want to pound Porter for making my child suffer but instead, I tend to her.
“Twisted?” Christian is about to punch him.
“Chris, babe,” I drag his attention toward me and shake my head.
“You dated her while fucking every single girl who crossed your path,” Chris takes a step back and continues his rant, “I know that for a fact. I caught you several times, but I didn’t give a shit because you were single. Why do you think we told you that you weren’t good enough for her?”
It had been a warning because we knew about Porter’s fame with women. I guess Chris let AJ speak to see how far things had gone and how much Porter lied. I pull my child into my lap and hold her as she shivers and sobs.
Mason enters the room, his eyes are drawn to Ainse and flicker with hurt. His nostrils flare and his body turns to Porter.
“I told you, off limits.” He points at him and Porter turns pale.
Chris steps forward, but Mason puts an arm across his chest stopping him.
“He’s not worth it, Christian.” Mason’s steady voice reasons with him. “I’ll dispose of him.”
“After everything we did for you, you hurt our daughter… Forget you ever met us,” Christian’s low, firm, menacing tone is unusual. I’ve heard him use that tone only three times in all these years we’ve been together and things never end up well. “Never cross my path or mention that you know me.”
“Breathe, AJ.” I brush her hair out of her face, but she buries it in my chest. “Tell me what to do.”
“It hurts,” Ainsley whispers, “too much, I didn’t want to remember.”
My entire body is numb as I watch my child sweating pain through her pores.
“‘I see you, AJ, the rest of the world can’t understand you, but I do,’ he told me so many times.” She laughs hysterically after saying those words.
“I believed him, Dad.”
The nonsense talk is starting to scare me, thinking she may be having a nervous breakdown.
“Porter Kendrick repeatedly told me to stay away from the world. We didn’t need restaurants, night clubs, friends, my family… I only needed him. I had him. He convinced me that no one else would ever love me like he did.”
I rub her back trying to take away the pain or whatever is hurting her so bad.
“He made me feel guilty each time I doubted him and thought he had cheated. There were plenty of times. I never listened to rumors. However, on occasions when I watched an award show, he behaved as if he was dating the person next to him. JC and MJ always told me it was an act, that I should grow up and shove my insecurities away. Back then, I owned a full package of those and low self-esteem.”
Another wave of laughter and sobbing crashes, Christian and I look at each other and then at her. We’re at a loss, not knowing what to do to help her.
“Porter Kendrick said that I only needed him.”
“I had him.”
“He convinced me that no one else would love me like him.”
“I lost everything, everyone, myself; because of him.”
“Don’t tell your parents, don’t discuss our relationship with your brothers, you can’t bring friends to the house. I want you back in the house if you don’t have classes. Order online, don’t go to the store.”
“I became one of them.”
“One of who, baby girl?” Christian squats in front of her, also trying to calm her down.
“His anger was my fault. His irritation my own doing… Every mistake of his magical life turned into my own doing. He led me to believe I was blowing things out of proportion. The fear of losing him…”
“Did he ever hit you, Ainsley?” Christian’s low voice tells me he’s about to snap, take off, and kill Porter.
“No.”
“You’re not alone, baby. You’re with us.” I comfort her. I wish I could take her pain away, but I can’t. “We’ll work this out together.”
Mason walks through the kitchen and scoops Ainsley from my arms.
“Where to?” He murmurs something to her that we can’t hear as he presses her to his chest.
Christian gives him directions to my old room. We follow behind but not before we ask Coco for tea and some breakfast. The one, my kids prepared, has spoiled.
“You need to sleep too, babe,” Christian reminds me as we climb the stairs.
“Thank you, Mason, for everything you’ve done for her,” I tell him.
“She’s a good friend.” He places her in the middle of the bed, takes off her shoes, and tucks her inside the blankets.
Christian stays behind with her. He asks us to give him a couple of minutes.
Mason follows behind me. I remember meeting the kid when he was only a toddler. Now he stands a couple of inches taller than me, well built, and with a bright future.
Mason owns his own security business with many complex layers. A smart, successful guy, who appears to have a crush on my daughter if those worried eyes are any indication.
“What happened there?” I stare at his bloody fist.
“Oh, this?” He examines his hand. “It’s nothing, a few punches someone owed me.”
He rocks his weight on hi
s heels. “I’ll arrange my schedule to stay around for a couple of days, in case Ainse… I worry about her.”
“She’ll appreciate it, Mason.”
Chris comes out of the room and closes the door behind him tilting his head toward the master bedroom.
“Thank you, Mason,” Chris gives him a slight nod.
“Call me if she needs me.” Mason turns around and heads downstairs.
“How is she?” I caress his tight jaw with both hands, smoothing the tension away.
“She’s asleep now, I think it was just too much all at once,” he pauses and presses his lips together. “I had to push her. Rip the band-aid right off, and not give him time to create a lie or have her talk on his behalf as she’s done since he arrived into our home.”
“I know, babe. You did well.” I kiss his neck. “Thank you for not losing your shit. I’ll follow your lead.”
“For now, she has to rest. She’s exhausted and will sleep for a long time. I sang her a lullaby,” he gripes looking toward the floor. “We failed her, babe. I tried so hard to keep her away from the world, and we…”
Chris moves into my open arms, no hesitation. If I know my guy, he’s feeling as worthless as I do at the moment. Our children hurting is the worst, cutting through your soul pain I’ve ever experienced.
“Let’s go to bed, Gabe.” He crushes me against his body with his strong arms. “These have been the worst twenty-four hours in a long time.”
Heading to the bedroom, Chris is silent and I lock the door after we enter. Chris heads to the closet, and in a few seconds he comes out wearing a t-shirt and his boxers. For a sixty-year-old dog, he still has a breathtaking body. Feasting on his strong, muscular legs and broad shoulders, I pray he lets me make love to him. I need him so much.
“I’m fucking tired, and you need to rest. Doctor’s orders.” He points to the bed.
Chris shakes his head as if reading my thoughts. “Sleep, that’s all.”
He approaches me, sets his forehead against mine, and closes his eyes. “This doesn’t mean we’re back together or that we reached some sort of agreement.”
The pride hits me. “You can use any bedroom.”
“Gabriel, don’t fuck with me.” He opens his eyes and kisses me lightly, pulling me toward the bed. “Ainsley called me yesterday to tell me you were on your way to the hospital, then I saw the fucking news… Gabe Colt dead. I found myself lost in the middle of the dessert without a landscape to follow or a home. I had lost my home. My mind eased when MJ called to update me.”
I pull the covers up and make a note to thank MJ for thinking about his father, El Padre.
“Damn Gabe, we’ll fucking fix this. Us, our family… I fucking love you so much… We need to transcend.”
That’s the word he repeated several times almost thirty years ago as his band lost their momentum and Dreadful Souls broke up.
“We can transcend, Rock Star, move to the next level.”
Chris rolls me over on my back and takes my lips with the strength of an alpha wolf taking his mate. My dick springs to life with the touch of his hard cock, and after our tongues and lips reconnect he stops, moving himself back to his side of the bed.
I miss his weight already.
“Neither one of us had a drop of sleep, so just for now, I need to hold you.” I go willingly into his arms. “To know you’re still alive. Don’t read too much into this… because we haven’t scratched the surface of our relationship.”
“I love you, babe,” I brush his lips with mine and move closer to him. Fuck, I’ve missed him.
Why did I walk away from him?
“I’ll grovel as much as you let me, Chris.”
“Ainse?” He asks suddenly. I don’t open my eyes. “We need to sort that out and wake her up at least to feed her lunch.”
“Fuck, a baby,” I let out a breath trying to release the tightness inside my chest.
“Our grandson,” Chris adds. “Our little girl always gets the short end, doesn’t she?”
“What are we going to do, babe?”
“Not now, Gabe.” Chris nuzzles my neck. “Rest, then we’ll discuss everything later.”
2015
The moon shines on top of the dark blue sea. After I woke up from the longest nap I’ve ever had during my adult life, I went to grab some food. The microwave on top of the stove announced it was after four—in the morning.
I slept for more than twelve hours. I remember my parents waking me up so I’d eat some lunch—chicken soup and a sandwich. Right after I finished, I went back to sleep until now.
With a granola bar and water in hand, I make my way outside of the house. The ocean calls my name, the peace its movement brought to me would help with the typhoon whirling inside my head.
Today—well yesterday, could be considered one of the most heart-wrenching, soul-draining I’ve ever experienced.
My heart and head are making an inventory of the damage while estimating the length it’ll take for them to repair it all, if that’s even possible.
Every painful event that has happened in the past fourteen years resurfaced in a twenty-four hour period. Pulling all those memories, unglued the pieces I had put back together in the past few years.
Mostly the reminiscence of James, the baby I’ll never meet.
Yes, I was young, inexperienced, and immature. No amount of flaws about becoming a mom at that age matter compared to the love I felt for him the moment I learned he existed. The same love I carry inside my heart with the memories of that baby who will never learn to walk, talk, love, ask for a bedtime story, or catch a ball.
He’s inside my heart, and he’ll be always a part of who I am. The pain might not go away, but recognizing him makes it bearable.
Ironically, my soul isn’t as heavy as yesterday. Not as light as a feather, but it might get there someday. The knots I carried for so long loosen, giving me some room to breathe easier.
My system is purging the bitterness. My heart stopped withering. Freedom, I might break all the chains and be able to climb out of the hole I’ve lived in for so long.
One day, perhaps soon, I’ll find the way to move forward, head to the next point.
The future.
Maybe I should call my therapist, tell him I finally faced my past. If only I could move forward. No, not if. I can move forward, search for that place I want to belong.
“Where do you see yourself, Ainsley?” my therapist asked me once. “You can’t get to point B until you have a point B in mind.”
Point B. I should structure the place, give it a name: Ainse’s Unlimited? Nah, too stupid. Still, I want to make it real. There’s a boldness inside me wanting to take a step.
That destination should include my family, my music, and my love for teaching.
Seattle pops into my head once again.
“Nine, are you trying to become nocturnal?” I look over my shoulder to find Mason walking toward me. His silver eyes glowing with the moonlight.
Ah, Mase, my trusty superhero. The one who appears from behind the shadows to rescue me. Or simply be there to talk.
“You did good, supergirl,” he murmured in my ear when he fetched me from Dad’s arms. “I’m proud of you. James is too, I’m sure of it.”
He’s the sweetest guy when I least expect it. If I wasn’t such a freaky mess, I’d dare to explore the attraction, the admiration, the curiosity I’ve developed for his body, for him as a man and not only a friend.
Shake it off, AJ
Where are the alter-ego-glasses?
Shake it off, I repeat.
“I didn’t think you were around.” I ignore his question. “Are you trying to go back to those unemployment lines? I hear they are longer this time of the year.”
“Yes, the unemployment line is what pays for my video game addiction.
” He winks at me. “The lines are worth it.”
Mason gives me a side hug before speaking, “How are you after that big… confession?”
Full blown drama, I don’t say.
Those big and painful secrets made their way out. The huge, scary, and disastrous things I hid from my fathers.
My parents know everything, I repeat inside my head.
Each and every word I’ve harbored for years. They didn’t say much to me.
“You’re not alone. We’ll get through this together,” Chris said.
Then he apologized. “I tried so hard to keep you safe,” he told me as Mason and Gabriel had left the room. “Away from everything, and left you defenseless at the mercy of thugs like me.”
Papi wasn’t a thug, but I understood the meaning. Christian Decker once upon a time slept with every woman who threw herself on his path. Women he fucked and disregarded. The difference is that he never cheated. Once he and Gabe became a couple, they’ve been loyal to each other.
“After you rest, we’re going to talk,” he continued. “We’ll repair the bridges and reunite this family.”
“Are you and Dad…?” I couldn’t finish the question.
“Yes we are, of course we are, Ainse.” He gave me another hug. “You reminded me today that love is about fighting, accepting and making things work because you want to be with the person who makes you a better version of yourself.”
I did that? Hmm, interesting. Then it occurred to me that I wanted to find that version of myself, the better one.
As if he knew, he added, “But that doesn’t mean that you need someone by your side to find yourself and be happy. You’ll be fine, sweetie, you’re Ainsley Colhurst-Decker, the most amazing girl I’ve ever met in my life. Flaws, quirks, and everything, plus your parents will be behind you all the way—forever.”
He sang to me just like he did when I was little—my own lullaby—and I finally fell into a deep sleep.
“I’m processing the latest episode, Mase.” I walk toward the sea and let the water stroke my feet. The cold water tickles my toes and heads back to the ocean. “My confession brought out everything that I had tried so hard to hide, the hurt came out. A hurt similar to the one I suffered three years ago, but not bigger as I had feared for so long.”
Unlike Any Other (Unexpected Book 1) Page 22