“I need help, Eleanor,” he said in English, his voice a pained whisper as he stared at the horizon.
“How can I help?” she asked, sitting next to him. Her heart jumped, hoping desperately that she would be able to assist him, even as she felt guilty for her pleasure at being asked.
“I need to understand my choices. I want a logical assessment, not emotion. Can you do that?”
“Yes. OK, let’s start with the basic options. One – we could forget about the wand for the moment and leave. Two – we could attack the Elves, kill most or all of them and take the wand. Three – we give them Will’s head – and four – you agree to hand over your firstborn child. These are your choices, yes?” she asked.
“Yes,” Conlan agreed. Eleanor nodded, letting her mind run through these options for a moment and stack up the possible outcomes. Taking a deep breath, she gave Conlan her conclusions.
“Option one. We forget about the wand. This would be the logical choice, as it continues the status quo and nobody has to die or give up their unborn children. However, while I don’t believe we need the Talismans to get the connection working, great pains were taken to hide them, so I believe they’re important. Simply walking away at this point might be the safest choice, but I’m unsure of how well we would be received by the Elves if we were forced to return for the wand at a later date. It is also worth mentioning that Trey is a wildcard, in that the Elves may let us go, but there is nothing to stop him following us.”
Conlan nodded but said nothing, so Eleanor continued.
“Option two. We kill the Elves. This is the option with the most risk. It is also the most morally reprehensible choice. While I believe that Dal is right, that we’d be strong enough to win a fight, heavy losses on our side would be likely, and Conlan I don’t think we want to turn our energy on innocent women and children. Plus, if we killed them, we would be losing potential allies. I’m beginning to see a pattern in where the Talismans have been hidden. I think, if we are careful, we will make allies with all the holders of the Talismans. These allies have significant forces positioned out of the Lord of Mydren’s reach, and I think this was done on purpose.”
“How is the dragon going to be an ally?” Conlan asked, amused.
“Well, I’m not sure about the dragon but maybe we’ll find out when we get there. Option three. We let them take Will’s head. This would require us having to return to Millar’s Forest so you could make a new Avatar of Water, which could take us quite a few months. There would also be the collateral damage to consider. Amelia’s response is unlikely to be accepting, and I think that she would either kill herself or kill you – possibly both. Right now, if you made this choice, Will would accept it. He hates himself for what he did, but it really wasn’t his fault, he had no clear idea what he was doing or that he was capable of doing it. Losing one Avatar would set us back months, losing two would set us back years and losing you would stop this thing dead. So, emotion aside, this is a poor choice.”
Conlan nodded again, and not able to see his expression in the dark, Eleanor kept going.
“Option four. You agree to give up your firstborn child within a month of its birth. This is actually the best choice. The chances of you surviving this ‘adventure’ you have us on and getting the chance to have children are not great. However, should we somehow succeed and you find some poor woman who is willing to put up with you, giving your child to the Elves would be a brilliant way to strengthen a friendship with them, if you do it right.”
“I didn’t realise there was a ‘right’ way to give up a child,” Conlan commented, his voice brittle.
Eleanor winced. “Let me rephrase that. If you make this choice, then do it in good faith. You’ve seen the way Adra protects and cares for his son, and you’ve witnessed the depths of Trey’s grief over his daughter, they clearly love their children. I believe Trey would love yours. Make this a positive thing and make friends with Trey, don’t hold a grudge. Make your personal loss a meaningful gain for your people and get the Elves onside. Think like a king, not a man.” There was silence. Eleanor sat next to him, letting him think.
“Would you be able to give up your child, Eleanor?” he asked quietly. There was something in his voice, as if her answer was very important.
“It’s kind of a stretch, Conlan,” she replied softly. “I’ve never really been the mothering sort, and not being able to have children I’ve no idea how it would feel to give one up. I don’t think it would be very easy, but if I thought it was the right thing to do and I knew the child was going to be loved and live a safe, happy life, then yes, maybe I would.”
“What do you mean, you can’t have children?” Conlan asked.
“I thought you knew. Amelia and I are biologically incapable of having children,” Eleanor said.
“Amelia never told me…”
Eleanor shrugged. “Maybe she assumed, like I did, that it was intentional. After all, it’s sort of hard to fight off Protectors with a baby in tow.”
“Having children is a part of life – one of the fun, joyful parts for most people, I’m told. I wouldn’t intentionally deprive you of that.” Eleanor could hear the wistful longing in his voice and realised that if he made a vow to give up his firstborn child, there was going to be a very good chance he would have to follow through on it. He wanted children.
“There is no mention of Avatars having children anywhere in Gregor’s book. If it wasn’t intentional, then it’s just part of our nature. I guess we must be created, not born,” Eleanor said. Conlan lapsed back into silence. Eleanor sat with him, listening to his breathing, guilt burning through her. Conlan was going through hell making a difficult decision and she was just happy to get the opportunity to have him to herself again, even for a little while.
“We should go back,” Conlan said, but he made no attempt to move.
“There’s no rush, we can go back when you’re ready,” she said, not really wanting to go back to Will and Amelia’s glaring.
“Eleanor?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
“I want to help you, Conlan, you don’t have to thank me,” Eleanor said, grateful that the dark was hiding the smile of pleasure his gratitude had brought to her face.
“No, I mean it. Thank you for everything. You put up with me, despite how I’ve treated you. I don’t make it easy. I might not show it all the time, but I’m grateful to have you as a friend,” he said softly. Eleanor felt her heart beat harder at his words, the smile getting wider as he continued, oblivious to the joy his words were creating in her as they blossoming out through her whole body, making her feel lighter, even managing to take away some of her pain. “Oh, and thank you for the book,” he continued. I’ve not opened it yet, I was too angry. I didn’t think I deserved it, but I’m looking forward to reading it. It’s been a very long time since I had a new book.”
Not able to get the smile off her face, Eleanor finally managed to find her voice.
“You’re welcome.”
Conlan stood up, brushing the sand off his clothes. He helped Eleanor back to her feet, mindful of her injuries. They walked past the guard at the top of the dune and back to their tent. At the tent door Conlan turned to the trailing guard.
“I have made my decision, please inform Johan and Sarina.” The guard nodded sharply, closing the tent flap in Conlan’s face. The others looked up as they entered. Eleanor noticed the food laid out on the table, but only Freddie seemed to be eating. He smiled at her. Both Will and Amelia looked miserable. Eleanor dropped her head as they both glared at her. Conlan saw the looks and irritation marched across his face.
“I’m confused – would someone mind explaining to me why Eleanor is getting glared at?” he asked, looking from Will to Amelia.
“She should learn to keep her mouth shut!” Will snapped.
Conlan smiled. “Not arguing that one with you, but I heard what she said and I don’t understand what your problem is.”
&
nbsp; “She knows more about Will than I do, and she keeps rubbing my face in it. I’ve had enough,” Amelia muttered.
“What has she said?” Conlan asked seriously.
“She told me what present to get him – he loves it – and then she used her knowledge of the inside of his head to try to defend him to me. I should know these things, not her,” Amelia said, her voice petering out to a whisper as she seemed to consider how stupid she sounded.
Conlan nodded. “I see the problem. Earth crashed Will’s mind into Eleanor’s, not something she asked for or wanted, I’m sure. So she has all this extra information in her head that she could happily live without and she is using it maliciously to help you buy Will thoughtful gifts, which she also had the audacity to pay for. To make matters worse, she is now defending Will’s actions, trying to help you better understand the man you love – and right after she took a beating trying to protect him… So, explain to me again why you’re glaring at her.”
Conlan looked surprised when all four of them stared at him. Eleanor felt such a strong surge of affection that she had to sit, collapsing to the bed.
“What?” Conlan asked. “Am I wrong?”
Will and Amelia shook their heads.
“It’s just odd to hear you defend her…,” Will said.
Conlan smiled. “She helped me, I thought I’d return the favour. It’s not her fault Amelia is jealous, so don’t take it out on her. You lectured me about the damage and upset I was causing, please allow me to return that favour, too.”
Amelia is jealous. Eleanor found that a lot of confusing looks and comments Amelia had given her in the last few months suddenly made sense.
“You’re enjoying being the self-righteous one for a change, aren’t you?” Will said. “I take it your good humour means that you’re happy with the decision you’ve made.”
Conlan’s smile faded. “Happy might be too strong a word. Accepting is a better one.”
“Does this mean I get to keep my head?” Will asked. He did not seem all that interested.
Conlan nodded. “You’re not much use without it.”
Amelia walked across the tent and sat down on Eleanor’s bed. “I’m sorry.”
Eleanor nodded distractedly, still staring at Conlan, who turned back to look at her and smiled. The world spun at such a dizzying speed that she felt the urge to throw up again, but she smiled back. She heard the tent flaps open, and everybody else turned to look as Johan and Sarina entered. Eleanor saw the movement in her peripheral vision but did not want to take her eyes off Conlan. He defended me. The thought gave her such a warm glow that it felt like she was burning from the inside out.
“You have made your choice, Conlan Baydon?” Johan asked.
“Yes, I will swear an oath to give Trey my firstborn child. I would appreciate knowing what you would have me trade for the wand,” Conlan said calmly. He made the right choice. Eleanor heard Will gasp, a response repeated by Amelia and Freddie when Will translated Conlan’s worlds. With effort she dragged her eyes away from Conlan and looked into Amelia’s horrified face.
“I thought he’d decided to leave,” Amelia whispered. “How can he give up his child?”
Eleanor smiled. “Because he’s thinking like a king.”
“We want to trade our future for the wand,” Johan said. It was such a strange statement that Eleanor’s eyes moved to the Elf.
“I do not understand,” Conlan said, frowning.
“We do not wish to be stuck on the edge of the world anymore. Most of us do not enjoy the harsh desert life, and we wish to be free to move around Mydren, find new homes, under the protection of a benevolent king,” Sarina said.
“I still do not…” Conlan started and stopped as their meaning became clear. He stared at them. “You are asking a man, who is not yet king, to make a decision of state? This is not an easy thing to do. As you have pointed out, humans do not like Elves very much, but time has erased the reasons why from their minds, and all that is left is a vague sense of unease and distrust. Now, it is possible that I can overcome the symptoms of this distrust through the force of law, but this does not actually solve the problem; if anything, it will increase the distrust humans have for you and by extension they will distrust their king for showing unfounded favour.”
Johan nodded, frowning. “What do you suggest?”
“Fight with us,” Conlan said. “When the time comes, I will call for you and ask for your loyalty, ask you to fight at my side. Do this – fight for me – knowing that if we win you will get what you want, and by fighting at their sides you will be able to show the humans that you are brave and trustworthy allies.”
Johan and Sarina looked at each other. “We must talk this through with the council,” Johan said. “We will return.” And with that they turned and swept out of the tent.
“What happened?” Amelia asked. “What did you say? They looked a bit... shocked.”
“I think Conlan just talked another army into following us,” Will said, impressed.
“They didn’t say yes yet,” Conlan said, giving Will a grin.
“I’m confused, how did we get from us having to trade something for the wand, to them agreeing to fight with us?” Freddie asked.
“Because Conlan is thinking like a king,” Eleanor repeated, heartened by the smile Conlan gave her.
Eleanor lay in her bed, staring at the apex of the tent’s roof. She had wanted to sleep, but her churning mind and pain-wracked body would not let her. Amelia and Will had apologised profusely, but they were now not talking to each other for some reason. Eleanor was too wrung out to care. The sun had risen on a new day. Sarina and Johan had not returned, but they had sent two Elves to tend to their injuries. Eleanor could feel the tight, itchy pull of the stitches in her neck. Will would have done a far neater job. They had bound her wrist, putting the leather cuff over the bandage. They had inspected the large, purple and green bruise that was still spreading across her stomach and halfway up her side, fingers gently pressing in, searching for damage to the organs beneath. They had found nothing to cause them concern and had moved on to Will, leaving her panting in agony. The pain had eventually receded to a dull throb and she began going through Gregor’s book in her head again, as she had not thought about it in a while. The sun rose higher and the temperature became too much for logical thought and she had begun to feel sick once more, so now she was staring at the roof, not thinking about anything. She felt an energy string brush against her and reached for it.
Sorry.
I told you, Will; don’t worry about it. Now I understand that I’m making Amelia jealous I’ll make sure I don’t mention stuff I know about you in front of her.
No, just carry on as you are – Amelia needs to deal with her jealousy. She’s still really angry with me; she wants me to show her the memories of what happened with Trey.
Then show her.
Will sighed. I wanted to protect her from that.
Amelia is stronger than you give her credit for!
Eleanor felt another energy string brush against her and winced as Amelia’s angry presence filled her head. She felt Will try to leave and gripped firmly to his energy string.
What are you and Will talking about?
Eleanor could hear the suspicion.
Will was telling me you want to know about what happened with Trey, experience his memories; your request is making him uncomfortable.
Why? Amelia’s anger rising.
Because he’s frightened that if you know the truth about him that you’ll stop loving him.
Eleanor felt Will’s shock. You pretend to yourself that you are protecting Amelia, not damaging her delicate sensibilities, but you don’t want to risk losing her. I know, Will, I understand, do you really think that someone who loves you as much as Amelia does is going to be any less understanding?
There was silence in her head. It felt profoundly odd, especially as there were currently three of them in there. Frustrated, Eleanor grabbed W
ill and Amelia’s energy strings, wove them firmly round each other and then pushed the combined string out of her head.
“Talk to each other!” she practically yelled, sitting up and glaring at them.
Will and Amelia flinched. Slowly Amelia stood and moved to sit next to Will. Freddie and Conlan watched them in surprise. They closed their eyes and Eleanor hoped she had been right, hoped that Amelia was going to understand. She watched them, realising she was holding her breath uncomfortably. Amelia jerked and gasped, tears began running down her face. Will opened his eyes and looked at her in miserable, guilty torment. Oh… what have I done? Amelia stared at Will, trembling as the tears fell. Will dropped his head, unable to look at the distress he had caused. With a few hiccupping sobs, Amelia brought herself under control and gently reached a hand out, raising Will’s bruised face to hers.
“I never understood,” she said. “When you said being dragged here nearly drove you mad, I never thought you meant it that literally… I love you.” She threw herself into Will’s arms, and Eleanor saw the poor man wince at the pain she caused him. Wrapping his arms around her he pulled her tight against him, tilting her head so he could kiss her. Eleanor sighed in relief and lay back on her bed, staring at the roof again and trying to give them as much privacy as possible. Another energy string brushed against her. Confident that Will and Amelia were far too occupied to be talking to her, she pulled the string in.
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