Flick was pleased that Sophia thought she would be capable of taking on additional study and responsibility. She admired Sophia and looked up to her as a role model. Despite the hurdles she would face, being a single mother, she was determined not to let Sophia down. Neither would she let herself down and walk away before she completed her studies.
‘Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.’
‘Give me a miraculous cure for morning or, in my case, all-day sickness.’
Sophia pulled up at the traffic lights. ‘It should ease off soon. Second trimester is the golden period. You’ll feel full of energy and ready to take on the world. You’ve just had a pretty horrid first trimester … but having said that I’m surprised when the sickness hit you weren’t a little suspicious that you were pregnant.’
‘I know. I guess I should have realised but it was only this bad for the two weeks before I saw my GP and he suggested including a pregnancy test in the blood tests. I thought it was the gastro bug that’s been doing the rounds. So it’s only been a month of feeling this awful.’
Sophia pulled into the hospital car park and found a parking space.
‘Have you decided on a home birth or hospital delivery yet? I know there’s still a little while to decide.’
Flick didn’t answer for a moment. She was already thinking about how she would be delivering the baby without a husband or partner to help her through. There would be a midwife but she felt a tug at her heart knowing her baby wouldn’t be lovingly kissed on the head by the father, the way Alida had been.
‘I’m still undecided but I was hoping …’ she paused for a moment ‘… that you would be able to be my primary care midwife.’
‘I’d love to,’ Sophia told her.
‘Thank you so much. It really does mean a lot to me and I feel so comfortable around you.’
‘That’s what it’s all about. Who’s your obstetrician?’
‘Darcie Green. I saw her last week and she assured me that she wouldn’t tell anyone about my pregnancy until I was ready to announce it. She’s scheduled the NT scan for tomorrow.’
‘Darcie’s lovely. I also loved working with Isabel before she left for her secondment to London. That all happened quite quickly but I must say they are both great obstetricians. Who did you want as midwife back-up care?’
‘I really don’t mind. Everyone’s great so whoever can fit me into their caseload, but regarding the birth, I’m not sure I could fit a birthing pool in my apartment …’
She suddenly stopped speaking and froze. Tristan was crossing the dimly lit lot to his car. The same car in which he’d driven her home that night. She remembered resting back into the seat with her bare shoulders touching the cool leather. She closed her eyes and thought back to everything that had happened and felt a knot build in her stomach.
This time the nausea wasn’t caused by morning sickness, it was from regret that she’d opened her heart to a man who didn’t have one.
CHAPTER FOUR
TRISTAN NEVER SAW Flick that night in the car park or at the hospital for the next two days. She did her utmost to avoid him. It was too painful for her to know how he felt about her and their baby.
He simply didn’t care.
She doubted he would bother attending the twelve-week scan. She was preparing herself so that she wasn’t disappointed. She also had to learn not to care about him.
Tristan woke on the day of baby Callum’s surgery and Flick’s scan to thoughts about the woman who was carrying his baby. Thinking about Flick was the way he woke every day. Filled with regret but trying to find hope. Hope that the baby would be healthy or, if not, hope that Flick would cope with the news when he thought the time was right to tell her.
There was a fine line he was walking and he wasn’t sure it was even the right one to be walking. There were many things to consider and one was definitely not burdening Flick unnecessarily. There was the slight risk early into the pregnancy that she could lose the baby if she were to react badly to the potentially dire prognosis. He wouldn’t forgive himself if that was to happen. His medical ethics told him that she had every right to know; and then his feelings for her, feelings he was fighting, made him want to protect her from something that she might never need to know. He was being torn in so many directions. There was no right or wrong answer.
He decided that two out of three lines of thought were erring on the side of keeping it quiet for the time being so he kept on that path, and headed to the hospital and his first patient for the day.
‘Today’s procedure is critical to Callum living a healthy life but I’m not about to tell you there won’t be potential issues as he grows older, neither can I say the surgery is risk-free. But there’s nothing to weigh up. It’s not optional, the surgery is necessary to keep your baby alive.’
David Roberts took his wife’s hand. ‘What risks are we looking at in the future?’
‘With all surgery there is the risk of complications,’ Tristan told them honestly. ‘The complications of Callum’s surgery that may or may not occur later in life include narrowing of the arteries that supply blood to the heart, heart muscle weakness and occasionally problems with heart valves.’
They looked at each other with expressions that did not hide the overwhelming fear that threatened to engulf them. Jane Roberts was also dealing with her roller-coaster of emotions post-partum and this additional stress had her teetering on the edge of emotional collapse.
Tristan was well aware of her shaky disposition but he could not disregard or omit any of the risks. There was no absolute guarantee that their child would live a long life but neither was his fate sealed.
‘Until about twenty-five years ago, newborns with this condition were managed by alternative surgical procedures to what Callum will be undergoing today. Those procedures were called the Senning or Mustard operations. As a result, surgeons don’t yet know the truly long-term effects of the arterial switch operation we now undertake beyond young adulthood as it’s a relatively new procedure and the patients are all only teenagers or in their early twenties.
‘After corrective surgery, and your return to Sydney, your baby will need lifelong follow-up care with a heart doctor, like Dr Hopkins, who specialises in congenital heart disease to monitor his heart health. Dr Hopkins may recommend that Callum avoid certain activities that raise blood pressure and may stress the heart. But he will talk to you over the coming years about what type of physical activities your son can do, and how much or how often.’
‘So after today,’ David began, ‘Callum will have check-ups but he’s guaranteed to never need further surgery on his heart?’
‘I wish it was that straightforward and finite, but unfortunately it isn’t. As I said, for the majority of patients who have corrected transposition and no other associated abnormalities, no future treatment may be required and their life expectancy has been reported to be near normal. At this stage I can’t predict if Callum will be one of those patients but for your child’s sake you should both remain positive.’
Jane rested her head on her husband’s shoulder as tears trickled down her cheek. ‘This is my fault. I shouldn’t have suggested the trip down here to Melbourne.’
‘Mrs Roberts, your trip to Melbourne had nothing to do with what Callum is facing. Nothing, at all,’ he reassured her. ‘It just means that he’s having the surgery in Melbourne rather than Sydney and you have a different surgeon. But I can assure you the surgical procedure is identical. I’ve been in constant contact with Dr Hopkins and he will continue to be made be aware of each step of Callum’s progress until he returns to his care in a few weeks. And I will come and see you in the ward as soon as the surgery is completed.’
Callum’s parents drew in deep breaths at the same time, leaning into each other for support. Their closeness did not go unnoticed by Tristan. He hoped that he and Flick would have that same united front if, or when, they needed to face a similar uncertainty in their child’s future. It was
something he had never considered would be a part of his future but now it could be. While he dealt with the natural anxiety of parents almost every day, it wasn’t something he’d ever thought he could be facing. He wondered how he would react when face with his own child’s mortality.
After scrubbing in, Tristan approached the operating table, where Jon stood eagerly waiting to observe.
‘Good morning, team.’
They all nodded and continued with the Theatre preparation of the newborn who was now sedated on the small surgical table.
‘Ready,’ the anaesthesiologist said, signalling the surgery would now begin.
‘We will perform an arterial switch operation over the next few hours, moving the pulmonary artery and the aorta to their normal positions. The pulmonary artery will be connected to the right ventricle, and the aorta connected to the left ventricle. The coronary arteries will also be reattached to the aorta,’ Tristan told them, as he began the first incision along the baby’s tiny chest.
The operation took just under six hours. There were no additional complications but the tiny coronary arteries required additional time to reattach. Jon was exhausted from just observing and his admiration and respect for Tristan’s skill was evident during and after the procedure.
‘Today was a pivotal moment for me,’ he announced as he left the Theatre with Tristan. ‘I’m definitely specialising in neonatal cardiothoracic surgery. I’m in awe of what you did in there.’
‘Great,’ Tristan replied. ‘You came prepared, you understood the condition and while you had limited Theatre experience your understanding of the theory was excellent. You’re welcome to scrub in with me again.’
Tristan was aware that he didn’t have a lot of time to talk about the procedure. He needed to visit with Callum’s parents and then get to Flick’s scan. The operation had run over and he would be cutting it fine, but he would still do his best.
On the way to MMU, he stopped in Jane Roberts’s ward and told them that Callum was a strong little boy and he had pulled through and would be in ICU for a few days.
‘What about medicine?’ David Roberts asked. ‘Will Callum be taking drugs for ever?’
‘No, ongoing medication use is uncommon,’ he informed them, and that news appeared to make them very happy as he bade them farewell and told them he would see them in the morning.
Now he just had to make it in time for Flick’s twelve-week scan. MMU was on the other side of the hospital. He knew it would take a good ten minutes, if he didn’t get held up in the elevators.
He looked at his watch as he pulled the appointment card from his coat pocket. He was already ten minutes late. Would they have gone ahead without him? More than likely, Flick didn’t want him there. She’d made it clear that the appointment card was nothing more than notification she was proceeding with the pregnancy, not an invitation to be a part of it.
But she didn’t have the complete picture, he reminded himself.
Even if she didn’t want him present, he wanted to be there for her and their baby. He would convince her in time that no matter what the future held he would be right beside her. There was no time to waste.
So he took the stairs.
Flick sat in the waiting room of the diagnostic sonography unit, wondering if Tristan would show up. It was five o’clock and she had finished for the day. She knew from the way they had left off that the chance of him turning up was somewhere between slim and none. And the brief conversation she had accidentally overheard between Tristan and Oliver Evans resonated in her head. There was no mistaking his attitude towards her and the baby. He would deal with the issue later.
Flick was more disappointed than she’d thought possible. The father of her baby didn’t think she or the baby were important enough to cut short a conversation to find her. She questioned her reasons for letting him know about the antenatal scan but decided that at least he would be aware she intended to keep her baby. His lack of interest wasn’t about to sway her decision. She was more than capable of raising a child and he could stay quiet about his involvement in the conception if he wanted to.
She didn’t want or need his money. Supporting both her sister and herself through their studies had more than proved to her that she could support a child on her own. There was no need for paternity to be anyone’s business but hers and one day in the future an important talk she would have with her child.
‘Just checking, Flick, did you have a full bottle of water as instructed?’ Amanda, the student sonographer, asked Flick and brought her thoughts back to the task at hand. Amanda and Flick had begun their placement at the same time in MMU.
‘Yes, I finished one about an hour ago. Sophia told me the images are clearer with a full bladder. Although I’m not sure how long I can hold in that much water.’
‘Hopefully not too long,’ the young woman answered with a knowing smile. ‘We’ve got two consulting rooms for first-trimester scans both booked out back to back for the entire week. Must have been a lot of romance in the air in February.’
Flick wondered if the ball had been the reason for more than just her baby. Perhaps the stars had aligned and there were other women who had been swept off their feet and also found themselves waking up with a handsome almost stranger in their bed.
‘Did I mention you’re Prue’s last patient for the day and we’re running about ten minutes late? Prue and Ginny are both working flat out.’
Flick stepped back from her reverie. Ten minutes would give Tristan even more time to make his way there. If he had any intention of showing in the first place, she reminded herself. She sighed and looked around the room. She had visited there during orientation but never imagined herself sitting there as a patient.
‘So after this NT there won’t be another until the twenty-week mark?’
‘That’s right,’ Amanda replied. ‘Some women are offered another first-trimester scan, which is done vaginally, between six and ten weeks of pregnancy. But according to your notes you’re definitely twelve weeks into your pregnancy so that won’t be needed. Sometimes they call the early scan a dating or viability scan.’
‘Dating scan?’ she muttered under her breath. ‘It wasn’t a date, we just slept together.’
‘I missed that. Did you say something, Flick?’
‘No, nothing, honestly.’
‘Anyway, it can be used for a lot of reasons but one is for women who aren’t certain about when they may have conceived.’
‘That won’t be necessary,’ Flick said quietly as Amanda turned away for a second. ‘I know exactly when this baby was conceived.’
A young couple arrived together, holding hands, and it reminded Flick that she was alone. Flick had no one beside her to hold her hand and reassure her. And it made her sad for both her and her baby.
‘I’m Mrs Barrows, I’m here for my twelve-week scan.’
Amanda smiled. ‘Please take a seat, Mr and Mrs Barrows. We’re running about ten minutes late, I’m afraid.’
The woman smiled at Flick and she sat down, looking around the room a little like first day at school.
‘I’m so nervous,’ she said suddenly, directing the words at Flick.
Flick felt her midwife persona kick in instinctively. ‘Don’t be. This is the easy part. Six months down the track will be the challenging time for both of us.’
‘You’re pregnant too?’
‘Yes, twelve weeks, like you.’
‘I didn’t realise. I saw you sitting in your scrubs, so I thought you were here with a patient. I didn’t know you were expecting too.’
Flick wasn’t sure what made her want to validate herself and explain her lack of partner to a complete stranger, however nice she seemed. But something was suddenly triggered inside her and she didn’t want pity or judgement. She didn’t want them to know she was facing impending motherhood alone. She had almost convinced herself she would be fine but at that moment she realised she didn’t want to be facing anything alone. She wanted Tristan
to be beside her.
‘My partner couldn’t make it today. He was caught up at work.’
Amanda looked sideways at Flick but said nothing. She was fairly sure that Flick wasn’t dating anyone. MMU wasn’t that big a unit and both gossip and news travelled fast, and there had been nothing about her seeing someone, particularly not for that long or that seriously. She had just assumed it was a fling.
‘Hopefully he can make the next one but at least you can show him the photos.’
Flick smiled but she was caving inside. Her dream to have him beside her was just that. A dream, wishful thinking that would not come to fruition. She doubted Tristan would be interested in seeing the images of his child. It probably didn’t rate that highly for him on a scale of importance.
Just then a couple exited one of the rooms, and Flick was ushered in.
It was dimly lit and the diagnostic sonographer was replacing the bed coverings.
‘Hi, Flick. I didn’t think you’d mind me doing the housekeeping in front of you so I called you in early. Won’t be a minute,’ she said, as she placed the last of the disposable blue sheets over the narrow examination bed and then washed her hands in the small handbasin. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘Not great. The morning sickness has been terrible, I’ve been ill at least once a day but the last few days it’s been first thing and then again around lunchtime. I’m hoping it will subside soon.’
‘That’s the worst,’ Prue replied. ‘I’ve had four children. The last pregnancy was twins, and I was so ill through each and every one of them. It’s a wonder that I had a second after the first one. My husband was fortunate that I suffered amnesia when it came to pregnancy and I completely forgot the bad when he talked me into increasing our brood. When I discovered I was having twins, I told him that was it. I was finished. He had the snip when I was twenty weeks pregnant with my boys. He knew he had no choice or he’d have to find a new place to sleep because I wasn’t sharing a bed with a fertile rooster!’
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