‘What about the dishes?’
‘They’re not going anywhere, but I suspect you might get tired so I can do them after you fall asleep. Until then I want to spend some quiet time with you.’
He led her into the spacious room that was dimly lit by the crackling fire and a lamp by the window. They sat in big armchairs opposite each other. Flick needed to keep some distance between them as she was scared at how quickly her walls were crumbling.
‘So now you know about my children, Flick, tell me about yourself. I need to be able to tell our baby about his or her mother in some depth. We have about five months for you to tell me all about your family and where you grew up.’
Flick curled her socked feet up into the softness of the oversized chair. She was feeling a little vulnerable and the thought of talking about less pleasant times didn’t sit well with her.
‘Honestly, Tristan, there’s not much to tell,’ she said evasively, and reached over for a book sitting on the coffee table nearby. After reading the dust jacket, she began flicking through the pages. ‘This looks interesting. If it’s okay with you, I might head to bed and read.’
Tristan got up and gently took the book from her hands and put it back down on the small carved table. ‘You can read the book later,’ he said, not taking his eyes from hers. ‘But I want to know more about the mother of my child. In years to come, our child will ask me questions about you. I’m not planning on saying that we only spent one night together and I don’t know anything about you.’
‘But it was just one night,’ she reminded him with no bitterness intended.
‘Yes, it was, but now we have the chance to make it more and we both owe that to our baby. I want to be able to talk about you to our child the way parents should, telling stories about each other. I know so little, just that you’re a midwife … student midwife, you love cooking with basil and you grew oregano just to give it away to your Greek landlord.’
Flick was so happy to hear Tristan say that he wanted the chance to make it more. Whatever that meant. He wanted their child to feel special and that meant the world to her. To know that he wanted to make an effort for the sake of the baby made everything feel right and good. Suddenly she felt safe.
‘I have a sister, Megan, who lives in Sydney. She’s a speech pathologist and she volunteers at an animal shelter every second weekend.’
‘Married, single?’
‘She’s single by choice,’ Flick replied. ‘I don’t think she’s fallen in love yet.’
Tristan wasn’t sure if Flick had fallen in love yet either. Before he’d met her, Tristan knew he hadn’t but now he wasn’t so sure. He thought it felt a lot like love whenever she was near.
‘Father, mother, other sister, brothers?’
‘Never met my father, but did hear about him numerous times and nothing of my mother’s portrayal of him is even close to flattering. Then there’s my mother, who is apparently getting married tomorrow on a beach in Bali, and I don’t have any other siblings.’
Tristan could hear the change in Flick’s voice from describing her sister with pride and then her mother and non-existent father with clear disdain. ‘You didn’t want to go to her wedding?’
‘I wasn’t invited. My sister only told me today. My invitation, if there is one, will be at my old place. But don’t worry, I’d prefer to not go. I don’t like getting attached to my mother’s boyfriends or husbands as they are all transient. I gave up at fourteen trying to find a father figure in the turnstile of my mother’s flings.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that.’
‘Don’t be,’ she said, trying to stay positive and not look back over the emptiness that was her family life. ‘I had my sister, she’s amazing and we both learnt to deal with our mother’s desire to be fancy-free, translation, single without children, when the need arose.’
‘That’s surprising,’ he said bluntly.
‘Why do you say that? You’ve never met her.’
‘I know you think I don’t really know you, but I feel I do have some insight and I can’t imagine you thinking that way, particularly where a child is concerned. It sounds nothing like you.’
Flick was grateful to hear she was worlds away from her mother, even if it was from a man who had never met the woman. It was still a powerful and reassuring message.
Suddenly she felt a tumbling motion inside. She wasn’t sure but it felt like it was the baby moving. She gasped as she felt it move again.
‘Is everything okay?’ Tristan asked, when he saw her expression suddenly change. ‘This isn’t about your mother, is it? I promise our baby will never hear those stories. They’re safe with me.’
‘No, it’s not about her.’ She paused and then her eyes met his. ‘I think the baby just moved.’
‘That early?’ he said. ‘You’re barely fifteen weeks now.’
‘Oh,’ she gasped again. ‘No, our baby is definitely doing a little dance.’ She stood up and walked to his chair. She sat on the armrest and instinctively placed his hand on her stomach. ‘See if you can feel it too?’
She could feel the warmth and tenderness of his hand through her thin shirt as it rested gently on her stomach. He sat still, waiting for something, but not entirely sure what he would actually feel so early into the pregnancy. Without warning he too felt some movement. At only fifteen weeks he wasn’t sure what he had felt, he knew that it was around twenty weeks that movement could be felt externally but he loved that she wanted him to be a part of it. His face lit up with unexpected pride.
‘And it can feel the warmth of your hand, I’m sure of it,’ Flick told him.
Tristan looked lovingly at the mother of his child. She was a beautiful woman and a gentle soul and if only things were different he would pull her into his arms, tell her just that and then kiss her.
She was within his reach, physically and emotionally, but he couldn’t let it happen. He didn’t want to rush their relationship. They had to take things slowly. Let it unfold the way it should have all those months ago, and when the time was right, he would sit her down and explain the potential risk to their child.
He fell silent, wondering if he should tell her. Was that night the right time? Would it be for the best for her to know? Something inside begged him for more time. He had promised his offer of a home to Flick and the baby and he needed to prove to her that she could feel safe with him around. He didn’t want to bring up the issue so early. It could wait as it wasn’t going to change the course of her pregnancy until at least twenty weeks.
Sitting bolt upright, his stature became quite rigid as he removed his hand from the softness of her stomach and handed her the book. ‘Perhaps you should get some rest. You can read in here or in your room while I do the dishes. I think I’ll turn in early too. I have a full Theatre schedule tomorrow.’ Quickly he rushed from the warmth of the room and the pull of the woman who was very close to having his heart.
Without showing any hint of the disappointment welling inside, Flick took the book, dropped her head onto her chest a little and went to her room.
The night was over. And she thought she knew why. She wondered if perhaps she wasn’t the only one with feelings. But she wasn’t about to admit to hers either.
CHAPTER NINE
‘I MIGHT HEAD out and pick up a few things for the nursery,’ Flick announced over their shared breakfast. It had become a ritual that they’d settled into quickly during their first week of living together. Both had made a silent pact without the other one knowing to keep things simple for the sake of the baby.
Their feelings still simmered close to the surface, though both had decided not to act on them. Each left the room when they felt they were losing the battle with their feelings. It was working. For the time being at least.
Flick cooked the oatmeal while Tristan squeezed the fresh juice and then they sat and ate at the large kitchen table. Some days they read the paper; some days they talked. But always they enjoyed each other’s company. And sinc
e it was Saturday and neither had to rush off to work, they were both still in their winter pyjamas and robes. Tristan’s feet were bare, Flick’s were bundled into thick bedsocks and fluffy slippers.
Tristan lifted his head from the sports section. He still loved to follow the football scores and upcoming matches. Even though he had never been well enough to play, it hadn’t stopped his love of the game. His local football team was aware of his medical condition and had allowed him to attend their private practice sessions, even giving him a jersey in their red, blue and green colours.
‘What do you need?’ he asked, thinking how cute she looked with her long blonde hair in messy plaits and her face scrubbed free of make-up. Cute and sexy. And it grew more difficult with each day not to give in to to his desire to have her. And his abrupt exits to have a cold shower were increasing, not subsiding.
‘Honestly, I have no real concept of what I’ll need but I don’t have anything so I guess I should start looking. The time will fly by, what with my studies and last few months of clinical placement. I’ll blink and find myself in the labour ward, with nothing prepared. You’ll be running around trying to buy nappies and a bassinette.’
Tristan sensed Flick felt both overwhelmed and excited and he wanted to help her to feel less overwhelmed so that she could actually enjoy the feeling of excitement.
‘Do you feel like company on your shopping trip?’
Flick was surprised that he wanted to accompany her and guessed that he didn’t know exactly what it entailed. She doubted that a pregnant woman’s indecision in a store filled with baby supplies would be his idea of a fun Saturday afternoon.
‘You might not be able to deal with it,’ she warned him light-heartedly.
‘I’ve heard that nursery shopping is quite a battlefield,’ he cut in wryly. ‘But I’m sure I’ll survive.’
An hour later, Tristan was driving Flick in the direction of the largest baby supply store in Victoria. They’d made a list of what they thought they would need as they’d finished breakfast. They laughed at how two neonate medical professionals were borderline clueless on where to start with their own baby’s needs.
‘That’s why they have experienced salespeople,’ Tristan said, as they pulled into the half-full parking lot. The day was cold, but it wasn’t raining and they were both in jeans, long-sleeved T-shirts and warm jackets. Flick’s jeans had a stretchy panel that allowed her tummy to expand and she had donned a scarf and gloves that she removed when she entered the air-conditioned store.
‘I’ll grab a trolley and follow you,’ he told her as he unzipped his jacket. He was pushing away thoughts of what might lie ahead and concentrating on letting Flick enjoy selecting everything she needed for their baby. There was time to be practical and there was also time to just enjoy being parents-to-be like other customers.
He walked beside her as she lightly fingered the soft woollen blankets, and patchwork comforter sets.
‘And since you have to carry our baby, and let’s not forget give birth at the end, I’m paying for whatever he or she will need. There’s no point arguing because I won’t back down.’
‘But that’s not fair to you …’
‘If any sane person was to compare handing over a credit card to nine months of pregnancy, they would say I got the easy way out,’ he said, as he tossed a satin-edged baby blanket into their trolley. He had seen her hesitate and look back at it twice and had assumed it was one she liked. He wanted her to have everything and it wasn’t guilt that was making him feel that way. Every moment he spent with her made him realise that his feelings were growing.
‘I suppose we should look at prams and bassinettes too … and then I’ll need a baby bath and a change table. It’s too much, really it is. I can pay half.’
Tristan shook his head. ‘Your money is no good in this store. Accept what I’m telling you and move on.’
Hours passed as they roamed the huge store, selecting all the necessities and then some not-quite-so-essential baby needs. The trolley was laden with romper suits, bath toys, a nightlight that projected stars onto the ceiling, and more. There was a small coffee shop inside the store so they parked the trolley and sat and ate a piece of banana bread each, along with a cup of tea. Before long, they were up and in search of some baby socks and bath products.
‘I’m liking the four-poster cot,’ he remarked as he steered their purchases in the direction of the mahogany-stained bed fit for a prince or princess. ‘What do you think?’
‘It’s stunning but a little extravagant.’ Then she came back to reality and her body became a little tense. The man who was showering their baby with presents hadn’t spoken of anything past the birth of the child. She had no idea where she would be in a year’s time. There might not be a long-term living arrangement. She wondered if she was like fur beast with a slightly longer lease. ‘Let’s not rush into the big pieces of furniture. Who knows where we might be then?’
Tristan came down to earth with a thud. He felt a vein rise in his forehead. Flick was right. Their reality was not the baby store. That was a bubble for one day. Her future might not include him and it might not even include a baby if the prognosis was not good. Suddenly the thought of walking past an empty nursery if Flick and the baby left or if the baby did not survive cut deeply. He had not expected to feel that way. Being so close made it all so real and the risk weigh so heavily.
He knew that he had to tell her sooner rather than later but he wanted her to have a few more days of enjoying her pregnancy.
The rest of the day was spent unpacking the purchases and setting up the nursery. It would be next to Flick’s room. The walls were already a soft yellow and both agreed that, no matter if they had a boy or girl, it would be perfect. Tristan moved the heavy things around to suit Flick. The room already had a bed and tallboy, along with built-in wardrobes to house the blankets and quilt. The change-table, pram and bassinette all found pride of place in the room that very quickly became a very pretty nursery.
Tristan knew it wouldn’t be his decision but he hoped that after she knew the facts she would feel closer to him and together they would get through whatever lay ahead. He decided that he would tell her everything soon. He had hoped to leave it until after the twenty-week scan, when he would know for sure if there was a problem, but now he felt that would be wrong. She had every right to know, he just needed to find the right way to tell her.
Tristan and Flick both left home at the same time the next day. She felt less like fur beast by the day. She also found it amusing that said cat had spent most of Sunday stretched out in front of the fire with a satisfied look on her face.
It was as if she had moved in too.
Tristan really wasn’t the loner he made himself out to be. Far from it, in fact, and as she drove into the city and the Victoria Hospital, with Tristan’s car in her rear-view mirror, Flick felt the happiest she had been in a very long time. It felt right and although it was complicated and might never be more than it was at that time, she felt content. And if this was all he could offer, she decided she would be okay with it. At least for the time being.
Tristan followed behind her, hoping that by the end of the week there would be no secrets between them. Everything would be out in the open and he hoped Flick would understand why he’d kept his condition from her.
His early morning rounds included Callum, who was now progressing very well. Jane Roberts was no longer a patient at the hospital and she and her husband spent every waking moment by their tiny son’s side.
‘Will we be able to take him home today, as planned?’ Jane asked, as Tristan checked the nurses’ notes.
‘I’ve been speaking with Dr Hopkins and we are both happy for Callum to travel back to Sydney with you tomorrow. He’s progressing well so I’m happy to sign the discharge papers today.’
He added that their cardiologist would ask for heart tests over the coming months, including ECGs, echocardiograms and cardiac MRIs, and not to be alarmed as they we
re routine.
Callum’s father hugged his wife tightly then he outstretched his hand to Tristan. ‘Thank you, Dr Hamilton. We owe you our son’s life.’
Tristan met his handshake and smiled. It was a good outcome and that always made him feel happy.
The morning was filled with post-surgical consults and the afternoon was Theatre. It was just before five when he headed down to see if Flick had returned to MMU. There was something he wanted to ask her.
‘So what about you and I go out tonight?’
Flick turned to find Tristan dressed in scrubs. It was almost five o’clock and she had only just returned from a home birth with Sophia where they had assisted the mother for nearly six hours. She was tired and couldn’t wait to get off her feet. And now, after his invitation, she suddenly felt tired and confused.
‘Pardon me?’
‘You heard me, Flick,’ he said, pulling the surgical cap from his head. ‘I think going out on a date is the least we can do for our child.’
Flick dropped her voice to not much more than a whisper. ‘A date?’
‘Yes, a date. How can a child grow up thinking that his parents lived together before he or she even arrived in the world but they’d never been on a date?’
‘But our child won’t know whether we dated or not.’
‘I would,’ he countered. ‘And it’s not good enough for my child’s mother to not have been taken somewhere special before she gave birth.’
Tristan knew his feelings were taking over his logical nature by the minute. Hearing Flick rattling cutlery in the kitchen when he’d woken that morning was a sound he didn’t want to live without. And a sound he would never take for granted. It was strange how knowing she was in the house made him feel whole and he didn’t want to lose that. He wanted to begin again and do it properly this time and honestly.
He also knew he needed and wanted to tell her that night about his heart transplant, the condition that had led to it and what might lay ahead for their child.
‘But I’m only four months pregnant, there’s plenty of time.’ Flick wasn’t sure why she was trying to talk her way out of a date. Once she would have jumped at the opportunity to date Tristan but now everything was settled and she didn’t want to see that change. She didn’t want to open her heart and find he was still off limits. And she was exhausted from a very long day and she was finding it difficult to think properly.
Midwife's Baby Bump Page 13