by L. E. Waters
“Where’s the garden?” Verena laughs.
Dr. Evert says, “It’s not so bad. Once we start clearing away the shrubs, the rest will be easy.”
I put my hands out for the saw in Dr. Evert’s grip, but he hands me the blunt shears instead. “I’ll cut down the small trees, you start on the bushes.”
Frieda picks up a pair of shears along with the other girls, even though the orderlies only look on, waiting for one of us to make a dash for freedom. Juliane starts to work, but I giggle when she constantly checks to see that her hands are staying clean beneath her gloves. Elfi keeps stopping to search around her, her eyes squinted in expectation of some sort of trick. Sibylle works for a whole hour, much longer than I thought she would, and then rests upon a large rock, watching us. Ursel goes to work, talking to the air in a lengthy conversation. Odelia and Gitta work side by side, with Odelia at the ready just in case of an episode. Minna smiles every time she clips a branch, giving a squeal when she completes a whole bush by herself.
We work steadily for hours—even Verena, who manages to roll up her workpants up to her thighs, claiming she must be stylish even in work attire. Only at the end of the day does she venture over to entertain the orderlies. Dr. Evert and I take a drink from the water pitcher as we look over our progress.
He breathes hard. “We’ve managed to clear most of it in one day.”
“Will we have to dig the roots up as well?” I can’t imagine how long that will take.
“No, we’ll just construct beds over them, high enough that the plants can grow.”
“Can we keep going until it’s completely cleared?”
He checks his watch. “What about our session?”
“I’m fine with skipping it today if we can finish up.”
He smiles. “Good idea, but my back may hate you tomorrow.” He sets down his cup and twirls the saw in the air. “Back to work.”
He finds a tree next to the bush I’m clipping away at. “Just as much as you hate being indoors, I’m stuck inside most of the day as well.”
“Maybe you should have all of your sessions out here from now on.”
“Not a bad idea.” He straightens his back with a wince. “This suits me much better.”
“We could try to build some benches.”
“Leave that all up to me. I may not have much gardening skills, but I’m a pretty skilled carpenter.”
“Dr. Evert?” Frieda calls.
We both turn to see Gitta in one of her blinking episodes. Frieda has her arms around her to steady her standing.
Only after a minute she comes to.
“So I’ve had another one?” She looks to Dr. Evert. “Does this mean I won’t be able to continue?”
“Why not? You just had a small one and came back rather quickly. No, back to work with you too.” He nudges the shovel back at her. “You can’t get out of it that easy.”
Gitta happily reclaims the shovel and keeps pulling up the tangles of roots.
“Over here!” Juliane calls.
Everyone stops to go see what she’s found. We all try to peer into the large metal bucket at once.
“It’s a rat!” Ursel screams.
“No, it’s a baby bunny,” Odelia coos.
I finally get a look and see the little, downy, brown-speckled puff frantically running in circles at the bottom of the bucket.
“Did you trap her?” I ask Juliane.
“No, I heard a strange noise coming from the equipment stacked here and I followed the sound.” I start to reach in and she yanks it away from me. “Don’t touch it. It’s probably covered in lice and other vermin.”
“She looks very healthy to me. I’m wearing my gloves.”
Dr. Evert nods. “Let her pick it up, Juliane.”
I reach in and cradle the poor tiny thing in my huge gloves. I create a nest of my fingers to make her feel safe.
Frieda clucks her tongue. “It looks like it still needs a mother.”
“I bet it jumped into the bucket and got stuck,” Sibylle says.
Gitta looks worried. “What will we do with it?”
“We should release it.” Juliane has to look away from it. “You bring something like this inside and the whole floor will be covered in lice in no time.”
Frieda chimes in, “Bathilda would never let us bring this back inside.”
Dr. Evert raises a finger. “One moment.” He runs around the other side of the equipment pile and brings back a wooden crate. “We’ll keep it in this.” He pulls off his work shirt, leaving his lean body on display in a thin white undershirt. All the girls blush a bit and look away, except for Verena, who blatantly enjoys the show with a wide grin.
Once the shirt’s coiled up inside the box, Verena says with a giggle, “I think it needs more bedding material. Why don’t you put your undershirt inside as well, Doctor?”
He wags a finger at her and says to me, “Place her inside.”
I love the feeling of her quick-beating heart in my hands, but I let her down into the center. She settles down as soon as I pull a covering of cotton above her.
“Now we’ll put this lid on with something heavy on top so she’s safe.”
“You’re not going to just leave her out here by herself, are you?” I ask.
“Only for tonight.” He sets the bucket on top of the crate and puts as many stones as he can inside. “I’ll make a hutch for her right away and she can be a guest in our garden.”
Even Juliane is happy with this arrangement.
“Well, girls, I think we should go clean up. Supper’s in an hour, and you’ve all done better than I ever expected.”
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Dinner tastes even better when you’ve worked up an appetite. Even Odelia wipes her plate clean for the first time. Bathilda looks on with a sour face that only turns to a grin once we get back to our floor.
“Nurse Frieda, will you please bring Sibylle to the doctors again tonight? I think the garden has not done well for her health.”
Sibylle perks up on her bench. “Actually, I feel a little improved. My headache has gone away for the first time in months.”
Bathilda picks her teeth. “Sometimes you may have an improvement right before things get much worse.”
“Really?” Sibylle’s hand goes to her pulse point to monitor her heartrate. “Do you think I should see the doctor, then?”
Frieda says, “I think you’re fine, Sibylle.”
Sibylle stands up slowly. “I think I will go the doctor just in case. I do feel better today, but maybe it is a sign that something is wrong.”
Frieda helps Sibylle down the hallway, and Bathilda waits until they’re out of sight to say, “Bath time.”
She just couldn’t wait to ruin the best day they’ve all had for months, some for years. Minna starts to cry right away, the hives appearing in seconds on her pale face. A look of sheer shock hits Gitta as we line up against the wall.
I whisper to Gitta, “She’s only doing this to make you have a seizure, Gitta.”
“I know.” She hugs herself. “Dr. Evert won’t let me work if I have a grand mal.”
“So this is what you have to do, Gitta.” I grab her by her small shoulders. “You have to try your very hardest to stay calm. Think of your happiest things. Forget about what Bathilda will do to you in there. Pretend it isn’t happening to you. Pretend it’s happening to someone else. Someone else will get in that cold tub. Someone else will get their skin scrubbed raw. You’ll stay in your happiest place, safe the whole time.” She nods, but I bring her chin up to look in my eyes again. “Just imagine the garden, filled with flowers and butterflies. Imagine holding that little bunny in your hands in the summer sunshine.”
She smiles. “I will try my hardest. I promise.”
Juliane’s pulled in first and I lean out to the whole line. “Don’t let her get us down today. We can’t let her win. Everyone try your
hardest not to cry or give her any enjoyment.”
They nod and Juliane comes out fairly quickly. Minna’s brought in next. She holds back her cries for the first time as she shuffles into the tiled hell. We listen to the surprisingly quiet room until Minna comes out with a smile on her face, wrapped in a revealing towel. She gives us a thumbs-up as she makes her way to her room. Verena winks at us as she skips into the bathroom and noises of bedroom delight reverberate out to us. We giggle every time she moans and groans.
“Get out of here!” Bathilda screams, and Verena struts out without her towel. Dripping all the way to her room, she blows us a kiss down the hall.
“Gitta,” Bathilda beckons.
I hope Verena didn’t frustrate her too much. Gitta takes a deep breath and follows the horrible creature. I keep my fingers crossed and say a constant prayer that she can hold off her seizure. Every minute that goes by and we don’t hear great splashing is a miracle. Then Gitta emerges wrapped up and shivering, but walking on her own. I clap without sound to her in celebration.
Bathilda emerges and I freeze. “Annelie, now!” Bathilda barks.
I jump. She has never looked angrier. I’m sure to get the handle now. I just hope I’ll be able to work tomorrow.
I take my clothes off without her even asking. She burns me with her eyes as she stands there, shaking, with the scrub brush in hand. I step into the freezing water with my chin high. She takes all her rage out on me and delivers on her promise of using the handle. I take every bit of pain in silence. I will not give her the satisfaction of screaming or even a wince. I push all my sensations deep inside and tell myself I can feel them later. With every scrub, every scratch, every penetration, I take a deep breath and punch the pain away. She screams out loud and throws the brush across the floor, where it slides across the tiles and echoes in the nearly empty room.
“Get out.” She points a shaking finger out the door. I grab a towel and my clothes on the way out and the girls give a quiet cheer to me.
Bathilda comes out and tells the rest of the line, “No more baths. Everyone to their rooms.”
She locks us in, and I laugh out loud when I remember the look on her face as she threw that brush across the floor. All of her power has been washed away.
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Gitta skips ahead of us with Minna out to the garden. So confident in being able to control an episode, Gitta dances around and leaps off of tree stumps and boulders. Free from a lifetime of worry and anticipation of a demon that leaps upon her from nowhere.
I’m relieved to see that the bucket of stones still remains on top of the crate. I’m not brave enough to look to see how the bunny fared overnight. I motion for Dr. Evert to check. We hold our breaths as he peeks in, and our shoulders relax as soon as he smiles. Without gloves, he reaches in to bring the little fluff out. There might be nothing more adorable on this earth than a big-eyed baby bunny.
“I bet she’s hungry,” I say, scouting the ground for something to feed it.
Frieda says, “I asked a friend who raises bunnies for some rabbit meal and they gave me a little bag.” She takes a few pellets out and places them on Dr. Evert’s fingers. The sweet thing rolls it around with its nose a bit, but then starts to nibble on one. “He also told me they can eat clovers and most of the things we plan to grow in the garden.”
“What shall we name her?” Dr. Evert raises her to get a better look.
I study her golden eyes. “If she plans on feasting on our garden, what about Teresia, the harvester?”
Dr. Evert smiles. “Wonderful name, and perfect for a garden rabbit.” He steps toward me. “Annelie, take Teresia. I have to go fetch the hutch I’ve worked on.”
I’m happy to hold the warm little creature as Ursel and Odelia try to pet her.
Dr. Evert struggles with the large, rectangular hutch. Once he finally sets it down, he takes a deep breath. “Worked on it all night. I don’t know where it will go until the construction is through, but this spot will do for now.”
He’s chicken-wired the floor for the droppings to fall through and provided a protected nesting box for her to hide in. He puts his work shirt into the nesting box and we snuggle her into her new home. Gitta fills a bowl with water from a watering can.
“We can’t play with her all day.” Dr. Evert locks the hutch up with a key. “Everyone grab a piece of lumber and bring them to where the beds will go.”
Once we haul enough wood over, Dr. Evert commands us to nail them together to create deep-sided beds to fill with soil.
“Should we get the shovels and start filling the beds in?”
“There’s a few wheelbarrows over there. Fill those up from the mound of soil and then shovel the dirt into the beds.”
“James, should I start with this one first?”
He straightens up from the bed he’s working on. “What did you call me?”
The heat of blush rushes to my cheeks. “I meant Dr. Evert.”
He walks closer. “When we’re out in the garden, you can all call me Fridric.” He turns to go back to his hammering, but then turns around. “Wait a second. Did you call me James because you think you’ve known me before?”
I walk away, but he follows with a wide grin.
“It’s true. You do think you’ve known me. You said James.” He looks up at the crisp spring sky. “Strange, that’s what I called my shepherd.”
“I don’t know why I said James. It must be all this fresh air going to my head.”
But his smile stretches. “No. I can see it in your eyes. You do remember me…from your past.”
He’s even more handsome when he gets flustered.
“Fine. I have known you before, but I don’t feel comfortable telling you how.”
“Are we enemies?” he says with a wink.
I can’t control my laughter. “Yes, and I’ve buried you in a garden in my last life.”
He lets out a rolling laugh. “I can believe it with how you wield your shovel.”
Laughter out in the open, not hitting against cold surfaces and pent up indoors, sounds wonderful.
“What will I have to promise you in order to find out our past?” I study his eyes to see if any part of him might believe or if this is just another diagnostic question. It’s hard to tell, but the grey seems to lose out to the clear blue today.
“Maybe if you smuggle in some sweets for me, I might be willing to divulge a bit more.”
“Is that all it will take?” He looks so much like James right now. I can almost smell the campfire and pipe smoke wafting around us.
Chapter 9
We can barely walk up the stairs to the top floor by the end of our workday. Shoveling the endless wheelbarrows of dirt is more than exhausting. If Juliane could see how the soil has clung to every pore of her face, she would be sent into a tantrum, but even she’s too tired to notice.
I head straight to the bathroom to wipe off the dirt that has blown all over me, but Bathilda calls out, “Annelie, you have a visitor.”
My mother stands up from the chair and waves her white-gloved hand.
“I’ll be right there, just let me clean up a bit.”
She’s sitting again when I find her. A book lies open in front of her. She must have been waiting a long time. She grants an unsure smile. “Where have you been?”
“We’re creating a huge vegetable garden for the hospital.” I point out the window behind her.
She sees the dirt under my fingers that I just couldn’t scrub out and she pulls it close to her for inspection. “Filthy.” Then she feels the calluses from the shovel. Her face falls. “Annelie. What are they making you do here? You aren’t a laborer. We pay more than we can to keep you here. You shouldn’t have to work off anymore.”
I pull my hand back in. “No. We want to do this. I’m terribly bored just sitting in this room. It’s good for me to get outside a bit.”
She clutches
her stiff purse to her buxom chest. “Well, I’m going to have a word with your doctor about this.”
“Please, whatever you do, don’t. I couldn’t stay here without it.”
She studies my eyes, trying to read anything I’m hiding from her. “Is this place making you better?” Her gaze is diverted to Ursel, who’s unfortunately having an argument with an invisible assailant. She turns back to me, wide-eyed.
“It’s where I belong right now, Mother.”
She must see something with her keen maternal eyes. “You still believe in your delusions, then? The doctor is not making them better?”
“They might never go away.”
She leans forward. “Then why are you here? You might as well come home.”
A wind blows hard through an open window, shuffling the pages of the book that sits before us. Elfi calls out gleefully, “The wind is reading your book!” She laughs for much longer than she should.
Mother pretends Elfi never spoke. “We’ve only sent you here in hopes they could cure you. If they can’t, then you should be back with us.” She gives a little sneer over her shoulder. “Not with these odd people.”
“I’ve only been here a few weeks. They might still cure me. Give it some time. I’m fine here.”
She resettles herself. “Maybe a few more weeks, but if something doesn’t improve, I’m going to bring you home with me.”
“Tell me about Kathrin’s new boyfriend.”
She smiles. “He’s very handsome. He has the most beautiful shade of blue eyes—almost purple.”
“You’ve met him?” I get jealous for the first time that I’m not home.
“Kathrin brought him home a few nights ago. Even your father likes him, and he doesn’t like anybody.”
“They must be pretty serious.”
“Oh, Kathrin’s over the moon about him. You can tell. He played some music for us and Kathrin was ready to propose to him.” Her giggle sounds so nice.
“Five more minutes for your visit,” Bathilda calls out.
Mother lays her purse on the table with a thud. She brings out a parcel, which I’m sure Bathilda has set her sights on.
“Just a little treat from home.” She pats the brown paper. “I made them myself.”