by Rie Warren
“Kohana means swift.” I held the reins loosely in one hand. “Don’t tell me you’ve never ridden before.” Shifting Jade more fully against me, I whispered, “Because you damn sure know how to ride me.”
“I ride.”
“What . . . besides me?”
We raced through a shallow ravine, glassy ice shattering around us.
“A camel in the Sudan.”
I chuckled against her neck.
“Also a mule in Peru.”
“No stallions?”
She peered back at me. “Only you.”
“Keep that up and you’ll be barebacking this particular stallion a lot sooner than you think.”
“Always with the threats.”
“Woman. Don’t tempt me.”
“Okay, Wakiza.” She rounded her rump against me just so, and I growled at her, nipping the nape of her neck.
Suddenly Jade’s voice sounded in alarm. “Watch out for that log!”
Kohana nickered, taking offense at Jade’s lack of faith in his abilities before stretching out his forelegs and sailing smoothly over the tree trunk blocking our path.
I slowed him into a canter, passing the reins to Jade. “Here. Why don’t you take these for a bit. Get a feel for it.”
“Walker. I don’t know.”
“What? No fancy dressage for a posh English girl like you?”
She shook her head.
“Nothing bad will happen. I promise.”
Over the next half hour, I taught her the basics of horsemanship, and all the while we taunted and teased each other. The coil of heat snapped between us the farther we traveled. I had half a mind to whip it out and fuck her while we rode, but that would freak Kohana out.
We journeyed into the depths of the reservation largely uninhabited by anything other than wildlife, and not much of that either at this time of year.
Finally, Kohana stopped in a snow-covered clearing. When Jade tried to urge him on, he wouldn’t budge.
I dismounted then helped Jade off. “Don’t worry. He knows where he is.”
She pressed against my body on the slow slide to the ground and her fingers toyed with the braid hanging over my shoulder.
“Are you going to erect a teepee for me, Walker?” She sent me saucy eyes, the color of deep-wooded evergreens.
“Gonna erect something, woman.”
“You seem to do that a lot.”
“Your fault.”
Much as I wanted to throw down with her immediately, Kohana waited impatiently, stomping his hooves, packing down the snow.
“Come on. Let’s get Mr. Ed here sorted out.”
We retrieved our packs from him and took off the simple bridle. After a quick brushing down, I led him to a small paddock where I set out food and water for him.
I left the gate open with a warning, “Don’t wander too far, you horny bastard. No mares around here for miles.”
He snorted in my direction.
I’d take that as acquiescence.
Grabbing the packs and Jade’s hand, I took her down another snow-covered trail. At the end of it stood a small, roughhewn cabin with tinkling wind chimes on the porch.
I sobered quickly, swallowing harshly. We walked up the steps, and I opened the door. But I halted before crossing the threshold, my gaze skidding to the wind chime and the built-in wooden bench.
“Are you okay?” Jade touched my arm.
“Yeah.” I briefly shut my eyes. “Yeah.”
Gesturing her inside before me, I took that first step.
After closing the door, I leaned against it. “This was my . . . I used to live here.”
“This was your house?” Jade walked into the main room, scanning the interior that led to a loft above and a pair of rooms down a narrow hall.
“We’ll get to that.” I placed the laden packs on the table in front of the window, avoiding her eyes. “Let me start a fire first before we get frozen out.”
The place looked . . . different from when I’d left. I’d locked that day away along with all the damage I’d done. Furniture I wrecked. Photographs I’d destroyed. Clothes and curtains and bedding I’d burned, almost setting the house on fire before my dad and Mahpee and my brother carried me away.
The lump in my throat mirrored the tears in my eyes, but they wouldn’t fall this time.
I couldn’t let them.
Other memories came in flashes. The heartwarming, the heartbreaking, the hurtful.
Focus, Walker.
I approached the wood stacked beside the fireplace. The neat rows evident of my dad’s handiwork. My hands shook when I laid the dry kindling on the clean-swept grate where a pyramid of pinecones had been amassed.
I started the fire, hoping to burn the pain away. Blowing until the flames caught, I willed my eyes to dry up.
Hunkered down, I spun around to find Jade watching me.
I dusted off my hands and stood. It must’ve been my mom who’d put Winona’s collection of shells back on the table beside the couch. I picked up a perfectly formed sand dollar, turning it in my hand.
“We took Winona to Oregon so she could see the ocean.”
“We? Winona?” Jade’s face paled fast.
Setting the shell down in its earlier position, I rubbed my fingers against my palm. Strange. Sand still silted from the shell when there was nothing else left.
“I built this house. For my wife, Kimimela, and our baby girl, Winona.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Found
JADE DASHED FOR THE door. “I shouldn’t be here.”
I grabbed her hand, and the chill rising off her was icier than a snowstorm. “Yes. You should. I need to tell you this. You asked me if I’d ever lost anyone. Back in New York after you told me about the girl in Mexico. I was about to tell you then when the shit went down.” I delved deep into her eyes. “Don’t you get it yet, Jade?”
“I’m not sure I get anything anymore. Trying to keep Madge safe. You and me. Getting out of control with each other?”
Whipping away, she froze with her shoulders hunched to her ears and her arms wrapped around her.
“We’re being naïve,” she whispered.
Rounding in front of her, I warmed her hands between mine “Just listen to me.”
“I don’t want you to hurt me.” Her voice sounded timid.
“I’m not trying to, Jade. Fuck knows we’ve done that enough already.” My jaw set, I let her go and paced across the room. “I only know I want to be with you now, no holds barred.”
“Just now?”
My fists punched to my hips, I lowered my head. “Always.”
I heard her sharp inhale and her quiet, “Okay.”
When I faced her, she sat on the couch, hands clenched in her lap and her lip caught between her teeth.
“We weren’t going to live here forever. Kimmy and I used to call this place the Indian Starter Home.” I swept my hand across the mantle, briefly touching a dream catcher Winona had made.
“I was prelaw at school, you know? You were wearing my sweatshirt earlier.” Propping my boot against the wall, I bowed my head. “Went to Stanford and everything, and one day this dude came up to me, asking if I wanted to take an aptitude test.”
“The old aptitude test trick, huh?” Jade joked, but her voice was cutting.
“Not sure why I caught their eye. Something in my background, although I don’t know how they found it. Natural ability: tracking, scouting, hunting.” I shrugged. “Working with guns and knives all my life.”
I strode away from the fireplace, stopping at the table behind Jade so I couldn’t see her face when every single pain I’d survived twisted mine.
“I didn’t take that test, barely gave the guy another thought. I graduated but decided city life wasn’t for me and came back here. Kimmy had grown up while I was away.” I briefly closed my eyes, letting a smile form. “Didn’t need much convincing to marry up with her.”
Jade let out a strangled moan.<
br />
My face hardened.
I’m not going to hurt Jade, too.
“We had options. Kimmy and I were going to do big things for the tribe. Raise a family.”
My throat chugged. I pressed my palms onto the table. “They died. I let them die.”
Jade inhaled hard, and I heard her coming up behind me. “Oh, God. Walker! I thought . . . I thought . . .”
But I couldn’t let her touch me, not yet.
The sound of hooves, so different from the joyride today. The screams rending the air. Dust and mud and grass flying underfoot. And blood. So much blood.
I backed away from Jade, my hands warding her off. “Don’t.” I pressed the heel of my palm to my head. “You saw the buffalo when we drove up yesterday.”
She nodded, her skin blanched bone white.
“They’re our livelihood. Our livestock. We were out checking the herd after the end of a long, harsh winter.” I pressed my knuckles to my mouth. “I know horses, Jade. I know bison. I know how to control them. But I made the biggest goddamn mistake that day.”
I’d taken Kimmy and Winona along.
“Stupid. So stupid. But Winny wanted to ride along. She was eight and so good with her own horse I didn’t see any harm as long as she rode with me on Kohana.” I curled my hand over my mouth, tears running down my face. “Winny was a natural horsewoman, so sure, so in tune.”
“Walker. Stop.” Jade touched my arm, and I cringed back.
“I didn’t let her ride alone. We were safe. Nothing could happen to her.” I punched the wall again and again. “Thought I knew what I was doing. Arrogance. Stupidity. A storm blew up out of nowhere. So fast. And Kimmy was out there too on her own mount. The bison got spooked. They started stampeding.”
My heart in my throat and breaking me apart, I remembered the crush of huge wooly bodies jostling us, driving us close to the cliffside.
“Kimmy screamed. I heard it. I heard her like a shot to my soul. But I couldn’t see her! The rain started, fast as slashing knives. Thunder and hooves and lightning.” I sank to the floor. “I managed to turn the horse away from the cliff.”
“Walker, please.” Jade sat next to me on her knees, bending forward. “You don’t have to do this.”
It all barreled out. “That fucking rain! When Kimmy screamed again Winny leaned toward the sound, and I couldn’t hold her. Everything was slippery. Mud and rain, and I couldn’t hold her!”
Jade’s face was wet with tears. Mine, too.
“I couldn’t save them both!” Storming to my feet, I thumped my hand against the wall. “Kimmy was dead before I even reached her. My dad held her in his arms, and Winny . . .
“We got her to the hospital. The injuries were severe.” I wrapped my hands around my head. “She died. She died—my sweet Winny—in my arms, and I can’t ever forget it.”
“Will Mommy be there?”
“Yes, baby. Mommy’s waiting when you’re ready.”
“Not you?”
“I’ll come as soon as I can.”
“Not yet. You’re not ready yet, Daddy.”
“I held onto her, crying. I just held her. I held her and I loved her and I couldn’t save her. My own daughter. She died.” A sob broke out of my throat. “Not yet, Daddy. She told me I wasn’t ready to die yet.”
“Oh my God.” Jade hugged me around the waist, forming her body to mine. “I don’t know how you survived.”
“I didn’t. Not really.” I huddled into her warmth. “I couldn’t stay. Not here. And not on the reservation. Too much shame. Too much guilt. Too much pain. I ran away.” My dry throat glugged.
I slowly disengaged from Jade’s arms. “Kimimela was my first love.”
“Your first.” She glanced toward the fire and flames reflected in the gemstone green of her eyes. “I see.”
“No. You don’t.” Cupping her face, I drew her gaze to mine. “My first. Not my last.”
Jade’s mouth popped slightly open, but she hunched away from me. “Why did you bring me here?”
“I was a broken man, Jade.” I shook my head at the floor. Lifting my eyes, I stared at her. “Until you.”
Maybe the memories were something I could live with instead of ignoring them and burying them in my past.
“I’m not sure, Walker.”
“I think you are.” I knew she was.
“Maybe it’s just the circumstances.” She moved away to sit on the couch.
“That’s not true.” I crouched in front of her, my hands resting on her hips.
“After they . . . when you lost Kimimela and Winona”—she swept her fingers beneath my wet eyes before pulling her hand back—“that was when you got involved with T-Zone?”
“I couldn’t stay. I tracked down the man who’d tried to recruit me.” My fingers dug into Jade’s hips before I relaxed them. “I just . . . I wanted to kill.” I looked at her bleakly. “Sometimes I still do.”
“Walker—”
“Come on, Jade. It’s what I’m good at. Destroying things.” My laugh was bitter.
“That’s not all.”
“Why I’m so good at my job. Nothing to lose when you’ve already lost everything that mattered. How can there be?”
“Not everything.” She pressed a kiss to my brow. “Not everything.”
“Everyone in the outside world thinks I’m unconnected. Everyone except Hunter.” My palms stroked up and down her thighs. “I always wanted to keep it that way. Before you.”
She pulled me up beside her. Her fingers whispered over my face. “Tell me what Wakiza means.”
“Desperate warrior. I used to think my name was a curse.”
“I see it as your strength.”
“You are my strength.” I crushed her to me, startling her with my kiss.
I went at her full force, with undiluted passion she returned with a small moan in her throat.
Breaking away with a groan, I kept my eyes closed. My body was tight and ready for her. For everything with her.
Jade pulled me back to her mouth where she murmured, “Now tell me what mahasani means.”
“Mahasani?” I lifted her hand to my lips, kissing softly across each fingertip before fitting my lips over hers. “It means my other skin. That we are connected in all ways, and our journey will continue together.”
After another slide of my mouth against hers, I vowed, “I love you, Jade.”
Jade jerked back. “What?”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Love
“WHERE DID YOU THINK I was going with all this?” I asked.
Jade just sat there, staring at me. Absolutely speechless for once, but not in a good way.
“Shit.” I pulled my hands off her. “I’m not gonna apologize for saying that.”
“No. I . . . It’s . . .”
Can you say awkward?
Separating from her, I stalked over to our packs on the kitchen table. Her silence followed me like a heavy storm cloud.
“You hungry?” I asked.
I heard her moving behind me. “Starving.”
Bustling around, avoiding her, I rekindled the fire and laid out some vittles. This was bound to be a fun night all right.
Jade stopped me with a hand on my back.
“Not for food.” Her sultry tone was unmistakable.
I stilled as all the blood in my body rushed south.
“That must be a first.” My voice was suddenly rough.
Pressing her full body against my back, I could feel her smile against the skin of my neck. “I love you, Walker.”
I turned her to face me, pinning her against me. “Again.” My nostrils flared.
“I love you too.”
“Don’t you ever make me wait that long again.” My fingers clenched into her hair.
“It was like three minutes,” she breathed out.
“Three minutes too long.” Immediate need that had barely been banked spiked through me. “Fuck, Jade. I need to be inside you.”
“What are you waiting for?”
“Don’t move . . .” I left her by the table and quickly spread soft sumptuous furs in front of the fireplace.
When I was done, I crooked a finger at her. “Come to me.”
Her slow undulating walk was nothing short of the biggest turn on. Her hair swayed down to her ass. The glinting red streaks coiled and bounced.
Clasping her with one hand on her face, I brought her up to my mouth. The kiss was drenched in the hot taste of unquenchable need, lust. I rolled her shirt up over her body, her skin smooth and tawny. Her hair feathered back, settling over her shoulders when I discarded the top. I reached for her bra, releasing her one thin strap at a time before unhooking the clasp, dropping it to the floor.
My palms cupping her soft breasts, I dipped for one more kiss.
Jade gasped my name as I trailed licking-kisses down her body to the top of her jeans. I relinquished her gaze to concentrate on her boots, but those were quickly discarded. I popped the buttons of her tight pants and tugged them down her endless legs until they joined the rest of her clothes, everything except for the panties.
Brushing my nose against the front of them, I reached out with my tongue, lapping at her through the lace. I pulled the fabric away with my teeth and dipped inside to taste her, between the plump lips, into her rose-colored heat.
Pushing her hips forward, she curled her fingers into my hair. “Walker . . .”
I swept away the panties and latched my mouth against her, my cock thundering with her moans and her movements.
Rising to my feet, I took her hand, guiding her closer to the fire. Her bare feet shushed against the luxuriant furs I’d arranged for her. When I laid her down, she looked stunning with the firelight playing along the dips and swells of her body. Lighting her in reds and oranges and dark shadows.
“I’ve dreamed about you like this, Jade.”
Her lush smile sent a slow sizzle of heat through me. “Come have me.”
I swallowed harshly. I undressed in front of her, taking as much time as I had with her because she watched every movement, the pink tip of her tongue rolling out to wet her lips.