by Meg O'Brien
“Now, never you mind about that,” Irene said. “I’m going to get you that fruit, honey. And water, with a slice of lemon in it. You like that, don’t you? I’ll be right back.”
“Nanny, wait!” Jade said. “Somebody—somebody’s here.”
I froze.
“What? What do you mean, honey?”
“Don’t leave me. Somebody’s here!”
“Of course she is, honey. Your mommy’s here. You just asked me about her. Are you forgetting again?”
“I want my mommy to come home and live,” Jade said petulantly.
“I know you do, dear. I know. And soon, maybe—”
“You always say that, and I don’t believe you anymore,” Jade said. “And you don’t even believe me, either. I told you, somebody’s here!”
I didn’t know what I’d do if Irene took her seriously and started looking around. As it was, the cedar walls of the closet were threatening to make me sneeze. If the nanny didn’t leave soon, we’d all be in one hell of a mess.
“Hush, now,” I heard Irene say. “Nobody else is here, Jade. You must have been having one of your nightmares again.”
“I wasn’t!” Jade insisted.
“Maybe you just didn’t know it,” Irene said soothingly. “Lots of people have dreams that they think are real. And you know how you mix things up sometimes, sweetheart. It’s the medicine, that’s all. Your mommy is downstairs with your daddy, and there’s no one else in the house. You just rest now, all right? Your daddy will be coming up soon, and he’ll take care of you.”
I could hear the rustle of Irene’s uniform as she turned away from the bed and walked toward the door.
“No! Don’t go, Nanny!” Jade cried. “Tell him I don’t need any more shots.”
“I can’t do that, Jade,” Irene said firmly. “I know you hate the shots, but they’re for your own good. We’ve talked about this.”
“But they make me sick,” Jade pleaded.
“Nonsense. Now you be a good girl while Nanny gets you some juice.”
Irene left, and her footsteps faded as she went down the stairs. I hesitated a moment before stepping out of the closet. Why on earth had Jade told Irene about me?
Because she doesn’t know you, a small voice said. And she’s known Irene all her life. Besides, she’s scared to death.
That made sense. But before I could push the closet door open and step out, I heard a couple of loud raps on the bedroom door.
“Jade?” Roger called out.
I nearly fainted. Dammit all, anyway! Why hadn’t Lindy gotten rid of him?
I kept as still as I could, trying not to breathe too loud. My pulse was racing, though, and I’d begun to sweat. It was hot and musty-smelling in the closet, and all of a sudden my nose tickled. I forced back a sneeze, but that made it worse.
Through the crack in the door I could see that Roger had come in and was standing at the foot of Jade’s bed, holding a tray with assorted metal and glass articles on it. Jade was back under the covers, and it seemed she was pretending to sleep. After a minute or two, Roger went around to the side of the bed and shook her shoulder. She stirred, then opened her eyes and rubbed them. Her chestnut hair was tousled and she reached up as if by habit and pulled it like a curtain over the sides of her face.
The poor kid, I thought. There’s so little she can do to defend herself.
“Daddy?” Jade said in a small voice. “Why did you wake me up?”
“I have your medicine,” Roger said, setting the tray on a night table and taking her arm.
“I don’t want any more shots,” Jade said, inching back against the pillows.
“I know, Jade. But we’ve talked about this. You need the medicine to make you well.”
“No! I’m tired, Daddy! I’m tired of being in bed all the time, and I’m tired of getting medicine all the time!”
Memories of the force Roger had used on me came rushing back, and it was all I could do to stop myself from flying into the room and beating him till he was dead. I just kept thinking, Lindy will be here any minute. Now that I’m here she’ll feel strong. She’ll get him out of the house, and everything will be all right.
But Lindy didn’t come. Roger murmured something to Jade that sounded like, “I know, I know,” while at the same time reaching for her arm again and pushing up the sleeve of her nightgown. Taking a cotton ball, he soaked it in what I assumed to be alcohol and swabbed her arm. She seemed to have given in, but when he came at her with the syringe, she flailed about, crying, “No!”
I couldn’t stand it any longer. I burst out of the closet and ran across the room, grabbing Roger’s free arm. Spinning him around, I hit him with my fist, yelling, “Get your hands off her!”
His shock at seeing me there helped. I’d taken him off guard, and that gave me an advantage. But I knew it wouldn’t last. I shoved him with as much force as possible against the wall. He dropped the syringe and half bent over. I yanked at his hair and pulled him down farther, knocking him to the floor. Grabbing the heavy lamp on the nightstand I raised it and yelled, “Don’t get up! Stay right there!”
Always yell, I remembered. Yell as loud as you can. It sets them off balance.
On the table was a Barbie doll phone. I reached for it, but before I could dial 911, Roger was on his feet. I swung the lamp but he grabbed my arm and twisted it. Pain blazed from my wrist on up, and my shoulder felt as if it had been wrenched from its socket. My fingers went numb and I dropped the lamp.
Jade screamed. “Mommy, Mommy, help!”
I turned to her, an instinctive response to a child’s cry, but Roger didn’t let her cries stop him. He slapped me hard on the side of the head. I fell to the floor, my cheek searing against the roughness of a throw rug. His foot came down on my back, and it felt like déjà vu from seven years before.
But this wasn’t seven years before. I was stronger now. And smarter. I wrenched my torso halfway around, grabbed for his ankle and pulled. As he fell, I twisted away so that he wouldn’t fall on me. I saw him go down, and I saw his head crack against the nightstand. He didn’t move, and I thought he was unconscious.
Jumping to my feet, I grabbed the phone again. But Jade was crying, and she was still screaming, “Mommy, help! Mommy!”
“It’s okay,” I said, reaching for her and dropping the phone. “Your mommy’s downstairs. I’ll take you to her.”
I picked her up in my arms and was halfway to the door when her hair fell back and I saw something that shocked me to the core. For a long, fateful moment I didn’t move. Couldn’t move. My mind whirled. I felt as if I’d seen a ghost.
On Jade’s neck was the same kind of port-wine stain that had been on my child’s neck when she was born.
It’ll fade eventually, the nurse had said. It might take years, but it will go away.
I was so confused, I could barely think. The birth-mark was the same shape and in the same place as my baby’s had been.
I looked into Jade’s eyes, and now that she was out from under the canopy bed, they looked more green than hazel.
Green like my own.
The other thing like me was her hair, which, when the sunlight fell on it, as it did now, looked more like red than chestnut brown.
“What?” she said loudly, snapping me out of it.
I grabbed her close and ran with her to the door. Every step of the way I could feel her heart racing against mine.
My child’s heart? Against mine?
Impossible. How could Roger—
But I knew, suddenly, that it was true. Roger and Lindy had adopted my child. My child and Roger’s.
Tears filled my eyes and words started coming from my mouth, words laden with six years of heartbreak and love. “It’s all right, baby, it’s all right. I’m here, I’ve got you.” I reached for the doorknob and twisted.
It didn’t open. I twisted it harder then, remembering Lindy’s words, “You have to push it at the same time.” I did, and this time it worked.
His arm came around my neck, squeezing. “Drop her!” he said. “Put her down. Now!”
He pulled me back against him, tightening the hold on my throat. I gagged and made an involuntarily choking sound.
“Don’t, Daddy!” Jade pleaded, crying. “Don’t hurt her! I’ll take the medicine. I’ll do anything you want.”
She tried to wiggle out of my arms, but I couldn’t let go. I deliberately held her so close there wasn’t even a breath of air between us, as if I could make her disappear into my womb again, make her part of me again, a part Roger would never be able to touch.
“Lindy!” I screamed. “Lindy!”
“Save your breath. Lindy isn’t coming.” Roger squeezed harder and I began to black out.
“When I let go, run,” I whispered in Jade’s ear. “Run as fast as you can.”
I let her slip from my arms and felt her energy, her heart, move away from me. She grabbed the doorknob, pushed, and threw the door open. I caught a glimpse of her little white nightgown with the yellow ducks on it disappearing down the hall toward the stairs.
In the next moment I reached back with my thumbs for Roger’s eyes. They connected, and I pushed against his eyeballs as hard as I could, at the same time digging with my nails into his forehead to get a better grip. He screamed and released his hold on me.
I turned fast, and while he still covered his eyes I pushed as hard as I could. He fell back against Jade’s photograph, losing his balance and falling against the easel and picture. I whirled back to the door and ran.
I was already racing down the stairs, but when I heard Roger stumble into the hallway I started to take them two and three at a time. I felt as if I were in a nightmare, flying, with only the banister to keep me upright.
When I reached the bottom step, I didn’t know which way to turn.
Then I heard Jade crying. Soft little whimpers, like a cat nuzzling her kittens. I ran into the parlor and saw Lindy on the floor by the fireplace. Jade was kneeling beside her, her head on Lindy’s chest, quietly crying.
I ran over to them. Kneeling down, I felt for a pulse in Lindy’s wrist. There was one, but it was faint. Roger, I thought, must have hit her, knocking her down.
“Jade, honey, move just a little, so I can help her.”
Jade gave no sign that she’d heard me, but the crying stopped.
“Jade? Please move a little so I can see what’s wrong.”
“I’m not leaving my mommy!”
“I know, honey, I know. We’re not leaving her. Just let me see her.”
Jade moved down a bit, closer to Lindy’s legs. It wasn’t much, but it gave me some room.
“Lindy,” I said, touching her face. “Lindy, wake up. It’s me.”
Her eyes fluttered. “Mary Beth…” she said, so softly I could hardly hear her. “Promise…”
I shook my head, forgetting in the moment what she had asked me earlier to do. “Promise?” I said.
“Take care of my baby.”
“I will,” I said. “I told you I would. But you’re going to be all right—”
“No,” she said breathlessly. “Yours. Jade is yours.”
Her eyes closed and I reached for a pulse at her throat. There was none. Then I saw it. A thin wire around Lindy’s neck. Her flesh, swollen, pushed against it so hard, it was nearly invisible.
“Oh my God, Lindy, oh my God!” Tears welled in my eyes. I spotted a phone near the fireplace and ran for it, to call 911.
But before I could get to it, Roger was there. The double doors from the hallway, which I’d left open, slammed shut. I heard a click as the inside lock fell into place.
Roger leaned against the doors, swaying. Blood seeped from one of his eyes. He was still holding the syringe, and it looked full. He held it in front of him like a weapon.
Carefully, I picked up Jade and held her tight, inching away from Roger and toward a door I thought must lead into the dining room.
“Stop!” Roger said, coming toward us.
“I just—I just want to put Jade down where she’ll—she’ll be safe,” I said, my voice shaking so much I could hardly speak.
“Jade will be fine. Put her down, Mary Beth. Right there, on that chair.”
“But she’s afraid. Lindy…”
“Jade will survive,” he said harshly. “Children are resilient.”
My anger gave me strength. “It’s too much, Roger! To see her mother like this, and to know that her father—”
“Shut up!” he said. “Just shut up!”
His face was red, and his eyes were wide and staring.
“Don’t make her see you like this, Roger,” I pleaded. “She’s just a little girl.”
He began to sway more, and his free hand went to his head. His face contorted with pain.
“All right, all right! Jade, go in the dining room. Wait there. I’ll come for you.”
“No,” Jade cried. “I want my mommy!” She looked over my shoulder at Lindy. “What’s wrong with my mommy? Why can’t she wake up?”
“Jade,” Roger said in a voice that brooked no nonsense, “you’ll see your mommy later! Now, dammit, go into the dining room!”
She stared at him a moment, and in her eyes was a look of bewilderment, fear, and not a little anger. Her lack of trust in her father was clear, and that gave me strength.
“Go ahead, honey,” I said softly. “It’ll be all right.”
That seemed to be the watchword of the day suddenly. It’ll be all right.
But would it?
I put Jade down and watched as she ran into the dining room, her tiny feet catching on a nightgown that was probably meant only to sleep in, as it was too long for her. I couldn’t have expressed what I felt at that moment. Pain…anger…heartbreak. I wanted to just run and grab her up, take her out of this house and never let her out of my sight again.
“She’s mine, isn’t she?” I said, turning back to Roger. My voice was thick with tears. “How could you? How could you keep her from me all these years?”
“She’s my child, too,” he said angrily. “I had every right to—”
“You raped me, you son of a bitch! You had no right! And how did you even know I was pregnant? How could you know when she was born?”
“Oh, Mary Beth…hell, I gave you more credit. To think that all these years I’ve worried that you’d figure it out. Why the hell didn’t you just take the million dollars.”
“Million—”
Then, in one horrible, ugly moment, I knew. “The detective? The one you sent a few weeks after you raped me, to buy my silence? I turned him down, and then I had to excuse myself to throw up. He told you that, didn’t he? And you worked out the timing and figured I was pregnant?”
“Let’s just say I hoped.”
“But how could you be sure? I might have had the flu. And how could you know when I was due, and where I went to give birth?”
“Easy,” he said, shrugging. “My detective planted a camera in your bathroom. Clever idea, don’t you think? What better place to find out if a woman is pregnant?”
My shock and disgust were so great I could hardly speak. I’d accused my landlord. I’d had him picked up. He’d sworn his innocence, and no one had believed him. If there had been even an inkling of evidence against him, he’d be in prison now.
I began to shake all over, and it felt as if my blood had turned to ice. Not once in all these years had I realized the evil that was winding its way, like a poisonous snake, through my life.
“Why?” I asked, the words choking on my rage.
He leaned back against the door, as if to prop himself up.
“Why? Simple. Lindy couldn’t have children. Didn’t she tell you that? No, I suppose not. And I needed an heir, or I’d be disinherited. Once I knew you were carrying my child, it was the perfect solution to all my problems. I never even had to force a custody issue.”
The smug s
mile on his face made me want to kill him. “You gave the baby up,” he said. “Your own baby. You gave her away without a second thought.”
“You don’t know a damn thing about my thoughts! You have no idea how tormented I’ve been since that day!” The shaking had been replaced by weakness, and that was all that kept me from launching myself at him and killing him with my bare hands.
“So anyway,” he went on as if he hadn’t heard me, “once I knew for sure you were pregnant, I had your phone tapped. I knew when you talked to the adoption agency in Sacramento and asked about giving your baby up. And when the time came, I was in the right place at the right time to take her.”
“Impossible!” I argued. “You can’t adopt a baby that quickly.”
Roger smiled. “You’d be surprised how many bureaucrats are looking for ways to increase their income these days. Tax free, of course.”
“My God. Lindy was right about you,” I said, my voice cracking. “You are rotten through and through.”
His gaze flicked to Lindy’s body, lying a few feet from me on the floor. “Little Lindy Lou,” he said sarcastically. “The last cheerleader. They don’t make them like her anymore, you know. Women aren’t that willing to support their men through thick and thin.”
“You loved her once,” I said, feeling an acute sadness for Lindy. How terrible it must have been for someone like her to feel she had to support a monster like Roger, just because he was her husband.
“Lindy was a cute little thing in high school,” he agreed. “But she’s been a pain in the ass ever since.”
“Did she know all along that Jade was mine?” I asked. “Was she in on stealing my child?”
“Stealing? Oh, cut the dramatics, Mary Beth. When I took possession of Jade, she was no longer your child. You gave her up, remember? All I did was give her a good home.”
“A good home? Lindy told me about the drugs you’ve been pumping her full of. You’ve used my child. No, you’ve abused her. It’s only by the grace of God that you haven’t killed her.”
“For God’s sake, Mary Beth, settle down! You’re starting to sound like Lindy, you know. The truth is, Jade hasn’t suffered. If there have been side effects, I’ve always brought her back to good health.”