Played

by Tasha Fawkes

  "For now, since the bedrooms are attached, we can convert this smaller bedroom into a nursery for Ethan, and you can have fast access," he said.

  "These are just fine." I nodded. They were more than fine. They were a dream come true.

  "What kind of baby furniture does Kelli have?"

  For a moment, I stumbled. Kelli didn't have any furniture because she didn’t have a baby. How was I going to explain that? I couldn’t mention the second-or third-hand crib and rocking chair that were crammed into my small room at the shelter. Kelli wouldn't have deigned her baby to sleep in a used crib or a creaky rocking chair.

  I offered a quick lie. "I've been letting her borrow one that I've used for years, given to me by another family. Until she finds—"

  "Are you telling me that Kelli hasn't even bothered to buy her son… our son… a new crib, a changing table, any of the things that I assume a new mother needs?"

  I stammered. "I suppose she's trying to find something that will fit into the décor of her apartment." I shut my mouth before I said something I wasn't supposed to. This wasn't part of the plan. Kelli hadn't prepared me for this, and I certainly didn't want to say something that would get back to her. "I really don't know much about Kelli's business, Mister Farrell. I'm just a nanny."

  He frowned. "You can call me Joel. And it's all right." He sighed. "While I was up last night,

  I got online and ordered some furniture. It will be delivered this afternoon." He gestured toward the smaller room. "Later on this afternoon, I'll help you get it set up."

  I nodded.

  "Did Kelli tell you that you would be a live-in nanny? She did, didn't she?"

  "Yes, she did," I replied, my heart once again thudding in my chest. I was still focused on the fact that Ethan was going to have his own room, his own nursery, and it sounded like Joel was going to make sure that he had everything he needed. The bedroom that I would be sleeping in was beautifully appointed with a full-sized bed, an oak dresser, and a flat-screen TV mounted on the wall over it.

  "Well, where are your things?"

  My things? Yes, I would have some things, wouldn't I? If I weren’t such a mess.

  "I'll be bringing them over tomorrow," I lied.

  I’d brought Ethan a small tote full of clothes, all of them donated, hand-me-downs, or secondhand, but they were in good condition and would be more than adequate. I had a few changes of clothes, but not more than I could fit into the tote along with his. Would Joel find that strange? When he questioned me, would he figure out this was nothing but a ploy?

  He stared at me a moment, then blinked.

  Before he could say anything else, I spoke. "I'll go take care of Ethan. You look like you could use some sleep."

  He hesitated, and my heart thumped again. What would I do if he said no? What would I do if he said that he could take care of Ethan without me? A surge of panic caused me to stiffen my back, my hands balling into fists. If he tried to send me away, I would expose this whole plan. No way in hell was I leaving my baby here.

  Much to my relief, Joel nodded, grinned, and turned back toward the master suite. Once there, he moved away the pillows and rolled blankets before placing a knee on the bed and reaching down carefully for my son. Once again, my heart thundered in my chest. I watched his huge hands snuggle under my son's neck and head, the other under his butt cheeks, and then he carefully lifted Ethan up with barely a jostle. My baby remained asleep in his arms.

  I was touched at how careful he was being—I didn't even need to tell him to embrace his neck. Then my stomach clenched at the smile on his lips as he gazed down at my sleeping son. When he handed him off into my arms, I pressed him so tightly to my chest that he woke.

  Where was this monster that Kelli had described to me?

  Three days passed as I pretended to be Ethan's nanny and the three of us settled into a routine. Joel spent much of his time in his study, talking on the phone, or once in a while an associate from work would drop by.

  I had no idea what kind of arrangements Kelli had told Joel about as far as paychecks for me. All I knew was that Kelli was depositing money into the account she’d created for me—I’d checked online. And I was living a life I would never have imagined, the only downside having to pretend that Ethan wasn't mine. Living here was like some of the TV shows I’d watched. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, without the housewife part. I knew people lived this way, but I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that I'd even come close. Every time I began to think like that, I had to remind myself that this was just temporary. This was just a game of sorts, at least to Kelli.

  Joel didn't talk about her. At all. I had no idea what was happening with their relationship or reunion.

  Every afternoon, I was supposed to give Kelli an update on the burner cell phone she’d purchased for me.

  After I put Ethan down for his nap, I sat in the rocker Joel’d had delivered and texted, All is well here. Ethan and Joel are adjusting. I never texted anything that would give me away, in case I got careless and Joel saw a text.

  She replied quickly, I’ll be arriving at the house tomorrow or the day after.

  I felt a bit disappointed. Then angry that she had not asked anything about Ethan. Which was stupid, because he was mine and this whole thing was a ploy. Still, she came off as a very selfish person.

  Sometimes, I wondered if what she’d told me about Joel was true. I’d developed a relatively easygoing relationship with Joel. He was polite, very attentive to Ethan, and self-sufficient. I had a feeling that with a little bit of practice, he would easily be able to take care of Ethan. But the more time he spent with Ethan, the more concerned I grew.

  What would happen when Kelli appeared on Joel's doorstep? Based on the history she’d given me, I had no idea how he would react to her intention to move back in. Today, Joel had shared that he planned on working more from home in the future so that he could be around more. He would Skype with his office staff and continue to work on his coding or graphics, or whatever it was he did on his computer.

  From what I'd gathered over the past couple of days, it appeared he was dealing with some kind of crisis at work, at least from what I could gauge from the one-sided conversations. He would roam around the house on his phone, often stopping in the family room, which wasn't at all far from my bedroom.

  Now, when I entered the family room, Joel was on the phone, a strained expression marring his gorgeous features. He plunged his hand through his hair. “There’s nothing we can do to prevent this takeover?” Then he saw me, tried to smile, and staggered into the kitchen, still on the phone.

  I’d tried to assure him that Ethan would be just fine if he wanted to go to his office, that I was used to taking care of him for sometimes days at a time while Kelli was off on her photoshoots. That he could go to work and deal with whatever issues were pressing. Still, he was reluctant, refusing to leave the two of us alone at the house. I hadn't a clue whether his behavior was due to the possibility that he didn't trust me enough to leave me alone in his home, or whether he didn't trust me enough with Ethan. Or, god forbid, he was beginning to develop paternal feelings toward Ethan.

  I just didn't know, and that worried me. I hoped this whole thing wasn’t going to blow up in my face. Taking a deep breath, I told myself I had to take it one day at a time. When Kelli showed up, we would have to have a powwow to discuss some of the issues that had come up. I didn't know how to answer some of the questions that Joel had been asking, which I was sure struck him as unusual for a nanny who had been with her charge for the past few months.

  Since Ethan was asleep and I’d picked up the baby monitor, I slipped out the sliding glass door to give Joel some privacy. Sitting outside on the covered lanai, knowing Ethan was safe and warm and well-fed, it was easy to imagine myself living like this—in a gorgeous mansion, with a loving, caring husband.

  I shook my head, staring into the deep end of the pool. Get real, Sarah. This world did not belong to me. None
of it.

  I glanced down at the monitor at a sleepy sound from Ethan, feeling torn. Guilty. And more than a little bit like a con artist. Joel had been a good guy up to this point. He’d shown true affection for Ethan. True concern for my comfort here. How long would this fairytale last?

  How long would it take for him to realize this was nothing but a ploy for Kelli to slink back into his life? What would he do when he found out Ethan wasn't his?

  Four

  Joel

  It was hard to process, no matter how many times I said it to myself.

  I'm a father. I'm a father.

  I’m a father!

  Over the past few days, I had become convinced of one thing, if nothing else. Ethan was mine.

  How else to explain the near immediate connection I felt with the baby? His hair was the same color as mine, his eyes, while not quite as azure blue as mine, were blue nevertheless.

  Today was the first day I’d left my son alone with Sarah, but I felt comfortable doing so. She was more than capable of taking care of Ethan, and I felt I could trust her. After watching her with him, I saw the genuine affection, concern, and care she gave him. It was nothing short of perfection. No one could ask for a better nanny. I'd always considered myself a good judge of character—until Kelli—and knew that Sarah was someone I could rely on. I wouldn't have to worry about Ethan while he was in her competent hands.

  Nevertheless, my judgment had been skewed in the past, considering the way my affair with Kelli had ended. What exactly did that say about my good judgment of character?

  I shook my head, not wanting to think about Kelli, at least not right now. It was hard enough to process the fact that she’d been pregnant and borne my child, and had never contacted me until now. Perhaps because of my own desperation to be the father my own had never been, I’d spent the past days juggling work at home so I could be with Ethan for as many minutes as possible. If I was honest, I didn’t know whether it was because Ethan had worked his way into my heart, or if I was out to prove to my father—an emotionally distant man—that I could be a better man, a better father, than he’d been.

  I'd never felt close to my dad. He'd been stationed on the USS Stark in the Persian Gulf when it had been attacked by an anti-ship missile manned by the Iraqi Air Force. The incident killed nearly forty sailors and severely wounded my dad. He'd come home different. Withdrawn. Hot-tempered. Sometimes, in my mind, downright crazy.

  By the time my mom died when I was ten-years-old, my dad was done with trying to hide his trauma, which today they called PTSD. After Mom's calming influence was gone, he had little patience with me. Highly critical of every move I made, he ignored my successes and focused on my shortcomings. My dad and I rarely saw eye to eye.

  I often found myself gazing down into Ethan's cherubic face, looking for signs of me, of Kelli, maybe even my parents’ features. Before I held Ethan for the first time, I thought that all babies looked alike. Wondered how in the world someone could say "he's got my eyes" or "she's got my nose" when they all looked the same. Now I could glimpse my features in Ethan’s face.

  It felt good to be in my office again, even though my company was right in the middle of a potential hostile takeover. It was good that I was here. I needed my employees and peers to know that I was here for them, that I was fighting back. Being here was also helping me clear my head.

  I needed to process what was going on, not only in my personal life, but my professional life as well. One reason I’d come into work today was that I wanted to talk to Eric, one of my best friends since… well, it seemed like forever. To say I was confused about recent events was a misappropriation of the term. Before Kelli had hurt me by sleeping around with one of my other former good friends, I thought she was going to be "the one." Her screwing around left me not only deeply hurt, but wary of her reentering my life.

  While I felt myself bonding more with the child every day, I wasn't sure how any proposed relationship with Kelli would be beneficial. If I took her back, if I gave her another chance, would she just hurt me again? I wasn't sure I could trust her, or that I ever would. Not completely. She'd done a number on me, no doubt about it. Another thing to talk to Eric about.

  Eric had known Kelli about as long as I had. He was not only my COO in the software development company, but someone I frequently turned to because he often played the role of devil's advocate. Unlike me, at least recently, Eric was a popular and experienced man when it came to women. He played the field. One-night stands were his forte, but due to our friendship and the amount of time we all hung out together, he knew Kelli almost as well as I did. Which, as it turned out, wasn’t well. He’d been among the first to support me when I divulged that she’d slept around. He was the first to hear that I'd kicked her out of the house. He'd told me that I was doing the right thing, that I didn't deserve to be treated like nothing more than a bank.

  I glanced at my watch. Fifteen minutes before I was to met Eric.

  I quickly organized the papers on the desk and left the office. I stepped into the elevator of the fifteen-story glass and chrome building in downtown Los Angeles that housed numerous companies, and waited as the car took me downstairs to the large lobby, its glass windows and marble floors reflecting bright sunlight.

  Exiting the building, I was met with a blast of typical Southern California midsummer heat. Hot, but not extreme, at least not yet. I sighed and turned to walk down to the corner where I was meeting Eric at a bar and grill popular with the lunch crowd.

  It was just after two o'clock in the afternoon as I entered and caught the eyes of the hostess, gesturing toward ‘my corner booth’, the one I typically occupied at least three days out of the week for a business lunch, sometimes a dinner with a potential client. The waitress, Cindy I thought her name was, nodded a hello and led me to the table.

  I’d just sat down when Eric entered. In looks, we're complete opposites. When he wasn't wearing a business suit, Eric looked like your typical California beach bum. Sun-bleached hair and eyebrows, a perpetual tan, and an almost lackadaisical style of walking. Outside of work, his common attire consisted of t-shirts, baggy shorts, and flip-flops. Today he wore casual business attire, a short-sleeved Polo pullover and olive-green slacks.

  "Hey, buddy!" Some of the tension in my chest unfurled just at the sight of him.

  He smiled, sliding into the booth across from me and offering a knuckle bump. "Where've you been the past couple of days?" He waved to the waitress, and she gave a finger wave.

  He grinned at me, then winked. "I'd like to ask her out."

  "The hostess?"

  He nodded. "She's… nice."

  I just rolled my eyes and said nothing, knowing that no matter what I said, Eric would ultimately do what he wanted. Before getting to more personal issues, I had a couple of questions for him. "Have you reviewed the paperwork?"

  "I have, and I'll tell you, Joel, if they think they have options to take control of the company without a fight, they're sadly mistaken. I've gone over our contracts and agreements several times, and I'm not finding any loopholes that they can squeeze through."

  "Good to hear," I said, although I was still worried. "They're getting inside information from somewhere. Have you double-checked everyone's background? If I have to, I'll get the police involved."

  He shook his head. "I've been reviewing corporate e-mails, correspondence, and recorded phone conversations, which as you know, our policies mention we can do in our employee guidelines, but nothing's turned up so far."

  I nodded and lifted my first two fingers, gesturing toward Cindy. She nodded in understanding. Moments later, she brought over two glasses of scotch.

  "Can I get you gentlemen anything to eat?"

  Eric looked at me, and I gave a slight shake of my head. He grinned up at her. "No thanks, Sandy."

  She blinked down at him, tapping her name tag. "It's Cindy.” She turned to me, smiled, and then left our table.

  “Awk-ward," Eric chuckled i
n a singsong voice. "What's going on, Joel? You worried about Graphica?"

  Graphica was the company trying to take over mine. They’d made several offers to buy me out over the past couple of years, but I always refused. My company. My baby. Which reminded me of my latest predicament.

  "I have something to tell you, Eric, but I've got to swear you to secrecy, at least until I figure out what I'm going to do."

  He frowned, but nodded.

  I told him everything. About finding the baby on my doorstep—cliché as that might sound—and then Kelli's note, followed by a sleepless night, and Sarah's arrival. By the time I was done, Eric had drained his scotch and was eyeing mine, still sitting untouched on the table in front of me.

  "Hot damn!" he exclaimed. "I don't know whether I should say congratulations or offer condolences."

  “The kid is adorable," I said. "I'm already attached to him. But the problem is that I can't let this get out, at least not right now. I can't have anyone on the board or our staff thinking that I'm distracted by my personal problems."

  Eric nodded in agreement. "I get it. You've got to portray supreme confidence and leadership, no matter what's going on in your personal life. You know I'll support you in any way that I can." Another knuckle bump, and then Eric grinned again, shook his head, and stared at me in amazement. "You, a daddy. Hard to believe, huh?"

  "Remember, no one can know, at least until I've worked out something with Kelli. Especially my dad."

  "So what are you going to do? About Kelli, I mean?"

  "I'm not sure. Whatever the outcome with Kelli, I want to be involved in the Ethan's life. He's my responsibility…"

  "But?"

  "But the timing sucks, big time. Here I am… here we are, in the middle of the biggest fight of my career to save the company I built from scratch, trying not to be distracted by the arrival of a child I never even knew I had."

  "Things will work out all right," Eric said, supremely confident as ever.